Private Affairs

by Judith Michael

  was fair game. I was prettier then, and I had my figure, and God knows I needed a man, and I bedded down with some of them, but they weren't serious about anything except skiing, certainly not a Hispanic girl with a baby. It was always a one-night thing. . . ."

  Her voice trailed off. "What was it you hoped for from them?" Elizabeth asked softly.

  "Mostly to say they wanted me 5 Isabel Aragon, not just a body they could take their pleasure from and then forget."

  "You didn't want to marry again?"

  "Sure, if I loved somebody. But friendships would have been fine, too, if they'd been real. I wanted somebody to care about me. And it turned out the only ones who did were in Nuevo."

  "So you came home."

  "That was it. Home. Sanctuary, almost. I knew it the minute I walked into this house and sat down. I belonged."

  She talked on as Elizabeth asked about her father and Luz, her neighbors and her work. She brought out her new pottery and briefly described her experiments with glazes and raised patterns using ancient designs—"I can't say much about them; they'll get stolen"—and showed sketches of pieces she had sold. "But I'll tell you something," she added as she slipped them back into a leather portfolio. "I'm thinking about getting out of the pottery business."

  "I see," said Elizabeth.

  "You see? That's all you have to say? You're not surprised? Good Lord, you already know what I'm going to say!"

  "Tell me. Then I'll know if I'm right."

  "You probably are, my opposite sister. It started in the church, with all that applause. ..."

  "And you said you could get to like it."

  "Right. And then at the hearings, when I saw those shifty-eyed bastards deciding what was good for us, and not giving a damn or even knowing anything about us, I thought, why not? I'd be a hell of a lot better representative than they are."

  "So you're going to run for the legislature."

  "By God, you are my sister; you understand me better than anyone. Well, you're right. I'm giving politics some thought. What would you say my chances are?"

  "I think you'd knock out the opposition. You were wonderful at the hearings; you look like everybody's mother, so a lot of men will vote for you; and you've been helping people with their problems for thirteen

  years, which means everyone knows you. I don't see how you can lose. What about Tom Ortiz? Will he run again?"

  "He's getting old. He's represented this district—if you can call it that —for thirty years. I think he's tired. And if he isn't, people are tired of him. You really think I can't lose?"

  "I'm not an expert. But I think you can't lose."

  "Nice words. I haven't decided, you know. I just think about it while I make my pottery. But I must say, that was one good feeling, standing there, being applauded. I think about it a lot."

  "What else do you think about?"

  "Oh, what happens when Luz is gone, how Padre is starting to forget things, the fact that I'm for sure not going to find another man, which changes the way I think about my life. ..."

  Their low voices, soft and intimate, asking and answering, wove around each other until midafternoon, when Elizabeth finally closed her notebook. "Thank you," she said. "You've been wonderful."

  Isabel put her arms around Elizabeth. "Real friends are even harder to find than good men. You keep the loneliness away. I'd do anything for you." Tony stood up and she jumped. "You were so quiet I forgot all about you. Come again; we'll let you do some talking."

  "You and Elizabeth do it much better than I," he said, and ducked his head as he went through the low doorway. He waited in the car while the women kissed each other goodbye; then Elizabeth got in behind the wheel and drove off.

  He watched her in silence, admiring her profile. Keeping her eyes on the road, Elizabeth said, "You're supposed to be watching the scenery."

  "I prefer watching you. Besides, I saw the scenery driving up here."

  "It's different when you see it from the other direction."

  "That's what I keep telling you. If you see things from my point of view, everything looks quite different."

  She laughed. "My single-minded Tony. I am not going with you to your Italian villa; I am not going with you to your mansion in California. Let's talk about Isabel."

  "Let's talk about why you called me your Tony."

  "Did I? But you know I meant my friend Tony. Now tell me: did you like her?"

  "Of course. A good woman. Dull, but how can one dislike her?"

  "She is not dull."

  "She is to me. She's dedicated to her father, her daughter, her pottery, her valley. She's not beautiful or clever or sophisticated; she's not sexually arousing or bitchy. She's a very good, honest, direct woman whom we

  both like. She is also dull" When Elizabeth was silent, he asked, "What difference does it make? She's your friend, not mine; I'll never see her again. What I really want to talk about is you. No, don't frown. I mean I want to talk about your interview with her. Do you know how good you were?"

  "I know I'm good at interviewing, Tony. I've been doing it for a long time. This one was special, though. Isabel and I cooked it up to make trouble for Ballenger."

  "I don't give a damn about Ballenger, whoever he is; I'm talking about Elizabeth Lovell. You got her talking, you controlled the interview, you got intimate revelations that she wasn't always aware she was telling you. And when she did know you were on personal territory, it didn't bother her, because you were interested and sympathetic, not curious or prying." He gave a long sigh. "If I could do that, I'd be popular forever. You are wasting a brilliant talent on a handful of newspapers. You should be sharing it with the world."

  Elizabeth looked at him briefly before turning back to the narrow road. "What does that mean?"

  "It means you should be on television."

  "I'm a writer, Tony. I don't like television. It's too fast, too superficial."

  "You wouldn't be on television if someone offered you a show?"

  "What kind of show? How can I answer? It doesn't matter; I probably wouldn't. I really do love to make words appear on paper in the right order, not toss them at a camera and never see them again. Anyway, I'm not about to move to Los Angeles, or anywhere, to chase the fantasy of an audience of millions. I like what I'm doing, and it's real: I'm in twenty papers; that's more than I ever dreamed of." She made the turn at Pecos and picked up speed on the empty road. "What did you mean about someone offering me a show?"

  "I didn't mean your own. I meant being part of mine. Didn't I offer that long ago? I don't recall whether I was serious or not, but now that I've seen you in action I am very serious. Elizabeth, let me talk to my producer about you. Just to get his opinion. The show could use some jazzing up—oh, Christ, I didn't mean that, don't frown again, you're so much more beautiful when you smile—all I meant was, next fall, after summer reruns, we're going to want something new and different, for variety, for sparkle. . . ."

  "To postpone the rainy day when you go into politics?"

  There was a pause. "Who said that?"

  "My husband."

  "I see. He got it wrong."

  "Did he? A few minutes ago you talked about being popular forever." "No one is popular forever. Even God gets bad ratings."

  "Then what did you say at Keegan's dinner?"

  "That television and politics are alike. They both give top rewards to people who can convince an audience that the bullshit they're spouting is genuine conviction, coming from their own brains. But you are genuine," he went on. "And since your talented husband is the latest to fall victim to my father's charm, there is all the more reason for you to expand your career to include television. After all, what will you do when your offspring are gone? Nobody to clean house or cook for, no young ones to keep on the straight and narrow . . . what will you do for excitement? Sit alone all day at a typewriter? You could do that part of the time— there's no need for you to give up your writing—but for the rest . . . some live action, a c
hallenge for your interviewing skills, new people . . . Are you listening?"

  "Yes," Elizabeth said.

  "Then you will notice I'm not talking about Italian villas or California mansions. I'm talking about one slot of ten or fifteen minutes a week, on 'Anthony.' You'd be amazed how much information can be packed into fifteen minutes. More than in one of your columns. Let me talk to my producer. That's all I ask. He may not like the idea, in which case I'll probably have to give it up, at least for a while. A producer is like a spouse: you compromise or you get a divorce; and I can't handle divorces from wives and my producer as weD. So we can talk about it again next time I'm in Santa Fe; by then I'll know what he thinks. Is that all right?"

  "Yes," Elizabeth said again. Tony made a small sound, almost a hum of satisfaction, and settled back to enjoy the scenery.

  As proudly as a queen, Isabel Aragon stands beside the Pecos River that flows through Nuevo. When she stretches out her arms they are like the mountains around her, embracing the valley where she was born. "This is what they want to destroy," she says. "Restless people in a restless country, forever tearing down, throwing away the past, like orphans who don't recall their roots and don't know the meaning of home. Little men who only feel strong when they're shoving somebody around and ripping things apart. Listen, you little men out there! This is our home! Our roots are three centuries deep in this valley! Fifteen generations are buried here and we hold in our hearts their dreams and

  jokes and sadnesses, and our own, that grow from the soil of this valley. Some of us sold our land, lured by money and promises. But now we're going to show you how people fight for their home. We are going to buy back our land. You think we can't? Watch us. We'll work every day, every night until we have enough money, and until then we're going to hold up your project by making a stink in the legislature that will make the manure on our farms smell like gardenias. Because we will not let you drown our town. . . . "

  Elizabeth's story included Isabel's earthy retelling of Indian and Spanish legends, and modern tales of the people in the valley who brought her their problems, and it ended with Isabel standing before the old church.

  "Too many of those little men think they can crunch other people underfoot like centipedes. But I'm telling them it won't work! Too many legs! Too many of us! They'll see whether it's so easy to stamp us out . . . !"

  Elizabeth knew it was the best story she had ever written. And on May 10, three weeks after it appeared in the Rourke chain to an outpouring of mail and telephone calls, it was reprinted by the Los Angeles Times as part of a two-page article on vacation resorts in the southwest. Tony tore it out and sent it to his producer, with a scrawled note. "Please read! You turned thumbs down on my brilliant idea of having Elizabeth Lovell interview her non-famous people on 'Anthony.' Kindly explain why she's good enough for the Times, but not good enough for us."

  "We're not talking 'good,' " his producer said on the telephone the next day. "We're talking audience. Nobody cares about people they never heard of."

  "Call the Times," Tony ordered. "Ask them about their mail."

  A week later his producer called again. "How did you know?"

  "I'm a fan. How many letters did they get?"

  "Fifty letters, ninety-two phone calls, eighty-one offers of money to help that woman fight for her valley."

  "Ha! Do we try her on my show?"

  "Tony, are you fucking her? I don't want hysterical women on this show, and when you're through with them they always get—"

  "Not to worry; she isn't the hysterical type."

  "You haven't answered my question."

  "My love life is not part of my contract," Tony said sweetly. "It's not something we discuss."

  "But we do discuss your ratings. Which are slipping. Probably because you're not as sharp as you were five years ago—"

  "Nobody is as sharp as they were five years ago. Including you."

  "—or because audiences are tired of celebrities—which I doubt—or we're picking the wrong celebrities. Or all of the above. Okay, I'm willing to let your girl friend do a few pilot tapes, but if you turn this place into a sexual stew—"

  "I told you not to worry," Tony retorted. "I'll handle her."

  "As long as you understand that you're responsible. One more thing. I know you don't pick dogs, but I'm asking anyway: how will she look on camera?"

  "Like it was invented for her. Also she's got class. Why don't you trust me in these matters? I'm a connoisseur and you know it."

  "I know you often get carried away."

  "I pretend to when it's useful. And you know that too. Now listen: she doesn't know about my ratings. She thinks I'm at the top of the heap. There's no reason to tell her otherwise."

  "She thinks you're doing this out of the generosity of your corrupt heart?"

  "Don't try to be clever. She doesn't think it's corrupt. Are you going to be careful how you talk to her, or not?"

  "Of course I am. As long as she helps the show."

  "I applaud your wise decision." Tony hung up and immediately called Elizabeth. "I have news," he told her the minute she answered. "My producer, unlovable but shrewd, will soon call to offer you a place on 'Anthony.' That is, he'll ask for a few pilot interviews. If he likes them, we'll run them this fall, to see what the response is. Do you know about the offers of money at the Times?"

  "Yes, they sent me the letters. They want to buy more of my stories, Tony. Should I let them?"

  "Not until you have an agent. I'll help you find one. Did you hear what I said about my show?"

  "Yes. How often would I have to be in Los Angeles?"

  "It depends. You can tape interviews on location with crews from local affiliates, or we fly your people here and you interview them in the studio. Plus one day a week for editing and conferences on planning and schedul-ing. You'd enjoy being part of that, wouldn't you? And Los Angeles? It would be a homecoming for you. And I'd be here, to lend a helping hand."

  "I don't know, Tony. I'll think about it."

  "That's what you're going to tell my producer?"

  "It depends on what I've decided when he calls."

  "What can I do to convince you? Swoop in and take you to dinner? How about the M & J Sanitary Tortilla Factory in Albuquerque for Bea Montoya's famous burritos?"

  She laughed. "How do you know about Bea's place?"

  "I watch television. It made her famous; it will make you famous. Shall I come and take you to dinner?"

  "Not tonight."

  "Soon, then. And you'll let me know as soon as you decide?"

  "Of course. And thank you, Tony." Hanging up, Elizabeth contemplated the television set in the corner of the den. // will make you famous.

  For Peter's graduation, on the last Sunday in May, Elizabeth and Matt, Spencer and Lydia, Holly and Maya squeezed into the tightly-packed stadium bleachers, sitting halfway above the field and halfway below the sign announcing "Demon Country." Eight hundred students in caps and gowns marched into the stadium, their names called in pairs as they entered. When Maya heard Peter's name she let out her breath in a sigh. "It's like he's taken a big jump and left me behind."

  "I know," Holly said. "He's changed so much." Later, when Peter stood to give the class address and the seniors gave him a lusty cheer, she shook her head in wonder. For four years he'd never fit in; he'd been mocked for his shyness and his love of Indian art and legends instead of sports. He hadn't gone on the senior class trip, or to the senior prom; he'd taken Maya to dinner and the Taos Spring Arts Celebration instead. And although he had joined the photo club and the French club, he was still uncomfortable and he left the campus as soon as he could each afternoon. "Why are they cheering him?" Holly asked Elizabeth.

  "Because he's their top student," Elizabeth replied. "And he makes all of them look good by being smart."

  "He makes the whole school look good," Matt said. "Besides, people cheer a handsome man who makes something of himself whether they like him or not. They cheer beca
use he's shown them success is possible."

  "That's very clever," Elizabeth said. "Is that why people cheer you in Houston?"

  "Some of them," he replied evenly.

  "And the others?"

  "The others think I'm doing a good job."

  A few minutes later the ceremony ended, the field swarmed with stu-

  dents and their relatives, and Peter's family took him off for a festive dinner with Saul and Heather, Maya, and some friends from the Chieftain staff.

  "It was perfect," Elizabeth said later to Matt as they sat in their courtyard sharing iced tea and cookies. "Just the kind of celebration Peter wanted. And best of all, you were here."

  "You couldn't have doubted I would be."

  "Once I couldn't have."

  "But this time you did."

  "Yes."

  He inspected the decorations on one of the cookies. "Eight months," he murmured. "It's gone so fast I can't believe it's been that long. But it was long enough to make you stop trusting me."

  "I think you gave me reasons." Elizabeth leaned forward and put her hand on his. "Matt, maybe you ought to slow down. You've done far more than we ever dreamed: twenty papers—"

  "Twenty-one," he interrupted automatically.

  "Twenty-one, then; I didn't know you'd bought another."

  "I was going to tell you about it tonight. It's not big yet, but there's tremendous potential—"

  "Matt, I'm trying to talk to you."

  "I heard you. You're telling me I should give up what I'm still building and turn my back on the biggest job I ever had. What would you like me to do? Come back to Santa Fe and run the Chieftain?"

  "Not if you don't want to. I didn't ask you to give up everything. A year ago this week we owned two newspapers and were just starting out at the Daily News, Now you're running twenty-one papers, you give speeches all over the country, you're influencing legislation on land use . . . how much do you need to feel satisfied?"