Azure (Drowning In You)

by Thoma, Chrystalla

  Then again, all Germans she’d met seemed to excel in everything they did. It left her feeling like a dork. She couldn’t cook to save her life and god, she wished she had Kirsten’s body.

  Fighting a sigh, she settled back on the grass and looked up into the branches of the olive tree. The leaves shimmered green and silver, trembling with a slight breeze.

  Normally she would’ve had a blast. The place was beautiful, with a brook gurgling nearby and birds singing in the trees. There were no deadlines and no schedules. She was free to roam and eat and tease.

  But all she could see was Kai’s face and dark eyes, his lips, the tension in his strong body and the speed with which he’d fled into the night. He’d been about to kiss her, she thought. Possibly. Why had he left in a hurry?

  This was getting ridiculous. No matter how pretty, he was a moody guy, a guy she barely knew. And yet, she couldn’t eat, couldn’t breathe without thinking about him, without wondering what made him ticked, what his past was like and why Panos thought he needed cheering up.

  Why she felt he needed more than that. That he needed help. It was as if he was in a deep well and nobody could reach down that far to haul him out.

  She bit her lip. And you’re going to manage where others failed? Maybe she thought she imagined the pain in Kai’s eyes because she hadn’t noticed what went on with Andria until it was too late. A spectacular failure. The price unbearable.

  ‘You’re so blind to anyone but yourself,’ Justin had shouted at her and his words returned with a vengeance, like a punch to her chest.

  He was right.

  “Alles okay?” Markus asked, waving a hand in front of her face. “You look miles away.”

  “I’m fine.” Man, she was so grateful they both spoke such good English. They were studying English literature, of course, so it was to be expected, but still. Her German was pitiful. She’d been so desperate to put as much distance between her and home as possible she’d gladly have gone even to China, only German was the one foreign language she could claim to know.

  “Hey.” Kirsten threw a rotten olive at her, forcing her to duck. “Where is your mind wandering?”

  “You guys...” Olivia really hoped they wouldn’t be upset. “Would you mind terribly if I took a rain check for tomorrow?”

  “Rain check?” Markus frowned.

  “She means she doesn’t want to come with us tomorrow,” Kirsten translated in her usual blunt way.

  Okay, so maybe Kirsten did have some flaws, after all.

  “It’s not that I don’t want to come with you,” Olivia hurried to patch things up, glaring at her friend. “It’s just that... I may have other plans.”

  Now she got their full attention.

  “I don’t understand,” Markus said, pouting.

  “A man.” Kirsten giggled. “The not rebound guy. Right?”

  Heat rose to Olivia’s cheeks. “He has the day off. Said he might take me in his truck to see some other beaches.”

  “Beaches, right. More likely the capes and caves.” Kirsten winked.

  “Kirsten...” Oh god, her cheeks burned so badly with embarrassment she was sure the skin would soon start to peel off. “It’s not like that. Besides, I’ve just broken up with Justin. I’m not going to fall into another man’s bed so soon.”

  Right. Right?

  Kirsten sighed. “Just be careful, Noodles. You may not be ready, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t, and you don’t know him well.”

  “Noodles?” Olivia glared at Kirsten. “You too, Brutus?”

  “Bruta,” Olivia corrected, because she spoke Latin, too. Figured. “Feminine form.”

  “Screw your feminine form.”

  “Only I am allowed to screw her feminine form.” Markus fluttered his lashes at Kirsten.

  “Seriously, Liv.” Kirsten held her gaze. “Be careful. He seems nice, but don’t go alone with him places, okay?”

  He seemed nice, but all that shines isn’t gold. Kirsten had a point. “I’ll be careful. I’ve got my pepper spray and all.”

  “Who is this guy?” Markus asked. “Do we know him?”

  “He’s Liv’s new boy toy,” Kirsten announced, leaning back against the bark of the tree. “He exists to distract her from her worries during vacation time.”

  “Provided by the travel agency?” Markus poked Kirsten in the ribs. “Did we pay extra for this service?”

  “Why, do you have any problem with my service?” Kirsten mock-glared at him.

  Vacation. Olivia rubbed her face. Yeah, she couldn’t forget that this was vacation and get carried away. She was here for two weeks only and then she wouldn’t see Kai again. Best would be to guard her heart.

  Besides, a guy who never laughed, who was spat upon by old women and had a sliver of pain in his eyes — a guy like Kai — probably didn’t need her heaping her troubles on him, either.

  “God, the sky is so blue here,” Kirsten whispered.

  “The sky too blue, the sun too hot, the food too greasy,” Markus said. “Dark shades against the golden light.”

  Yeah, everything was so intense, every color, smell, sensation. Every emotion vibrant and crystal clear. It was as if life elsewhere was a reflection through a dusty glass, and this was the real deal.

  ***

  Her dreams that night were filled with blue — the sea, the sky, a void in which she kept tumbling, down a wormhole into space. Then it was darkness shot through with lightning — eyes looking down at her, taking her in, the whole of her, mistakes and faults, and not judging, just... wanting.

  She woke up shivering and went to close the balcony door. Dawn was breaking, painting the sea in pink and red.

  She would see Kai today.

  The thought was enough to keep her awake until her alarm went off at seven. She took forever to choose her clothes. Swimsuit, most definitely. He’d said something about going to a beach, right? Maybe shorts. Or a skirt? Sandals. Or hiking shoes? Were they going to walk on the cliffs?

  Dammit.

  She looked at her face in the bathroom mirror, flushed, her eyes shining. She patted her hot cheeks. Tilting her head to the side, she reached for her pendant, then leaned closer to the glass. Blue stains marked the smooth white stone. Like fingerprints. What the hell? She looked down at it.

  Kai had touched it, she remembered. The color may be a chemical reaction of the mineral, to his sweat or something.

  So weird.

  By the time she went down for breakfast, she’d tried on all the clothes she’d brought with her. She was acting like a schoolgirl. This was ridiculous.

  She was ridiculous.

  So he was a hottie. So she couldn’t wait to see him again. It still wasn’t a date and she shouldn’t care.

  Right?

  Kirsten and Markus were there already, discussing the place they’d visit. They’d take the bus to some village up the hills. Something about an archaeological site. Minoan. Very ancient.

  Normally she’d be dying to visit. Archaeology was one of her big passions, right up there with literature and ecology. But she could barely hear them.

  When and where was she supposed to meet with Kai? He hadn’t said. He was off work today, so he wouldn’t be at the beach bar. Why hadn’t they set a place?

  Oh right. Because he’d run away. Right after he’d been about to kiss her. Or at least it had looked that way.

  Maybe she was imagining things. Maybe he hadn’t been about to kiss her.

  Kirsten had to ask her twice if she needed anything from the mini market, to which she distractedly said no, then her friends were off on their great adventure, giggling like little kids and holding hands.

  She watched them go. It had never been that way with Justin. And she’d never felt the need. Now she wondered why. It looked like they had fun with each other. It looked nice.

  Panos waved at her from the reception desk, his face breaking into a big smile. “Good morning! Any luck with your job?”

  Oh crap. “No, sorr
y.”

  “Nothing?”

  “Nope.” She hadn’t managed to make Kai laugh. She only seemed to manage to upset him every time.

  “Next time. Work harder.” He winked.

  Yeah, add to the pressure, why don’t you? She smiled weakly and looked around the lobby. Kai wasn’t there.

  She didn’t know what to expect but she had a bad feeling about this — about spending a day with him. She thought about running after her friends before they caught the bus and left.

  Kai had run away two nights ago on the beach. He hadn’t confirmed they’d meet today. What if he’d changed his mind?

  Panos harrumphed, looking over her shoulder, across the lobby. She turned and there was Kai, coming through the revolving doors, carrying a huge box of refreshment drinks. He was wearing blue shorts and a cut-off t-shirt, the front dark with sweat and his hair plastered to his face. Her heart beat faster. God, he was so handsome.

  She couldn’t help thinking that Justin would never have been caught in clothes that were less than perfect. He detested ripped pants.

  “Kai.” She waved.

  His eyes widened a little when he saw her and he stumbled. She rushed toward him but he found his footing and lugged the box toward the desk.

  “Hey,” he said, out of breath.

  “Don’t you have off today?” Panos grumbled.

  “I did.” He carried the box around the desk, muscles bulging in his arms. “Christie called me back, said I need to help unload the truck and then with the buffet for tonight.” He scowled. “Sorry, Liv.”

  Olivia’s mouth hung open. She snapped it shut. Damn. She should have gone with Markus and Kirsten.

  Or maybe... “Hey,” she said as Kai emerged from the room behind the reception, wiping sweat off his face on his arm. “I could help.”

  Kai blinked, then shot a look at Panos. He opened and shut his mouth, blinked again.

  “No way,” Panos said, folding his thick arms over his chest.

  “Oh come on. I can’t carry those boxes, but I can do other stuff.” She had no idea what. Or even why she was doing this.

  Yep, she was completely mad.

  Kai was staring at her, managing to look horrified and glad at once. It belatedly occurred to her that maybe he didn’t want her to stay. That maybe he’d indeed changed his mind and staying to work was his excuse.

  “No,” Panos said again and jabbed a finger at Kai. “You never take a vacation and have good time. Today you’re off. I take the boxes and I help fucking Christie.”

  Olivia snorted, she couldn’t help it. She hoped this Christie wasn’t within earshot.

  “Go on.” Panos made shooing motions with his hands. “Go, have good time with pretty girl. Go.”

  Suddenly Kai grinned, a sparkle entering his eyes, and nodded. “Thanks,” he said and turned to Olivia, holding out his hand. “Coming?”

  “Sure,” she said, slipping her hand into his and following him outside, and the only thought making it past the buzzing in her head was he looks happy after all.

  ***

  “Where are we going?” Olivia pulled on her safety belt, her pulse racing. Be still, my heart. Not a date, okay? Not at all.

  “I know a great place.” He revved the engine and glanced at her. “A quiet beach with trees and...” His gaze lingered on her face, then slid down her throat. He swallowed hard. “I think you’ll like it,” he said in a strangled voice and turned away.

  She looked down at herself, fearing for a moment she had a pimple on her chest or a stain on her clothes. You never knew. But no, no pimple. She’d chosen a spaghetti strap blouse — which was fitting, since she was a blond noodle, apparently — and her cut-off shorts. As casual as you please.

  “Thanks for showing me the area.” She watched his strong hands on the wheel, his corded arms, and fought the urge to fan herself. “That’s nice of you.”

  “I want to see you smile,” he said.

  Awh. It was so sweet it made her heart swell. “I smile all the time.”

  “No, you don’t.” He stared ahead at the road but a muscle leaped in his jaw. “Don’t take me wrong. I like it when you pout, too, like now, but the smile suits you better.”

  She moved her lips, hoping to dislodge the pout. Dammit, she didn’t pout! She bared her teeth, then opened her mouth wide, feeling her jaw stretch. No more pout.

  He made a choking sound and she found him grinning, white teeth flashing. God, he was really cute like that.

  “Was that a laugh? Did you laugh at me?” She couldn’t help grinning back.

  “You were pouting again.”

  “I was so not.”

  He shook his head and kept on driving. She didn’t remember the ride, didn’t glance once outside to see the landscape, or if she did, she didn’t notice anything. All she could see was his dark eyes, his silky black hair curling at his tanned neck, his wide shoulders, just like the first time she’d met him.

  Was that what they called lust at first sight — and ever after?

  Time sort of lurched and what felt like seconds later, he took an exit from the main road and the truck rolled through orchards and over a bridge. A stream ran below, sparkling in the sunlight.

  He stopped at a small store. “I’ll get some water.”

  “I’m coming with you.”

  They stepped into the tiny shop and selected water and juices from the fridge. He grabbed a couple bags of pistachios and she got cookies. The cashier eyed their selections, then scowled at Kai before cashing.

  As they turned to go, the cashier made the sign of the cross at Kai’s back and pretended to spit.

  Okay, this was getting old. “So what did you do?” she asked as they climbed back into the truck.

  “Do?” He turned on the car but his jaw was clenched tight.

  “Everyone glares at you and makes these averting signs. What happened?”

  He said nothing, closing his door and getting back onto the road. He drove down the hill, past a few lone houses, and stopped right on the edge of a cliff overlooking the sea. He switched off the engine.

  “Look, I’m sorry.” She really was, because he’d been happy and carefree a moment ago and now he had a furrow between his brows. “None of my business. I was just wondering what sort of crime you committed to be at the receiving end of such hatred.”

  “I committed no crime,” he muttered, staring at his hands, still gripping the wheel. “Is that what you think of me? Do I look to you like an axe murderer or something?”

  “No,” she said, “you don’t. Otherwise I wouldn’t be sitting here with you, would I?” She reached out for him but didn’t dare touch him, her hand hovering near his arm. “But why are they treating you like that?”

  “They’re angry with everything they don’t understand.” Said so low she barely heard it.

  “Like what?”

  “They think I’m something I’m not. I’m...” He clenched his hands until his knuckles shone white. “I’m human.”

  Okay, rewind. “They think you’re not human?” He looked perfectly human, right then. Perfectly, utterly vulnerable and sad. “Kai.”

  “I don’t know what they want from me.” It came out thin. “I’m here to find peace and I can’t...” He threw the door open and stumbled outside. He went to stand at the cliff, staring out at the sea, the wind whipping his short hair.

  She wished she knew what to do, what to say. But every possible word stoppered her throat when he took a step closer to the edge and fear blared inside her head.

  Not like Andria. She wasn’t letting it happen again.

  She fell out of the truck and ran to him. Grabbing his arm, she dug her fingers in and held on tight. “You don’t have to tell me,” she whispered, her voice so hoarse it hurt. “Everything will be okay.”

  ***

  They walked down to the beach, Olivia pulling Kai along. He was right, it was a beautiful spot. A tiny stretch of white sand surrounded by rocks and trees growing from the cl
iffs, creating pools of shade. The stream trickled through a crack, whispering its way down to the sea, a glistening path on the sand.

  “I’m sorry,” he said as she tugged him to the water’s edge.

  “What for?”

  He was silent for a while, as she toed off her sandals and let her toes sink into the cool sand. He was looking down, where her hand still gripped his arm. Frowning, but not angry. It was as if he was trying to figure out a puzzle. “I wanted you to be happy today.”

  “I am.” She closed her eyes and inhaled the sea and his scent, the musk of clean sweat and a hint of pinewood, probably his shampoo. “Really.”

  Her heart still raced. In her mind, she could still see him poised over the cliff, but she didn’t dare ask what he’d been thinking.

  He’s not Andria. He wouldn’t do it.

  But how could she be sure when she’d been so horribly wrong once already?

  “I’m going to bring down the things we bought,” he said and pulled away. She watched him walk back up to the car, her hand clenching on nothing.

  Pull yourself together or he’ll think he ruined the day.

  She splashed in the shallows, colorful pebbles in the water catching her attention. She bent over, gathering a few in her palm. They shimmered, polished smooth and veined with different minerals. From the corner of her eye she saw his tall form descend once more to the beach and her heart settled into a gentler rhythm.

  When had she gone from trying to make him laugh to making sure he wouldn’t vanish into the sea?

  He left their bags in the shade of a tree and sank next to them, leaning against the rocky cliff and spreading his long legs, crossing them at the ankles. He was looking at her, head tilted to the side, dark hair grazing his brows.

  The pebbles fell from her hand. Her feet moved, taking him toward him, her skin warm from his gaze. She dropped to sit next to him, hugging her knees. He still watched her under lowered lashes that hid his eyes.