He must understand because he nods and says, “That was different. They’d been on one date, not living together and about to get married.”
I fall back into my chair. “I haven’t even bought her a ring yet.”
“Does Alissa know the real reason you’re not going? I don’t think she’d be happy holding you back.”
“No, she doesn’t know. And she’s not going to.” I stand. “I should get back to work.” I leave my dad staring after me.
A part of me wants to take this chance. I want to see how far I could go, if the years of hard work would pay off, but I can’t leave Alissa. And she can’t know. I know how she’ll react if she finds out she’s the reason I’m not going. She already feels like she owes me something. She’s never told me that, but I can tell every time I say I love her. I can see it written on her face when I do something for her or give her something. She’s so used to being taken advantage of. She doesn’t know how to just accept something without being expected to give back. But the thing is, she does give back. She chooses to give me her love every day, to give me herself. That’s all I’ll ever ask of her. I can’t ask her to wait while I run off and try something that could be a total waste of time.
The day drags by so slowly, by the time we make it home, I’m too tired to even practice with the band. However, I forgot to call and cancel. At seven on the dot, they’re banging on the door.
Alissa answers and lets them in. I walk into the living room to them setting up. “I’m sorry I forgot to call you guys, but I’m just not feeling up to practice today.” I throw myself onto the couch.
“You better practice up if you’re going on tour!” Zach says excitedly.
I roll my eyes, tired of hearing about this tour that I’m not going on. “God, does anyone in this town mind their own business?”
Mark laughs. “Yeah right. Do you remember where we live? But seriously, when do you leave?”
I sit up. “Won’t you guys be mad if I quit the band and leave you behind to go on tour with them?”
They look at one another. “No way. I’d be pissed if you passed up on the opportunity,” Mark says.
“Well get ready to be pissed then, because I’m not going.”
Both of them stand and start yelling at me. I can’t even understand what they’re saying. Alissa just sits in the lounge chair in the corner of the room, watching me. I know this will just be another discussion for later since I told her I couldn’t leave the band, yet here they are giving me their blessing.
“Hey!” I yell to get them to shut up and calm down.
When they both go quiet and sit down, I say, “It’s too late now anyway. I’m sure they’ve already found someone.”
Zach grabs his bass and amp. “You’re fucking stupid for passing this up,” he says as he walks out of the door.
I look at Mark, waiting for his final word. He shrugs. “I don’t understand your reasoning, but I’ll be happy to continue to rock on with you.” He smiles before leaving Alissa and I alone.
A long drawn out silence fills the air. Who knew silence could feel so heavy? I look over at her. She’s seething, but not saying anything. She’s letting it boil. I know it’s only a matter of minutes before her anger finally bubbles over.
I watch as she reaches all new shades of red, and I mentally begin to count down. Three…Two…One.
“What in the hell is wrong with you, huh? Do you even know what you’re giving up? This is what you’ve worked your whole life for. The band is fine with it. Why won’t you go? You deserve to go!”
I don’t flinch from her tone. I sit quietly and let her get it all out. It’s time we settle this once and for all.
After she yells at me for a good five minutes, she falls onto the couch by my side, exhausted from her rant.
I reach out and take her hand, pulling her onto my lap. Pushing her blonde hair behind her ear, I place my hand on her cheek, so she has to look at me. “I’m not going. I don’t want to leave my band. I don’t want to give up everything here for a chance at something I may never even get anyway. And I don’t want to leave you. I promised you I’d be here to take care of you. We’re getting married. That’s all I need.”
“This is your dream,” she whispers.
“No, not like this. My dream is to make it big with my own band, where I could bring you with me. Not leave my band and you behind to chase after some long shot.”
“You can’t give this up for me, Dane.”
“Yes, I can. I’d give up everything for you. Don’t you know that?”
She shakes her head. “No, not this. It’s too important. If you do this, and it works out, you could be getting paid to do what you love every day for the rest of your life. Not to mention going on tour, being famous.”
“I don’t care about fame. I don’t care about any of this! I care about you. I. Want. You. I don’t want anything else. You are more than enough for me, Alissa.”
She stands and starts pacing. “No! If you pass on this chance, you’ll resent me, maybe not today or tomorrow, but it will happen. I can’t let that happen, Dane. You have to go. I won’t hold you back.”
I stand and close the distance between us. “You can’t make me go. This is my life. It’s my decision, and I’m staying here. We’re getting married, and we’re spending the rest of our lives together.”
“There’s nothing I can do to change your mind, is there?”
I smile. “I’m afraid not.” I pull her against me, kissing the top of her head, but something feels off. “Plus, I wasn’t lying when I said they probably already found someone. A chance that good, not many people can pass on something like that.”
I take her hand and lead her toward the bedroom. I spin her around and pull her shirt over her head and litter her skin with kisses. I fall to my knees and remove her shoes. I look up at her, and a sad, glossy look is still evident on her face. I stand and tangle my fingers into her hair. “Stop that.”
“Stop what?” She finally meets my eyes.
“Stop thinking that you’re not enough. You’re all I want.” We fall onto the bed, tangled up in each other for the rest of the night.
I’m completely overwhelmed waiting on so many tables. There’s this big poker run that comes through town for some benefit. All the local motorcycles go from bar to bar to collect their cards to try winning a prize while raising money for their cause. I don’t pay much attention to what their cause is because I’m so swamped. The worst part is since I’m not twenty-one, I can’t handle alcohol. I have to take their order and pass it along to someone who’s old enough to handle booze. This wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have to chase down someone who’s already busy to get the drinks for me.
I notice Sean is sitting at a table in the corner, eating lunch. When I clock out for my break, I grab a soda and head over to him just as he’s pushing his empty plate away.
“Hey, wanna go outside and talk?”
“Yeah, sure man. What’s up?” he asks standing and following me outside.
I lead him around the building and take a seat at the picnic table. I sit down, light a cigarette, and take a drink, hoping to cool off.
“Listen, I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a while now… I just don’t really know how to say what I need to say.”
He places his arms on the picnic table and leans in. “We’ve been best friends since grade school. Just tell me.”
I take a long drag from my cigarette. “I don’t want you around Alissa anymore.”
“What? Why?” he asks with his brows raised.
“I fucking see the way you look at her. Always laughing, flirting, and checking her out.”
He lets out a puff of air. “That’s crazy. I mean, yeah, I check her out because she’s hot. You check out girls all the time. Why’s it different when I check her out?”
“Because she’s mine,” slips out of my mouth. I take a deep breath, hoping to clear my thoughts. “Look, it just makes me uncomfortable when I’m
up on stage, and I look over at her and she’s looking at you and laughing. I’m not saying you’re trying anything, but if you are, I suggest you back off now. We’re getting married. It’s serious. She’s not just some high school girlfriend for me to pass the time with.”
He leans back and shakes his head. “I’m not trying anything, Dane. And you know what?” He stands, towering over me since I’m still sitting. “It really pisses me off that you think I’d do that to you. We’ve been friends for years. You really think I’d go and steal your girl?”
I flick my cigarette into the gravel. “I’m not saying you’re trying something, I’m just letting you know that if you do, you’ll regret it.”
“Fuck you, Dane.” He turns and walks toward the parking lot.
I sit back and watch him go, pulling out another cigarette and lighting it. Am I overreacting about this? Probably. But my anger and jealously have always gotten the better of me. I try my best to control them, but I can only hold back so much before it breaks free.
Mason jogs up from the shop and sits across from me. “Hey, Dad said you had some good news. What is it?”
“Nothing. No good news. I have to get back to work.” I shove away from the picnic table and walk back around the building. Leaning by the door, I finish my second cigarette, hoping to God my mood levels out some before I go back in there. The last thing I need is to get my ass beat by a bunch of bikers.
Over the next week, Alissa seems to be growing more distant. She sits in the bedroom while we have band practice in the living room. She’s often asleep by the time that I make it to bed. And instead of waiting around in the morning so we can have breakfast together, she leaves early for work, claiming she wants extra hours.
At work, she’s too busy to talk to me, and our breaks are rarely at the same time. On the off chance we actually do get to talk, she blows off every question I ask her. She won’t admit to being mad at me, even though I have no idea what she could be mad about. I can’t get her to tell me what’s going on with her either. She’s always quiet and looks deep in thought. The spark in her usually brilliant blue eyes seems dulled and filled with sadness.
Her weird behavior has me on edge. I constantly worry she’s going to leave me. I haven’t gotten up the courage to ask though. I’m too afraid of her answer. So instead of asking, I just sit back and wait to see what happens.
It’s Saturday night again, and as we’re getting dressed to head to the bar, I can’t hold it in any longer. I sit on the edge of the bed, pulling on my shoes when I finally break the silence.
“Would you tell me what the fuck’s going on with you?”
She spins around after pulling her black tank top on. “What are you talking about?”
“You’ve been acting weird all week. Are you mad at me or something? What did I do?”
Her shoulders slump, and her eyes fall to the floor. “No, I’m not mad at you. You didn’t do anything.”
“Then what is it?”
“It’s nothing.”
I stand and walk across the room, standing directly in front of her, but I don’t touch her. I’m almost afraid to. I feel like if I reach out and touch her, she’ll vanish, like she’s just a mirage that’s not really here at all.
“Tell me. I know when you’re not acting like yourself. This past week, you’ve been withdrawn, quiet. You leave for work before me. You refuse to take a break at the same time as me. And you’re asleep before band practice is even over. I know something’s going on with you.”
She closes the distance between us, wrapping her arms around my waist and resting her head against my chest. “I love you, Dane.”
I tangle my fingers in her hair and tilt her head back so she’s looking at me. “I love you too, and I want to know that you’re okay — that we’re okay.”
She smiles sadly at me. “I’m fine. Now let’s go before we’re late.” She gives me a quick kiss before pulling away and walking from the bedroom.
Instead of feeling reassured, I feel worse. My heart notices the lack of assurance that we’re okay. Like the end is drawing near, and that scares the shit out of me. I’ve given up everything for her. I work myself to death to pay for this house I got for her, so she wouldn’t have to live with constant abuse. I’m not expecting anything but love from her. Yet, it feels like she’s pulling away from me. What did I do wrong? Maybe I haven’t given her enough attention lately. With the band practicing every night and every Saturday night being occupied by gigs, we haven’t really had much time together.
Maybe that’s all she needs. Just a little alone time, so I can show her how much she means to me, how much I love her. She’s been pushed to the back burner unintentionally lately. I’ve been so busy trying to make money, that I didn’t even realize a space is growing between us.
I decide it’ll just be me and her tomorrow. Instead of lying around the house, I’m going to take her out. We can spend the day on the ocean where nobody can get to us. I’ll pack a lunch. We can eat on the boat, and cuddle, dance, fish, whatever she wants to do. Just something to show her I haven’t forgotten about her, that she’s still it for me.
I grab my keys and head toward the front door, so we can make it to the show on time.
When we arrive at the bar, the place is crowded. I have to squeeze through groups of people just to make it to the stage to set up.
After the stage is set, I go to the bar to grab a drink. Dad hands me a bottle of water and nods toward his office. “Come here. I have something for you.”
I take a long drink of my water, then walk around the bar and meet him in the office. He shuts the door, shutting out the loud crowd out on the floor.
He reaches into his pocket and holds out a little black box.
“What’s this?” I ask, taking the box and opening it to find a diamond ring.
“That was the ring I bought for your mother. I want you to have it — for Alissa.”
I look from him to the ring and back. “I don’t understand. I thought you didn’t approve of this.”
He shrugs. “I don’t, but then I got to thinking. My dad didn’t approve either, and I did it anyway. If I would’ve listened to him, I wouldn’t have you and Mason right now. Only you know what you want in life.”
The corners of my mouth draw up into a smile. “Thanks, Dad.” I reach out and give him a hug. “This…” I look down at the ring, before continuing, “it means a lot. I don’t know what to say.”
“Then don’t say anything.” He smiles widely and pats me on the back before opening the door.
I slide the small box into my pocket as I make my way toward my girl. I can’t wait to show her the ring. I know I’ve already proposed, but I’m going to do it again — do it right this time.
Tomorrow I’m going to take her out on my dad’s boat and ask her to marry me, this time with a ring. I could do it on the stage tonight, but I think it would be better if it is just the two of us sharing the moment instead of a hundred strangers sharing it with us.
I give Alissa a kiss and leave her sitting at a small table by the door when Dad announces us.
“Everyone please welcome Empire of None!”
The place erupts in screams. I pass by a man dressed in a nice suit. He seems out of place. I look him up and down and wonder if he came out here to listen to the band. Could he work for a record label? Maybe opening for Busted Lip did some good after all.
“How is everyone tonight?” I ask when I get behind the mic.
They scream even louder. All the anger and fear I’ve been carrying around for the last week falls away. Being on stage again lets me relax and take out some aggression.
With a series of bangs on his drumsticks, Mark starts us up. Slinging my guitar over my neck, I strum and let the lyrics flow. The music fills the bar, and as everyone stands and rushes the stage, Sean walks in and heads to the bar. I shake away my thoughts and give the show my all, letting the music consume me.
Chapter Nine
Ali
ssa
It’s almost time to leave for the show. I’m in the bedroom getting dressed while Dane is in the shower. His wallet is on the dresser, and I pick it up and open it. I flip through until I find what I’m looking for. The card that Link from Busted Lip gave him.
I call the number on the card and someone answers. “Hello?”
“Hi, is this Link?”
“Yeah, who is this?”
“This is Alissa, Dane Reynolds’ girlfriend.”
“Oh, right. Dane from Empire of None. How’s he doing? Has he made up his mind yet?”
“Yes, he’s made up his mind, and he wants to join. When and where can he meet up with you?”
“Really? That’s great news. We’re doing a show in Miami tonight, but we’re heading back up the coast next week. We can just swing by and pick him up.”
I smile with a tear running down my cheek. “That would be great. I’ll let him know. Thank you.”
“No problem. I’ll talk to you two next week.”
After I hang up the phone, I put the card back into his wallet and crash on the bed. I know Dane says he doesn’t want to go, but he has to. I can’t hold him back. I refuse to hold him back.
He’s done so much for me already. He’s the only person to ever love me. He’s saved me from being abused by my foster father, he left his own family behind, so he could buy a house for us, and he works himself to death trying to support us. I have to give something back to him.
He’s going on that tour.
I know the only way he’ll go is if I’m not here. If I wasn’t here right now, he would’ve accepted that night. He’d be long gone by now.
I have to go. That’s the only way he’ll take this opportunity.
My heart sinks to my stomach, and I feel like I could vomit. I have to leave Dane. He’s going to hate me. I hate myself for even thinking it. But what else can I do? He can’t pass this up. He has to, at least, try.
The water in the shower shuts off, so I wipe the tears away. I stand and finish getting dressed to go to the bar and grill. I need to have a plan. I have to leave.
Giving Up My Chance at Forever_Prequel Page 11