Puzzled to Death

by Parnell Hall

  “No. Of course not!”

  “No suggestion of meeting her later to discuss this further?”

  “There was nothing to discuss. Whether she made suggestions to others, I couldn’t say. Obviously, since someone killed her, she struck pay dirt, so to speak. But whether she invited her killer or whether he showed up on his own, I certainly couldn’t say. Perhaps others can be more helpful.”

  “Perhaps they can,” Chief Harper agreed. “Did you notice her talking to anyone else at the town hall?”

  “No, I didn’t. I barely noticed her at all. If you hadn’t reminded me, I wouldn’t have remembered.”

  “And I can vouch for that,” Sara Pickens interjected. “Because I just went to get some coffee and cheesecake. Which didn’t take long. On my way back I saw Billy talking to this old woman. By the time I got to him, she was gone. It was a very brief conversation. And I didn’t notice her after that either, if that’s your next question.”

  “Actually, I was going to ask if you and your husband came home together after Fun Night.”

  “Of course we did,” Billy Pickens said. “What kind of question is that?”

  “And you were both home for the rest of the evening?”

  Billy started to answer, then he hesitated.

  “Yes? What is it?”

  “Nothing, really,” Sara Pickens interposed. “Except Billy drove the baby-sitter home.”

  “I see.” Chief Harper nodded, as if this were the most natural thing in the world and he would have expected Billy to do no less. “And I assume he came right back?”

  “Of course,” Sara Pickens said, a little too hastily. She shot her husband a glance. “Now, if there’s nothing else, we’ve got work to do—”

  “Nothing else for the moment,” Chief Harper answered. “Thank you both for your time.”

  Sara Pickens escorted them to her front door. Chief Harper leaned his ear in after it closed, but all he and Cora Felton could hear was the young housewife’s footsteps fading away.

  “ALL RIGHT, WHAT THE HECK’S GOING ON?”

  Chief Harper swung the car out of the Pickenses’ driveway. “On?”

  Cora scowled. “Don’t play coy with me, Chief. You didn’t need me to grill Billy Pickens. You even tried to send me out of the room with his wife. I don’t believe that’s what you brought me along for. So why is it that you’re so eager for my expertise that you yanked me out of the tournament—not that I wasn’t happy to go—but why did you do it? Come on, what’s up?”

  “Now you’re talking,” Chief Harper said. “You were a little slow when I picked you up, but now you’re right on the ball.”

  “Oh, is that so? Well, would you like to fill me in, because I’m really tired of playing games.”

  Chief Harper pulled the cruiser up on the shoulder of the country road, put the car in park. He reached in his pocket, pulled out a folded piece of paper, passed it over.

  Cora unfolded it with mounting misgivings.

  Sucked in her breath.

  It was—

  A crossword puzzle.

  Her worst dread.

  And yet …

  The sudden rush of icy fear was replaced by a sudden surge of relief.

  The heading read: CURIOUS CANINES by Craig Carmichael.

  This was not some cryptic clue left by the killer. It was one of the games from Fun Night. The puzzle didn’t have a thing to do with murder.

  Better still, it had been filled in. So even if Chief Harper got the crazy idea it might mean something, Cora wouldn’t have to solve it. As far as crossword puzzles went, it was the best of all possible worlds.

  Cora looked it over with assurance.

  “So,” Cora said, looking at the chief. “It’s a puzzle from Fun Night. What about it?”

  “It was found on the body.”

  “Oh?”

  “Under the body, actually. Mrs. Roth was lying on top of it, just a corner peeking out.”

  “It wasn’t there when I saw her body.”

  “No, it wasn’t. I’d removed it.”

  “And immediately bagged it for evidence?”

  “Yes, that would have been better, wouldn’t it?” the chief replied mildly. “But I didn’t want anyone to see what it was.”

  “Why, Chief? It’s just a stupid crossword puzzle from Fun Night. We know Mrs. Roth went to Fun Night. That fact was established by several witnesses, including me. We don’t need a crossword puzzle to place her there.”

  “No, but we have to stop and figure. How does the puzzle wind up on her body?”

  “Are you kidding? Half of the town got a puzzle. Volunteers were handing them to everybody there. They even gave one to me.”

  “What did you do with yours?”

  “Threw it away. What did I want with a puzzle?”

  “Yeah, well, she took hers home. Assuming it’s hers.”

  “Oh, come on, Chief. You think the killer deliberately left the puzzle on the body?”

  “It’s a theory.”

  “It’s a bad theory. It makes no sense.”

  “Why?”

  Cora exhaled in exasperation. “All right, this puzzle is folded. Did you fold it?”

  “Yes and no.”

  “Could you be any more irritating?”

  “Sorry. The puzzle was lying under the body. It was not folded, but it had been folded. Those crease marks were not made by me. I merely refolded it.”

  “Exactly,” Cora said. “And do you know what that means?”

  “I’d be happy to have you tell me.”

  “The woman was at Fun Night. Someone handed her a puzzle. She didn’t know what to do with it. She wasn’t near a garbage can, she wasn’t going to just throw it on the floor. She folded it, stuck it in her pocket. Or her purse. Or whatever. And wound up taking it home.”

  “So who solved it?”

  “She did.”

  “Oh, really? Did the woman ever express any interest in crossword puzzles? Had she done one before?”

  “Probably not. She probably never even tried. But this is different. She comes home, she’s been given a puzzle, she finds it in her pocket or her purse, she checks it out. It’s called Curious Canines. Who knows, maybe she likes dogs. She takes a pencil, starts to fiddle. Lo and behold, it’s not that hard. So she keeps at it, and this is the result.”

  CURIOUS CANINES

  by Craig Carmichael

  ACROSS DOWN

  1 Ways 1 Fake jewelry

  6 Leers at 2 Genus of plant lice

  11 B–F connection 3 Chaplin persona

  14 Eliot’s cruelest month 4 Robbers’ roost

  15 “Arthur” star 5 Congressman and Union army officer Henry Warner

  16 Possessed 6 17th century card game

  17 Sparring dog? 7 Not bad

  19 Bullfight cheer 8 Bagels and

  20 Work record 9 Before (Arch.)

  21 German field marshal Rommel 10 Most peaceful

  23 Marry 11 Hungry dog?

  24 Shore of TV fame 12 Surrealist Salvador

  26 Arbiter 13 Paradise

  27 Shoeless 18 Stinging insect

  30 Fancy dude 22 English flyboys

  33 Handwoven wall hanging 24 Risks

  34 Tiny Tim’s instrument 25 Retirement funds

  35 Fuss 27 Payoff

  36 Most kempt 28 Edible pod

  38 Gun club 29 Mets or Yankees

  39 Sass 30 Fellas cohorts

  40 Desert people 31 Change text

  41 Cheese 32 Scoreless dog?

  42 Work obstruction 33 Saying

  44 Clothing chain 36 Carole King album

  46 “Goodnight,____” 37 Persia, now

  47 Most comfy (Var.) 41 Letter

  51 Dames 43 Before, in prefixes

  53 Memento 44 Leaves

  54 Oil paintings 45 Feature

  55 Fashionable dog? 47 Gives up

  58 Expire 48 Consumed

  59 Hindu princess 49 Angles

  60 Detective’s finds (V
ar.) 50 Curt

  61 Corn unit 51 Green gemstone

  62 Affirmatives 52 Operatic solo

  63 Present, for instance 53 Leg joint

  56 Actress____ Dawn Chong

  57 Printers’ measures

  “Uh-huh.”

  “You don’t buy that?”

  “I can buy that. But why does she sit there doing the puzzle? Is that her normal routine?”

  Cora considered. “No. That time of night she’d always be getting ready for bed. She isn’t because she’s expecting someone. So she’s doing the puzzle to kill time.”

  “Exactly,” Chief Harper said. “I’m going to have a handwriting expert check this out to see if she wrote it. Though what they can tell from just capital letters I have no idea. But it’s certainly one explanation.”

  “You got another?”

  “Sure. The killer left it on the body.”

  “Oh, come on.”

  “You got a problem with that?”

  “I certainly do. The killer left the puzzle. For what purpose? It’s a simple, ordinary puzzle, nothing special about it, everyone in town had one.”

  “That may be. But the clue may not be in the puzzle itself, but in the fact it was left.”

  Cora took a breath, exhaled. “It seems to me we’re back where we started, Chief. You brought me out here to show me a crossword puzzle. On the one hand it has nothing to do with the crime, on the other it’s already filled in. You can come up with as many theories as you like for how it got there, but most likely it’s just like I say. The woman brought it home, did it herself. She was strangled and fell on the puzzle, and there you are, that’s all there is to it. In which case I don’t see why you need me.”

  Chief Harper looked at her for a moment, sighed, reached in his jacket pocket, pulled out another folded piece of paper. Handed it over without a word.

  Cora unfolded it.

  Her mouth fell open.

  CORA FELTON STARED AT CHIEF HARPER IN DISBELIEF. “Don’t tell me. This was found on the body of Judy Vale?”

  “It was on a notepad on the kitchen table. Her body was on the kitchen floor.”

  “And this was on the table in plain sight?”

  “No, the pad was facedown.”

  “Uh-huh. When did you find this?”

  “When I processed the crime scene.”

  “When you arrested Joey Vale?”

  “Shortly thereafter.”

  “So when you came to see me—to tell me to butt out of the case—you already knew about this?”

  “What’s your point?”

  “You told me the case was none of my business. You said I’d helped you in the past when the crimes were crossword-puzzle related, but this one wasn’t.”

  The chief was silent.

  “That was a lie.”

  “A pretty good one too,” Chief Harper said complacently.

  “Why did you lie to me?”

  “I was trying to get a rise out of you. See if you’d contradict me. See if you knew any different.”

  “But how could I?”

  “I thought Becky Baldwin tried to hire you.”

  “Oh, for goodness sakes.”

  “What’s the matter?”

  “Nothing, just kicking myself in the head. I bought her whole line of patter. No PIs in town, travel time from Danbury. She knew about this.” Cora pointed to the paper. “She knew you’d ask me about it. She tried to sew me up so you couldn’t.”

  Chief Harper nodded. “That’s the way I see it. Which tells me something. Joey Vale must have known about this paper and told her about it. Because I certainly didn’t.”

  “Then Joey knew it was there?”

  “Only way it works.”

  “So why wouldn’t he get rid of it?”

  “That’s what I’m asking you. How do you interpret this? What does this mean?”

  Once again Cora felt an instinctive rush of dread at the thought of having to interpret words. She tried to tell herself it wasn’t a crossword puzzle, it was just a clue. Even so, she found herself automatically prevaricating. “But why now, Chief? Why do you bring this to me now?”

  He shrugged. “As long as Joey Vale was a suspect, I felt funny about it, what with Becky approaching you. As you so aptly pointed out, even his alibi didn’t clear him. But this does. There’s no way he killed Mrs. Roth. And not to pooh-pooh your two-killers theory, but not to give it any credence either, I would say I can safely cross Joey off my suspect list. So there’s your clue. What do you think it means? And just a small hint—if you say it points to Joey Vale, I am not going to be pleased.”

  “Okay,” Cora said, thinking hard. “To begin with, this is not a crossword puzzle, it’s just a group of intersecting words. Doodled on a piece of paper. Doodled. A person doodles when they’re on the phone. Was there a phone near the kitchen table?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “There’s your theory. Judy Vale scribbled this while talking on the phone.”

  “If she did, what does it mean?”

  Cora examined the page.

  “It’s perfectly obvious,” Cora said. “She’s thinking about her lover. She wrote the word lover and doodled a bunch of hearts. Then she’s thinking Joey will be jealous of her lover. Which is what always happens and what she’s afraid of. The lights out could mean a couple of things. She has to turn the lights out so Joey won’t see her lover. Or, if Joey sees her lover, he’ll punch his lights out.”

  “Oh, come on.”

  “What’s wrong with that? The stars she doodles are what her lover sees after Joey hits him.”

  “Worse and worse. You got any ideas from the planet earth?”

  Cora sniffed indignantly. “You want my opinion or not?”

  “I’d like something I can work with.”

  “All right. Whatever else this may be, it’s not a note to her lover.”

  “How do you figure?”

  “If Judy’s killed by a lover and a lover sees this, he’s gonna get rid of it, figuring it points to him.”

  “Unless he figures it points to Joey Vale,” Chief Harper argued.

  “Yes. But would a person naturally think that?”

  “Why not? I did. Not now, I mean when I arrested him. Why wouldn’t I? His name’s there, plus his motivation.”

  “Yeah, but you weren’t Judy Vale’s lover,” Cora pointed out. “The lover sees this and all he’s gonna see is the word lover screaming to high heaven. Assuming he killed her, I mean. In which case he’d get rid of it pronto.”

  “But Joey Vale wouldn’t? Assuming he saw it and then told his lawyer about it?”

  “I don’t know, Chief, I gotta think about it. I’ve been trying to come up with ways Joey could have killed his wife. Now you want me to find ways he didn’t.”

  “Can you do it?”

  “If Joey’s innocent, he comes home from the Rainbow Room absolutely blotto around one in the morning. His wife is dead on the kitchen floor. Joey doesn’t see her. He staggers into the bedroom, pulls off his clothes, and falls into bed without even noticing his wife isn’t there. In the morning he gets up, crashes around the house, and finds the body. He’s thunderstruck. He can’t remember strangling his wife, and while he’s a little hazy on the night before, that sort of thing would be apt to stick in his mind.”

  “Don’t be cute.”

  “Sorry. Anyway, Joey’s not too out of it to realize he’ll be the number-one suspect. So he takes a crowbar and breaks the lock on the kitchen door. I assume that wasn’t hard?”

  “The wood was old and rotten. All he had to do was stick the crowbar between the door and the jamb and pry. The screws popped off the metal covering and the bolt tore through the wood.”

  “What’d he do with the crowbar, by the way? Leave it by the door?”

  Chief Harper shook his head. “Put it with his tools. Down in the cellar. Actually, not a bad move. It’s his crowbar. He’s gotta figure an intruder would bring his own crowbar, take it away wi
th him.”

  “Okay, so that’s what he does. Breaks the lock on his door to make it look like there’d been an intruder.”

  “And how does this intruder jibe with the lover mentioned on the pad? She can’t be killed by an intruder and a lover. Unless they’re one and the same. I mean, who breaks the lock on the kitchen door? Take it from Joey’s point of view. I’ll break the lock on the kitchen door to make it look like someone broke in and then killed her. On the other hand, I’ll leave the pad on the table so the police will think her lover did it. You can’t have it both ways.”

  “True.”

  “So how does that make sense?”

  “Well, one possibility is we’re all wet about the Becky Baldwin angle, and Joey never saw the pad.”

  “You buy that?”

  “Nah. Becky’s a little schemer, likes to play it real close to the vest. If you’re withholding the clue, she’s gonna withhold the fact she knows about it, until she can use it to her advantage. Plus the fact she tried to hire me, which is out of character.” Cora shook her head. “No. Unless Becky found out some other way, Joey saw that pad.”

  “If she found out some other way, there’s gonna be a major shake-up in the police department.”

  “Mmm. I say Joey saw the pad. He gets out of bed and he goes into the kitchen. Where’s the kitchen phone?”

  “On the wall just inside the door.”

  “So the table’s next to that?”

  “That’s right.”

  “Where’s the body?”

  “On the other side of the room. Near the outside door. Which is probably what gave him the idea to break it in.”

  “Uh-huh. Is the outer kitchen door in a direct line with the inner kitchen door?”

  “No, it’s on the side wall. Why?”

  “So Joey walks into the kitchen, doesn’t see his wife, because her body is on the floor off to the side. But he sees this pad on the table. He picks it up, reads the cryptic message. The word lover is certainly clear. He slams the pad on the table, facedown. He goes to the refrigerator to get some milk or orange juice or maybe even a beer, and that’s when he finds his wife’s body on the floor. He panics, breaks the lock on the kitchen door, and goes off to work as if nothing happened. He doesn’t take into account the pad of paper on the kitchen table. He doesn’t even think of it until his lawyer cross-examines him on what he did.”