Choosing Love

by Annie Boone

  “I know you care, Rebecca. I appreciate it so much. We all do.” Allison reached over and squeezed her hand appreciatively.

  For a moment Rebecca felt guilty since her mind had wandered to the local school master and his handsome face. Now that she’d met Hayden Galsworthy, there was no other man who could measure up in her mind. Or her heart. Baffled at how she could feel this way about a man she barely knew, she pushed the thoughts away and tried to focus on Allison and her family as they faced the loss of their patriarch. “Can Dr. Hale truly do nothing to help him?”

  “He has left us some laudanum and told us to use it whenever Daddy needs it,” Allison said. “He demanded the entire bottle and said he was done with it all. I have never seen him so low. He has always fought against anyone who told him he can’t do something. He’s never given up on anything. It’s hard to watch.”

  “I am so sorry, Allison,” Rebecca said taking Allison’s hand and holding it tenderly. This time their hands held and they didn’t release each other so quickly. “I cannot imagine how you must be feeling.”

  “I am tired and sad. But, of course, my father is not a young man and he’s sick. If God will not heal him, I pray He will take Daddy to be with Him and my mother quickly. The pain is severe, and I wish he didn’t have to suffer so.”

  Rebecca was surprised at her friend’s sobering words, but couldn’t help but understand her feeling that way. She couldn’t imagine how hard it would be for her to see her own father so unwell, frail and unhappy. Rebecca hoped that she would be as unselfish as she thought Allison was being, though she doubted that she would be able to let her father go so easily.

  “Would you like to see him?” Allison asked. “I fear it may not be long before he passes from this life, so if you want to see him now is probably the best time.” She looked away, and Rebecca squeezed her hand tightly, trying to let Allison know that she understood how hard all of it was for her friend.

  “You do not need to show me up, take some time to rest,” Rebecca said, standing. “I know that you’ ve probably been up with him all night.”

  Allison gave her a rueful smile and leaned back in the rocking chair. “I am weary, but I can rest once he no longer needs me. I trust that God’s will in the life of my family must come to pass here very soon. My faith remains strong in spite of my sadness and dread of what’s coming.”

  The inevitability of it all, and Allison’s acceptance of it, played on Rebecca’s mind as she made her way up the stairs. Her friend’s faith was inspiring. So much around her was inspiring. The bravery of Mr. Galsworthy in taking quick action on the day of the fire stirred her heart, but for different reasons than the spiritual encouragement she took from Allison. She shook her head in an effort to banish him from her mind and focus on the task at hand—to comfort Old Man Jenkes on his deathbed.

  Continuing up the stairs, she breathed deeply and bit her bottom lip. All things happen as they must. For now, her mind would be on supporting her friend in a time of need. Nothing more.

  Chapter Nine

  Old Man Jenkes must be asleep as there was no sound. But, as she drew nearer to his sick room, she could hear a rhythmic wheeze. She pinned a smile to her face and took a deep breath before she entered the chamber. The room was dark, with heavy velvet drapes pulled almost all the way across the windows. There was a strong smell of lye soap and stale sweat. Her stomach rolled but she did her best to not recoil. At least she’d taken something from her mother and was able to handle a distasteful situation with a bit of grace.

  Coby sat in a chair by his father’s bed. He jumped to his feet as Rebecca entered and hastened to her side. “Good day,” he said, bowing his head over her hand and pressing a gentle kiss just above her knuckles.

  “And to you, Mr. Jenkes,” she said politely. Again, she had to control her revulsion and she did so with only the slightest grimace. He never saw it because she’d recovered by the time he raised his head. “How is he today?”

  “You can see, he is a shadow of himself. No day is a good day for him any longer.” Coby’s voice was choked with emotion.

  “I am sorry, indeed.”

  “He has always been such a fighter. I thought he’d live forever.” Coby looked at the floor and then at his frail father sleeping fitfully.

  Rebecca was surprised at his tone. Coby had always been such a brash and tough character, but he sounded like a lost, little boy. “None of us can manage that feet.” She kept her voice low and soft. She realized he needed some comfort and it was her duty to provide that as much as she could. “No matter how brave and strong we may seem, none of us will escape death when it’s our time.”

  “Thank you for coming, you don’t need to, though.” Coby smiled weakly and looked quickly at the floor. “Nobody expects it of you, yet you are here almost every day. Thank you.”

  Her mother expected it of her, as would most people. As his future bride it was her place to be here to support him and her friend Allison through this difficult time. But, Rebecca would have come anyway. She truly cared for these people in her own way. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Coby, it was more that she thought of him in the same way she thought of her papa’s other friends. An uncle or cousin and not as a suitor. Certainly not a husband. She had to control the shudder that threatened to run down her spine at the thought of marrying this man.

  “I have known all of you since the day Papa brought us here to Springville when I was just a girl,” she said truthfully. “You are as good as family to me, whether or not we were betrothed to be married. Your father has always been kind to me, and you know how closely I cherish my friendship with Allison.”

  Coby scratched at his stubbled chin. Rebecca could hear the sound as his roughened skin rubbed over the hard bristles. To think that it would not be long before she would be expected to acquiesce to his kisses made Rebecca’s stomach churn even more. Pushing these thoughts away was proving to be more difficult than ever before.

  “You’re a good girl, Rebecca,” Coby said quietly. “You deserve better.”

  “Than you?” she asked, surprised at the gentleness in his tone and the sentiment he was expressing in equal measure. He laughed at her response.

  “I know that my Daddy pushed you into marrying me. And I also know you don’t want to do it.” Coby’s blue eyes fixed on hers. Rebecca squirmed under his close scrutiny but she couldn’t look away even though she wanted to. Mama would be so cross if she didn’t take the opportunity to reassure him that their marriage was her choice, too.

  “But, of course I—” Rebecca tried to protest, but Coby grinned at her then cut her off.

  “You don’t need to pretend any more. Your mama isn’t here.” He looked over at his father and shrugged. “And he can’t hear you, and he certainly doesn’t care what’s going on in this world any longer. I know you’re a good girl and you think you need to do as you’re told. You always have, though I know there’s some rebellion in there you hide most of the time. You are sweet and kind, and I know you hate to upset anybody. You’re a very pretty girl, and any man would be lucky to have you as his wife. But the truth is that I don’t wish to marry you either.”

  The admission surprised her, though strangely, it wasn’t the shock it might have been had he said it before they’d become betrothed. “But, you always seemed to look at me as if you might eat me alive,” she said, with a nervous laugh.

  “Daddy wanted it so badly. I wanted to please him and I knew he’d never believe it if he thought I didn’t desire a future with you as my wife. He wanted me to be a chip off the old block. He expected me to be what he considered a manly sort. He was well known by the saloon girls in town. He embarrassed my mother on more than one occasion.” His eyes flashed with sudden anger.

  Rebecca was surprised at what he was saying. Old Man Jenkes had always seemed to be in mourning for his long lost wife, the idea that he had been unfaithful throughout their marriage didn’t make sense with what she’d seen from him. “Oh my. I had no
idea.”

  He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m sorry. I must have made you very uncomfortable at times.” Coby’s eyes seemed to plead for her to grant him her forgiveness.

  “You’ve been trying to be someone you’re not, too?” Rebecca said shaking her head, as she tried to make sense of everything she was learning.

  “I figured you were putting a brave face on things just like I was. It’s hard, isn’t it? Trying to do what they want of you, while trying to be true to yourself?”

  “Our parents want the best for us.”

  “Maybe,” Coby said thoughtfully. “But maybe they just want to call the shots. To insist upon their way.”

  She nodded. “Perhaps they want what they think is best rather than what they know. So, you do not wish to marry me?”

  “Nope,” Coby drawled. “No, ma’am, I do not. I’ll leave that honor to a man who wants you and deserves you. And I know you have no wish to walk down the aisle with me.”

  “I must confess, I would rather not.” Rebecca blushed as she said it. She’d never been so blunt about anything in her life before. “I care for you, but to me you are more like my Uncle Will, a kindly protective figure. Not a future husband. But Papa needs access to your lands. Mama said that without it we cannot survive.”

  “I don’t think we need to get hitched just to offer your Papa the benefits of a partnership with our ranch. It makes sense for us to work together. Always did make sense, honestly. Daddy just thought that marriage would be the best way to make an agreement stick. I don’t agree. You see, I don’t want to marry anyone, so don’t take it personally. I’m happy on my own, always have been and expect to always be happy that way. I’d be a terrible husband since I’d always be in the saloon or working with the herd. That’s just how it is.”

  “There are few men who would be so honest.” Rebecca was reeling, wondering if this strange conversation was really just a dream. She feared that in a moment she might wake up and find she would still have to wed a man she didn’t love. She pinched herself sharply. “Ouch!” Clearly, she was awake. She looked up and Coby was laughing at her.

  He suddenly stopped laughing and his expression sobered. “Rebecca, I like your papa and I trust him. I’d rather we just work together and not be related by marriage.”

  “You truly wish to call off our engagement?” Rebecca hardly dared to believe that she might be free to go her own way.

  “We’ll wait until after my daddy is gone, but I’d say we both want to call it off, don’t we?” Coby said with a brotherly smile and a wink. Rebecca smiled back.

  “You will take the blame?” She couldn’t stop the sudden fear that filled her heart. A girl who has been jilted would struggle to ever find another suitor. But, if she was the one to have requested the break because of his failings, the stigma would not be so harsh.

  “I’ll tell anyone who cares to listen that I’m a drinker and a gambler and that I am unwilling to change for a wife. I doubt anyone will have a hard time believing I could be a bad sort,” Coby joked. “Even your mama can’t argue with that kind of thing. It would be a reckless parent indeed that let their child wed a man who wouldn’t care for her and may end up losing everything they have.”

  “Thank you,” Rebecca said fervently. “Thank you, so very much. I must admit I feel it is most unfair that you should have to shoulder the blame. You know how it is, though.”

  “I do. And don’t worry about me. I can take the gossip and ignore it, of that I can assure you,” Coby said, giving her arm an unexpected squeeze as he left the room, leaving Rebecca alone with Old Man Jenkes.

  Rebecca could hardly contain her happiness, though she knew that any expression of joy would be in the poorest of taste given the circumstances. She looked down at the dying man and wondered what he or her mama would say if they knew of the conversation that had just passed between their children. Rebecca couldn’t help but think that Old Man Jenkes would have understood far better than her mother.

  Rebecca simply did not understand why her mother had been so vehemently in favor of a match who would make her daughter so dreadfully unhappy. Mama would probably insist that Rebecca accept that no husband is faithful or free from strong drink. She’d say that to call of a betrothal for such a thing would seem churlish. But Papa would be on her side, Rebecca was sure of that.

  She leaned over the bed and pressed a daughterly kiss to the old man’s brow. His skin was paper-dry and grey. She noticed a washstand in the corner of the room and went to it. Rebecca poured water from the pitcher into the basin, the tinkling of the cool liquid against the china bowl echoed in the silent chamber. Two cloths hung from a rail beneath the bowl and Rebecca chose the clean, dry one and took the bowl over to the bed.

  She dunked the cloth into the water, and then wrung it out carefully before she slowly smoothed the cloth over the man’s skin. He sighed and shifted a little in the bed but didn’t wake. She watched as his eyes darted behind the closed lids and wondered what he might be dreaming about. Did he still plot and scheme, even as he should be preparing to meet his maker?

  Allison appeared in the doorway, as Rebecca had just finished washing and drying Old Man Jenkes’ feet. “You did not need to do that,” she said, but Rebecca could see that her friend was grateful that she had one less task to undertake.

  “It is a small thing, but it made me feel I had a purpose being here,” Rebecca said honestly. “Is there anything else I might do for you?”

  “No, all there is left to do is wait,” Allison said sadly, as she moved to the side of the bed and sat down in the chair Coby had been lounging in when Rebecca arrived. Allison took her father’s hand and kissed it gently.

  “Do you want me to wait with you?”

  “No, I think there are enough people here to mark his passing, though only Coby and myself truly care.”

  Rebecca had never heard such truth out of Allison before, and it was certainly rare to see anger in her friend’s eyes. But it was there today. “Your brothers and sisters are not helping out?” Rebecca enquired.

  “No. They descended like a pack of hungry wolves and are eating us out of house and home. Not one of them has come in here to help with Daddy. And not a soul has offered to help me around the house. I am cooking for at least twenty people every day, cleaning up after them, and nursing Daddy. Coby has his own work to do on the ranch so he can’t help me out. But they just sit and gossip, waiting for him to go. Vultures, that’s what they are, Rebecca.” Allison’s voice was filled with anger and hurt. “Just waiting to see what he has left them in his will. I can’t believe this is my family.”

  “Do you think he did not know who truly cared? Who would carry on his legacy?” Rebecca asked gently. “He knew that the future of the ranch is up to Coby and you. He’ll not have forgotten that.”

  “Oh, I don’t care about what he leaves me. I would rather he was still here than have all the money in the world and you know that,” Allison said, defensively.

  “I do know that,” Rebecca said, putting out a hand to let her friend know that she had meant no offense. “I know how much you love him. And everyone else knows, too.”

  “I just don’t want them to force us to sell up so they all get their share. This is our home, and the ranch is Coby’s life. All they want is a bit more to feather their nests in Fort Worth and Dallas. None of them cares about us or what Daddy toiled and sweated to build for us all.”

  Rebecca pressed a kiss to her friend’s forehead, and Allison smiled weakly at her. “You should go, I am sure you have your own chores.”

  “If there is anything I can do, don’t be afraid to ask,” Rebecca said earnestly. “You cannot do all of this alone.”

  Allison sat quietly for a moment, as though she was wrestling with her thoughts. She looked up at Rebecca finally. “You have your gig with you today, don’t you?” Rebecca nodded. Allison had seen her pull up, it wasn’t a question that really needed answering. “I have not had time to bake. Could
you perhaps get me ten loaves from the bakery? And, Coby said something about an order he had placed at the general store that he had no time to collect. Might you have the time to do that for me? I hate to ask.”

  “You cannot do everything, Allison,” Rebecca said firmly. “I will be delighted to be of help to you, and to Coby.”

  Chapter Ten

  The general store was busy this morning. Hayden waited patiently to be able to speak with Mr. Wilson, looking at the range of hammers and lathes that were on display. He needed to fix the back door, and was sure it was a small enough job that he could handle it. The store was only small, but somehow Mr. Wilson had managed to fit rows and rows of shelves filled with all manner of items, giving the place an eclectic and quirky feel. Hayden liked it a lot, it reminded him of Grandpapa’s workshop. The place was a jumbled up mess only his grandfather had known where things were.

  Finally, the storekeeper smiled at him. “Mr. Glasworthy, and how may I help you today?” Slipping a hand into the watch pocket on his vest, he held out his right hand for Hayden to shake. “Some kind of critter smashed into my back door.” Hayden shook his head and grinned as he explained. “I need a couple of small planks, about this size,” he held his hands up to show what size he needed. “I guess I need a hammer, some nails, and a good saw, too. And I think that should do it.”

  Mr. Wilson moved deftly between the shelves, picking up the items Hayden had requested. He placed them on the counter and then using a small pencil he kept behind his ear he jotted the items down on a pad, and then pushed it to Hayden.

  He picked it up and glanced down. His eyebrow arched and he tilted his head to the side as he looked back at the shop keeper. “You’ve not charged me enough.”

  “After what you did to save the children of this town a small discount is the very least I can offer you,” Mr. Wilson said with a deep chuckle.

  “Thank you, but it isn’t necessary. I’m happy to pay your regular rate, and anyone would have done the same as I did.”