It was his turn to be silent. “I appreciate the advice, but it might be too late for that,” he said, finally.
He could almost imagine Diane shrugging. “You never know unless you try,” she replied. “Clara is pretty damn great, and if you’re fine sitting back while another man discovers that truth then so be it.”
A low growl built in his chest. He didn’t want anyone else learning the differences between all her smiles. Or discovering that she hated the scent of roses but adored lilies. That she loved to learn and always had her phone loaded up with podcasts on every topic imaginable. He’d even seen her fight her way through textbooks on computer science just to understand more of what he did. How could he stand another man watching how she curled her arms around any stray pillow she could get her hands on when she fell asleep on his couch?
How could he lose her without really fighting for her? Surely, she meant more to him than that.
“I need to go. Thanks for the call, Diane.”
The woman sighed. “She’s going to kill me. If I lose my best reporter because of you I’ll never let you hear the end of it.”
“Your secrets are safe. Trust me.”
She snorted at the thought.
“You’ve just given me a few things to think about, that’s all.”
“Uh-huh. If Clara asks, I’m on vacation for the foreseeable future. Somewhere remote with no cell phone access.”
“I’ll pass that on,” he said, rolling his eyes.
“Awesome. I’m going to go bang my head against the wall now. Ciao.”
The call disconnected and he tossed his phone onto the coffee table. Leaning his elbows against his knees, he templed his fingers as he thought over Diane’s words. Had he been running when he’d thought he was doing the right thing? Protecting a woman more than capable of protecting herself?
Had he been taking away her choices?
I could tell her why I kissed her. Tell her I haven’t been able to get her out of my head.
For a man, whose longest relationship rarely stretched passed a single TV season, the thought of forever should send him running for the hills.
But this was Clara. He couldn’t imagine not wanting to see her. Not wanting to do more than see her if given the chance…
Which left him with a choice. One he’d made once before when they’d been barely more than kids. Keep her friendship and watch her find a better man to spend her life with. Or speak up, and maybe lose his best friend in the attempt to win what he wanted most. Clara in his arms.
Pushing to his feet, he paced the length of the room. They weren’t kids anymore. This wasn’t as easy or clear a decision as it’d once been.
He had a new baby. Now was not the time to start anything else in his life. But if he didn’t, Todd would swoop in and take advantage of his hesitation.
Is there ever a good time to say the things I want to say to her?
After vowing to leave his interest for her in the past, he didn’t think so. He’d spent too many years actively avoiding thinking of her in this context. Because even as a student he knew. There could be nothing casual with Clara. This was an all-or-nothing decision, and he didn’t know if he was ready for permanent.
But if he wasn’t, he’d lose her.
“Dammit,” he swore.
What did he choose? Logic?
Or the chance at something more with his oldest friend?
…
“Thank you for a lovely evening, Todd,” Clara said, standing outside Walker’s condo building.
“You live here?” he asked, looking up at the towering high-rise. “Reporters must do better than I thought.”
“I’m…staying with a friend right now,” she said.
He offered her an easy smile. “Must be nice.”
“It is.”
Sure, it is. But the beautiful condo isn’t the reason.
Mentally shaking her head, she focused on her date. “I had fun tonight.”
“Me too,” he replied. “Hopefully we can do it again sometime.”
The memory of ice blue eyes flashed through her mind.
“Yeah,” she said. “I’d like that.”
“Good.” Touching her arm, he leaned in.
At the last moment, she turned her head, Todd’s good-night kiss landing on her cheek instead of her lips.
She felt his hesitation before he drew back. “Thanks again,” she said, twisting her hands in her purse strap. “I’ll give you a call and we can set up another date.”
Not waiting to see what he’d say, she raced through the door the doorman held open. She crossed the ornate lobby to the elevators without looking back at her date.
The evening could have ended smoother, but all in all she thought it went well. He was exactly what she needed. Normal, sane, attractive. There were no illegitimate children in his past, no brilliant business ventures, or awkward social traits. He’d been charming and sweet. So, what if he didn’t make her heart race? Surely that sort of combustible attraction would grow in time. And if it didn’t, maybe she just didn’t need that level of desire in her relationships. Perhaps it was something better left to fantasies than the real world. She wouldn’t be blinded by lust and make foolish mistakes. She could go into this relationship with clear eyes. Todd could be just want she needed.
The elevator arrived and she slid her key card into the penthouse access slot. Immediately she started to rise, the numbers flashing above the door. Glancing at her watch she saw it was late. Walker would probably be asleep, grabbing a few hours’ peace where he could. She’d have to be quiet.
But when the elevator stopped at her floor and she disembarked, her feet slowed to a stop at the door.
She should unlock it, slip off to her room, and fall asleep thinking about Todd.
She wouldn’t, though. If she entered the home before her, she’d spend the night thinking about Walker.
And the fact that he didn’t want her the way she wanted him.
She swallowed hard, lifting her chin. These things happened. It was no one’s fault. He couldn’t control who he was or wasn’t attracted to any more than she could.
But why doesn’t he see me?
Why was he worming his way even deeper into her heart while the reverse wasn’t true for him? What was so wrong with her?
Nothing. Todd thinks I’m great.
Too bad Walker just viewed her as a go-to for baby advice.
He values me more than that.
Just not the way she most wanted.
Straightening, she rolled back her shoulders. Too much of her life had been spent waiting to see if anything would ever happen with them. That ended now.
He kissed me out of stress, not desire. Remember that and push him back into the friendzone. We don’t need to lose each other over this.
Not if she could help it.
Mind made up, she unlocked the door and slipped inside. Kicking off her shoes at the entranceway, she hung up her coat and tiptoed toward the stairs.
Only to stop when she saw the light of a single lamp on in the living room. Curious, she moved to the doorway and saw Walker waiting up in one of his leather armchairs, his gaze fixed on her.
A shiver raced down her spine. A quick glance showed he was alone. Hunter must have gone to sleep. Which made this even more dangerous. It was late, dark, and her nerves were raw. She should toss him a wave and make her way upstairs to the safety of her bedroom. Everything would seem better in the sunlight. They could find their rhythm again and things would be back to normal.
She stepped into the room.
He said nothing as she glided toward him on silent feet. The grand room was more intimate in the near darkness. Walker’s face was shadowed so she could barely make out more than his glittering eyes.
Tossing her purse on a chair, she stopped a few feet from him.
“How was the date?” he asked.
She shrugged. “Todd is a great guy. We had a lot in common.”
“Going t
o see him again?”
She glanced away. “Probably. It’s been a while since I had such a successful first date. I wouldn’t mind seeing where it leads.”
“Sounds like a good time.”
“It was.”
It just would have been better with you.
Shaking her head, she walked around his chair and headed for the windows that lined one wall of the penthouse. Pressing a palm to the cool glass, she gazed out over the twinkling city. One of the things she loved best about this place was the view at night. She could almost imagine she drifted above the city, free of all the cares that usually plagued her.
One of which rose to his feet behind her.
She watched him in the window that acted like a dark mirror as he walked up to her. He didn’t touch her but stood close enough that she felt the heat of his body along her back.
“Diane will be glad to know it all worked out.”
“I’ll have to thank her,” she said, watching his reflection rather than the city spread out below them. “Maybe return the favor at some point.”
“Going to set her up with some eligible bachelor?”
“If I can find one. You’re the most eligible single I know,” she tried to joke.
But his reflection didn’t crack a smile. “I’m not interested in her.”
She turned then, her back pressing up against the window. “Then who are you interested in?”
Those bright blue eyes darkened as he looked down at her. “Million-dollar question.”
“You can afford it,” she breathed.
“That’s not the cost I’m worried about paying.”
Had he moved closer or was it just her imagination that was making it harder to breath? Her heart thundered in her ears even as she told herself she should slip away. Say she was tired and head off to bed. Alone.
She held still, waiting with bated breath to see what came next.
“It’s not like you to worry about consequences.”
“Ouch,” he mocked, sliding close enough that his clothing brushed hers.
“Am I wrong?”
“No.” His fingers ghosted along her jaw and down the long column of her throat. “Maybe I’m growing up.”
“I didn’t think you had it in you.”
“You have a way of making a man reevaluate his priorities.”
She blinked. “I never have before.”
“Then you weren’t paying close enough attention, Ms. Reporter.”
His lips claimed hers before she could respond.
Chapter Twelve
The retort on the tip of her tongue died as she melted into his arms. Why oh why did he have to feel so damned good? Her hands slid up his chest, feeling the planes of hard muscles beneath her fingers. She itched to push the material up and run her hands along his hot, bare skin. Heat ignited inside her. What would it be like to push him backward on a bed and straddle his hips? She wanted him beneath her as she leaned down to lap at his bronzed skin.
She inhaled his personal blend of sandalwood and something uniquely Walker. It didn’t provide the clarity she’d wanted. No, if anything it made her head swim even more. What was it about this man that made her crave him like a drug? She’d spent so many years with him, doing everything in her power not to think about him sexually. And now it was like they’d both mutually gone insane and thrown all logic to the wind.
But why now? Was this just his way of getting a little stress relief without having to leave the comfort of his own home?
The thought had her tearing her mouth from his with a hoarse cry. Pushing him away, she stumbled over to the couch and gripped the edge of it for support.
“Clara…”
Straightening, she cut him off with a slash of her hand. “Stress again?” she demanded. “Must be just another slip you’ll write off in the morning. I must tell you, I can’t be as casual about this as you clearly can. I can’t kiss my best friend and then pretend it was meaningless.”
“I can’t either,” he said, taking a step toward her. “And I don’t want to try.”
“Then what is this?” she demanded. “What’s happening?”
He closed the distance between them with careful steps. “Do we have to define it? Can’t we just enjoy the moment?”
She shook her head. “This will change everything.”
His eyes were on her mouth. “Is that such a bad thing?”
“We’re too different,” she tried. “You view relationships as a prison and I…”
“You want more.”
“Yes.”
He nodded. “All that’s true. But on the other hand…”
He pulled her back into his arms.
Dammit, she cursed as his lips touched hers. She knew this was a mistake, and yet her body clearly hadn’t received the memo.
“This is crazy,” she whispered against his mouth.
“A very bad idea,” he agreed.
“You’re good at those.”
“Yes. But it doesn’t change the fact that I can’t stop thinking about you.”
“Thinking of me how?”
He reached out to tug a piece of hair behind her ear, his fingers brushing gently against her cheek. “In a way, I promised myself I never would.”
“Why would you make a promise like that?”
“Because I can’t lose you. Not ever.”
Her heart skipped a beat. “You won’t lose me,” she vowed, running her hands up his arms.
“You don’t know that,” he replied as he wrapped his arms around her waist. “We’ve worked very hard to keep our relationship platonic.” He leaned forward until his lips brushed her ear. “And what I want to do to you has nothing to do with friendship.”
She shivered. “You’re not the only one who’s been thinking about crossing lines.”
“No?” he murmured when she drew back enough to face him.
“No,” she agreed. Raising a hand, she ran a finger over his lips, touching him more intimately than she’d ever dared. “You may have always viewed me as sexless, but I can’t help the way I feel about you.”
“Sexless is the last word I’d use to describe you,” he replied, pressing a tiny kiss to her questing fingertips. “I’ve never met any woman as hard to forget about as you are. You drive me crazy, Clara. Seeing you in my home every day, watching you with Hunter, dreaming of you every night. It’s driving me insane.”
“Sounds like you should do something about it, then,” she whispered.
“That’s the conclusion I came to as well.”
“Makes sense.”
“Right?” His lips hung a breath away from hers. “But I need to be clear. If we go down this road, I can’t make any promises. Not right now. Not with Hunter and everything going crazy in my life. Can you handle that?”
Could she?
She drew in a shuddering breath. “I don’t want to lose you. And I don’t want to be with anyone else. This might be a moment we regret for the rest of our lives, but I don’t want to walk away.”
The hands on her body tightened. “I don’t want to walk away either. I can’t. Even if it’s the right thing to do.”
“You never do the right thing,” she teased. “Don’t start now.”
“Good advice.” His hands ran up higher, sliding against the sides of her breasts. “Be sure, Clara.”
She cupped his face, looking up into eyes she’d loved in one way or another for most of her adult life.
“You’re the only thing I’ve ever been sure of,” she said.
The need on his face softened as he gazed down at her with a tenderness that took her breath away.
“And you never make mistakes,” he murmured.
“No, I don’t.”
“Good.”
He kissed her again.
Clara moaned as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Their kisses before had been fiery, stolen. But this one was infinitely gentle and more devastating. He touched her as if she were the most important thin
g in the world to him.
Tunneling her fingers into his hair, she took charge and deepened the kiss. He might think she was made of glass, but she wanted to show him nothing was further from the truth. She was more than capable of giving as good as she got, and the idea of proving that to him made her breath quicken.
“Where’s Hunter?” she whispered.
“Asleep in the crib in my room. I’ve got the baby monitor on,” he said, pointing to the receiver on the coffee table.
“Then we have nothing to worry about.” With a hand on his chest, she pushed him backward toward the couch.
“No interruptions,” he agreed, falling onto the cushions.
She straddled him, her fingers running through his hair. “No turning back.”
His hands rose to her thighs to steady her as she leaned down to kiss him. Electricity shot through her. Finally, after all these years she could touch him the way she’d always wanted to. There was nothing to hold her back. Who knew what the morning would bring, but wasn’t one night with him better than wondering if she’d missed out for the rest of her life?
Tonight, she could indulge in her every fantasy, and she wasn’t going to miss this chance.
With a growl, he tumbled her backward onto the couch and rose over her. One hand gripped her thigh as the other slid up her body. She shifted beneath him, parting her legs to make enough room for him on the couch that suddenly seemed smaller than it had a moment before.
“Gorgeous,” he murmured, running his lips down her throat. “You are utterly gorgeous.”
“Sweet talk, hmm?” She angled her head back to give him better access. “Love it.”
“I can think of several things I want to do to you that you’ll love,” he whispered into her ear.
Clara shivered, twining her arms around his shoulders. “Color me intrigued.”
“And soon you’ll be gasping my name.”
Butterflies erupted in her stomach. This was it. This was real. And Walker was wasting no time sliding her skirt up higher.
“Walker…” she breathed.
Right when a loud wail sounded from the baby monitor.
With a groan, he dropped his head against her collarbone.
“Are you kidding me?” she demanded, staring up at the ceiling.
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