Wench With Wings

by Cassidy, Rose D.

  “You’re absolutely beautiful and the second I saw you I just had to draw you, then I couldn’t stop, there was so many different ways you intrigued me. You made me want to capture every thought I saw in you. I’ve never seen anyone so unique, so wonderful. I’m sorry if it offends you. You can have them, all of them.” He gave most of the truth he could. He didn’t tell her his first thought as he drew her for the first time, but he still told the truth just left out the actual whys.

  She was completely speechless. She wanted to kick him out, she wanted to be mad, she wanted to ask about them all, she wanted him to touch her, she wanted to tell him that she couldn’t love him and why, she wanted to tell him he was an asshole stalker. She couldn’t do any, none of it. She was completely stuck, stoned into her own brick wall. She turned around and started to head out the back door, but hesitated when she got to her chair. She stopped and just stood there. He walked slowly up behind her like she would bolt at a seconds notice. She felt him there. He said nothing for what felt like forever to both of them, but was really only a minuet. “I’m sorry, Treasack. For everything, for all of it, for whatever it is that makes you not like me. Can we please just start over, will you please just give me a chance to show you I’m not some horrible stalker asshole you want to throw away.” He put his hands on the outs of her shoulders and took one step closer then leaned into her hair, closer to her ear. “Please Trey, I’m crazy about you.”

  “Yeah. Yeah crazy, that you might just be.” She stepped away from him and out the back door. She sat on the last step instead of leaving for her run, she didn’t want him to follow her.

  He stood there for a few wondering if her, yeah meant; yeah, she would give him a chance or yeah he was crazy. He turned and ran to the door in search of her, he had to ask her. “Hey wait.”

  “I have to catch up with her.”

  “You won’t, she didn’t go.”

  “Oh.”

  “I haven’t really finished my thesis yet, but I’m throwing myself in as a variable. Someone needs to and I guess it’s just going to have to be me.”

  “Huh, thesis, variable, yeah I guess that’s what I expected from you.”

  “Trey’s…well, she’s a good person. She helps a lot of people but only the ones that are truly good people. It doesn’t matter if they are weak or strong. To her it’s not ‘only the strong survive,’ it’s ‘only the good should survive.’ Her need to make people believe, to see that women can rule, can stand alone and control is what moves her. With you, well…ah, I think she questions herself about her beliefs. Not the women can rule part, but I’m guessing here, but I’m pretty sure some guy made her have all these beliefs and you’re different. She said you were different, that there was something about you. I think she might see the good in you and it throws her off. She does only help girls, but maybe she has a feeling to help you and she’s fighting it because it’s not what she believes in or she might just want to stand alone. I don’t really know. I could be wrong about all of this, but what I’m not wrong about is Trey, she is good, just give her time she might come around.”

  “Ya know, she is the queen. I see it. She’s a caring queen and people respect her. I see that the people she helps are pretty much her army. That she is more than just a strong leader. I understand so much about her, I just don’t understand her when it comes to me.”

  “I don’t think she understands herself when it comes to you, but she’s smart and I really do hope that she figures it out soon. I think you’re worth it for her.”

  “I really hope so. Thanks Gwen.”

  “You're welcome, have a good night.” She walked back into the shop and he stood there for a minute before he walked home, slowly. ‘Did some guy make her have these beliefs or was it because he did something to her? She does have a very strong need to show people that women can rule, that they should be respected, maybe she never was when she was growing up. I really don’t know, maybe I should just ask her why she started all this. Maybe it’s just the stand alone part, I can’t really see it being the helping me part, but then again maybe she thinks I need it. She has to set the example for all the women and maybe that’s why she won't be with me. That might be why no one knows about the guys she brings home. None of them talk about it so maybe it’s because she tells them she’ll beat them again if they do. She’s just a better queen than I thought.’

  He went on thinking, but to him it seemed he wasn’t getting anywhere. He wanted and needed to talk to Trey. He had questions only she could answer. If she would answer. He went back to his place confused. He went to his bed, but couldn’t fall asleep. He went out to the fridge and grabbed his bottle, but that didn’t cut the edge off. He showered and went back to his bed, still wondering the same thing. He finally fell asleep, but restlessly.

  She didn’t want to think, yet she couldn’t rid his words from her head or the drawings that kept flashing through like she was snapping a picture looking in the little hole with one eye closed. He’s adamant, she would give him that. Yup, utterly unyielding in opinion in spite of all her un-appeals also unyieldingly hard to break. She thought she had him with the ‘I will never love you,’ apparently not. But how could she even try to give into him, she would never be able to love him; her heart is just gone. It’s what she has always believed so how could she be wrong about it. She stood up from the step and walked back into the shop praying he’d be gone. He was, but the girls were back.

  “Thanks, for going upstairs and leaving me alone with him.” She said to Gwen and Jos sarcastically.

  “Well, we kind of didn’t go all the way upstairs.” Jos amused.

  “Nice, Jos.”

  “You should give him a chance Trey, He really seems like he likes you. And what I’ve heard from Dane confirms it.”

  “Awesome, really awesome Jos, Thanks. I’m going upstairs you good to close up?”

  “Yeah, I got it, but I think Jos is right, you should give him a chance.” Trey only shook her head and climbed the stairs thinking, ‘How can I truly give him a chance if I have no heart?’ She grabbed her bottle of Jack and headed to the hot tub. She’d be relaxed in no time and passing out way before sunrise. It took her longer than she thought, but it still was before sunrise.

  They both went through the day dazed and questioning everything. They concentrated because they knew that they had to, but in the back of their minds the other still occupied. Trey skipped out on lunch with the girls and sat under the tree. Ayden didn’t even bother to look there because she hasn’t been there. A missed moment due to all the questioning.

  Trey was good as she left the training grounds, but as soon as she walked in the shop she slumped. She knew that he would be coming and she wasn’t sure if she should stay. She was never one to run away, but today she just felt like it because she had a feeling she would let him break her the slightest.

  He was a wreck right up until he stood on the front steps of her shop. He took a deep breath and entered. She was sitting on a chair with a text book in her hand. He walked over to her confidently. He would get answers today. “You agreed to give me a chance, so here I am.”

  “Agreed. When did I agree?”

  “You said ‘yeah’ then called me crazy.”

  “I agreed you were crazy, I didn’t agree to give you a chance.”

  “Yes you did. You said yeah twice. Therefor the first was in agreement to my question and the second was agreeing that I was crazy.”

  “Ah, I see that you have mastered the art of only hearing what you want.”

  “Yes, yes I did. Am I giving you a tat today or will you be giving me one. Or we could go out on that date you promised me.”

  “Promised you, now I promised you a date instead of just agreeing to give you a chance at being a friend.”

  “Wow, now who is the one who mastered the art of only hearing what they want to hear?”

  “Hey, I learned from the best, don’t you know that the prodigy always out shines the teacher.”


  “If that’s the case than why has no one you taught beat you yet?”

  “Many years of experience and that we will not talk about.”

  “Why did you start all of it?”

  “Because I wanted to. Now am I giving you a tat or what?” She stood up and gestured for him to sit in the chair. He took a step closer to her and asked, “Will you tell me someday the reason why because I know you are not telling me the whole truth I see it in your eyes.”

  “Fake really. Whatever sit.” He sat down still looking at her as he pulled his shirt off, but she avoided his eyes at all costs. She put down her book and readied her gun then sat on the edge of the chair and asked, “Which one am I working on today?”

  “Whatever one you want.”

  “Do any of them have meaning?” She asked sarcastically.

  “They all do, for one, I drew them all and each one was drawn for a reason, drawn from an inspiration.” He hoped that she caught onto the fact that he was telling her she is inspiring.

  “You drew all of them, not even one of them is someone else’s?

  “Other than your signature that you still haven’t told me how it pertains to me. No, I drew them all.”

  “So you’re like a walking billboard for your art?” She chuckled. He smiled and put his hand on hers.

  “You’re adorable when you giggle,” He spit it out quick and changed the subject quicker, “and I’m a walking billboard for yours too.”

  “Real cute, so what inspired this one?”

  “Ah, that one. Of course you would be most interested in that one. My heart in my hand, ready. Over here will be the ladies hand that will accept my love I’m giving her.” He squeezed Trey’s hand and she pulled it from his. He didn’t tell the inspiration, but she all of a sudden didn’t want to know.

  “What about this one?” She moved to the next one closes to that one acting like she was starting to go on an invisible line across his chest. He explained some and told her others he would explain another time.

  “Which one will you work on?”

  “I suppose this one.” She put her finger on the edge of an arrow and moved along it as she spoke, “It is for Sagittarius, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “You drew the symbol for Jupiter to overlap it, correct?”

  “Yes.”

  “I will do that.”

  He couldn’t manage anything other than quick answers. He was staring at her while she traced it with her finger, but when she stopped he closed his eyes. He wanted to tattoo that picture of her the way she just was. He so badly wanted to kiss her yet he didn’t want to ruin her moment, she liked tracing his tattoo, he could see how much with her expression.

  ‘Snap out of it.’ She told herself as she readied her gun. She knew what was about to come when she touched him with her gun and she wasn’t sure she could handle it after getting as lost as she did tracing his tat. She took a deep breath and he reached for her hand. “Please don’t, not right now.” She whispered than cursed herself for the last bit she said.

  “Then later, on a stroll, milady.” It wasn’t a question and she got that, but she also didn’t want to answer, not at the moment because she would say okay. She hoped that doing the tat she could get her mind back together before she would have to say something about it.

  “There, I’d like to do more on it thought, I have a vision to make it better.” She stood up and put her gun on the table and went to walk out.

  “Okay.” She was heading for the door so he ripped his money from his wallet and through it on the counter and jetted out the door after her. He still wasn’t quick enough, she was a ways down the street running. He sprinted after her shaking his head. She was at least doing her tricks so it was a bit easier to catch up at a dead run. When he got close enough he flipped off one of those newspaper boxes and landed next to her. “So much for a stroll, huh?”

  “I missed my run last night, I need a good one.” With that he smiled and pushed himself harder. He was going to give her a good one. He tried playing with her at times like they used to, but she blatantly ignored it. He didn’t like it, but at least he was making a little bit of progress with her again so he stayed with her.

  She had to lose him, she really didn’t want to talk to him again tonight. She kind of missed his play a bit and she didn’t want to think about it or what it meant so she let him pass and cut down an ally at a straight sprint back to her place. She sat down on her back steps to gather her breath. “Did you really think you could lose me?”

  “I did lose you and you took the shorter route, you knew where I’d be. Now if you’ll excuse me it’s late.” She stood up to go inside and get away from him. He had other ideas. He grabbed her hand.

  “You said later I could do this.”

  “No, you said later. I only said not now.”

  “Ah, yes, but not answering me, you silently agreed to a stroll.”

  “Actually, I silently disagreed.”

  “To bad there was no witnesses to back up your story. My part has witnesses go ask Gwen or Jos. I said it out loud.”

  “Ha, you are creative, I’ll give you that.” He took a step closer to her and bent his head toward her, she dropped her eyes so that he could not see the want in them. He kissed her cheek and dropped his head slightly like hers, stroked the inside of her wrist and let her feel his breath on her neck as he spoke, “Goodnight, Trey. Dream about me.” He lingered for a few seconds more before stepping back and looked up at her. She huffed, rising and dropping her shoulders then spun away from him.

  “Good. Night.” she clipped out. He didn’t like the way she said it or the way he was leaving her.

  “You can take me inside if you’d like.” She spun back around pissed, but it didn’t sound it in her voice.

  “Sorry, but I don’t do that unless it’s for one night to the ass I just fucked up.”

  “Just because you didn’t beat me doesn’t mean you didn’t fuck me up. And if that’s what it takes to be close to you, come kick my ass.” He held out his arms in invitation and she shook her head.

  “Your audacity is mildly amusing, but not good enough.” He skipped the two steps up to her and grabbed a hold of her waist, her hands flying up to his chest to brace against him.

  “You can kick my ass every night if it means that I’ll be able to touch you.” He shook his head. “No, I won’t even touch you, you don’t have to touch me or even love me, just be close to me. Please, Trey I want you in my life, don’t push me away.”

  She didn’t know what to say, she didn’t want to push him away yet she really wanted to push him away. She leaned in and put her head on his chest, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her as close as he could. He sighed and leaned his head on top of hers. She might not be hugging him back, but he really didn’t care, she was in his arms and not pulling away. They stood there for a few minutes before she spoke words that completely crushed his hope. “I can’t love you.”

  “Why? What’s so wrong with me?”

  “It’s not you, I’m sorry Ayden. Good night.” She pulled away from him and he let her. Broken he stood there without even looking up to watch her leave him. ‘Will I see you tomorrow’ was on the tip of his tongue, but that was even broken. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to know the answer to that. He dropped down and sat on his steps.

  When she walked in Gwen had her arms crossed blocking her path to the stairs, “You like him Trey. Stop trying to convince yourself otherwise. Stop lying to yourself. He fits you. You’ll still be able to stand alone when you need to. Don’t let your beliefs stop you.” She turned without wanting to hear what Trey had to say, but it didn’t stop it.

  “It’s not entirely like that.” She ran up the stairs to avoid the question she knew Gwen was going to ask. ‘Then what’s it like?’ She didn’t know if it was her beliefs or if it was something else. He did say she didn’t have to love him. She supposed that was the issue, but he made it not and she still walked away
. She knew that more of it had to do with her beliefs, her history. She knew she was lying to herself. ‘Breath don’t deny, right?’ Did he not want to take over the fights? It’s not like she’s really thought of that fact the past two days. Maybe she already through that possibility out, but was she going to be able to throw it out completely, it’s still a question in her head. Did he just want her? She could tell he wasn’t hiding anything when he said it. ‘Could it be the real problem, me lying to myself so I won’t like him?’ She’s been and she knows it yet she’s still a bit second guessing it. She doesn’t know what to do about it. It did make her think about it though. She fell asleep after a long shower still thinking about it, but no conclusion came to her.

  He never felt so tired, so drained. He collapsed in his bed and passed out without another thought of what screamed in his head all the way home. “Will I see her tomorrow?”

  ***

  Chapter Eleven:

  The Issue Lies Within

  ‘Screw that. I aint lying to myself, I’m protecting myself.’ She would not break for him because she knew that he would never be able to fix her if she did. No one could, not anyone, not him, only herself could. She would not depend on a man or anyone for anything when it came to her emotions. And she would not allow herself to be played with and broke ever again. But would he break her or fix her broken heart? She through that thought out before she even really thought it. She reminded herself how he was only a test of her strength and control. She reminded herself that she made it through her father and there was no doubt that she could make it through Ayden.

  She ran through her pep talk not once but twice. She went for a morning run which she never does, but she needed to get some of that amped up anger away from her before school. Her whole run she chanted to herself; I will not let him take my control, I will not let him break me, I will not give into lust or want; it is only a weakness, I will stand tall, I will make it through him, I will make him fall in defeat, I will make him forget all about me. She kept going on even after her run. She let it all run through her head all day long.