Choosing Love

by Annie Boone

  Rebecca couldn’t help but notice, as she took cautious glances at the Jenkes’ other guest, that his gaze strayed back to her over, and over again. Her skin prickled with awareness, and she wished that somehow she could just become invisible. If she could magically disappear and find herself back at home where she was safe her heart would stop beating as if it was running a race in her chest.

  She wasn’t used to garnering attention from men and wished that Mama hadn’t made her wear such a gown, hadn’t pinned her hair this way. And most certainly she wished that she hadn’t applied rouge to her lips and cheeks, and kohl to outline her eyes. She felt very little like she thought a lady should feel dressed this way.

  Of course, Coby Jenkes had been staring at her in much the same way, since her family’s arrival. Coby’s gaze made her skin crawl as he lecherously joked with Papa and winked indecorously at her. Yet, somehow she didn’t expect anything else of him. For some utterly unexplainable reason, however, this man, with his smart suit, spectacles and quiet demeanor seemed infinitely more dangerous to her.

  “You’ve met Mr. Galsworthy, I presume,” Old Man Jenkes said, clearly glad to end his previous conversation, as he stood up from his chair by the fire, to shake the young man’s hand.

  Papa nodded. “Indeed. Well, I have at least seen him in church, and know who he is. Everyone speaks very highly of the town’s esteemed schoolmaster.”

  “You are too kind, and I am ashamed that we have not become better acquainted already, though that is something I would be delighted to remedy forthwith.” Hayden reached out to shake Papa’s hand, though his eyes glanced across the room to where Rebecca was sitting. The two men shook hands firmly, each taking the measure of the other.

  “This is my wife, Mrs. Emilia Holdsworth.” Papa gestured proudly to where Mama sat poker-straight on a high-backed chair by the window. “And over there, my daughter, Rebecca.” Papa nodded to where Rebecca had been asked to sit, by the fire and under the eagle-sharp gaze of Old Man Jenkes, who had sat back down in his favorite chair opposite her.

  Mama offered her hand, but did not stand, and the young gentleman bowed his head, as if to kiss it, but his lips, quite properly, never touched Mama’s lace glove. However, when he turned to repeat the gesture with Rebecca, she was shocked at the warmth of his breath against her skin, and the briefest, lightest touch of his lips against the back of her hand.

  Feeling utterly confused by the tingling sensations that this lightest of touches had caused, Rebecca snatched her hand from his and clutched it tightly against her heart. She bowed her head, wishing she could hide the flush of heat that seemed to have engulfed her, a heat she was sure must have her blushing brightest crimson. An interminable silence seemed to have taken over the room, and she felt that everyone was watching her and the handsome schoolmaster.

  After what felt like hours, but was probably only the shortest of moments, conversation around Rebecca seemed to have returned to its previous hubbub. Feeling a little more composed, she lifted her head and looked around the room. Coby Jenkes was watching her from his spot by the door with his eyes narrowed. He did not look pleased. Yet, as the bell to announce supper rang out loudly, he gallantly moved forward to offer her his arm, bestowing her with a bright smile.

  Rebecca forced herself to stand and accept his kind gesture with grace and dignity as her mother would. But, she couldn’t help herself from glancing back to see Mr. Galsworthy offer his arm to the youngest of Old Man Jenkes’ daughters, Allison, who accepted with a flirtatious giggle. She had to force herself to suppress an unwanted surge of jealousy. She shouldn’t begrudge her friend the attentions of a kind and good looking young man and she felt small and mean for doing so.

  Not surprisingly, Rebecca found herself seated beside Coby at the supper table, and she did her best to seem pleased as he pulled out her chair, and waited for her to stand in place before moving it closer to the table so she might sit. She truly couldn’t fault him on his manners this evening. He was attentive and kind to her, yet she couldn’t bring herself to like him. There was something oddly menacing hidden behind his geniality.

  Throughout the meal, Papa discussed business with Old Man Jenkes and Coby, while Mama sat poised and quiet at his side. Rebecca watched as Mr. Galsworthy and Allison chatted amicably. He’d removed his spectacles and his eyes were politely focused on his supper companion. Allison was positively glowing under his attentions, though the handsome young schoolmaster seemed oblivious to the young woman’s obvious affections for him.

  Poor Allison, Rebecca thought. Though she was young and vivacious, she had unfortunately inherited Old Man Jenkes’ long and rugged features, with her mother’s long, mouse-brown hair and bright blue eyes. On her, the combination was positively equine, and when she laughed, which was often, Rebecca had often thought that Allison sounded like she was neighing, too.

  However, Allison was sweet and kind. Unusual in a family that was generally nothing of the sort, and she and Rebecca had always been good friends. A part of Rebecca hoped that the young schoolmaster might see past Allison’s lack of physical beauty, and see the gentle and loving soul inside. But the jealous part of her, the one Rebecca was determined to tuck deep inside of her, wished he would only look upon her.

  As they finished a sweet and buttery pumpkin pie, Old Man Jenkes stood and a hush fell over the table. He looked at her, and then at his eldest son, and nodded a number of times in a smug and contented manner. “Thank you all for coming.” He steepled his fingers in front of his chest as he looked around the room.

  Rebecca felt her heart suddenly speed up. Her palms were damp and clammy. A feeling of dread overtook her.

  She had the strangest feeling that she might have missed some of the conversation occurring at the other end of the dining table. She had been too busy observing Mr. Galsworthy without his eyeglasses and being envious of the attentions he was paying to Allison. Her mind had been too occupied to pay attention to her parents, or to Old Man Jenkes.

  Surely, they weren’t going to announce her betrothal? Not without asking her?

  “It has been a most enjoyable evening,” Old Man Jenkes continued. “And though my Bessie is not with us, may she rest in peace, I know that she would be pleased at the news I have to impart. News that will make our gathering a real celebration.”

  Rebecca gasped. She wrung her hands anxiously under the table, as she bit painfully at her lip. She tried not to cry out, tried desperately to pin a smile on her face but she couldn’t.

  She knew she must look the very picture of dejection, and that Mama would take her to task for it when they returned home. But, she had begged not to be offered up like some prize heifer to Coby Jenkes and it would appear that all of her pleas had fallen on deaf ears. It seemed that the union of the two families, their lands and their herds was more important to her parents than their daughter’s happiness.

  She had never questioned how much her parents loved her until recently. She’d always accepted that parents loved their children and she’d taken it for granted. Now she had the confirmation that she would always come second to the needs of the ranch. At least she knew where she stood, now and that she was on her own to find some kind of solution to this mess.

  She couldn’t marry Coby Jenkes.

  She wouldn’t marry Coby Jenkes.

  “I am delighted to announce the future marriage of my son, Coby, to the lovely Miss Rebecca Holdsworth. I ask you all to celebrate their happiness,” Old Man Jenkes said proudly, as Rebecca’s heart shriveled.

  Coby smiled, looking for all the world like a cat who had somehow found its way into the dairy and had gotten into the vats of cream. He leant back, patting his large belly with his work-roughened hands, proudly accepting all the good wishes for his and Rebecca’s future together.

  Rebecca was mortified. She tried desperately to hold back the tears she could feel welling up inside her. She hardly dared look around the table, for fear of seeing pity in any one of the guests’ eyes.r />
  Taking a few deep breaths she steeled herself to bear it. Holding her head proudly, like Mama did, she looked at the man who was to be her husband. He reached over and took her hand in his.

  “I cannot tell you how happy this makes me,” he said, unusually gently.

  “And I,” Rebecca forced herself to respond. She would never shame her family in public by denying her acceptance, but she did not have to force herself to be happy about it.

  She knew she shouldn’t have looked in that direction, but she was sure that she saw a smirk on the lips of Harriet Gardener. She thought herself so superior to everyone because she had married Frederick Gardener and that they would soon be escaping Springville for a big city. But Rebecca knew that she and her husband would have to jump through all manner of hoops before Old Man Jenkes gave them the funds they required to do so. The old man liked to keep his family dancing to his tune. She would not be so amused when she learned what her own fate might entail.

  The women stood up to leave the table as a servant brought in a tray of port and cigars. Rebecca, for once, was glad of the opportunity to withdraw. She hurried to the drawing room, where she flung open the French doors and made her way out onto the porch. She stood, leaning against the railing, taking deep, heaving breaths.

  “You need to compose yourself better,” Mama said, her voice cold in Rebecca’s ear. She stood so close to her that Rebecca could feel the heat of her body along with the tension in every syllable that she didn’t doubt was mirrored in every muscle of her mother’s body. She couldn’t see her face at the moment, but she knew the hard stare without having to look into her mother’s eyes. “You knew this was coming. You could have at least tried to appear as if the match was to your liking.”

  “How dare you,” Rebecca spluttered, turning to face her mother. “You said there was time. You said that I did not have to accept yet. Then you go and accept for me, without even warning me? Behind my back!”

  “We will discuss this later. Allison and that spiteful Harriet will be here any moment,” Mama said sternly.

  “No, we shall discuss it now. Neither of them is a fool. Allison has been my friend all my life and she knows I have no desire to make this match. And I little care what Harriet thinks,” Rebecca retorted boldly. Suddenly, all the years of deference and being a good girl seemed pointless to her. Where had her doing as she was told, always trying to be everything her parents’ had asked of her, gotten her?

  “Everything your father has worked for will be for nothing, unless you marry Coby Jenkes,” Mama hissed. “We will be ruined. And it will be your fault.” Having said her piece, she swept back inside, where Allison had now appeared, carrying a tray of tea and an array of dainty pastries.

  Rebecca stayed on the porch for a moment, digesting what her Mama had revealed in her anger. Why had they not told her that things had gotten so bad? Rebecca had never heard anything other than that the ranch was doing well, though she knew how ambitious Papa was about how much more he could do. How could it be that if she did not marry Coby Jenkes that the family would be ruined?

  Allison seemed oblivious to the undercurrent of tension between Rebecca and her mother, nor the bitter ruminations of her elder sister. She chattered happily about Mr. Galsworthy, and how handsome he was and how wonderful it was that Rebecca would soon be her sister. Mama poured the tea and handed out plates of pastries, as Rebecca tried to sound enthusiastic about her friend’s hopes. But, she was glad when Papa appeared in the doorway announcing that it was time they returned home.

  Old Man Jenkes embraced her on the porch, as if she were already his daughter. He was clearly very happy that she would soon be part of his family. Allison hugged her tightly. “We shall have to go to Fort Worth, to the dressmakers to get new gowns,” she said excitedly. “You will be such a very beautiful bride.”

  “I am sure Mama and I would be most glad of your company,” Rebecca said sadly.

  But it wasn’t until Mr. Galsworthy stood forward to say his goodbyes that she realized just how unhappy she might be married to a man she could never love.

  As he took her hand she felt the surge of energy flood through her once more. She stared down at his bowed head and wished she could reach out and touch his hair She wanted to know if it was as soft as it looked. He raised his eyes to hers, and Rebecca noted that his eyes were the warmest of browns, and she was sure that she saw a flicker of regret in them. “Goodnight, and well met,” he said as though he were some character in a Shakespeare play. “I do wish I had had purpose to get to know you sooner.”

  Coby Jenkes rudely pushed Mr. Galsworthy to one side. Rebecca might well dismiss him as unpleasant, but he was no fool. It was clear that he could see the unexplainable connection between herself and the young schoolmaster and was not happy about it. “Your Papa has invited me to supper tomorrow evening, so we may discuss the plans for our nuptials,” he said loudly, looking meaningfully over at Mr. Galsworthy and then back to Rebecca. It was clear he was staking his claim.

  “I shall look forward to it,” Rebecca said as brightly as she could muster. He kissed the back of her hand, a wet kiss that left traces of his mouth on her skin. She longed to wipe it clean, surprised at the level of disgust she felt. But she did not do so, not wishing to offend Coby Jenkes, his family, or her own parents.

  Coby assisted her into the seat at the back of the gig, as Papa helped Mama onto the front bench. He hopped up beside his wife, and waved amiably to those gathered on the porch. They waved back and wished them a safe journey.

  Rebecca could hardly bear it. She wanted Papa to set off at a gallop, but when he clicked to the pony, they set off at the most sedate of walks. It seemed an interminably long time before they were finally out of sight of the house, and then she rubbed the back of her hand vigorously against the green velvet of her gown.

  She only wished she could erase the rest of the evening as easily as she’d wiped the traces of Coby’s kiss from the back of her hand. She’d give anything she owned to change the rest of her life as it stretched out unbearably ahead of her.

  Chapter Six

  The school was normally Hayden’s refuge. Yet in the days that followed the supper party at Old Man Jenkes’, his work with the children failed to keep his mind as busy as he would like. Every quiet moment seemed to be filled with thoughts of Rebecca Holdsworth, every busy one made him wonder if she would approve of what he was teaching the students.

  He wished he hadn’t set the children to quiet reading this afternoon, as a memory of the look on Miss Holdsworth’s face when her betrothal had been announced had surged into Hayden’s mind the very moment they all settled to read their books.

  Hayden had never seen anyone look so stunned, so unhappy, so angry, all at once.

  She had smothered her emotions so rapidly, that Hayden doubted whether anyone else would have seen the array of expressions that crossed her pretty face in that brief moment. He had only seen her reaction because he had been unable to tear his eyes from her all evening. Hayden had not been so entranced by a woman since Veronica. His wife had held his heart in her palm from the very first moment he saw her.

  And that bothered him, too.

  A strange feeling of guilt hung over him, whenever his mind drifted towards Miss Holdsworth. His loyalty and love had always been Veronica’s, and it seemed like he was betraying Veronica to even be thinking of another woman. Yet, his wife had been gone from him for a long time, and he knew that she would never have wanted him to be alone. She would have wished him happiness, a family and a life full of laughter.

  The sound of booted feet clattering along the corridor outside the classroom made Hayden look up. “Stay in your seats,” he told his class. “I shall be back in a moment.” The children did as they were told, but not one of them returned their eyes to their stories. They all watched as Hayden left the classroom and shut the door tightly behind him. Hayden looked along the corridor to see who was running, and saw a gangly youth headed his way.

>   “Sir, sir,” Dusty Chatham gasped as he came to a halt at Hayden’s feet.

  “Compose yourself, Dusty,” Hayden said calmly, reaching out a hand to steady the boy who had been moving at such a pace that his abrupt halt made him overbalance.

  “Sir, there is a fire in the store room, by our classroom!” Dusty was out of breath and his eyes were wide. He was terrified but brave. “Mr. Wimpole told me to come and fetch you, then raise the alarm.”

  “Then you have achieved part of your task. Get to the church as fast as you can, and ring the bell three times, Dusty. The townsfolk will come out. Tell them we need to get a chain of people from the well to the school as soon as possible.”

  The boy ran off, and Hayden took a deep breath before he re-entered his classroom. “Everyone on your feet,” he said keeping his tone even. “You will all leave the schoolhouse, in single file, from the main entrance, and will wait at the far end of the yard until I return. Stay together and do not stray from each other.”

  The children did as they were told. Hayden could hear a few of them murmuring to one another as he led them outside, but he didn’t have time to answer anyone’s questions. He was just glad that they were biddable and well-behaved at the moment he needed that most. Once they were away from the school, Hayden went back inside and alerted Mrs. Temple and Mrs. Tanner who quickly did the same with their classes, remaining outside to care for the children.

  The church bell sounded loudly. Three loud and long peals shattered the peace and quiet of the warm afternoon. Dusty had managed to get there swiftly. Hayden could only hope that the response from the people of Springville would be as prompt.