Sin and Cider (Sweet Sinners Book 1)

by Kimberly Reese

  “I need to explain a few things.”

  “Lawson, you don’t have to. You said it perfectly when you ended things—” she begins before I cut her off.

  “Please, just let me get this off my chest.”

  She looks at me and doesn’t say anything, so I continue. Holy shit, it’s one thing to admit it to myself and tell Cade, but I’ve never been more nervous than I am in this moment.

  “I don’t know how many times I’ve said it and thought it, but I fucked up, Mac. I don’t know how to handle everything you make me feel. It’s not an excuse and it definitely doesn’t excuse how I treated you, but it’s the truth.” My thoughts are running rampant, and I’m having trouble stringing together the apology I want to give. “I also want to let you know nothing happened with Della. After I dropped you off, she called me and I figured it was a good way to help her since her date was sick and also push you away. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t deal with how I feel about you.”

  “And how is that, Lawson?” Her words are monotone and her face devoid of emotion.

  “I think I love you, Mac.” My words come out in a whisper.

  I’m not sure what I expect from Mac, happiness maybe, but the last thing I expect is anger. “You think you love me? Fuck you, Lawson. Fuck. You. You came all the way here from Starwood to apologize? To apologize for being a dick because you can’t deal with how I make you feel?” she says as she puts her fingers in the shape of quotes. “And you’d risk having people gossip about your love life by going on a date with someone else? What the hell is wrong with me that it’d be so bad to be seen with me or even talk to me about what’s going on in that fucked up brain of yours? You don’t make fucking sense! Let me set things straight for you. Your love,” again with the quotes, “doesn’t really convince me that you care if you have to fucking whisper it. We aren’t even in our fucking hometown, and you still can’t say it out loud. What the hell did you expect to happen when you came here, huh?”

  “I was hoping you’d forgive me,” I mutter.

  “That’s it? And what else, Lawson?”

  “I don’t know, I didn’t think that far ahead.” Oh God, this is not going the way I hoped or expected it would.

  “You didn’t think that far ahead,” she repeats, her voice heavy with cynicism.

  I try and salvage this moment as much as I can. “I didn’t mean anything I said at the charity auction that night. You’re mine and I’m yours, Mac. We’re a perfect match. Besides, I feel terrible that you moved back here because of me.”

  “Oh God, Lawson,” she scoffs. “Get over yourself! You’re so fucking focused on yourself or on how people will get in your business that you don’t even consider anyone else. You can’t even fully take ownership of your actions because you’re blaming your feelings on me. First, I didn’t move back because of you. I came back to pack my things because I’m moving back permanently.” She must register the shock on my face because she continues. “Yeah, you big jerk, I’m moving back. If you’d acted like an adult and talked to me, you would’ve known this. It was the news I wanted to share with you. And second, I am not yours and you are most certainly not mine. I don’t want you, Lawson.”

  My stomach sinks at her words, and I don’t even know where to go from here. This whole grand plan I had has completely backfired. The color is high in her cheeks, and her voice rises in volume with her next words. “In case you haven’t noticed, we are not a perfect match. I may love you and you may “think” you love me, but that’s not enough for me. Your words aren’t enough for me. I need someone who isn’t afraid to act on their words, someone who’s going to stand by me and not be afraid to admit how they feel, whether it’s in front of me or other people. I’m sorry to say but that person isn’t you.”

  Her last words come out low and empty-sounding, her voice filled with sadness. I need to make this right, but I don’t know how.

  “Mac…” I start.

  “Please leave, Lawson,” she says. “I’m done.” Her eyes are watering, and all I want to do is hold her.

  I reach out to touch her arm, but a hand reaches out to stop mine.

  “The lady asked you to leave, chap. I suggest you do so now before I forcibly remove you myself.” Oliver is standing over me and is holding my arm.

  I look between him and Mac and feel defeat wash over me. I try to look at her with everything I feel displayed in my eyes since I can’t fucking say it properly. I get up and pull my hand back from Oliver’s grasp.

  “Smart choice,” he observes.

  I glare at him and turn back to Mac, my gaze softening as I look at her. “I’ll make this right, Mac. I swear it.”

  She looks at me sadly, and I look on helplessly. I give her one last glance filled with longing before I turn on my heel and walk out of the restaurant. I need to go back home and figure out how to fix this. I obviously botched it with my words.

  I mentally berate myself the entire flight home, but as I land an idea comes to mind. I may have messed it up with words but I’ve always been a man of action. Maybe I need to stick with what I know. I might fail again but I know, at the end of the day, I need to try again because she’s worth it. Mac’s worth everything, is everything to me. I know that now and I’m not going to give up until she knows, without a doubt, that I mean it.

  30

  Shady Layne Orchard—One Week Later

  I’m officially back in Starwood, and I feel content in the fact I’ve made the right decision for me, my happiness, and my future. It feels amazing. Today’s the debut of the barn’s renovation and its official grand reopening. I’m inside the barn putting the final touches on the decorations when Langley waltzes in.

  “Hey sugar, I’ve got the baked apple goodies. Where do you want them?”

  “Over on that table,” I point to the table where Lawson and I had our angry sex. Oh God, there I go again thinking about him. I need to stop this.

  I look to Langley and see her head over to the table, but she’s not holding anything. “Um, Langley?”

  “Yes?”

  “Where are the goodies?”

  “I had to enlist some help,” she smirks.

  Just as the words escape her lips, I hear a groan at the door. Laughter bubbles past my lips when I see my brother and some of his friends carrying in stacks and large armfuls of baked goods. Langley sure has a way with the opposite sex.

  “Damn girl, how much sugar you put in these things? I don’t understand how you can bake something so light and fluffy and yet they weigh like a ton of bricks,” Smith gripes.

  “You need to work out some more, Smith,” Langley teases. “I promise they’re not that heavy. If you could please bring them here, I’d be happy to help take some of that burden away from you.”

  “You’re lucky you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen, Langley,” he laughs as he and his friends head to the table.

  We all have a good laugh at his words and help finish the display of goodies that visitors can take home with them for attending our reopening.

  I take a final look around at everything and feel my heart swell with so much pride. My dream has come together, and I can’t wait to share it with everyone, especially my parents. I haven’t allowed them to set foot in this place, so they’ll be just as surprised as everyone else.

  “Alright y’all, we have five minutes till opening. Thank you again for all of your help in setting things up and for making sure today goes off without a hitch.” My throat clogs up a bit because I’m feeling so happy and, if I’m honest, bittersweet because this dream wouldn’t have been possible without Lawson’s help.

  I force my thoughts away from him for the umpteenth time today and use the remaining minutes I have left to do one final check of everything. By the time I’m done, it’s time to open up. My nerves kick in as I place my hands on the door and slide it open, the squeak that used to sound now silenced by a generous helping of grease. As I fully open the door, I release the breath I didn’t realize
I had been holding. My fear is no one or just a handful of people would show up but, judging by the number of people already waiting, that fear is unwarranted.

  I give the group before me an extra bright smile and welcome them. “Thank you all for coming to the grand reopening of Shady Layne’s cider barn,” I start. “As some of you may know, my family used to make cider every year and would sell it here and at the farmers' market. Unfortunately, business had slowed down a bit since my parents aren’t as active as they used to be and a nasty storm made it so that my family couldn’t use the barn anymore. What some of you may also know is I came home this summer to find myself. I was living in Chicago and was feeling like something was missing from my life. When I came home, I realized just what that was.”

  I pause to take another breath in an effort to keep the happy tears at bay. “I missed being near family and missed having a sense of purpose in life. Just like this barn, I needed a refresh and this project, which is so near and dear to my heart, helped me reconnect with my roots, my family, and the family business. I’ve officially moved back to town,” I pause when the people waiting burst into applause, “and I’ve decided to make this barn more about cider and my life more about the things that matter. Thank you for coming. I hope y’all stay awhile and enjoy yourselves. Come on in now,” I step to the side and wave them in with a grin.

  What looks like half the town’s population filters in past me, and I can hear their exclamations of wonder and excitement as they take in everything the barn has to offer. Warm fuzzies dance in my stomach at the barn’s successful opening, and I want to dance when I hear people comment on the new logos and labels.

  “Oh, these are so pretty,” someone says.

  “So professional,” another says.

  “I’m so glad they’re open again. I love supporting local businesses,” another person states.

  “Oh my God, it’s so beautiful,” a voice I recognize says.

  I swivel around and spot my parents as they look around, mouths open wide in surprise and awe.

  “Do y’all like it?” I ask uncertainly.

  “Like it? No baby, we love it!” my mother exclaims.

  “We’re so proud of you,” my father says as he pulls me into a tight hug.

  “Thank you,” I reply, my eyes watering with joy. I pull away and gesture toward our surroundings with my arms. “The cider is up and running, the butters and jellies are on display, and I partnered with Langley to periodically sell some baked goods here with our apples. It’s all pretty low maintenance, so you won’t need to do any major upkeep and, now that I’m back, I can help with everything more.”

  “Thank you Mac, so much, for giving this back to us. You put the heart and customer hub back in our business.” My father smiles at me, and I smile in return at his warm words.

  “There are two things missing,” my mother points out.

  I’m surprised by her words, and out of instinct immediately look around to try and see if there was anything I forgot to do. I scan the room for a few moments before looking back at her in confusion.

  “What’s missin’, Mama?”

  “Well, I don’t see your best friend, and I don’t see a certain gentleman who worked on that roof of ours.”

  My heart sinks at the reference to Lawson. “That certain gentleman is not someone I talk to anymore, Mama. And,” I tack on quickly, “Cade wasn’t able to make it because of a family obligation of his own, but he made a point to send his support this morning.”

  “That’s nice of him,” my mother muses. “As far as the other man, I don’t think he got the memo.”

  “What memo, Mama?”

  “The memo that y’all aren’t talking anymore.”

  I’m confused and stare at my mother, who is smiling at me knowingly.

  “Turn around, baby.”

  I turn slowly and feel my world come to a halt when I see Lawson standing in the entryway to the barn. I inwardly curse my traitorous heart at the way it jumps in excitement and beats faster. It’s only been a week since I’ve seen him, but he looks like he’s missed out on sleep and spent more time in the gym. His scruff has grown in a little more and highlights the leanness of his features, and the muscles in his arms, which are being shown to perfection in his white shirt, look larger and more pronounced. The way he’s looking at me steals my breath, and I have to remind myself to not get my hopes up. As much as it hurts and as much as I’d like to continue looking at him, I start to turn back around.

  Before I can turn fully, I hear Lawson’s raspy voice shout out to the group in the barn. “Everyone, if I could have your attention please.”

  The room almost immediately falls silent, which is impressive considering there are tons of people in here. Everyone is looking at Lawson with rapt attention, and when I fix my gaze on him again I see he hasn’t looked away from me. Oh my God, what is happening?

  “Thank you. I’m sure all of you know me, but if you don’t, my name is Lawson Westbrook. I was born and raised in this town, I own a construction company, and I helped repair the roof of this barn. I’m sure you could all agree that while having a fixed roof is great, what’s even more impressive is all the hard work put in by Mac Layne.”

  The room applauds at Lawson’s charming speech. As soon as the sound dies down Lawson continues. “I’ve known Mac for years because I’m best friends with her brother, Smith. While I never paid her any attention when she was a teenager because, come on, I was a stupid kid,” the room laughs, “I sure as hell paid a lot of attention to her when she came back at the beginning of summer.”

  My heart starts to beat wildly the longer Lawson speaks. I feel some eyes turn in my direction, and I feel my cheeks redden in embarrassment.

  “Since the day she showed up again, my world has been turned upside down. I tried really hard to convince her to date me, and one day she finally gave in. But, like the ass I am, I told her I didn’t want anything serious. I wanted to keep things strictly casual and even took her out on dates in other towns so people wouldn’t talk about us...about me.”

  As Lawson speaks he takes slow steps toward me, and with each step that brings him closer, I have to fight the strong urge to launch myself in his arms or run.

  “Before long, I was feeling things for this incredible woman I’ve never felt for anyone else. Except, like the obtuse man I can be, I ignored these feelings and tried to push her away. I’m here to tell every one of you here, and I hope you tell everyone you know, that I love MacIntosh Layne so, so much.”

  A low murmur runs around the room, the low buzzing not enough to drown out the pounding of my heart. The only other noise I can truly register is the thump of Lawson’s footsteps as he closes the distance and comes to stand in front of me. Now that he’s closer, I can see the dark circles under his eyes but, more astonishingly, I can see his feelings shining from his eyes like beacons.

  “I know I messed up, and this entire summer I’ve tried to keep you at arm’s length when I should’ve known I’d fail at that because you’re here,” he places his hand over his chest right above his heart. “Right here, Mac.” His words and voice are full of emotion and his husky voice, thick with feeling, is making tears spring up in my eyes.

  I stare at him and forget that the room’s full of people until a voice in the room shouts, “Kiss her!” Laughter ripples across the room and Lawson’s lips lift up on one side in a crooked smile.

  “That’s a great idea,” he says. “I was never very good with words.”

  And with those words, before I can even think about stopping him or pulling him closer by the fabric of his shirt, Lawson pulls me to him and lays his lips on mine gently. His mouth moves slowly against mine, coaxing me to respond, and I shudder when his tongue gently licks at the seam of my own lips. One of his strong arms is wrapped around my back while the other reaches up, his hand caressing my jaw before cradling the back of my head. The kiss is slow and sweet before gradually picking up in intensity and passion. It feels as
if Lawson’s telling me, with every swipe of his mouth, what I mean to him. We’ve kissed countless times but never like this, not like he’s burrowing himself deeper into my heart and past the walls I put up to protect myself.

  He eventually pulls away but leans so his forehead is pressed against mine as we catch our breaths. His eyes capture mine and as our gazes lock, he reaches down to grab one of my hands and brings it up to place it over his heart. “I’m so sorry. I lied to myself and to you. I told you before I was unfailingly honest, but I was too afraid to handle the most honest feelings I’ve ever felt. I messed up, and I promise you I won’t ever, ever do it again. But this,” his voice cracks on the words as he presses my hand tighter against his chest so I can feel the intense beating underneath, “this doesn’t lie. I meant every word when I said only you do this to me. I’m not afraid anymore. I’ve realized that it’s scarier to face a world without you in it than to face how I feel. I’m not willing to risk losing you because I’m too stubborn to admit that I love you. I love you, Mac, no doubt about it. My heart is yours, and it always will be. Please don’t tell me I’m too late,” he ends on a hoarse plea.

  I don’t even realize I’m crying until he swipes the wetness from my cheeks. He doesn’t say anything but looks at me earnestly, his heart shining through his eyes. My throat has clogged with emotion, so I reach for the hand that just wiped away my tears and place it over my heart. The cadence of my heartbeat matches his own, and I feel a watery smile start to form on my face as I see hope replace the remorse in Lawson’s eyes.

  “You’re not too late,” I whisper. “I never stopped loving you, Lawson.”

  “Thank God,” he mutters before placing a quick, happy kiss on my lips again. “I’ll never take you for granted again, Mac. I promise,” he says fiercely.

  I smile up at him, happiness lighting me up from the inside. “I didn’t think you’d take my words to heart,” I manage to joke.

  As soon as the words leave my lips, Lawson picks me up and spins me in a circle, relieved laughter leaving both of our chests.