Fathom

by Merrie Destefano

  He must have hit his head too hard on the floor back at school and now his brains were scrambled.

  Then, finally, after forever and a day, he ran out of things to say. I gave him another hug, still gentle and light—he may be nuts, but he’s still my dad and sick—then I kissed him on the cheek. I started to say goodbye, but right in the midst of it, he interrupted me.

  He made me promise to try and get along with Riley.

  Destiny roared at me, louder than my own heartbeat.

  I backed out of the room.

  I needed to see Sean, get my dose of normal and maybe get another one of those amazing hugs that were already becoming my number one addiction. I was heading down the hallway, back toward the waiting room, when I noticed that the overhead fluorescent lights started to flicker as I passed.

  At the same time, strange ideas began to slip through my head, things I couldn’t say out loud.

  I need to get along with my sister.

  As much as I loved my dad, I didn’t want to get along with Riley. Not now, not ever. I gritted my teeth, flexed my muscles.

  Just then, one of the overhead lights exploded, a burst of sparks and wild light arcing down to the floor, just behind me.

  Bam!

  I ducked beneath a shower of crazy light. When I glanced behind me, I saw that darkness now shrouded the hallway, all the way back to my dad’s room. And meanwhile, the strange ideas in my head kept getting louder.

  Dad and Gram are right. We are family.

  I had to listen to Dad, I just had to. As much as I wanted to treat Riley the same way she was treating me, I knew that somewhere deep down inside, my Katie was still there. Hiding. My missing six-year-old, best friend sister. The one who knew how afraid I was of the dark and who held my hand every time I went to the dentist. The one who gave me her favorite doll when I fell out of the tree and broke my arm.

  Suddenly I knew what I had to do.

  But I couldn’t tell anyone. Just the thought of it made me cold.

  With a shudder, I rounded that last corner, hoping Sean and I could go downstairs to the cafeteria for lunch, maybe take a little walk along the way and find a quiet spot to make out. Up until now, all I’d had were single, breath-stealing kisses. Right now, I needed about a hundred, all in a row.

  Just then, I felt something strange. The ground shuddered beneath my feet, like I stood in the midst of an epicenter. A shock wave cascaded away from me, almost invisible, concentric circles that grew ever larger. I continued to stare at the floor, my mouth open, not really noticing who or what was up ahead. Instead, I followed the wave with my eyes, a curious sensation in my gut.

  Tingling and electric.

  Then I lifted my gaze.

  I saw my sister up ahead, all five foot two of her, spiked hair and black ripped T-shirt and sleeve tattoo. Caleb and Brianna at her side.

  And, at that instant, my wave struck. It had no effect on Brianna and Caleb managed to ride out. But it knocked Riley right off her feet.

  My sister was flat on her backside. And she wasn’t happy about it at all.

  •

  Unfortunately, both Gram and my too-good-to-be-true boyfriend were missing. Part of me wanted some credit for what I was about to do next. I reached down, took Riley by the hand and helped her to her feet.

  “Sorry,” I said to her and Caleb. “I didn’t realize you were here.”

  She glared at me. “You did that on purpose.”

  I shook my head.

  “Did Dad tell you the news?” Riley studied my face.

  “Yup.”

  She continued to watch me, almost as if she didn’t know who I was.

  “I’m going in to see him right now,” she said, smoothing off her shirt and pants, then she ran her fingers through her hair. “I was thinking—” Her eyes slid sideways, staring at me, one eyebrow arched. “Maybe I should just move in tonight.”

  Now both Caleb and Brianna were staring at me too, mouths open. She must not have told them about this yet.

  I shrugged. No reason to fight it. In the end none of these little details were going to matter. Not after tonight, anyway.

  “Sure. It’s okay with me,” I said.

  “Really. But, I’m not sleeping on that old sofa. I need some privacy—”

  “You can have my room, if you want.”

  Blue-green eyes examined mine. Then she nodded, slow.

  “I do,” she said.

  “Fine.”

  “And you know I don’t have much to wear.”

  I sighed. “Riley, you can have whatever you want. Okay?”

  “You might want to remember you said that, Little Townie Princess. I’m going in to see Dad.” She did a little wave and then sauntered off, down the hallway that I’d just darkened, personally for her.

  “You feeling okay, Kira?” Brianna asked.

  “Not really.”

  She looked a little nervous. But then, she looked like that all the time now, ever since my sister had come into town.

  “I—um—just got a call from my dad. I have to go, right now. Your grandma and Sean just went down to the cafeteria. And I already asked them, so I hope it’s all right with you, because I have to go.”

  “You hope what’s okay?”

  “You guys are giving Riley and Caleb a ride home.”

  “Great.” I nodded, then collapsed on the sofa. “Whatever,” I said. “You gotta go, so go.”

  Brianna hesitated for a minute, glanced from Caleb to me, then back again. Finally she turned and jogged away.

  Meanwhile, I couldn’t wait to get home and go for a really long swim.

  Chapter 57

  Caleb:

  The air sizzled with a strange energy. It made the hair on the back of my neck bristle. And I could tell it was all radiating from her. I had felt her approaching us, even before that wave knocked Riley off her feet.

  This was stronger than pheromones. Maybe even stronger than Riley’s storm building. But I didn’t know what it was.

  It was new.

  And extraordinary.

  I gingerly sat beside Kira on the sofa, cautiously aware of how close we were to each other and the fact that Sean was gone.

  “You haven’t asked him yet,” I said.

  “What?” Her eyes were closed and her head leaned back against the cushion.

  “Sean. You haven’t asked him to be your familiar.”

  “How do you know?” She turned her head and looked at me.

  “Because there’s an emptiness, a space missing.”

  “You Selkies are weird, you know that?”

  I laughed, low and under my breath. “So are humans.”

  “Well, you got that one right.” She sat up then, rested her elbows on her knees.

  “Why haven’t you asked him?”

  She shrugged. “I’m not sure I need one. I mean, I already live on land, right? So why do I need a familiar?”

  “For protection.”

  “I can protect myself. Got myself a nice shiny ax.” One hand went to her throat, maybe searching for her missing cross.

  I held my hand out to her, opened it up, revealed her necklace in my palm. Her eyes widened, then she let out a little squeal.

  “My cross!” She took it, wincing when she saw the broken chain. “How did you—”

  “I took it from Riley. That’s the sort of thing a familiar would do. They make sure you have what you need.”

  Then she stared off into the distance, toward that darkened hallway.

  “I don’t think I’m going to need much after tonight,” she mumbled, maybe thinking I couldn’t hear her or maybe hoping that I would hear and try to stop her. She was walking, arms outstretched toward her destiny.

  “You don’t have to do this alone,” I told her.

  Then her eyes were searching mine, as if she realized that she’d said too much.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said.

  Sean and her grandmother were getting
off the elevator, arms filled with bags and sodas. They were still too far away to hear us, so I leaned closer, put one hand on her arm.

  “I could help you,” I whispered.

  Then I sat back and pretended like I was glad to see Sean as he approached, a big stupid grin on his human face.

  Chapter 58

  Kira:

  Sometimes, if you really pay attention, every moment in the day is a little bit like dying. If it’s beautiful, then it’s over too soon. If it’s awful, then it seems to last forever. And when you line up all those moments, they lead right to your very last breath.

  We were riding in the car, heading toward home. Humans in the front seat, Selkies in the back.

  And all I could think about was how those moments—times like my first kiss with Sean and when Dad had his heart attack—were now laid out like little arrows, pointing toward tonight.

  My last night as a living breathing half-breed.

  Sean and Gram and Riley chattered throughout the drive, all of it pointless and stupid. At least it seemed that way, in contrast to the dark thoughts I was having. Meanwhile, both Caleb and I were silent as stone. He watched me from the corner of his eye, as if he didn’t want the others to notice. I smiled at him once, when I knew Sean was focused on something else.

  Caleb’s countenance lit up, like he’d just seen a falling star and made a wish.

  We were bound now, in this secret plan of mine.

  We had only known each other for a short time, but I realized now that he truly was a good friend. A best friend. It made me a little sad that I wouldn’t have more time to sort all these things out. Like, what would it have been like to grow up, knowing I was half-Selkie, and what would those classes at Berkeley have been like and how did Sean really feel about me.

  Were we falling in love?

  When my dad had talked about love, he’d made it sound so simple. But there was nothing simple about being in love with a woman who went missing eleven years ago. And he’d been faithful to her, all these years.

  Nothing simple or easy about that.

  I wondered whether it would be easier to forget who I was, to put on monster skin and hunt the ones I loved. I had a feeling that it was going to be harder than what I was doing now.

  But we were a family, right? And families needed to stay together.

  Riley glanced at me, a guarded expression in her eyes. I faked a thin smile. Anything more and she would have gotten suspicious. She seemed to buy it, answered me with a broad, I’m-the-winner-of-our-little-battle grin.

  I stared out the window for the rest of the ride. Thinking.

  Somehow my mom had done it. She’d managed to not eat us, despite that horrid urge inside. Yeah, she’d chased Riley, but she never caught her, right?

  So maybe I could do it too. Just come back once a year to say hi, what’s new and hey, don’t mind that rotten tide pool smell.

  The car rolled to a stop. I opened my door and climbed out. We were at Brianna’s, dropping off Caleb. Our eyes met when he got out of the car, almost like a silent communication. His eyebrows went up, probably one last attempt to change my mind.

  “See you later, Caleb,” I said, the only clue that my decision couldn’t be swayed.

  Then I got back in the car, shut the door and refused to listen to any more of their conversation. I figured I may as well get used to being completely alone.

  Starting now.

  •

  My house looked even more beautiful than I remembered. Sean pulled his dad’s SUV all the way up to the top of the driveway. We all got out of the car. I knew that Gram had invited Sean to stay for supper, but I had to get rid of him. So I grabbed his hand and pulled him away from the others. Meanwhile, Gram and Riley went inside. I heard Gram say something about how Riley could help her make dinner and I couldn’t resist grinning.

  Welcome home, sis.

  “You’ve been really quiet,” Sean said as he wrapped both arms around my waist. “Something wrong?”

  Just everything.

  I leaned against him. Lying would be easier if I didn’t look him in the eyes.

  “Huh-uh,” I said. “I just think the past few days have worn me out.”

  “Yeah.”

  I hugged him tighter.

  “You know, I was thinking, maybe I should let you and your Gram and your sister have some time alone tonight,” he said.

  I looked up at him. This was going a lot easier than I expected. But harder, at the same time.

  I reached up, put one hand behind his neck and pulled him closer. Kissed him. A long secret kiss, like I was never going to see him again. When we finally parted, my cheeks were wet with tears.

  “Hey, what’s wrong, Kira? I had a feeling something was bothering you—”

  “No, I just wanted you to know—I really appreciate how you’ve been there for me. Not just now, but always.”

  His brow lowered. “You sound like we’re breaking up or something.”

  Breaking up? Does that mean he really is my boyfriend? Great time to let me know, Sean.

  I shook my head, faked a laugh.

  “No, silly. I’m just tired, remember? I’ll see you at school tomorrow, okay?”

  That was probably the biggest lie of all and I waited to see if he would buy it. He did, with a big grin. I guess, to him, we had just decided we were boyfriend and girlfriend. So he wanted to believe it.

  I wished I could believe it too.

  I hugged him again, took a deep breath, filled my mind with his scent. Followed that up with another short and sweet kiss. Made sure it felt completely innocent, like I was really going to see him tomorrow and that there would be a lot more kisses then.

  Gave him one last flirtatious grin and wave once he got inside the car.

  Then, while his car growled its way down our driveway, I headed toward the beach. There I stripped down to my underwear and I swam, harder and faster and longer than I ever had before, up one wave and down another.

  Until my tears mingled with the salt water.

  Chapter 59

  Kira:

  After I got done swimming, I spent a few hours moving my things out of my bedroom, cramming them into a corner of the spare room—had to make it look like I would still be here in the morning. The hardest part was taking down that altar on my dresser, all that stuff of Katie’s that I’d been collecting over the years. I tucked it into an empty shoebox and wrote, ‘Believe it or not, I do love you’ across the top in marker. Then I crammed it in the bottom of my closet, beneath my shoes. Riley would find it eventually.

  But, hard as I tried, I couldn’t part with that bottle of perfume.

  So I stuck it in the pocket of my jeans.

  Meanwhile, Gram sat at the kitchen table, bottle of Jameson and a shot glass in front of her. She ordered Riley around, trying to teach her how to cook. I could hear pans banging, dishes breaking, an occasional curse from my sister, followed by a sharp reprimand from Gram.

  Dinner was a complete catastrophe.

  We didn’t sit down to eat until seven, much later than normal.

  Prickles ran up and down my spine as I tried to hurry through the meal—the awful, overcooked, under-spiced meal. I wasn’t even sure what it was supposed to be. I think it contained noodles and spinach and salmon, but I couldn’t find any definitive evidence of those ingredients. It sat on my plate, a green gooey mess.

  Riley seemed to like it though.

  I grinned as she ate it all, not bothering to talk to either of us. Maybe meals were hard to come by in her world.

  Then my stomach lurched as I thought about what I was going to be eating in a few days. Selkies for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Ugh. Maybe I could starve myself to death.

  Fortunately, we had some brownies left over from the weekend. I got them out, dusted them with fresh powdered sugar, then set them on a plate with a lacy doily. I made Gram some coffee—decaf, needed her to go to sleep as soon as possible—and poured her a cup.

  R
iley wrinkled her nose after she took a small bite of a brownie.

  She was going to have great fun at high school next year. A teenage girl who didn’t like chocolate.

  Gram poured a healthy dose of whiskey into her cup, took a big sip, then she pulled something out of her pocket and set it on the table in front of Riley. A tiny box wrapped in pink tissue paper, almost exactly like the one I got for my birthday.

  “What’s that?” Riley asked.

  “It’s a present for you,” Gram said.

  “Why?”

  “Open it.” Gram’s mouth settled into a straight line.

  The tissue paper came off, layer by layer, the box opened.

  Inside, surrounded by a piece of black velvet, lay a wooden, carved Celtic cross necklace. Not exactly like mine. This one looked older. The edges were worn and part of the carving had been broken off.

  Riley stared at it, like it scared her.

  “Put it on,” Gram said.

  Riley shook her head. “It’s going to burn my skin—”

  “No it isn’t. Put it on. And you wear it. All the time.”

  Riley reluctantly picked up the chain, fastened it behind her neck, let the hawthorn wood rest gently against the skin on her neck.

  “And don’t you be taking things from Kira anymore, understand?” Gram said.

  My sister nodded, but the expression in her eyes said otherwise.

  “That belonged to your mother, so don’t you lose it, girl.”

  I suddenly understood our trip to the Mission San Sebastian de Creciente today. She must have gotten this necklace from Father Sullivan. I wondered why he’d had it. Maybe Mom could tell me. After all, we’d have at least a fraction of a second together tonight.

  Plenty of time for her to divulge her deep, dark secrets.

  After I cracked open the Hinquememem and she stepped out.

  •

  I wasn’t sure whether I was going to need it or not, but I threaded Gram’s cross on a string, then hung it inside my shirt. It was a perfect night outside. Not what I’d expected. In my mind, the yard would have been covered with a low lying fog, about waist high, and you wouldn’t have been able to see exactly where the cliff was. The only things that would have stuck up above the fog would have been the swing set and slide, a few hawthorn trees, and there at the end of the yard, like a row of sharp white teeth, the top of the picket fence.