by T. L. Tate
“It’s fine, Sarah. Come on in. Toni and I were about finished anyway.”
She looked at Toni and she smiled brightly at Sarah. “No problem, babe. He’s all yours.” When she winked, Sarah blushed, much to Toni’s merriment. When she was at the door, she turned. Her eyes looked at once animated and mischievous. “Oh that reminds me! What time is everyone coming over on Saturday?”
I looked from Toni to Sarah. She didn’t look anymore knowledgeable than I was as to what Toni was referring to. “Excuse me?”
She leaned against the door. “The pool party! Didn’t Rachel tell you? She suggested that we have a pool party at your house on Saturday to celebrate. She thought it would be good to get your new team to come by so she can schmooze them and make you look good.”
“Huh? Rachel did? When?”
“The other day when we went out for drinks. She suggested it. She didn’t tell you?”
“N-no. No she didn’t say anything. Besides…” I looked at Sarah. She was standing there staring at Toni with her hazel eyes wide and her mouth slightly open. “I-I don’t think that’s really appropriate, Toni.”
She stalked towards the desk and came to a stop next to Sarah. She wrapped her arm around the other woman’s shoulder. “What’s inappropriate about it? It’s a weekend pool party. We’re not going to be doing drugs and crap. Just some work buddies taking a little time to relax.” She glanced at Sarah while pulling her firmly against her body. “Right, Sarah? You’d like a little time to get to know our fearless leader right?”
Sarah stammered. “I-I-I-uh…huh?”
“Toni don’t tease her.” I plopped down in my chair and sighed. I guess if Rachel is okay with it then there shouldn’t be any issues. Besides, with Rachel there I knew that there wouldn’t be a chance of any impropriety. But speaking of impropriety…I had to admit that the idea of seeing Toni in a two-piece was more than a little appetizing. Then I looked at Sarah. Her smaller frame was pressed tightly against Toni but in her overflowing blouse I couldn’t really get a good read on her figure. But I was almost positive that if given a chance, she would look pretty damn fabulous in a bathing suit too. Sighing, I gave in. “Fine. You set it up, Toni. Just let me know what I need to buy.”
She smiled triumphantly. “Yay! I love party planning!” She turned to Sarah and smiled brightly. “We’re going to have to go shopping!”
Sarah looked befuddled. “Huh?”
“You’re his assistant. You’re going to have to help me plan this thing. Lets get started now!” Toni started to pull Sarah out of the office while Sarah looked positively terrified. I thought it was best to rescue my unwillingly wayward assistant.
“Toni?” She stopped when she heard my voice.
“Yeah?”
“Sarah and I still have some stuff to do. Besides, it’s Tuesday. There’s still a lot of time. How about you actually get to work? You know…the stuff that we actually pay you to do.”
Exasperated, she gave in. “Ugh! Fine.” She looked at Sarah once more. “But you and me are going out on Thursday. Be ready.” Then she blew out of my office, leaving a vacuum and two very confused people behind.
Sarah looked at me with fear dancing openly in her eyes. “W-was that a threat or a promise?”
I smiled and knew that Sarah had just attracted a barracuda. There was nothing I could do to save her. “Both. Good luck.”
Work went great. I was flying high so I stopped and picked up a dozen roses for Rachel. I was ready to sweep her off her feet both figuratively and literally. But when I walked in the door those lofty feelings fled and I harshly crashed to the ground. A large suitcase was packed and sitting by the front door. Flashbacks to her leaving a couple of weeks ago came rushing back to my mind as panic quickly set in.
“Rachel!” I bellowed. “Rachel!”
Seconds later she came around he corner. She was dressed in comfortable shorts and a linen V-neck. She looked like she had just swallowed something sickening. Still, when I saw her my heart slowed it’s pace from a wild samba to a slow waltz.
“Jake.”
I sat the roses on the table and sped towards her. “What’s with the luggage, Rach? What’s going on?”
She swallowed loudly. “Jake. M-maybe we should sit down. We need to talk.”
Throughout the history of relationships, when said by a woman to a man, those four words have never been followed up with anything good. I steeled myself and fell onto the couch.
“What’s going on? Are you leaving me?”
She placed her hand atop mine. “Jake. I love you. You know that but…”
I heard a rushing sound in my ears. I was hyperventilating. The room started spinning. Not again. She can’t do this to me. Not again. As I fell into the abyss I felt two cold hands on the side of my face. There were two chocolate-colored eyes that looked at me with such an overflowing amount of love that the sheer contradiction of her affections and her actions left my mind reeling.
“R-Rachel?” My voice was broken.
“I’m here, Jake. I’m here.”
I glanced towards the luggage and then back at her. “But you’re leaving.”
She nodded. “It’s not forever.”
Suddenly I was filled with rage. I exploded from the couch, forcing her to fall back in response. “Not forever? What the fuck? What the hell is happening? Why are your bags packed? What’s going on?”
She held her hand out to me and hesitated at the last second. She stopped short of touching me. “Jake. I’m not okay.” Her softly spoken words grabbed my attention. Her voice was filled with grief and hurt and it called to me in a way that momentarily allowed me to forget my own fear. It was as if I was a balloon filled with anger and pain and a knife was suddenly jammed into me. All the pain and anger deflated and left only a tiny man trying to figure out what was going on with his marriage.
“B-but you’re leaving. You’re leaving.” I said it a second time for emphasis. I couldn’t help the way my words caught in my throat or the way I choked on the words.
Her eyes were moist and wary but she still moved closer. “I have to go, Jake. I…we need space.”
“I don’t need space! I need you!”
“Jake, please. I don’t want to go, but look at me. I’m two steps away from imploding. Seeing what I made you do in that hotel room was too much for me.”
“It wasn’t you, babe. It was him. He was the one that hit you.”
She shook her head sadly. “No. It was all me. If I hadn’t been such a fool and if I had never started a relationship with him in the first place this would’ve never happened. I blame myself for what happened and no one else.”
“So then why are you leaving?”
“Well…” She seemed to think about her words before she spit them out. “I talked to Dr. Jefferies about it and she suggested that maybe some distance would help.”
“A-Amara did? When?”
“Yesterday. At our session.”
“That’s such bullshit!”
“Jake, please. Try to understand. I know you’re strong, honey. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever known. But I’m not. I’m weak and I’m scared and I’m scarred. I keep seeing it every time I close my eyes and when I do I can’t help but blame myself. I need to heal and to do that I need just a little bit of space.”
“Space?”
She nodded. “Yeah. I’m not leaving you. We’re just…sep…sep…separating for a while.”
My heart fell into the pit of my stomach when I heard the word separating. Wasn’t that the first step right before divorce? “Rachel…no. No!”
“Jake, please. I can’t, baby. I love you so much but I’m not me. Look at me! Is this the woman that you know? Is this the woman that you married?”
I wrapped her in my arms and pulled her to me. “You are the woman that I love.”
She pressed her face to my chest. “I know. I love you too. I love you so much that it kills me that I hurt you. I know this isn’t fair to you
and I’m sorry. But I can’t be what you need me to be if I stay. I need to get away…for a time. I want to be me again not this shadow.”
I knew she was right. She wasn’t doing well. We all saw it. But I didn’t want to let her leave. I felt that if she did then I would never see her again. I knew that was me being both selfish and scared but I didn’t care. I wanted my wife. I needed my wife.
But what did she need?
I closed my eyes and tilted my head back. I wanted to scream but I didn’t. I wanted to be angry but I couldn’t. I had to be strong. She needed me to be strong now more than ever. One of the issues that led us to this point was that I didn’t give her what she needed from me emotionally. I wouldn’t make the same mistake again. If I’m being honest it wasn’t just my feelings that were hurt. I mean sure, I thought things were going well. But I had to remind myself that it has only been a couple of weeks. How impactful could this small spat of success be? No. It wasn’t just my feelings that were hurt by her decision to leave. My pride was wounded too. I fought for her and for us, but none of that seemed to matter. I didn’t want to let her go. But that was still my pride talking. I had to learn from our past. I had to use the wisdom I’ve accumulated.
I sighed. Speaking half to myself, I grumbled, “Pride without wisdom makes a Fool.”
Rachel tilted her head, her eyes puzzled, “What’s that, honey?”
“How long?” My voice was gruff.
“I don’t know. I hope not long but I really don’t know.”
“Where are you going?”
I felt her hesitate. “W-well see that’s the thing. There’s a temporary opening for a service manager in one of our new branches on the east coast. I’m going to transfer out there and work for a few weeks. Maybe a month.”
“The east coast!”
“Y-yeah.”
I was prepared for her to grab an apartment across town or shack up with Toni, but not this. She was going to be hundreds of miles away.
“And you’re leaving tonight?”
“I have to. The opening is temporary and I start Thursday.”
“Why didn’t you talk to me about this beforehand?”
“I was afraid you would say no.”
“Of course I would say no! I don’t want you to be that far away.”
“I know. I’m sorry, Jake. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now but I’m really doing this because I love you. I want to be the wife that you deserve. I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”
There was passion and loss in her eyes. I knew she was telling the truth but that didn’t make it any easier to deal with.
“When are you flying out?”
“I have to be at the airport in an hour.”
“That’s not a lot of time.”
“No. No it isn’t.”
We spent the next 30 minutes on the couch and she gave me more details. Her employer had set her up in a long-term stay hotel. Once she landed, she would give me all of the contact details. The temporary job was also a promotion of sorts. If it worked out, she would be managing her own team. We said our goodbyes in our home. No one likes long goodbyes in an airport terminal. Then I drove her to the airport and waved goodbye to her through the security checkpoint. I watched her stroll away with my heart in her suitcase. She stopped and cast one final look at me. In that moment a part of me felt a finality that was unsettling. Before I broke down in the airport surrounded by strangers, I marched to my car and piloted my vehicle home.
The next day I was a virtual zombie. Even Sarah mentioned my lack of motivation. “Sorry, Sarah. Just some marriage stuff.”
“O-oh! I’m sorry, Jake.” She nervously twirled the engagement ring on her ring finger.
“So when’s the big date?”
She saw me looking at her ring and suddenly stopped touching it. “Oh! We haven’t decided a date yet. I want it to be next Spring though.”
“I see. Well, good luck.”
“T-thanks, Jake.”
Toni appeared shortly after I left Sarah’s desk. She pulled me into the copy room. Her eyes were wild. “Dude! What the hell did you do to my sister?”
“What are you talking about Toni?”
“Why the fuck did Rachel just text me and tell me that she was out East someplace?”
I leaned back against the copier. “As if I needed another reminder.”
“What the hell happened?”
I sighed. “She left yesterday.” She wouldn’t let me leave until I told her everything that I knew. There wasn’t much but she stood still while she absorbed the new information.
Once I was done she nodded knowingly. “Well, I’d say you made the right decision. She was cracking something fierce. It was either this or you guys were doomed.”
“So you think it was a good idea to take some space?”
“Yeah. I think it was for the best. That girl needs it. Besides…no. Never mind. Just make sure that you don’t screw things up with her when she comes back. No more fighting!”
“Yes ma’am.”
Later in the day I was scheduled to meet with Amara. But since my wife was a time zone away, I decided to cancel my appointment and instead went to a bar. I was knee deep in a mind numbing brandy when I felt a light touch on my shoulder.
Turning my head, my eyes fell on an ebony goddess in a smart skirt, tight curls and beckoning cleavage. “A-Amara?” I blinked twice but she didn’t disappear.
Her sultry voice and sardonic smile was tempting. Of course, I was sure that that was what she was going for. “Hello Jake. May I have a seat?”
I nodded and then got the bartender’s attention. “Two more please.” Once she was settled, I turned to her. “How did you find me?”
She shrugged. “It wasn’t hard to figure out what you would be doing. Your wife left yesterday and you told me that this was one of your favorite bars. It was easy to put two and two together.”
“Wait. How did you know that Rachel left?”
“She called to cancel our next few sessions. She told me the details then. So…” she leaned in and placed a not-so-subtle hand on my upper thigh. “…How are you doing?”
“You should know, right? You’re the shrink.”
We got our drinks and she sipped her dark liquor without batting an eyelash. “I’m the shrink.”
We were silent for a few minutes. I knew she was waiting on me to explode, just as she knew that I couldn’t help myself. “Why the hell did you tell her that we needed space?”
She took another sip of her drink as her other hand remained on my thigh. “Because it was the best thing for the both of you.”
“I didn’t want her to leave.”
Her eyes were piercing. “But you didn’t want her to stay.”
“Of course I did.”
She tilted a single eyebrow. “Then why did you sleep with someone else?”
I stammered. “I-I that is…that was before! I don’t have those feelings anymore.”
“Really?” She smiled suspiciously.
I replied, “Really”, but that reply was lessened by the fact that I couldn’t keep my eyes from wandering to her exposed cleavage.
She leaned closer and whispered, “Then why haven’t you tried to remove my hand from your crotch?” As her brandy-flavored breath tickled my ear, her small hand snuck in and felt my growing bulge. She gasped when she felt my hardening member against her hand.
I wanted to stop her but I didn’t. I didn’t and I had no idea why. I looked into her eyes and saw myself falling into bed with her, both of our brown bodies tangling in the sheets as we sweated and humped ourselves into oblivion.
Just then a loud and rough laughter erupted from across the bar, which grabbed everyone’s attention. In that moment, Amara removed her hand and the spell was broken.
By that point I had come back to my senses. Clearing my throat, I stood and placed enough money on the bar to cover our drinks and leave a generous tip for the bartender.
Neither o
f us spoke on what almost happened. Instead, she reached for my arm, her voice was soft but her eyes were imploring—not in a sexual way but in a sincere way. “Don’t cancel next week. Come see me on Monday. I still think there are ways that I can help.”
Meeting her eye for a moment, I nodded and then I turned and left.
The rest of the week went by with the slow deliberateness of a week of torturous events. The only bright part was that Rachel remained in contact. Not as much as I would like but there were a lot of selfies with a lot of heart emojis. I guess that would have to do for now.
Friday evening Toni came up to me with a list of receipts. Apparently, this little party of hers was going to cost me a modest penny. To compensate, Toni and Sarah promised to come over early to help clean and set up.
As promised, bright and early on Saturday morning I heard Toni’s voice in the living room. I had finished weight training and was only in a ribbed T-shirt and shorts. I headed downstairs and what I saw nearly floored me.
Coming around the corner, I started talking before I was in the room. “Wow Toni. You weren’t kidding when you said you’d be here early…!”
My living room was piled with a scattering of boxes overflowing with party decorations, food and liquor. But that wasn’t the shocking thing.
I had to do a double take. Normally, she wore loose fitting clothes. They were always modest and she never flaunted her body. I couldn’t say the same thing about her right then and there. Sarah was bent over at the waist as a super tiny pair of jean shorts rode up her legs and exposed a good chunk of her surprisingly luscious behind. She heard me and stood up. Her front was even more arousing than her back. She had a tight green halter-top that barely covered the bottom of her full breasts. As she turned I saw each and every muscle in her abs flex. I was flabbergasted. Where the fuck has she been hiding this physique?
She smiled sweetly as she looked me up and down. I felt naked in front of her. Of course, I was nearly sweating through my shirt. Slowly, she stepped towards me. Placing one hand on my chest and the other on my arm, she stood on her toes and kissed my cheek. When she moved back her face was flushed. “Good morning, Jake.”