Tracie Peterson - [New Mexico Sunset 04]

by Come Away, My Love

  Joelle squared her shoulders. “The future’s in God’s hands. What I want to know is how I can help the present.”

  The doctor nodded. “I understand. If you’ll give me a moment with John, I want to make sure he’s up to this visit.”

  He left quickly, and Dan smiled down at his son’s fiancée. “That’s the spirit, Joelle.”

  “I want to see him,” Joelle said without returning Dan’s smile. “But,” she added with thoughtfulness, “I understand that you and Lillie should see him first. I’ll wait until you call for me.”

  Dan shook his head. “No, you’ll come with us. You’re an important part of John’s life. He wants to build his future with you, and I think you should be there.”

  Lillie reached out and squeezed Joelle’s arm supportively. “That’s right. We’re in this together. If anything will see John through this accident it will be the three of us, working as a team. Agreed?”

  Joelle now smiled. “Agreed.”

  “Agreed, with one exception,” Dan replied. “God’s going to head up the effort or it won’t work at all.”

  “Of course,” Lillie and Joelle said in unison.

  The doctor returned and motioned them to follow. Joelle tried to brace herself for the worst, without having any idea what the worst might be. She tried to pray but found her lips unable to form words. Instead, she cried out with her heart and soul, feeling that her efforts were so very inadequate.

  Dan and Lillie entered the room after the doctor, with Joelle following closely behind them. She could not see John yet but heard Lillie exclaim his name and rush to his bedside.

  “How dare you crash your plane!” Lillie teased.

  “I guess life just wasn’t exciting enough,” he replied. He was lying flat on the bed in his plaster-of-paris jacket and could not see anything past his mother and father. “You beat a path down here fast enough. You fly?”

  “You won’t get me up in one of those contraptions,” Lillie stated flatly.

  “Probably won’t get me up in one again, either,” John said with a bitter edge to his voice.

  “You’ve certainly got your work cut out for you, Son,” Dan said, his physician’s eye sizing up the patient before him. He leaned over to better observe a particularly nasty cut on John’s jaw. “Looks like they’ve put in about ten stitches here.”

  “Felt more like fifty,” John declared. “I suppose maybe I should be grateful that I can’t feel my legs. Doc said the one was pretty bad off. They spent a great deal of time putting me back together, or so I’m told. All I know is one minute I was in the cockpit and the next I was wearing this suit of armor.”

  Dan chuckled and straightened up. “I’m sure it gives you cause for frustration.”

  “You’ve got that right,” John replied. “Eating is a real trick, and I won’t even go into detail on the process for relieving myself.”

  “No need to,” Dan said with a nod. “I’m very familiar with catheters and even more so with bladder infections. Cystitis wouldn’t help you one bit, so just be grateful for what they can do. We’re going to see to it that you get back on your feet so that you won’t need any of this.”

  “That’ll be a good trick,” John said, seeming to take on a completely new personality. “In fact, I’d say it might very well be impossible.” The bitterness was even more evident.

  “Impossible?” Lillie questioned. “I can’t believe that word even came from your lips, John Monroe.”

  John turned his face aside, unwilling to deal with the matter. “How did Joelle take the news?” he questioned instead.

  “Why don’t you ask her yourself?” Dan said and reached around to pull Joelle in front of him.

  It was Joelle’s first chance to see John, and although she wanted to cry out from the sight of her beloved with his blackened eyes still swollen and his face full of cuts, she smiled instead. “You look awful,” she said as lightly as she could manage.

  John stared at her for a moment as if seeing a ghost. “Get her out of here! How dare you bring her!” His voice was raised in anger, while his stony stare went past Joelle to his father. “Get her out!”

  “Calm down, John,” Dan said, putting supportive hands to Joelle’s shoulders. “You asked this woman to be your wife. When you marry it’s for sickness and health, the good with the bad. Don’t you think she’s strong enough to walk with you through this?”

  “I know she’s strong, but she didn’t ask for this,” John replied through clenched teeth.

  “You didn’t, either,” Joelle said, breaking her silence.

  “I controlled the situation,” John answered. “I climbed into the plane, knowing that I was taking a risk. I had complete control, and I made my choice. A pilot knows these things are always a step behind him. My time came just as I always knew it might. You can’t be expected to share this, Joelle. It’s too much to ask of anyone.”

  “But I’m not just anyone,” Joelle protested and took a step toward John. “I’m going to be your wife, and you are going to be my husband. My place is at your side and that is where I’m going to stay.”

  John shook his head. “No. You didn’t know what you were doing. You didn’t know this would happen. You have to go back home and forget about us, Joelle. I release you from your obligation.” There were tears in his eyes, but he refused to look away.

  Joelle put her hands on her hips to keep from burying her face in them. She stared in silence for a heartbeat, then turned to leave, surprising everyone in the room. Dan and Lillie stepped aside to let Joelle pass, but she stopped instead and turned back to John.

  

  “You are a coward, John Monroe, but I love you all the same and,” she said with a smile that betrayed her determination, “I do not release you from your obligation to marry me, and until you’re able to do something about it, I will continue to consider myself your bride-to-be.”

  She stalked from the room leaving John to stare after her in mute silence, while Lillie and Dan broke into laughter.

  “I guess she told you,” Dan finally said. “You’ve got your hands full with that one.”

  “I’ve got nothing of the kind. This isn’t a game. Dad, you’ve got to put her right back on the train and send her home.”

  “I’d like to see you try that,” Lillie replied. “You apparently think Joelle will just walk away now that you are less than the object of perfection you once considered yourself to be.”

  “I never considered myself to be perfect!” John exclaimed, surprised at his mother’s words.

  “Then what’s the problem?” Lillie’s voice softened, and she took a seat beside her son. “Would you leave Joelle if this had happened to her instead of you?”

  “Of course not,” John declared, “but it didn’t happen to her. It happened to me. I can’t marry a woman if I can’t support her, and I certainly can’t support her while I’m on my back.”

  “All the more reason to get up off your back,” Dan said, coming to stand beside his wife.

  “The doctor said he couldn’t guarantee that that would ever happen.”

  “I don’t recall life ever coming with guarantees,” Dan answered. “Leastwise, not the kind of guarantees you’re looking for. Son, before you give up on a matter, you’ve got to at least try.”

  “I can’t,” John said in complete dejection.

  “Can’t never did anything,” Dan said in a firm tone.

  “You’ve said that to me since I was five years old.” John’s voice was changing from one of self-pity to anger. “I hated it then, and I hate it now.”

  “It usually worked, though,” Lillie remarked. “You’d storm off chanting, ‘Can’t never did anything! Can’t never did anything! I sure wish “Can’t” were here right now so I could punch him square in the nose!’ ” Lillie reached
out to touch her son’s cheek. “Remember?”

  John’s anger melted in view of his mother’s smile. “I remember, and I’d still like to give him a good one.”

  “Looks like he snuck up and gave you one instead,” Dan said simply.

  “You got that right,” John grimaced as a flash of pain streaked across his head. “I don’t want to deal with it right now.”

  “I know,” Lillie sat and patted his hand. “But I also know you’re going to have to quit feeling sorry for yourself. The doctor says that despite the back injury, you’re in pretty good shape. The bones in your leg and back will heal, and the swelling will go down. From there, we’ll see what we can work with and,” Lillie said with a new determination, “we’ll make the best of what we have and trust God to provide the rest.”

  “That’s asking a lot, Mom.”

  Lillie cocked her head to one side. “Why do you say that?”

  “I don’t think God much cares to provide me with anything,” John answered. “I said some things that I shouldn’t have when I found out about my back.”

  “God knows what kind of grief you were under, John. I’m sure He’ll forgive you for what you said.”

  “He might,” John replied, turning away from his mother’s eyes, “if I were inclined to take them back.”

  

  In the meantime, Joelle found her way outside the hospital and paced a portion of the sandy street while waiting for Daniel and Lillie to finish their visit with John. She was angry, but more than this, she was hurt. Hurt that John would push her away when he needed her so much.

  “He’s doesn’t even know what he’s saying,” Joelle muttered. “He’s so mad at having his wings clipped that he doesn’t even know what he’s saying.” Then her own words rang back in her ears. Joelle stopped and stared back at the hospital.

  “He doesn’t know,” she whispered. “He truly doesn’t know.” The words made her feel instantly better. Everyone said things they did not mean when they were angry or shocked. John was certainly no exception.

  The revelation made Joelle’s heart feel lighter. She would just wait him out, she thought silently. It was not like he could get up from the bed and make her go home. She was a grown woman, entitled to make her own choices, and her choice was to stay put and help the man she loved.

  When Dan and Lillie appeared on the street, their faces gave away grave concern. Joelle quickly joined them, wanting and needing to know what had transpired after her exit.

  “He’s angry, Joelle. You have to forgive him,” Lillie said, pulling the younger woman to her supportively.

  “I know. People say a great many things they don’t mean when they’re mad. I’m sure John will come around in time.”

  “That’s a good attitude to have,” Dan said, studying her face. “It’s not going to be easy, however, and you must be ready for him to say a great many more things before it’s all said and done.”

  “I kind of figured that,” Joelle admitted. “But John has never seen me with my dander up. Papa used to say that had I been born first, the other three might never have arrived. I can deal with John’s temper and his angry words, now that I know where they’re coming from.”

  “And just where might that be?” Dan asked, wondering at Joelle’s reasoning.

  “His pain, of course.” Her dark eyes turned upward to meet Dan’s.

  “His wounds will heal and the pain diminish. Even then, he still might say ugly things. Especially if he can’t walk again,” Dan said thoughtfully.

  “His body might heal quickly, but the pain I’m speaking of is in his heart. His heart is broken because the life he loves has been taken from him. His love for flying isn’t something he will give up easily or allow to just fade away. He’s going to be angry for a very long time, and the sooner we all see that, the less hurt we’ll find ourselves in the middle of.”

  Dan shook his head. “You are very wise for such a young woman.”

  “That and more,” Lillie said, hugging Joelle. “You’ve a very precious love for my son, and I’ve a feeling it will do more to heal his pain than anything else we might do.”

  

  Later that night, settled into the hotel, Joelle tossed restlessly on her bed. The words she had spoken so confidently in the light of day seemed trivial and uncertain in the shadows of night.

  What if he never walks? What if he loses his will to live? The questions raced through Joelle’s mind. What if he stops loving me?

  She pounded the pillow to make it more comfortable but found little comfort. “Oh, God,” she whispered into the stillness of the night, “what am I to do?”

  

  John lay in the silence of the hospital room, staring up at the ceiling as he had done for most of the last few days. He had realized that his parents would come, but it had shocked him beyond reason to see Joelle.

  He looked down the sheet that covered his legs and tried to force some movement to prove to himself that he was not paralyzed. Nothing moved, however, and his frustration began to mount.

  He could imagine Joelle waiting on him day after day, for the rest of their lives. She would never leave him, he knew that full well. She had too much respectability and compassion. No, she would see him as her mission, John reasoned and he could never let that happen. He did not want her pity and self-suffering. The life he had planned with Joelle had no part in those things.

  “I have to make her see reason and leave,” John whispered to the ceiling. “Even if I make her hate me, I have to convince her that what we had is over.”

  Waiting for sleep to come, John wondered how he might accomplish his task. He could be unreasonable and rude. Well, he laughed to himself, he had been that already. It would come quite naturally, and Joelle would never be ready for it. Little by little, she would see he was no prize, then she would go home. It pained him deeply to imagine the hurt on her face, the sorrow in her heart.

  It’s for the best, he reasoned to himself. I have to make her stop loving me.

  Chapter 4

  One week blended quietly into another, and the only significant method to mark time was John’s steady progress of recovery. Joelle purposefully kept away from the hospital, and even after two weeks had passed, she still was not certain how she should handle the situation.

  She had spent a great deal of time in thought and prayer. Everything had seemed so simple. Why had God allowed this to happen? Why should John suffer so when he was so devoted to God’s will for his life?

  There were few answers for her questions, and when Joelle was not sequestered away inside the two-story, concrete “Commercial Hotel,” she was reviewing the town. And always, her mind was on John.

  “He needs this time,” she reasoned to Dan one morning, “to get used to the idea that I’m not going anywhere.”

  “He asks me every day if you’re still here,” Dan mused. “I think he’s both relieved and unhappy that you haven’t come to visit him.”

  “I’m sure.”

  Joelle’s crisp, white shirtwaist made her face seem strangely pale. Dan wondered silently if she was eating properly. It was already apparent from the dark circles beneath her eyes that sleep was a stranger to her.

  “Joelle,” Dan said in fatherly overtones, “you have to take care of yourself or you’ll be no good at all to John.”

  “I know,” she said with a nod. Going to the hotel window, she stared down at the sandy, isolated town of Columbus.

  Settled in the middle of nowhere, four miles north of the Mexican-American border, Columbus, New Mexico was all that Joelle would deem desolate. . .God-forsaken. It was like one of any number of nondescript towns she had seen while coming south on the train. It was nestled, if that could possibly be the correct word to use, on a vast wasteland of sandy, brown desert. There was nothing to b
reak the monotony but miles of mesquite-dotted flatlands and more cactus than Joelle had ever hoped to see again.

  She felt as though she knew every inch of the town by heart, she had paced it out often enough. There was Camp Furlong on the opposite side of the railroad tracks. Resident soldiers in khaki and leather seemed to take an immediate interest in her, even though Joelle gave them no encouragement. She had had no less than five invitations to supper and two less respectable propositions. John would have been livid if he had known.

  Joelle had tried not to take offense at their forward manner. Soldiers were soldiers, after all, and some were quite far from home. Also, they were unavoidable, and Joelle could not see punishing herself by remaining in the hotel.

  While soldiers by far and away made up the largest portion of the town’s population, there were other residents, as well. A whitewashed bank seemed to do an acceptable amount of business, as well as a handful of shops, several drinking and eating establishments, and, of course, the train depot.

  It was quickly revealed that Columbus sported two major events in its daily life—the arrival of The Golden States Limited, eastbound and its reverse sibling, The Golden States Limited, westbound. The latter was often called the Drunkard Express, due to the fact it brought the furloughed soldiers back from El Paso, some sixty miles to the east. In a town where they enjoyed neither electricity nor telephones, people often turned out in droves to see who or what might arrive by rail.

  Joelle, herself, had gone to the yellow train station, given the fact that it possessed the only means of communication with the rest of the world. She had sent two messages by telegram and received two in reply. One came from her brother, Nicholas, and the other from Maggie Lucas. Daughtry was still well and growing larger by the minute, and the Lucas family sent their prayers.