by Jill Maguire
Hayden and Felicity waited while he caught his breath. “It’s Royal,” he finally gasped. “He’s gone. I can’t find him anywhere.”
Chapter Eleven
Hayden took Caleb by the hand and forced him to sit down. “Now, take a breath and tell us what’s happened.”
Caleb nodded. “We came outside together when we heard all the commotion. We were standing there watching you and Josh fighting. Royal was right beside me at first but after Pa came out and broke things up I realized he wasn’t standing there anymore.”
Felicity understood immediately. Royal would have been frightened by the fight he witnessed on the lawn.
“Didn’t you see him leave?” Felicity asked, worry mounting in her voice. Caleb shook his head.
“He’s just always so quiet, I didn’t see him leave or even hear him move. I’m sorry. I didn’t know he was gonna run off.” Caleb’s lips trembled with these last words.
Felicity knelt down beside his chair and lifted his chin so she could make eye contact, just as she often did with Royal. “It’s not your fault, sweetheart. You had no way of knowing what was going to happen. But I would like you to think really hard about anywhere that you think Royal may have gone.”
Hayden watched the boy and woman communicate and his heart swelled with love. Felicity had every reason to be angry with Caleb yet here she was being so kind and patient. Caleb swiped a hand across his eyes and tried to think.
“We’ve never been any farther than the meadow. I’m not allowed to go into the woods without Pa or Hayden, so we never went there. The only other time we left the ranch was to go fishing down by Boggs Creek.”
Felicity raised her eyes to Hayden who was already heading out the door. “I’ll check there first, and if I don’t find him there I’ll come back and we’ll get a search organized.” Felicity nodded and turned back to Caleb.
“Think hard, Caleb. Maybe you did hear him move off but you just didn’t realize it. If you can remember what direction he went it would help.” Caleb just shook his head.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t hear or see him go off. He’s always so quiet. He never talks, he never makes any sound. I’m sorry.” Felicity stood and squeezed his shoulder.
“You don’t need to be sorry. I know Royal is always very quiet. Back in the city he would hide away from us all the time. He had a few secret spots in the house where he liked to go. I’m sure Hayden will find him.”
Almost an hour later Hayden returned to the ranch, shaking his head at the unasked question in Felicity’s eyes. “I’m going to get Pa and some of the ranch hands together. We’ll head out right away and hopefully find him before those clouds that are gathering dump a heap of rain on us.”
Felicity went to him and raised a pleading face to his. “Find him Hayden. Please find him.” He took her into his arms and rubbed his hand across her back. She felt so right in his arms and he knew at that moment that he would do anything for this woman.
“We will. I promise. But I need you to take care of Caleb while we’re out searching. He can be a little impulsive. I don’t want him deciding to head out to find Royal on his own.”
“I won’t let him out of my sight.”
At that moment a sobered up and cleaner Josh walked into the room. Both Felicity and Hayden stared at him not knowing what to say.
“I apologize for my behavior earlier,” he said to Felicity. “I hope you can forgive me.” Turning to Hayden he said, “Pa told me about the boy running off. I’d like to help search for him.”
Hayden sneered. “Are you sure you’re sober enough?”
“Hayden,” Felicity interjected. Josh raised a hand to stop her reprimand.
“It’s okay. I deserved that. But I would like to help.”
Hayden shrugged. “Well let’s get going then.”
Felicity busied herself making a cup of cocoa for Caleb and set a pot of coffee on for herself. She told herself that the men would likely be back by the time it brewed and they would appreciate a good strong cup. But her optimism started to fade by the time she was on her second cup and the men had not yet retuned.
Caleb was sitting quietly reading one of his books while she puttered about about the kitchen, unable to focus on any particular activity. Thoughts of the dangers that might be facing Royal ran through her mind. She didn’t know a lot about the Montana countryside, but she had heard the men talking about flash floods and grizzly bears and forest fires.
“Stop thinking the worst,” she scolded herself. “You need to have faith.” Silently she sent a small prayer heavenward for the safe return of her brother. The hands on the old grandfather clock in the sitting room seemed to be frozen in place. Each time she glanced at it, Felicity was sure hours had passed, when it had really only been minutes.
The sky grew darker and darker as the storm clouds moved in. Felicity paced back and forth from the windows in the sitting room to the back door of the kitchen. Surely they would return soon.
~~~
Royal was afraid. He cowered even farther back into the small rock outcrop that he had discovered. He had no idea where he was in relation to the ranch. When he saw Hayden and Josh fighting, all he had wanted to do was run. Now he was lost.
When he first ran off the sun was shining and things didn’t seem too scary. But then big black clouds covered the sun and it was almost like night. The wind picked up too, and the noise it made travelling across the meadow sounded like wild animals shrieking. All he had wanted to do was hide. When he spotted the little hole under the rock it reminded him of a hiding place he used to have under the stairs in his old house.
He tucked himself back as far as he could and covered his ears with his hands to drown out the sound of the wind. Before long, the wind died down but the drone of a torrential downpour took its place. That sound frightened Royal even more and he began to cry. His sobs and the rain drowned out the sounds of voices calling his name.
Hayden and Jacob circled a wide area and then met up again at the old Jameson homestead. Their first hope had been that Royal found the old house and took shelter there, but a thorough search of the place had come up empty. Now they sat shouting over the rain trying to decide where to go next.
“I think we should tie the horses up here and scout around a bit on foot. He might be hiding where the horses can’t reach.”
Jacob nodded in agreement and dismounted. They found as much shelter as they could for the horses and headed out on foot, checking in thickets and under giant tree roots for any place that a small boy might fit. By shear good fortune, Hayden tripped over one of those tree roots and found himself looking into a small rock outcrop, and right into a pair of very wide and very frightened brown eyes.
“Well hi there.” In an instant Royal was scrambling out of the hole and into Hayden’s arms. It was the very first real physical contact he had had with the shy, withdrawn boy, and it felt wonderful.
Hayden finally drew the boy back to take a good look at him. “Are you hurt anywhere?” Royal shook his head. “In that case I think we’d best hurry and get you home to your sister. She’s worried sick about you.” They stood together and although Hayden tried to start a conversation, Royal never said a word.
“Lordy, am I glad to see the two of you,” Jacob shouted over the rain when the two appeared form the thicket. “Where did you find him?”
“All curled up in a nice dry little rock outcrop. Pretty good survival skills for a city boy wouldn’t you say?” Hayden gently hoisted Royal into his saddle and swung up in front. “Hang on tight, little man. We’re going home.”
Chapter Twelve
Felicity flew to the door and grabbed Royal to her before he was even all the way in. “Oh thank the Lord. Are you alright?” When she finally allowed him to pull back from her, he spoke in a soft voice.
“I was scared.” Felicity felt the tears sliding down her cheeks but she didn’t care. Royal was home and he was safe. She looked over his head at Hayden and smiled her gratitude. B
ut Hayden noticed something else in her eyes that he couldn’t quite understand.
After a few minutes she rose, and keeping her hand in Royals’ she thanked the men who were still congregated in the kitchen. Then she headed down the hallway to her room without saying any more.
A feeling of worry started gnawing its way into Hayden’s heart and he couldn’t shake the feeling of dread that threatened to consume his thoughts. Something was wrong. Felicity was relieved to have Royal home and yet she seemed almost sad at the same time. It was Hayden’s turn to pace. For a while he paced around the kitchen, but unable to shake off the worry, he slapped his hat on his head and went outside.
The rain had finally slowed to a drizzle and after the hot kitchen, it felt refreshing. Ignoring the chairs and the porch swing, he slouched down on the top step of the verandah. The men had all returned to work, his Pa had taken Caleb to meet a newborn calf in hopes of taking his mind off the events of the day. He was surprised when Josh suddenly sat down beside him.
“I’d have thought you’d be on your way to the saloon by now.”
Josh kept his eyes on the ground. “Ya, I guess normally I would be. But, well, today kind of brought me to my senses. Everything that happened today was my fault. If anything had happened to that little guy it would have been because of me.”
Hayden could tell he was struggling to express his feelings but he didn’t try to help. “Yep. It would have all been on you.”
“And I guess that little lady of yours thinks I’m a real animal. She’s really something, you know that? She didn’t even get mad. You got yourself something good there, brother. I hope I didn’t cause any harm.”
As much as Hayden hated what his brother had done, he couldn’t stand to see him feeling so bad. “I’m sure Felicity will forgive you, but the real question is, when are you going to change your ways so things like this don’t keep happening?”
Josh shrugged, still unable to meet his brother’s eyes. When he did finally look up, Hayden could see right through to the torment in his soul. He cleared his thought and his voice trembled as he spoke.
“I never told anybody this before, but you know what Ma’s last words to me were?” Hayden waited for him to continue.
“The last thing she said to me was “One day, Josh Crandle. One day. I think I know now what she meant. I think maybe today was that day.”
With that, he turned and headed out across the meadow. Hayden let him go. Sometimes a man had to face his demons by himself.
He felt her presence long before she came and sat down beside him. For a few moments neither of them spoke.
“The air smells so good here after a rain,” she said. Hayden looked sideways at her, trying to judge her mood.
“It does.”
“It’s been quite a day.”
“It has. How is Royal?”
“He’s fine. He’s reading in his room like nothing ever happened.” Hayden nodded.
“Kids are pretty resilient.” It was Felicity’s turn to nod.
“Hayden, I want you to know how much I appreciate you bringing him home safely.” She rested her hand on his arm. Hayden covered her hand with his.
“No thanks necessary, but I have to admit you don’t seem as happy as I thought you’d be.”
“Oh I’m very happy to have him back, and I do appreciate all you and the men did to find him.”
“But?”
“But I’m starting to think that our coming here might have been a big mistake. I’ve been thinking that I should return to the city where I belong”
Hayden stared into her eyes for a long moment before speaking. “You can’t mean that. Until today everything has been perfect.”
“But that’s exactly it…..until today. Today Royal saw you and Josh fighting and he ran away. And you were fighting because of me. If I hadn’t come here there wouldn’t have been a fight at all. How many more times will something happen because I’ve upset your world here. I feel you and the rest of the men were starting to settle into a way of doing things that worked for all of you. A way of of life that didn’t require a woman. And then I walk into the picture and things start to unravel.”
“That’s just nonsense.”
“That may well be your opinion but it’s how I feel.”
“Well it’s crazy. It’s not true. This place needs a woman. Since Ma passed, there’s been something missing and you’ve started to fix that.”
Felicity shook her head. “I’m not so sure.”
“What do I need to do to convince you?”
“You can’t do anything. This is something I need to figure out for myself. I care about you, I really do, but I have to think of Royal. I know you understand that. Remember how you had to choose going to help Josh over being on time to meet me?”
“That was different. We hadn’t even met yet. But now we have and you’ve become part of the family, part of me. I love you.”
Felicity felt the color rise to her cheeks. “Do you think it might be just a little early to speak of love? We’ve only known each other a few weeks.”
A look of despair crept into Hayden’s eyes. “I think I fell in love the moment I saw you. But apparently the feeling is not mutual, in which case, perhaps you should consider returning to the city.” Hayden stood and brushed his hat against his leg with a lot more force than was necessary.
“I’ve got to get back to the range. Let me know what you decide and I’ll see you get to the stage.”
A lump formed in Felicity’s throat forbidding her to speak. How she longed to call him back and tell him how she truly felt, that she had fallen in love with him after reading his letters and long before they had even met. But she just wasn’t sure it was for the best.
She desperately needed to talk to her father. Perhaps if he were here to help out with Royal, she wouldn’t feel so bad about pursuing her own dream. She started to wonder how his healing was going. Maybe he would be ready to head west soon. There was no point in guessing about it. She would send a letter to her aunt and find out just what was going on.
With pen in hand, she sat down to compose her letter. Before a single word made it to the page, she put it back down again. It would take weeks to wait for a reply from her father. That meant weeks of waiting here at the ranch with Hayden believing she didn’t love him. Weeks of watching him deal with a pain that she had caused. No, that simply wouldn’t work. She would have to leave.
Chapter Thirteen
Royal’s reaction to leaving was predictable. At first he was frightened, but when Felicity explained that they would be seeing Father, he relaxed and put his faith in his sister just as he always had. He was getting much better at dealing with change, and so much better at communicating his feelings. Caleb had been a huge help with that.
“I’m glad we’re going to see father, but I’m going to miss Caleb,” he said when Felicity told him her plan.
“I know you will, Bug, “But maybe if Father is well, we can all come back here together.” A nagging voice in her head warned Felicity that she shouldn’t make promises she couldn’t keep. If she went through with her plan and left, there was no way she was ever coming back. Hayden was convinced she didn’t love him and it would be better for everyone if she just left it at that.
As it was, waiting at the ranch for the day the stage would come to town was torture. She and Hayden had exchanged only brief words, and Jacob just kept looking at her with a mixture of disappointment and anger. Ironically, it was Josh who approached her and begged her to rethink her plan.
“I don’t like that you’re leaving because of some fool thing that I did. Hayden cares for you, and I’m pretty sure that you care for him too.”
“Naturally I care for him. He’s been very kind to us. But this is something I must do. And I don’t really think you should presume to know my feelings.”
“I might be a real jack ass, but I know what love looks like when I see it, and you and Hayden have that look. Are you sure you won’t r
econsider. I can promise you I won’t be causing any more trouble.”
Felicity softened her attitude. “Thank you Josh. I appreciate that. But it wasn’t just what happened between us that started this. I’m just not convinced I belong here.”
Josh shrugged and shook his head. “Well I had to try. For Hayden’s sake. I haven’t seen him this happy in a long time. Hate to see him lose that.”
Felicity’s heart sank as she watched him walk away. Was she doing the right thing? Too late to change her mind now. Jacob was taking her to the stage in just a little while.
She hurried back inside to finish packing. She put only those things into her bag that she had brought with her. The lovely gowns and hats that Hayden had spoiled her with since her arrival, remained hanging in her room.
It was time to go. Jacob pulled the small buggy to the front of the ranch instead of the wagon. He helped a sullen Royal up first. Clutched in his hands was a copy of the book he and Caleb had been reading together. A very sad looking Caleb stood by the buggy waiting to wave goodbye. Felicity felt as though her heart was breaking. She sent a silent prayer up into the sky. “Please, Lord, help me to know that I am doing the right thing.”
As Jacob gave her a hand up beside Royal he noticed her furtive glances towards the house. “He ain’t comin’ to say goodbye. You done broke his heart and I think he’s hurtin’ pretty bad.”
Felicity turned to the man who would have been her father in law. “I’m sorry,” was all she could think to say. The rest of the ride to town passed with only small bits of inconsequential conversation. Royal, for the most part kept his nose in his book, looking up only every now and then to comment on some passing feature that caught his eye. Not wanting to start an argument with Jacob, Felicity said very little at all.
The ride, and then the wait for the stage seemed like an eternity. Felicity told Jacob there was no need to wait, but ever a gentleman in spite of his feelings towards her, he insisted.