Cravings (Fierce Hearts)

by Crandall, Lynn

  “Hey, Asher, you look serious.” A coworker, Doug Henry, slapped him on the shoulder. The atmosphere in the sports department was typically jovial and laid back—except when the local sports teams weren’t playing well. “You got media day at the basketball stadium on campus? I know how you love all that craziness.” The man’s voice was heavy with sarcasm.

  “Ah, yeah. I’ve got that this afternoon.”

  “Any predictions on the game?” The man took the chair beside Asher’s desk and waited.

  As Asher’s mind caught up with thoughts of what he’d just read and a possible connection to The Nexus Group, Asher reached into his center, the place where he felt the flow of life energy, and directed it gently toward his coworker. From his mind he added thoughts to the flowing energy, suggestions to end this boring conversation and step away.

  “Well, I guess you haven’t pinned down the predicted winner yet.” He stood and smiled. “I’ll let you get back to work,” he muttered, then walked back to his own desk.

  Asher sighed, a combination of relief and guilt. Sure, he could have just told the guy to get lost. Offer up some nice excuses for ending the conversation. But it was so much easier to simply nudge, and in this case there was no harm done. In fact, it was better to end the pointless conversation and focus on this drug company he’d read about. If it were in some way connected to The Nexus Group, he was better not to waste his time in mindless chitchat and instead spend it on digging for the truth. Kennedy’s life and those of his fellow colony cats could be at stake.

  Chapter Two

  Kennedy watched through the window as Tizzy’s students ran off their energy on the playground. The second graders laughed and played on the equipment with abandon the way most kids would. It brought out a smile on her face. An impulse surged through her to join them in that easy abandon. Resisting the ingrained pattern of tamping down her spontaneous urges, she walked out of the empty classroom and headed down the hall to the library.

  As her feet stepped into the hushed ambiance of books and students studying, disappointment hammered through her at never having known something so beautiful existed for children. She’d been homeschooled by her mother and spent most of her time alone or with her handlers, the men who’d schooled her on various forms of self-defense, weaponry, and self-control. Although her parents had a son, Randy, he was older and lived a different life without her in it.

  Kennedy walked slowly around the tall shelves of books, pulling in the scent of paper and age. She’d had books, but never of her own choosing. Never princess or unicorn books to read for pleasure, just tactical and political tomes to memorize, histories of strategic warfare, and other topics useful to her intended role. Her parents had told her for as far back as she could remember that even as a freak, she had a special role in making the world a better place. They were the authorities, so she had believed them. In her mind she’d imagined herself a princess guiding her kingdom. But as she’d grown older and the training had become harsher and more specific, she’d asked them what was she being prepared for? It had started to grind in her stomach that all the decisions about her life had been made by her parents. She had been given no choice, asked for no input. But she could put two and two together and come to a conclusion. Her parents and The Nexus Group intended to use her to gain power. Looking around at the results of their activities, she’d seen death and harm. The more she’d learned, the further into herself she’d crawled. She hadn’t wanted to know what the future held. Fear kept her mind from pursuing anything that concerned her parents’ plans for her.

  In the cultural arts section, she found what she was looking for. An instruction book on basic dance steps would fit the bill. It would give her an easy way to join with the kids in the simple pleasure of movement.

  She thumbed through the pages, her eyes scanning across each one. Her lids fluttered furiously as her brain absorbed the words. Images of the instructions brought the words to life, and she envisioned the holds and the steps fluidly taking her over.

  She gently replaced the book to its designated spot on the shelf and returned to Tizzy’s classroom. When Tizzy came back in, Kennedy laid out her idea. She would lead the children in a dance later in the afternoon.

  “I think that’s a wonderful idea.” Tizzy’s excitement bubbled from her as it typically did, smoothing the awkwardness that pumped through Kennedy’s veins.

  The students hung up their coats after recess and prepared at their desks for the afternoon’s English and math lessons. The room fairly buzzed with excitement, because Tizzy had told them Kennedy would be doing something special with them later.

  Finally, it was her turn, and Kennedy had to put on her best façade to present an assured and friendly face while inside she wanted to hide. She was breaking the rules that had been pounded into her. Engaging in fun and interacting with others was prohibited.

  Trembling, she took a girl by the hand and led her to the front of the classroom. “Angela, would you like to dance?”

  Tizzy played a song from her playlist on her computer. Shining faces watched Kennedy move to the music, leading the young girl in the simple steps. When the music ended, they both bowed and the children clapped appreciatively.

  “Thank you,” she said to the girl and the students. Kennedy’s smile spread naturally across her face. The dance had been all that she’d hoped for, releasing tension and stress as she expressed her inner dancer for the first time ever.

  “Who’s next?” Tizzy asked, and the room filled with waving arms.

  The dancing went on until it was time for the afternoon bell. Kennedy couldn’t remember ever smiling and laughing so much. As the students filed out into the hall to go home, she glowed. She’d never known she liked to dance. It was not something that was allowed in her life with her parents and her handlers.

  “That was a great idea, Kennedy.” Tizzy prepared her things to leave soon. “Your dancing was beautiful.”

  Kennedy thanked her and finished straightening the room. “I had fun.” She kept to herself that she’d employed her special ability in her plan to entertain the kids. The longing to enjoy the full-body bliss of being a part of something, like she’d seen when she’d watched the children play outside, remained quietly tucked away in her brain, where she could sit with them and savor them all by herself. No one would understand that the pleasure of dancing and the memories were too precious, too delicate, and too close to summoning the beast that trampled on her heart at the slightest break of the rules.

  She shrugged on her coat, ready to escape the too-warm confines of Tizzy’s second grade classroom. She had trouble staying present, and she watched as though she were standing outside looking in as Tizzy locked her desk and grabbed her jacket. Funny, she hadn’t been aware while with her fake parents that she could disassociate so effortlessly.

  “Asher is going to pick you up and drive you to Lara’s house.” Tizzy glanced at the wall clock and pursed her lips. “He should be here any minute. Let’s walk outside.”

  Kennedy’s heart fluttered. The mention of Asher’s name drew up an image of his frisky half-grin. She balled her fists. Since when do I have feelings for anyone?

  “I had fun with you in my classroom today, Kennedy.” Tizzy stood at the bottom of the front door steps, tapping her toe impatiently.

  “Yeah, it was fun. The kids are so active. It’s a good thing you have tons of energy, too.”

  Tizzy chuckled. “They keep me running.” She pointed down the street. “There’s Asher.”

  Kennedy shook her head slightly, trying to ignore the excitement threading through her as Asher drove his pickup into the crescent-shaped driveway in front of the school.

  “Hey, guys. Have you been waiting long? Sorry I’m late.” He leaned out the open window and flashed a warm smile. “Jump in, Kennedy.”

  Anxiety swirled in her chest. She turned to Tizzy and rolled her eyes. “Why is he driving me home and not you?”

  Tizzy slanted her head. �
�Is there a problem?”

  Warmth crept up her neck, and she was grateful her cheeks wouldn’t divulge her blush. “No, no problem.” Drat! Next time she’d know better than to stir suspicion. The intense impulse to escape from her attraction to Asher had overridden her control. Her skin prickled at the idea of being vulnerable to her emotions and Asher’s appeal. “I just wondered.” She offered up her best fake smile and ran around to the passenger side of his truck and climbed in. She waved at Tizzy, but not before she caught the two of them exchanging a sober look. She interpreted it as a directive for Asher to keep track of her.

  Kennedy leaned her head against the headrest and drew in deep pulls of air.

  “So how was school? Did those little brats drive you nuts?”

  His remark grabbed her attention, and she spun her head to him just in time to collide her gaze with those beautiful, sparkling eyes. Just as abruptly, she turned back to the passenger window and started counting the cars driving by. It was a tactic she’d perfected as a young girl. Focus strongly on something completely unassuming and unremarkable to tune out from discomfort, pain, fear, or anxiety. “Actually, they weren’t brats, you dork. But it was very hectic and over-stimulating.” What? What am I doing? The next thing I know, I’ll be spilling all my inner thoughts and telling him I think he’s gorgeous. The thought of it sent anxiety trembling through her body. She started touching each finger of her left hand with her thumb, one way and back again.

  “Oh yeah, kids are great. But I can only stand them in small doses. Our senses are so keen, all the noise and chaos that goes with groups of kids can shoot a lot of input into our brains.” He rubbed his hand through his hair. “Serenity now!” he joked.

  Kennedy let a smile slip from her lips. “Thanks for that.” She dipped her head, and they sat in silence until Asher pulled into Lara’s driveway. “You don’t have to treat me like I’ll break, you know. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.” She dared a glance at him. His eyes again grabbed at her, throwing her control into turmoil.

  “I’m just being myself, Kennedy. If I felt you were fragile from all that I imagine you’ve been through, I probably wouldn’t feel the way I do.” His voice was steady, solid.

  A lump formed in her throat and she shot him a stern glance. “What does that mean?”

  “I want to get to know you, help you feel comfortable around me.” He held her gaze. “And I don’t want to rush things; I want to really understand you. ’Cause right now, you’re a big question mark for me.”

  She wrenched away from his entrancing eyes. “Don’t mess with my mind, Asher. And don’t try to get close. You won’t like what you find.” She shoved open the truck door and ran up the sidewalk, sorrow chasing her.

  She’d never known anyone who could be trusted. Even her mother had called her a freak of nature and wanted only to use her. No one had seen her as a person, a person who was worth knowing. No one except Griffin Kreger. She clenched her teeth, hard, thinking of her only teenage friend. And even he had been taken away.

  She walked through the door to Lara’s apartment, and warmth enveloped her. The three-bedroom apartment was spacious, even more so because of its spartan rooms. Lara’s former roommate, Michelle Slade, had recently moved out and taken half the furniture, it appeared.

  The scent of coffee brewing wafted around her. Ambiance of a genuine home coaxed her to relax her defenses. She stood there in the cozy living room, aware of the voices in the kitchen and knowing Asher had marched past her to join them, but she remained rooted there, her mind spinning, reaching for familiarity. Something inside her screamed silently, knowing what was familiar was horrifying. Being beaten for reading too slow. Forced to run extra laps around the track on her parents’ property because she hadn’t bettered her time. Endless cold nights alone locked in the basement because her cough from a cold disturbed her parents.

  And yet, she couldn’t manage to tolerate anything different. Especially not something warm and fuzzy, like kindness and appreciation for who she was. Those were not a part of her growing-up years. Hugs or kisses gave her the creeps, because from her parents, they came with a price: an unexpected slap or a jeering laugh at her tears.

  Kennedy stared at the floor. But the worst had been being caged and shipped to William Carter Enterprises’s research facility. In that place, she’d smelled pain, death, and terror all around from cats and a were-lynx being subjected to illegal drug testing.

  “Kennedy.” It was Lara. “Come join us. I want to introduce you to Shaun, Booker’s wife.”

  She shrugged off her jacket and walked out to the kitchen, a smallish but adequate and cute room, with its surround countertop and two windows.

  Lara gave her quick squeeze, then motioned to a young woman sitting at the table. “Kennedy, this is Shaun. Shaun, Kennedy.”

  She made nice with this new person, inwardly retreating from yet another introduction.

  “Shaun is a new were-lynx. She’s being mentored by Booker. She was human when they married, but she chose to join the colony.”

  “You mean you’re a were-lynx now? How?” Kennedy put her hand to her temple, pushing back against the pressure building. So many things to take in.

  Shaun smiled. “I asked my husband to bite me. I knew I wanted to share in that part of his life. I didn’t know what I was taking on.” Her short, brown hair bobbled as she nodded her head. Her brown eyes were vivid and twinkling.

  “A bite from a were-lynx to turn a human is just the beginning of the process. Just as a biological were-cat comes into true form at age eighteen with very little control, so does a were-cat who has been bitten.” Lara beamed at Shaun. “But Shaun’s transformation has gone smoothly, and she has Booker to mentor her. She isn’t involved yet in colony projects, but she soon will be.”

  “I’m eager to get more involved. You and I may be newbies together.” Shaun’s expression sobered. “I’m sorry about what’s happened to you, Kennedy. I can’t imagine how scary it must have been to be caged and not know what might happen to you. I want you to know I want to be here for you in whatever way you need.”

  “Thank you.” She tried for nonchalance, but her voice only sounded weak to her ears. The air in the room was supercharged, and it would have felt invigorating if she weren’t already stressed. When she reached to pull a chair out from the table for herself, she saw Asher’s eyes take in her trembling hand. Quickly, she slid into the chair and folded her hands in her lap, daring to slip a glance toward him. His eyes were still on her, but she looked away.

  Lara cleared her throat. “How was your day?”

  Kennedy’s stomach sunk to her feet. Was Lara really going to talk about her day? Desperation spiraled through her, pushing her to run to her room, escape this dreadful niceness. “Fine,” she murmured.

  “Good. Umm … we’re waiting for Booker and Casey to arrive.” She reached out to touch Kennedy’s arms. “They’re bringing the results of the sibling DNA test.”

  Kennedy’s breath froze in her chest. “Oh.” The room around her roared in her ears. Her heart and her gut shivered with what seemed to be the earth quaking beneath her. Inside she was running away, trying to flee the waves of fear flooding her. What would happen to her if results from the DNA test showed she wasn’t related to Casey? She’d have no identity. No place to go. “I-I,” she stuttered, a helpless rabbit caught in the jaws of her training, her loss of control.

  “It’s okay, Kennedy. No matter the outcome, we’re all here for you. With whatever you need.” Lara’s eyes remained riveted on Kennedy, while Asher shuffled to the door to let in Casey and Booker.

  “Hey, guys.” Booker stepped into the kitchen and raised a hand. He walked to Shaun and kissed her. The shining warmth in his eyes gave away his love for her. It touched a deep spot in Kennedy and raised possibilities for trust with him.

  “Hi, Kennedy.” Casey nodded to her and the others.

  Chills ran down her spine at the sight of Casey. He cast an imposing st
ance. Tall, like me. But it was more than his height that made her shiver. He was the leader of the colony. From what she’d seen of him in the last two weeks, he was warm-hearted and intelligent, but he radiated authority. Every cat in the colony deferred to his commanding presence. She couldn’t imagine warming up to him, even if it turned out they came from the same parents.

  He caught her staring at him and nodded her way. Attempts at smiling went stiff, but she managed a head nod back.

  He shrugged off his coat, filled two mugs with coffee, and grabbed a seat next to her. He set one mug in front of her and began sipping his own.

  Everything in her pulled inside, away from Casey. “Thank you.”

  He offered a slanted smile. “Feel like a contestant in a beauty pageant? What’s inside the envelope?” He chuckled and glanced at Asher before redirecting his gaze on her. “If you’re like me, you’ve been on pins and needles waiting. Whatever the results are of the DNA tests, your life is going to change. But the colony has proven ability to navigate change. You’ll have plenty of support.”

  Tension eased from her body, slipping quietly away like rolling waves in Lake Michigan. “Thank you, Casey. It has been wearing on me, the not knowing.” The resistance to learning the truth and what might happen to her afterward quieted down to a whisper. “I’m ready if you are?”

  “I am. Booker, go ahead and read the results, please.”

  Kennedy turned her attention to Booker Chase, a physician with healing powers who was also a were-lynx with beautiful topaz eyes. He nodded. “Sure.” He tore open the large manila envelope, pulled out the pages that held her future, and began to read. “Discovery Genetic Testing is happy to help individuals discover the truth about family biological relationships.” Booker did a quick sort of the papers from the envelope. “Okay, do you want to hear all about this company, or would you rather get right down to the business we’re here for?” He waited, scanning from Kennedy to Casey and back and forth again.