The Baby Arrangement (A Winston Brother's Novel #1)

by J. L. Beck

  “I do love you. I love you with my entire fucking heart! I love you so much. That’s why I’m letting you go….” My voice cracked and the beating muscle in my chest ached as it tried to pump blood throughout my body. I wasn’t just breaking Mia’s, heart. I was breaking my own too.

  “You don’t love me!” She growled, pulling her hand back, and landing a hard slap against my cheek. The pain of her smack stung but not nearly as bad as the pain that would linger with me for the rest of my life for hurting her this way. She sucked in a breath and I was positive she was on the verge of an anxiety attack.

  “Calm down Mia. Breathe, please breathe…” I begged, and pleaded with her, but she refused to meet my eyes until I reached for her. My fingers grazed her cheek as she pulled away from me, and took a deafening step back from me. This was the end this was what I wanted, wasn’t it?

  “I hate you, Jake. I hate you.” I stood there unable to do anything to make it better. The rage in her eyes reflected back at me, but it was more than rage that I saw as I stared into her beautiful eyes. Sadness like I had never seen before lingered beneath the rage. I couldn’t take back the words I had spoken or the contract with the United States government that I had signed. I was a member of the Army for the next four years if I survived the next four years…

  Donovan’s voice filtered into the bathroom pulling me from my shitty memories. “Hurry it up, asshole…” I heard him mumble against the bathroom door. I killed the water having rinsed all the suds off. I grabbed the towel and dried off my hair before wrapping the towel around my midsection then I opened the bathroom door and escaped out into the hall heading in the direction of the bedroom that Mia’s parents had offered me.

  “You’re letting him live here?” I knew that voice, and I also knew what it was like to be on the receiving end her anger.

  “It’s been four years since he left Mia. Let it go. Maybe try and become friends with him instead?” Jen sounded just as upset as Mia was. I had asked Donovan if I could stay with him for a few weeks till I got my own place but shit hit the fan with that real fast when his fiancé found out, so he got his parents to agree to me staying here. I was praying that I could get out of here before Mia discovered we were almost living under the same roof.

  Almost.

  “He broke my heart. He hurt me. Why does no one in this family realize that…? Instead, he just shows back up, as if he did nothing wrong and you all praise him like some knight and shining armor.” She aspirated, her words filled with more and more venom as she spoke.

  I licked my lips, as my cock grew stiff against the fabric of the towel. She has no idea how much I loved her dirty mouth. She always had said exactly how she felt when she felt it.

  “For Pete’s sake let it go Mia. You’re twenty-two now. If you aren’t going to do it for you aren’t going to do it for yourself at least do it for Lola.” My entire body froze up that second. I hadn’t forgotten that Mia had a daughter it just enraged me knowing that some asshole got her knocked up and walked away from her like that.

  Lola deserved a good Dad, and Mia deserved a man who knew how to take care of her in more than one way.

  “I’m done with this conversation Mother!” Mia sounded frustrated and I hated that I was the cause for all her current problems. Had I just stayed away maybe she would be having a better day?

  “Hi!” A tiny voice met my ears, and I dropped my attention to the little girl that had magically appeared in front of me. Lola. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She looked so much like her mother that it hurt me looking at her.

  “Hi! What’s your name?” I questioned, knowing that I should probably go and change since I was only in a towel.

  “Lola. What’s yours?” She shot right back, her big blue eyes twinkling with amusement. She looked like sunshine and radiated happiness and I wanted her to be mine instead of some other assholes child right then and there.

  “I’m Jake, and I’m your mommy’s friend,” I added the last bit hoping if Lola liked me then maybe she would ask her mom to bring her to see me more.

  “Lola Jean get over…” Mia’s voice stopped mid-sentence as I lifted my eyes from her beautiful daughter and to her.

  “Mommy this is Jake…. He wants to be my friend…” I smiled down at Lola who was twirling a long strand of her dark brown hair around one of her fingers.

  “That’s great sweetheart. How about you let mommy have a nice talk with Jake well you go find Uncle Dom.” Mia hid her anger from her daughter really well I would give her that.

  “Uncle Dom…” Lola bellowed as she ran in the direction of the kitchen leaving Mia and myself in the hallway of her old house.

  “It’s one thing to fuck with me, but an entirely different thing to fuck with my daughter…” Mia snarled and I could feel my cock growing harder as her rage spilled out of her. She had no idea how beautiful she was when she was angry.

  “I didn’t do anything Mia, and plus I would never hurt Lola. She’s an extension of you which mean’s I love her without having a need to know her…” I confessed holding my towel tightly in place even though I wanted to let it slip to the ground. Mia leaned into my body, her eyes roaming over my muscled chest far longer than acceptable.

  “If you’re smart Jake, then you’ll leave me and my family alone. You walked away from all of this a while ago, so don’t act like you can just waltz back into my life like you didn’t do anything wrong. You aren’t a knight Jake. You’re an asshole with a nice body, and face. An asshole that I, unfortunately, fell for…”

  I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped my lips, she could say whatever she wanted too, to me. I would take every insult and digest it because I knew I hurt her, but I refused to listen to her tell me I never loved her. I refused to let her act like she was nothing but a piece of meat to me. She would never be just a fuck buddy; she would never just be some girl I fucked.

  She was Mia. Mine.

  “Think whatever you want about me baby, hell say whatever you want about me, call me every damn name under the sun…” I snarled, leaning into her face, inhaling her sweet scent. It did nothing to calm my erratic heartbeat. “But don’t assume for one second that I never loved you. I did the only thing I could do, and I’m going to spend every fucking day for the rest of my life trying to win you back, because you’re it for me, Mia. You’re mine…” The words poured from me and as Mia’s face fell so did my heart. She didn’t believe me anymore. She didn’t trust me anymore and that was yet another thing I would have to fix to bring her back to me again.

  “Just leave me, and my daughter alone… and put some clothes on…” She spoke, her voice weak as she walked away from me and down the hall. I shook my head causing droplets of water to cascade across my skin. The fact she had told me to put on a shirt let me know everything I needed to know…

  She was most definitely still attracted to me.

  My insides churned, as the tears, I refused to let fall burned behind my eyes. The rehearsal dinner went off without a hitch and as I said my goodbyes to everyone with Lola in tow I could feel his eyes on me.

  How am I going to get through this with him living a mere few feet away from me? My breathing was coming out in pants. I just needed to get Lola and me inside the house and lock the door. I could cry later, but now, now I just needed to get away from him because my emotions were all out of sorts with him here.

  “Welcome back Jakey…” Sofia purred in his ear as she placed a well-manicured hand on his shoulder. I dug my nails deep into the flesh of my palm telling myself that it didn’t matter to me if he was with her after all he wasn’t mine.

  “Thanks, Sofia, it’s nice to be back home…” He didn’t bat his eyes at her, or even seem to be interested in conversing with her.

  “Momma, I want another cupcake!” Lola pleaded, giving me her best puppy dog eyes. She had no idea how much she resembled her father. I shifted my attention from Jake and the town slut to my sweet daughter.

  “No sweetheart. We�
��ve got to go get ready for bed because we’ve got a big day ahead of us tomorrow…” I bent down so that I could cradle her sweet face in my hands. Every day that Jake was gone she became my steady reminder of him and though I loved her with all my heart the fact that she looked identical to him and not me irked me a bit.

  “Please, Momma…” She pouted and all I could was smile as I pulled her into my chest. She was the sweetest little girl in the entire world.

  “No sweetie, it’s time for bed.” I willed myself to stay strong against her big blue eyes and instead plucked her up off the ground and headed in the direction of our two-story house that we rented from my parents.

  Forcing myself not to look back at Jake I walked in the direction of the house, my sandal’s slapping against the rocky trail that leads up to the house.

  “Leaving so early?” Jake’s deep voice met my ears causing my steps to flaunter. I swiveled around on my heels, coming face to face with him once again. We had to stop meeting like this.

  “Lola needs to get ready for bed, and I’m exhausted so yes we’re leaving so early…” I mocked his tone that he had used just moments ago. My body was humming with need, need that it wouldn’t be getting anytime soon.

  “Your mommy’s friend…” Lola beamed, smiling up at Jake like he was the knight and shining armor she assumed him to be. Jake looked down at her with some much care that I almost forgot for a second home badly he had hurt me.

  “I sure am… and I’m going to walk you and your pretty mommy up to the house.” Jake spoke so softly like he was telling her a bedtime story. Lola wasn’t immune to her father’s charms but I most definitely was and I wasn’t going to have him weasel his way into mine, and Lola’s life again.

  “Here sweetie, how about you walk the rest of the way up to the house, get your PJ’s out and pick out a book.” I released her placing her feet on the ground. Her brow furrowed and she stared at me as if to say no, only to turn around and run in the direction of the house.

  As soon as she was out of sight I turned on Jake, feeling the heat of his body wash over me in waves.

  Must resist his charming ways.

  “I refuse to let you hurt her like you hurt me!” I poked my finger into his chest, trying to get that one single point through to him somehow.

  “Hurt her? I’m not a monster Mia. It’s not like I went out of my way to hurt you. It’s not like it didn’t hurt me too…” He narrowed his eyes at me the blue of them darkening well the green seemed to grow lighter.

  “She’s my daughter…” I growled, wanting that too to be something he understood since he seemed to find a way to get into every single aspect of my life now that he was back in town.

  “I know that…” He leaned down, brushing a few strands of hair that had slipped out from behind my ear back into place. I couldn’t breathe with him this close to me. Every breath I inhaled was of his woodsy scent. He smelt like nature, the trees, and grass. He was home, and my heart and body knew it.

  “Obviously not.” I snapped, coming out of the trance he had put me in. The side of his lips pulled up in a smile that told me he knew what he was doing.

  “Giving in would be so much easier Mia. All I want is to talk…” His thumb slid across the side of my cheek sending a shock wave of emotions through me. My body was trembling with need I refused to give into.

  God, did I want to give into him like I had before, more so now than I ever had before, but I wasn’t dumb, and I knew nothing good would come from just talking to him.

  “I don’t want to talk to your cock, Jake. I’ve got enough going on in my life right now. Plus, Lola is number one when it comes to everything and I won’t be making a choice I might regret later on, especially one that could have ill effects on both of us.” I was so over explaining this to him. All I wanted was for him to go away and leave me, and my daughter alone.

  “One way or another I will win you back, Mia. Maybe not today, tomorrow, or this month but I will. I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life but leaving you was the biggest one….” I could feel my inside turning to mush. Every word I had always wanted to hear him say was finally being said.

  Grasping at whatever strength I had left, I moved a step back, and completely out of his reach. I had to end this before it went too far…

  “Save the speech for someone who cares… I’m not your girl anymore, and I never will be again.” I swiveled around, holding on to the last shred of strength I had left, and hauled ass up the rocky trail to the house, refusing to look back at him. As soon as I was in the confines of my home and away from his intoxicating scent I locked the dead bolt.

  It was then as I slid down the door letting the tears fall that I had been holding in all evening that I realized how much I really wanted him. I wanted him so badly but was it worth it at the expense of my heart.

  I wiped away the tears hoping that Lola would stay preoccupied until I could get my emotions under control because God knows she didn’t need to see her strong as hell mommy crying over something she couldn’t change.

  Weddings aren’t my thing, like at all. Neither are tuxedos or wearing underwear but…

  “What can I get you to drink?” The bartender questioned sauntering up to my side of the bar. I tapped my fingers against the wood grain.

  “Just whatever beer you have on tap…” I confided, before swiveling around on the bar stool to survey the crowded hall. My eyes went straight to her, my everything, my strength, and need: Mia.

  She was wearing a silver dress with white lace. She looked like a fucking sin I wanted to commit again and again.

  “Here you go.” The bartender spoke to my back as the sound of the cold glass of beer hitting the bar entered my ears. I turned around quickly and grabbed the frosty mug, bringing it to my lips for a quick sip.

  “Is this not the most beautiful wedding you’ve ever seen?” Sofia squealed with delight clapping her hands together with far more excitement than needed. I had to force myself not to roll my eyes at her comment.

  “Oh, it’s great…” I made myself sound as uninterested as possible hoping she would get the hint. There wasn’t enough beer to deal with this girl. Not only was she someone that Mia hated with a fiery passion but she was also Donovan’s ex-girlfriend and had it not been for her also being Harper’s best friend she wouldn’t even be here.

  “I’m glad you’re back…” Her voice took on a seductiveness that I didn’t like.

  “Right. I’m sure you’re glad…” This time I did roll my eyes because I was done playing nice guy. I was here because of one girl and one girl only: Mia. And Sofia was not going to wedge a rock between us if I had anything to do with it.

  “Oh, I am… and I’m hoping you’re ready to move on from Mia. Since you know she has someone else and all…” Sofia’s fingernails dug into the fabric of my shirt as she tried to get my attention. Didn’t she get the point yet?

  I had to hold my temper in because Sofia wasn’t worth the hassle that she wanted to cause. Mia would be mine again.

  “Mia has been, and always will be mine. I don’t care if she had a baby with someone else. I’m here now, and I’m going to pick up right where we left off…” I growled, frustration with the bitch because she just wouldn’t stop.

  “She doesn’t want you...” I blocked out her voice as I picked up my beer and moved away from the bar. Mia had made that clear more than once. I didn’t need to hear it from some bimbo who thought she had a chance with me. Shaking my head I tried to let go of the anger Sofia stirred in me.

  “Why don’t you dance with her?” Donovan’s voice met my ears just as I took another swig from my beer. If things kept up the way they were I would have to switch to liquor at some point and time tonight.

  “One I don’t dance…” I commented my eyes instinctively searching for Mia in the crowd. “And two she has no interest in me…” Like I had said before I wasn’t all that shocked that she wanted nothing to do with me but I was shocked at her immunity to my charm.
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  “Don’t let it get to you. Once she warms up to you and feels that you’re a good fit with Lola everything will be okay.” I gripped the glass of the beer hard testing its strength before speaking.

  “How old is Lola?” My eyes darted down to the blonde haired, blue-eyed beauty at her mother’s feet. They were dancing together, their faces full of excitement and laughter. I stared at them both feeling as if I was missing a piece to the puzzle.

  “I’m not good with Birthday’s man,” Donovan mumbled under his breath and before I could comment telling him to actually think about it Harper had come and whisked him away and out onto the dance floor for a dance.

  But now that I had this haggling need to know when Lola’s birthday was I couldn’t just give up on it. I wanted to know. I needed to know and I didn’t understand why.

  Leaving my beer on the table I got up and sashayed over to them, hoping maybe Mia could give me the answer I needed.

  “You look beautiful tonight.” I leaned into her backside whispering the words in her ear. She smelled heavily like homemade cookies and sugar… Yeah, she was definitely good enough to eat.

  “Umm… thank you…” She stumbled over her words as a pink flush worked its way up her throat, and onto her cheeks. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She was everything I ever wanted and the one thing that I needed most in this world.

  “No thank you! I haven’t able to stop staring at you… you’re all I can think about…” I was getting carried away but I hated having to keep my feelings hidden away. Mia was my oxygen and without her, I couldn’t breathe.