Cravings (Fierce Hearts)

by Crandall, Lynn

  Asher growled. “Intimidation? Push us just enough that we let down our guard?”

  Casey nodded. “I think that’s good speculation, Asher.”

  “So what are we going to do? I think we need to be more aggressive.” Asher clenched his teeth and pounded his fists together.

  “I agree.” Casey set his coffee down on an end table.

  All the cats stiffened and stared at Casey. Asher burst out laughing. “Finally, Casey appreciates my point of view. Take action now.”

  Casey chuckled, a deep, rumbling laughter that drew more laughter from the others. “Let’s take this one step at time, Asher. The next thing we need to do is learn more about Phoenix. Do you have anything for us?”

  “From what I can tell, Phoenix Biosciences is perfecting the alteration of DNA with nanotechnology. They’re doing a study right now on using nano-delivered chemicals through special, small tubes that contain the delivery system and the drug. They’re programmed to perform the task the scientists need. The tubes are implanted, and the scientists retain control over them through a computer program. From a disease-fighting aspect, it’s brilliant. It focuses, for instance, chemotherapy directly to a tumor in prescribed intervals. It minimizes damage to other parts of the patient’s body and heightens treatment success of the disease.”

  “It may be brilliant, but I’m betting the applications include those aimed at dosing people and were-animals to become agitated and under control of TNG people.” Lara shuddered. “The idea that they’ve attained that capability is scary.”

  “I think it’s already happening, and subjects believe they’re being treated for a particular disease.” Asher relayed the news piece he’d read in the office about the woman with bipolar disease who put her child in the hospital.

  Booker tapped his fingers on his knee. “As a physician, I could imagine all kinds of useful applications, but the systems aren’t ready for use in humans.”

  A physician, too, Shaun, sitting beside Booker, frowned. “The technology promises some amazing things, but I agree with Booker. Attempting to affect DNA makeup such as TNG is trying to do is downright dangerous.”

  Casey sat silent, and the seconds on the mantel clock ticked methodically on. The tension spurred Kennedy’s heartbeat. Her fight-or-flight mode definitely leaned toward fight.

  “We don’t want a physical confrontation.” Casey knitted his brow.

  Kennedy’s stomach did flip-flops. No fight? The idea burned in her gut. She wanted to fight the people who had hurt her. She was entitled to a showdown. But she also accepted that if she were to be a part of the colony, she needed to accept Casey’s direction.

  Tapping his fingers on the arm of the couch, Casey looked like he was still plotting out their next move. “Maybe we can immobilize them with threats to expose them to the government.”

  Kennedy shook her head. “You don’t know these people like I do. They want nothing less than to conquer the world, one piece at a time. They don’t respect negotiations or any sort of make nice.”

  “Don’t you think we need to show them other ways of interacting? Humans are always so quick to grab a gun or go after the win. It pains me.” Casey rubbed his hand through his dreads.

  Asher jumped up. “No. We live in secrecy for a reason. You’re right. Humans are dangerous but predictable. Especially those who are criminals.” He paced the floor, his voice loud and his words clipped. “TNG people would laugh in our faces while pulling out their guns. Look, we’re not crime fighters or comic book superheroes, but we know about TNG and their plans. We can’t let their plans progress.”

  “I agree.” Lara nodded vigorously. “We need to take action, just as we did with Carter Enterprises.”

  Casey’s eyes dipped. “Two deaths came out of that action.”

  “I never forget for a moment about one of those deaths. I blame myself for not being able to heal Adrian to a point where he could have survived.” Lara fixed her gaze to the floor, her voice quiet.

  “It wasn’t your fault, Lara,” Casey piped up. “It was Carter’s experiment that robbed Adrian of his life.”

  Booker reached over to touch Lara’s arm. “I know how you feel. But we didn’t get to him in time to save him. That’s why I’m in favor of us taking action soon. We were able to rescue many cats, rescue Kennedy, and free Adrian for his last moments.”

  “My area is computer systems. I think you should let me run an analysis of your network.” Kennedy knew it was the logical next step, but she also knew the colony didn’t trust her. “If TNG has hacked into your system, it would explain how they’re finding you wherever you are.”

  Silence heavied the air in the room. She waited for a reaction, twiddling her fingers.

  Casey nodded his head. “You’re probably right, Kennedy. Thank you for speaking up.”

  “Then you’ll let me do it?”

  “Yes,” Casey said without hesitation. “Tomorrow. Asher, can you bring her to my office at Carter, Inc.? She can work there for now.”

  “Of course. First thing in the morning.”

  Kennedy watched Asher shift restlessly from one foot to the other. He’d helped her remember things, painful things that reminded her she was never safe from the same harsh treatment she’d lived with all her life. The doubts about her adoptive parents shimmied in her still. She was unsure if she was afraid of the consequences of her defiance against her parents or simply had more clarity about who the good guys were. Maybe she was unsettled by a better understanding of who she was. This was new ground she stood on, but it felt as though there was no ground.

  Gratitude for Asher’s help spun around her heart like an ethereal ribbon of light. Memories of his touch clamored for attention. These were things that contrasted radically with everything else in her life before Asher. What would it be like to simply lean into being with Asher and see what would happen? Of course, he’d have to come back from wherever it was he’d gone after making love.

  She chanced a glance at him standing against a wall across the room. Her heart shot into her throat. He stood there staring at her. He looked lost in thought, not even seeing her. She couldn’t help herself. She smiled at him.

  Chapter Eight

  While the others discussed possible approaches to stopping TNG, Asher stole a glance at Kennedy. He’d leaned against a wall a few minutes ago and refrained from looking into her face. He’d stopped nudging her to release repressed memories of her captivity. It was just him now, standing a few feet apart from her, the emptiness in him a bottomless morass of aloneness and yearning.

  His suspicions of her loyalty to TNG were waning. She’d made no attempt to contact them, as far as he knew. Maybe he was letting his fears get in the way of reason. Maybe he could believe that something good could come from trusting her.

  The idea of having her close with nothing between them to create chaos and pain tingled sweetly inside him. It lifted his spirits, giving him strength from the hope of what could be.

  Sudden awareness that he’d been staring at Kennedy jolted him back to the present. She was staring back. Her eyes softened with his jolt back to the moment, and she smiled. It lifted her lips into something spectacular that turned up at the corners and sparkled in her warm brown eyes.

  He fingered his chin, wary, but his smile released unbeckoned. Her hair draped over her shoulders, glistening in the firelight. It pulled at his fingers. He imagined his fingers wrapping themselves in its soft fullness.

  Oh my gosh! I’m staring again. Asher cleared his throat and turned back to the conversation in the room.

  “So, Asher you’ll do more research into this politician, Daren Sage. This is key information, I suspect, so put this at the top of your priorities, okay?” Casey nodded toward him, waiting for a response.

  “Yes. Will do.”

  Casey aimed his gaze on Kennedy. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

  “Yes. I hope you’ll soon see that I’m not a security risk and I can be a contributing membe
r of the colony.” Kennedy stared unblinking into Casey’s eyes.

  His expression softened and he walked toward her. “Don’t take it personally that I’ve been cautious.” He wrapped an arm around her slim shoulders. “It’s my job to ensure everyone’s safety, including yours. I think you’re still learning who you are now. You deserve time for that to happen.”

  “Do you think that healing would involve meeting my real parents any time soon?” She tilted her head in question.

  “Whenever you’re ready.”

  Asher chuckled to himself as Kennedy continued to press Casey. She may be quiet these days, but he suspected she was biding her time until she could let out the real and spunky woman she was.

  “I’m not preventing you from meeting your parents. Tell me when you’re ready…”

  “I’m ready.”

  Asher choked on his own saliva, surprised by her directness. He didn’t know whether it was a good sign that she was feeling comfortable around them or a bad sign that she didn’t care about them at all.

  Casey nodded his head thoughtfully. “Okay, then. I’ll make it happen.” He let his arm fall from her shoulders and turned away. “This meeting is over, and I want you all to get out of here. I need to spend some time with my fiancée and get some shut eye.”

  As everyone said their goodbyes, Asher quickly stepped up behind Kennedy and whispered in her ear. “I’ll give you a ride home. To Lara’s?”

  She turned to him. “If I’m going to Lara’s house, why would I ride with you?”

  Her scent up close emptied his thoughts. “I’m sorry, why would I take you home?” He shot her what he knew was a sheepish grin. “I’m claiming the fifth.”

  He strode to the coat closet where Michelle had hung their jackets and helped Kennedy put hers on.

  “Thank you.” Her eyes shone, two pools of dark chocolate.

  “You got me. I just want to spend some time with you,” he admitted.

  “Okay.”

  He grasped her elbow and directed her to his truck. He opened the passenger door and let her climb in, then climbed into the driver’s side. His eyes focused straight ahead, argument warred in his gut. Should he or should he not take her to his house?

  “It looks like you and maybe Michelle are the only ones in the colony who don’t drive environmentally friendly vehicles. Why is that?”

  “Huh?” He backed out of his parking spot beside Casey’s driveway and turned down the long, private lane that led to the main road. “Oh, the cars. Well, we believe in taking care of the planet better than our human cohabitants. My truck has low emissions and is pretty energy efficient.”

  “Makes sense.”

  Tension twisted his throat, and his mouth went dry. “Listen, Kennedy. I’d like to take you to my townhouse for the night. No strings attached.”

  “You mean, no sex expected?” She chuckled, the sound lilting in the air like tiny bubbles.

  “You’re not making this any easier.” He glanced at her and met her cute grin and sparkling eyes. “We need to talk. That’s all.”

  “That sounds ominous.” She pursed her lips and leaned back into the seat. “But that’s cool. We can talk.” Her words slipped through her lips like a smooth liquor.

  It made him want to taste her lips, long and ardently.

  He pulled in a deep breath and let it escape quietly. “So tell me about your procedural memory ability. You know all about my ability to nudge. I feel kind of out of the loop about you.”

  She pulled her knee up into the seat. It soothed his nerves to see her relaxed, comfortable.

  “It’s pretty simple. I have a photographic memory, but in addition, I can memorize any skill, physical or mental, simply by watching it.”

  “College must have been a breeze.” He laughed, enjoying the easy feel between them.

  “It was. Of course, I’m not stupid. I did have to understand what I was memorizing.” She cracked him a mischievous grin. “Computer engineering was something I could just see. It made sense.”

  The lights on passing vehicles highlighted the glistening snowflakes that had begun to fall. It summoned images of running with Kennedy in the fields, reveling in the simple exhilaration of running free in nature.

  “That must feel good. To be smart and know you’re working in an area that fits you well. It’s like that for me with writing. I get a real high when I find just the right words, or when a source hands me a lede and I see it.”

  “I’d like to read some of your articles. Maybe tomorrow morning when Casey lets me on his computer. I could check out the Laurelwood Gazette’s website.”

  “Sure. Do you like sports? I’m a sportswriter.” He imagined her sitting in a baseball stadium, wearing a team jersey, shorts, and a baseball cap, and yelling at the ref behind home base. It made him smile to himself.

  She dipped her head. “I don’t know. I’ve never seen any games.”

  “Wow. You don’t know what you’re missing.” He clenched his teeth. Every conversation led him to new ways of learning how messed up her life had been. “I’ll take you to a basketball game sometime, and you can decide for yourself.”

  He pulled into the garage at his townhouse and climbed out of the truck to unlock the door to inside his home. Trepidation dripped in his stomach like acid. He knew what he had to do, but it scared him.

  He flipped on a light in his kitchen and turned to Kennedy. “Do you want something to drink?” He wore the tension in the air like a dark, floor-length heavy coat.

  “Water would be nice.” She walked to the living room and took a spot on the couch.

  He filled a glass with water from the refrigerator and sat it near her on the end table in the living room.

  Thoughts debated whether to sit next to her or let her have space. He opted for space. Maybe as much for himself as for her.

  Was it his imagination, or did a slight frown pass across her lips? It would be so easy to erase it with a kiss. A low growl rolled in his chest. This was going to be harder than he’d thought.

  “So what do want to talk about?” Kennedy knitted her brow, her expression thoughtful.

  “Um, what can you tell me about Daren Sage?” This time there was no mistaking the drop to her face, but he ignored it.

  “I just met him one time, for the interview. He fidgeted with his cellphone quite a bit during the interview. He wore his ego on the front of his suit coat, all puffy and self-absorbed. He gave me a little speech about how much he cared about his country and his constituents. It was a nice little speech, but it rang hollow.”

  “Fake?” Asher wrapped his arms close to his abdomen.

  “Yes. But I could tell he was pushing to know more about me. Of course, that would be natural for an interview. But I felt invaded. He asked me about my health, any diseases I’d had, my fitness routine.”

  “Did he tell you what your job responsibilities would include? An explanation for all the questions about your health?”

  Kennedy stared straight ahead, silent.

  Curiosity poked at his brain, wondering what she was thinking about.

  Finally she seemed to return her focus to him. “He said we’d be traveling a lot. I’d need to get special injections.”

  “What did you think about that?”

  “I accepted it. You have to understand I had no contrasting example of interrelationships. I was told what to do and to do what I was told without resistance.” No emotion filled her words.

  “I understand. But inside, deep inside, what did Sage’s statements about special injections do to you?”

  “It scared me.” Her voice trembled with the realization.

  Asher’s emotions, a range of sympathy and anger, roiled in his stomach. He struggled to remain seated with his depth of understanding and growing need to take care of her demanding action.

  “It scares me, too.” He closed the distance between them, sliding onto the couch beside her. He wrapped his arms around her and just held her. He could so easi
ly move her out of this pain with a gentle nudging. But he wouldn’t. This was a pain she needed to know existed in her. A pain she needed to feel.

  • • •

  Inside the circle of Asher’s arms, Kennedy could stand to stay present with the pain of her uncertain future. His natural scent, musty with his earlier exertions of the colony run and fight with TNG people, enticed her senses. His solid, muscled chest made a nice place to try out trust that the future would be kind.

  That thought, a thought about the future, tensed her muscles. She pulled out of Asher’s arms and sat back against the couch. “I’m confused.”

  He frowned. “Confused about what?”

  “What are we doing? One minute you seem to truly care for me. The next you’ve taken off to the mountaintops in your head. What are we doing?”

  Asher scratched his head, still frowning. “We’re friends, Kennedy. I do care about you.”

  She dipped her head and looked at him through half-lidded eyes. “Oh, friends. Friends with occasional benefits? Buddies who sleep together?”

  Asher jumped to his feet and went to the window. He looked transfixed by the small movements of nocturnal animals visible only to them in the night.

  “I didn’t mean to mislead you,” he said, his gaze still directed outside.

  Her heart plunged into her belly. “I see. You just wanted to use me. Just like everyone else I’ve known.” Her words came out loud and accusing. She couldn’t help it. She felt the sting of betrayal like she’d never felt it before. Her fingers began the familiar pattern of touching each one to her thumb. But it wasn’t working. Her gut ached. “Thank you for explaining that to me.” She smiled to herself, pleased with her calm façade.

  Asher whirled to face her. “Stop it. It’s not like that. I’m not like that.”

  “I disagree. You are like that. You made love to me, then almost instantly pulled away.” Her voice held an edge, but she tried to keep it soft, expecting nothing from Asher.

  He charged toward her, the laid-back man she’d come to know replaced with a snarl. He stopped two steps in front of her, his face hardened and yet sorrowful.