Wisdom (My Blood Approves series)

by Amanda Hocking

  “The only child vampire we have here is Milo upstairs, and you just kicked his ass,” I said.

  I wanted to look over at Ezra to see how he reacted, but I knew that’d give something away. Milo had stopped groaning upstairs, and his bones weren’t cracking, but I couldn’t see him or Jack.

  “I don’t know if I should believe you.” Thomas crossed his arms over his chest, staring at me with false contemplation. “I want to, but something about you just screams ‘liar’ to me.”

  “I don’t know what I can say to make you believe me,” I told them honestly.

  “I tend to think that people are most honest under pressure,” Thomas said, and Dane stepped forward.

  “I have already told you everything!” I shouted and put my hands up. I’m not sure if Dane meant to hurt me or kill Bobby or what, but I didn’t want to find out.

  “Really?” Thomas asked. “Are you sure?”

  “This serial killer, he killed my best friend Jane, and I’ve been hunting all over for him,” I said hurriedly, thinking if I said it quickly it would make it more believable. “I know that the killer is a vampire, that he’s branding the girls, and he wants to get caught. He wants people to know that it was a vampire, but I don’t know why. He knew Jane, but I don’t even know if it is a him. It could be a girl. Or it could be a group. Or it could be… anybody.”

  “You don’t know why he wants to get caught?” Samantha looked at me seriously.

  “No. I have no idea why,” I said.

  Samantha stared at me a moment longer, but my answer seemed to satisfy her. She looked over at Thomas, and finally, he nodded. Dane rolled his eyes and groaned, so I assumed it was good news for us.

  “We won’t be wasting any more of your time,” Samantha said shortly.

  “Sorry to bother you,” Thomas added.

  The three of them turned to leave. Dane hissed at Bobby as he walked past, and Bobby jumped in surprise, then scoffed at himself. As soon as they left out the front door, I ran upstairs to see Milo with Bobby hot on my heels.

  Milo was shirtless, slumped against the wall. His eyelids were half-open, and one of his sides was swollen and red, looking strangely lumpy. His left arm hung at an odd angle, and his skin had turned almost purplish around it. The cheek below his eye was puffy and covered in drying blood.

  “He’s okay,” Jack said when I fell on my knees next to Milo. Jack was crouched down next to him, watching him.

  “Are you sure?” I asked, confused by how horrible a vampire could look after a fight. “What happened to him?”

  “Milo? Can you hear me?” Bobby asked. He sat on the other side of Milo, afraid to touch him, and tears filled his eyes.

  “You should let him sleep,” Jack told him. “He had a lot of broken bones, and the more injuries he has, the longer it takes to heal. I gave him some of my blood to speed it up, and he should be alright soon.”

  “Should I give him my blood too?” Bobby sniffled and wiped at his nose.

  “No, my blood is stronger,” Jack said. “He will be fine. I promise.”

  “Oh my god.” I let out a massive sigh of relief and ran my hand through my hair.

  Milo had just had the shit seriously beaten out of him because of me, because I wouldn’t let Jane’s death go. It made me want to throw up, but when I remembered how Jane had felt when she died, I knew I couldn’t stop.

  “So.” Jack turned to look at me, his voice cool and even. “What the hell have you been doing?”

  20

  After I got Milo comfortable in his room, I left Bobby to care for him, and I went downstairs to where Jack and Ezra waited for me. Jack had gotten dressed and paced the living room. The patio door was still wide open, letting in a cold wind and the morning sunlight. Some snow had drifted into the house, but nobody seemed to notice or mind.

  I sat down on the couch, and Ezra sat on the chair across from me. Even though he knew what I’d been up to, the fact that I’d failed to mention the vampire hunters was a pretty big deal. Jack refused to sit down, and instead paced the room with his arms crossed over his chest.

  “What do you guys want to know?” I asked, swallowing hard.

  “Tell me everything,” Jack said simply.

  Taking a deep breath, I started from the beginning. I even told them about things they knew, like how I’d felt so helpless after the lycan attacked and I vowed to never feel that way again. I told them how it felt when I bit Jane, and how sad and lonely she was. How she called me from rehab and told me that was the only time she’d felt like someone cared about her.

  I even told them what I’d learned from Peter, and how I felt her die. And about how I had decided I would stop the monster that had killed her almost right away, and everything I had done to find him. How I’d taken Bobby along with me, and he was the only one who knew exactly what I’d been doing.

  Once I began talking, it all poured out of me, and I couldn’t stop. I’d hated keeping this all from Jack, and I wanted him to know.

  “And that’s everything,” I said at the end, staring up at them, and Jack stopped pacing.

  When I told him everything I’d learned about the killer, all the information I had to help me catch him, I had been hoping he would get excited too, he’d want to join in the hunt.

  But then I saw the way he looked at me. His blue eyes were like ice still, and he kept his emotions locked away from me, shoved down so deep, I could only feel him buzzing, like a livewire.

  “Why didn’t you tell me about the hunters?” Ezra asked, and I was relieved he spoke first.

  “I don’t know. I didn’t…” I shook my head. “I thought you’d try to stop me if you knew.”

  “That’s exactly why you should’ve told me.” He sighed and leaned back. “I never should’ve told you anything. You’re clearly not mature enough to handle any of this.”

  “That’s not fair!” I shouted. “How was I supposed to know they’d track me down like that? Who the hell are they, anyway? And what did they mean when they asked if I was part of the ‘movement?’”

  “They’re vampire hunters. They keep order, by any means necessary.” Ezra rubbed his hands together and looked down at the floor. “It’s my fault they’re here.”

  “What? Did you call them?” I asked.

  “No, I talked to the Commissioner after you asked me about the branding,” Ezra sighed. “I told him I thought it might be a vampire. So he called in the hunters. They usually work for humans, dispatching of a problem people can’t.”

  “So the police hired them?” I furrowed my brow. “But… I thought they weren’t getting paid.”

  “I’m sure they are getting paid to catch the serial killer, but I think they’re freelancing, too.” Ezra glanced up at Jack, who had yet to say anything, and he leaned forward. “There is a movement among vampires to stop hiding. It’s not a large movement. Most of us are content to live the way we do because it is much simpler. If people knew we existed, they’d hunt us, and even if they didn’t kill us, it would be irritating.”

  “You mean like on True Blood?” I asked. “Where vampires ‘come out of the coffin’ and we all live as equals? Or try to, anyway?”

  “No. These vampires don’t want to be equal. They want to rule humans,” Ezra said. “Humans are our food, and some vampires think they should be treated as such. Branded and kept in pens like cattle.” He lowered his eyes, shifting in the chair. “The hunters wouldn’t be out of a job, necessarily, but they would have less work. Most of what they do is keeping the peace for humans or keeping vampires a secret.”

  “Okay. So I get why they were so pissed about me because they thought I was working with the ‘movement’ to put them out of a job. But why did they care about Daisy?” I asked.

  “Child vampires are unstable and volatile. Let one loose for a day, and the whole world would know about vampires,” Ezra said. “And Mae let her loose in Australia.”

  “How did they even find about that?” I asked.


  “Word travels,” he shrugged. “The Commissioner might’ve mentioned something about the missing child, and it’s common knowledge that Mae has moved out. Vampires have a lot of time on their hands to gossip.”

  “The hunters think she did that to attract attention,” I said as it dawned on me. “And if everyone learned about vampires that way, with the serial killer and a crazy murderous child, humans would be terrified. They’ll want to hunt us down and kill us, and that would give the ‘movement’ of vampires all the ammo they would need to round up the humans and turn them into cattle.”

  “Exactly,” Ezra said. “The hunters are trying to stop that from happening. In this case, they are helping.”

  “But they’re assholes!” I yelled and gestured upstairs. “They broke into our house, beat us up, threatened our lives! That’s the good guys?”

  “Alice, there are no good guys,” Ezra said, giving me a hard look. “We’re vampires, and no matter what we do or strive for, that fact doesn’t change. We aren’t the good guys.”

  “Yeah, I’m starting to figure that out.” I bit my lip and leaned back on the couch.

  “You’ve been busy figuring out a lot of things lately,” Jack said, and I lifted my head to look up at him. His voice stayed even, but he had to fight to keep it that way.

  “Jack, I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you any-”

  “Really? You’re sorry?” Jack asked. “Were you sorry last week when I asked you what was going on when you said nothing? Were you sorry a few hours ago when I asked you directly what you were doing and you lied to my face? Were you sorry when I was beating myself about this distance between us because you’ve been sneaking around and lying to me? Is that when you were sorry?”

  “Jack, I had to do this! I had to help her!” I leaned forward, pleading with him.

  “She is dead, Alice! You can’t help her!” Jack shouted. “You lied to me! You lied to Milo and put yourself in danger! You put Bobby in danger! What the hell were you thinking? He’s human! He nearly died tonight! Because of you!”

  “I know that.” Bitter tears stung my eyes and I looked toward the floor. “Believe me, I know that. But I don’t know what else I was supposed to do.”

  “After you kissed Peter last year, I begged you, I fucking begged you not to do that again!”

  “I didn’t kiss him again!” I shouted, looking up sharply.

  “No, Alice.” He smiled sadly and shook his head. “That’s not what I meant. I asked you never to break my trust again.”

  “I’m sorry.” My voice quavered, and a tear slid down my cheek. “I’m really sorry, Jack. I didn’t think I had a choice.”

  “That’s the thing with you. You never think you have a choice, but you always do.” He bit his lip and shook his head. “But you wish you didn’t.” He looked away from me. “Sometimes, I think you wish you’d never met me, there had never been a choice between me and Peter.”

  “No, Jack, that’s not true!” I stood up. “That’s not true at all! I love you!”

  “Oh, yeah, I know you do.” He nodded, and his mouth twitched in a way that I knew he was holding back tears. “You love me so much, and that just really sucks for you. Cause if you didn’t have that, you could just do whatever you wanted. You could be human or a little vampire Nancy Drew or hook up with any of my brothers. If only you didn’t have to worry about me.”

  “Jack, no.” I shook my head. “This is one stupid thing. This is a mistake. I did something stupid, but it was just something stupid. I know that you’re mad because I lied, but I lied about something little. I didn’t cheat on you. I didn’t hurt anybody.”

  “You repeatedly lied to my face and snuck around behind my back, and I believed you. You’re missing the point, Alice. I can’t trust you anymore.”

  “No,” I insisted. “I won’t lie to you ever again. When you asked me not to break your trust, you told me it didn’t matter. You told me you would forgive me of anything, and I’m not asking you to. I’m asking you to forgive me of this one thing. This one last thing.”

  “I did say that.” His voice was so quiet, I barely heard it, and his blue eyes swam with tears. “But you know what? I lied too.”

  All the strength drained me from me, and I fell to the ground on my knees. Too much had happened, and hearing him say that felt like something had ripped open inside me. I couldn’t even cry, it hurt too much.

  “Alice.” Ezra came to my side, putting his arm around me. “It’s alright.”

  “What’s going on?” Leif asked.

  I heard him, but I couldn’t see him. I couldn’t lift my head. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, trying to hold in the pain. I had to physically hold myself, or I knew I would fall apart. I gulped down air, desperate to keep back the vomit that threatened to come up.

  “What the hell did you do to her?” Leif got in Jack’s face. “Did you hit her?”

  “I would never hit her! And she’s the one-” Jack pointed at me, then shook his head. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter. You should just be happy, because now she’s free to do whatever she wants!”

  “Whatever you did to her, fix it! Apologize to her!” Leif shouted.

  “I didn’t do anything wrong!” Jack yelled back. “And what the hell is your deal? Why do you even care? If I break up with my girlfriend, why is it any of your damn business?”

  “Because I’m her father!” Leif shouted.

  21

  I will say this for Leif – he managed to shock me out of my pain. I stared up at him, momentarily forgetting the horrible rift inside me at the thought of life without Jack. Leif sheepishly looked back at me, his dark eyes meeting mine.

  “Sorry. I didn’t want to tell you that way,” Leif said, shoving his hands in his dirty pants pockets.

  “Is this some kind of sick joke?” Jack asked, but all the anger had left his voice.

  Somewhere inside me, I knew it was true. Maybe I had before he said it. Something had been there, a connection I had always felt with him but couldn’t explain.

  “You have Milo’s eyes,” I whispered. They were the same deep brown and reminded me of a puppy, the way Milo’s always had.

  “Actually, he has my eyes,” Leif smiled and shifted uneasily.

  “Wait.” Jack looked between the two of us. “You guys aren’t serious? Are you?” He turned to Ezra. “He can’t be serious. It’s not possible. Is it?”

  “It is.” Ezra still had his hand on my back, and he sounded reluctant to answer. “It’s rare, but it’s possible.”

  I tried to stand up, but my legs felt rubbery underneath me. Leif moved to help me, but Ezra was already at my side, beating him to it. I walked closer to Leif, and nothing had ever felt so surreal. I reached out to touch him. I expected my hand to go through him like he was a mirage, but it didn’t.

  My fingertips brushed against his cheek, and his skin felt smooth and cool, like my own. I gaped at him, and let my hand fall, unable to do anything except try to process this.

  “You’re my father,” I breathed, and he nodded. “How old are you?”

  “I was born 54 years ago, but I was only 22 when I turned,” Leif said.

  That made it all the more unreal. I was eighteen, and my father looked like he was only four years older than me. It was strange that I hadn’t noticed how much he looked like Milo before. People meeting them together would think they were brothers.

  “How did you find me?” I asked.

  “I…” He lowered his eyes, and his cheeks reddened. “I wasn’t looking for you. I didn’t find you.”

  “What?”

  “I didn’t know you and Milo were my children until a few weeks ago,” Leif swallowed and pursed his lips.

  “How could you not know?” I took a step back, feeling betrayed by that statement.

  Ezra moved in closer to me, in case I needed his support, but Jack stood off to the side of the room, unsure with how to react to any of this.

  “You were so young the last time I saw
you, and Milo wasn’t even born yet.” His dark eyes were sad and pleading. “I didn’t even know I had a son. Your mother had just found out she was pregnant.”

  “You left us,” I said softly and took another step back. “You left us, and I don’t even remember you.”

  “Alice, I had to leave you.” Tears filled his eyes. “I thought…” He rubbed his mouth and lowered his eyes. “I loved Anna very much, but we hadn’t been together that long when she got pregnant with you. I didn’t have time to think about what it would be like. And I loved you. I still love you so much, you and Milo. I left to protect you.”

  “How could you not know I was your daughter?” I repeated, louder this time. “How could you love me so much and not know?”

  “Do you know how many girls I saw that I thought were you?” Leif asked. “Every time I saw a little girl, I’d wonder if that could be you. Every time I heard the name Alice, I wondered if it were you. Eventually, I just… I numbed myself to the idea.”

  “I don’t even know what that means.” I wiped at my eyes to stop tears before they fell.

  “I didn’t let myself think about you anymore, or worry about you or your mother or your brother,” Leif said. “I knew I would outlive you, and I couldn’t deal with that. I tried to blot you out of my mind.”

  “It was my birthday last month! And you didn’t think, ‘I had a daughter named Alice eighteen years ago today?’ That never even occurred to you?”

  “I didn’t know you were eighteen, and I didn’t…” He shook his head. “You look nineteen, but you’re a vampire. You could’ve been a hundred for all I knew.”

  “What about Milo? You didn’t put that together?” I asked.

  “I didn’t even know he was your real brother,” Leif admitted. “I thought he was a brother like the way Ezra and Jack are brothers. He wasn’t even born when I left, and the last time I saw you, you were living in Idaho. I had no reason to think…