If Memory Serves

by Vanessa Davis Griggs

“Lena,” Memory said as she sat down while reaching into her tourist-bag-size purse. “I have something I want to give you first before we begin.” She pulled out a black velvet box and held it out to her daughter.

  “What is it?”

  “Take it and see for yourself,” Memory said. Noting Lena’s hesitation she said, “Please” in a not-so-pleading voice.

  Lena took the box and opened it as Memory had instructed. She looked at Memory as her knees began to buckle, causing her to sit beside her. “The Alexandrite necklace. But I thought . . . Didn’t you sell this for a reward? How did you get it back?”

  Memory released a sigh. “Lena. I made a mistake, and that mistake cost me dearly. It cost me the love and trust of my family. You and Theresa mean so much to me—you have no idea how much. Yet both of you have barely been able to force yourselves to look at me except with a look of contempt and disdain this whole week we’ve been here.”

  Lena shook her head reflectively as she took out the necklace and touched it lovingly and gently with her fingers. So many memories came flooding back as she gazed down at this spectacular piece of jewelry. Tears welled up in her eyes—she couldn’t help but think of Big Mama and those last days spent together. “I’m sorry. I’m confused. Does this mean you really didn’t sell it?” She buttoned her lips tight, then relaxed them.

  “Can we not talk about that part of our past right now? I admit I was wrong, and I’m apologizing. I never should have taken that necklace the way I did. But I’m trying to make things right. I’m asking you to forgive me. Please.” Her eyes were now pleading.

  Lena looked at her. Again, she shook her head as she slowly held the necklace out to Memory. “Here you go.”

  “What? You don’t want it? You can’t find it in your heart to forgive me? What?”

  Lena began a nervous laugh. “No. That’s not it at all. This necklace has always belonged to you. I didn’t know that when Big Mama told me to keep it safe. But I’ve learned this much to be a fact after all that’s transpired.” She grabbed Memory’s hand; holding it, she let the necklace drop. It appeared as though it was being poured into Memory’s palm.

  Memory put the necklace back in its box and back in her purse. “Okay, I’m lost now. If you didn’t want the necklace, then what has all this silent treatment been about?”

  “You don’t get it. It’s been about love and trust and the breaking of that love and trust. I opened up my heart to you, and again you stomped on it like it was nothing. Only it wasn’t just my heart you trashed this last time around. When you left in 2001, you trampled Theresa’s heart as well. Let’s move on.” Lena stood, walked over to the dresser, and opened the bottom drawer. Taking out a wooden box, she walked back with it.

  Instantly, Memory recognized it. “That’s the box the Alexandrite necklace was in when that woman, Grace, gave it to Mama . . . to Mamie,” Memory said, stuttering slightly as she hurriedly spoke. “But it was empty when I found it, and I threw it away. I distinctively remember throwing it away. How did you happen to find it?”

  Lena stood next to Memory. “It’s not exactly the same box. There were three of these made. Big Mama had one—that’s the box that held the necklace and other things given to her by Grace. Sarah had one she gave to a woman named Pearl Black for safekeeping here in Asheville right before she was sent away all those many years ago. And then . . . there was this one. The one Grace left to me and you in her will.”

  Memory took the exquisite box and examined it more closely. “I love the workmanship.”

  “Your father made it. Your biological father, that is,” Lena said as she continued to stand there. “A man named Ransom Perdue.”

  Memory’s face suddenly drained of all color and expression as she looked at Lena. “My father?” She tried to compose herself. “Ransom Perdue? I hadn’t even thought about that. I’ve only known Willie B. as being my father. I’m sorry, but I need a moment to digest this. That kind of caught me off guard.” She stood up, purse on her shoulder, and held the box against her chest. Pacing, she mindlessly ran her hand over the box.

  “Memory, Grace left that box with instructions for you and me to open it together. She also left a video she recorded.”

  Memory turned and shot her an evil look. “I’ve been here for a week. Why are you just now telling me this?” She backed away from Lena until she bumped into the bed and could go no farther. “Have you seen what’s inside this box already?” she asked.

  Lena shook her head. “No, I haven’t. And the reason I’m just now telling you this . . . Quite honestly, I’m aware of how much Sarah loves you. But you have hurt and disappointed so many people so many times, Memory, I found it difficult to even be in the same room with you. I’ve tried hard to understand how or why you do the things that you do. And do you know what’s so bad? It doesn’t seem to bother you. It’s whatever serves you at the time. It’s never the other way around.”

  Memory looked at her. “Lena, when I took that necklace, believe me, it bothered me. And do you know why? Because of you and Theresa. For the first time in a long time, I actually felt like I had and was part of a real family. But after I did that, I knew that was the end of all of that. I knew neither of you would ever forgive me. And judging from the look on your face even after everything now, I see I was right.”

  “I just don’t understand why you do what you do.”

  Memory sat down on the bed. She set the box down next to her. “The thought of all that money made me greedy to the point where I didn’t care about anybody else other than myself. That’s why I came to Atlanta in the first place. But something changed while I was there. I changed. And if only you knew how horrible I felt leaving Theresa the way I did that day, that horrible day that only seemed to have gotten worse as the day went along. And then knowing that I had a brand-new great-grandbaby that I’d likely never be able to see or hold . . . Oh, that tore me up something awful inside.”

  “I’m sorry. But I still don’t understand why you did it.”

  “Sometimes we get ourselves into things pride won’t let us walk away from. I never knew how much I was going to love you or Theresa . . . or that baby even, which, incidentally, I only got to see this past week. But I’d already made a deal with the devil, so to speak, and there was no way of getting out of it. I’m trying to prove to everybody that I have changed. This necklace”—she took the necklace out of her purse and out of the box—“should say how much.” Memory sighed. “So . . . what do we do about this box?”

  “We break the seal. We take this special key”—Lena poured an unusual-looking key out of a small manila envelope and held it up, then went and sat on the bed next to Memory—“and we open it. We go wherever the contents of that box happen to take us.”

  Memory set the necklace on the bed, picked up the box, and started to break the seal, when she stopped. She handed the box to Lena. “Why don’t you do the honor?”

  Lena took the box and looked at Memory. This was the first time in all of her life she could ever remember her mother putting someone else before herself. She looked at Memory, nodded, then smiled.

  Lena broke the wax seal off the box. She placed the key inside the lock and turned it. Slowly opening the lid, she and Memory began exchanging looks between them.

  The door to the bedroom flew open. “I’m sorry,” Gayle said, practically out of breath. “But you need to come quick! It’s Ms. Fleming. Something’s wrong. She’s asking for you both.”

  Lena closed the lid quickly and set the box down on the bed right next to the necklace. “What’s wrong with her?”

  “Her breathing’s not stable. Her blood pressure has shot up. I called her doctor, and he said we had to get her to the hospital as quickly as possible. The ambulance is already on its way, but Ms. Fleming insists you both need to come right now,” Gayle said.

  Lena and Memory were already out of the door while Gayle was still speaking.

  “Grandmother, what’s wrong?” Lena asked as she hastily too
k hold of her grandmother’s now cool and clammy hand.

  Sarah looked at Lena and frowned. “Memory? Where’s my Memory?”

  Memory stepped over and up where she could be seen better. “I’m right here.”

  Sarah smiled, reached her other hand over to Memory, and closed her eyes. “That’s good. That’s good.” She fought to speak and breathe. “You’re both here . . . together. That’s good. . . .” She suddenly became quiet as she appeared to merely drift off to sleep.

  Chapter 18

  Seeing many things, but thou observest not; opening the ears, but he heareth not.

  Isaiah 42:20

  Sapphire had spoken with Dr. Holden and had become concerned when she learned that Charity had taken the notebook and left the safety of Dr. Holden’s office to read what was inside it.

  “Why did you just let her leave?” Sapphire respectfully asked Dr. Holden over the phone.

  “Now, you know I can’t force anyone to stay here, no more than I could have forced her to read it while she was in my presence, nor taken it back when she refused to read it while she was here,” Dr. Holden said. “Besides, I didn’t see anything, at least from what I read, that would be too much for her to handle.”

  “Well, I’ve been calling her for the past hour, and she’s not answering either her home or her cell phone. I’m going over to her house to make sure she’s all right.”

  Standing outside Charity’s house, Sapphire rang the doorbell. No answer. She knocked. She called from her cell phone. She called out “Hello” as she knocked. But no matter which route she took, there was no answer. Pressing the doorbell repeatedly, Sapphire prayed Charity would come to the door and relieve her increasing concern. Beginning the cycle again, she rang the doorbell, called from her phone, called out to “Anyone in there,” and knocked. For whatever reason, there was no answer.

  Sapphire knocked on the door a few more times. After ten minutes of no response, she walked around the house and peeped through any of the windows she was able to see into. The house was eerily quiet, but she knew that didn’t mean Charity wasn’t in there.

  Knowing it was past his work time, Sapphire called Dr. Holden on his cell phone.

  “Dr. Holden, I’m at Charity’s house, and she’s not answering the door, either.” Sapphire pressed the doorbell while speaking as though she were trying to show him.

  “Sounds to me like she’s just not home.”

  “Yes. Or maybe she read the notebook and everything came flooding back to her. Who can say what might have happened?”

  “I’m telling you, I didn’t see anything in there that would send Charity over the edge. Sapphire, you know if I had, I wouldn’t have given it to her the way that I did.”

  “But you did say it shed at least some light on what may have happened.”

  “A hint. But in my opinion, it wasn’t some conclusive, damaging revelation.”

  “Respectfully, Dr. Holden, but you know what may not be damaging for one can be devastating for another,” Sapphire said. “What if there was coded information in it that holds the key to some unwritten message only Charity could decipher?”

  “I believe Charity has made tremendous progress these past months. So even if that’s the case, I trust that she’ll come through this just fine,” Dr. Holden said.

  “I pray that’s so.” Sapphire looked at her watch. She had asked Pastor Landris earlier if it was okay for her to visit Johnnie Mae. He thought seeing Sapphire would be good for her. “I’m going now. I want to stop by and see Johnnie Mae before it gets late.”

  “I thought they asked people not to visit her right now,” Dr. Holden said.

  “I cleared it with Pastor Landris. Besides, I wasn’t planning on staying long.”

  “Please give her all of our best.”

  “I will.”

  “And Sapphire?”

  “Yes?”

  “Don’t worry about Charity. She’s a lot stronger than you give her credit for.”

  “Yeah. Well, I’m going to leave a note on her door to let her know I was here.”

  Sapphire went to the hospital and located Johnnie Mae’s room. She stopped as soon as she stepped inside. “Charity?” she said with a smile and a huge sigh of relief.

  Charity smiled back. “Hi, Sapphire.”

  “Well, hello there, Sapphire,” Johnnie Mae said with a grin.

  “Now, how awesome is this? Two of my favorite people here at the same time.”

  Sapphire walked over and kissed Johnnie Mae on the cheek. “How are you?”

  Johnnie Mae nodded as she quickly glanced at her stomach. “We’re doing okay.”

  Sapphire sat down in the other chair in the room. “I just left your house,” Sapphire said, addressing her attention to Charity.

  “My house?” Charity asked. “What were you doing at my house?”

  “Checking up on you.... Making sure you’re okay.”

  Charity smiled. “As you can tell, I’m fine.”

  Sapphire nodded. “So I see.”

  Johnnie Mae quickly picked up on some tension in the room. She wasn’t sure where it was coming from or why, but it was definitely thick enough to dip a spoon in.

  A nurse came in, pushing a small cart. “I don’t mean to put you two out, but I have a few things I need to do. It shouldn’t take but ten or fifteen minutes,” she said.

  “Why don’t you both go down to the cafeteria and get a cup of coffee or a bite to eat? By the time you get back, I’m sure we’ll be done,” Johnnie Mae said, looking from Sapphire to Charity as she spoke.

  “I realize we’re supposed to be staying out of the way,” Charity said. “Besides, I’ve been here once already today. Why don’t I just come back another time?”

  “Now you’re going to make me feel bad,” Johnnie Mae said. “I really want to see you both; I love the company. Go get something or do something and come back in about fifteen minutes.” She lowered her head, raised it, wrinkled her nose, then said, “Please.”

  Sapphire looked at Johnnie Mae, then Charity. “You know, I think that’s a great idea. I haven’t eaten anything since lunch, and this will give you and me some time to talk, Charity. You can catch me up on what’s going on with you these days.”

  “See now, this is going to work out for everybody,” Johnnie Mae said. “The nurse can do what she needs, you two can visit with each other for a little bit, then the both of you can come back and visit with me a while longer.”

  Sapphire and Charity left the room and caught the elevator to the cafeteria. Getting something to eat, they exchanged looks as they set their trays down on the table.

  Sapphire began. “Johnnie Mae must have somehow known we needed to talk.”

  “So it appears,” Charity said. “Would you say grace?” She bowed her head, as did Sapphire, who prayed a short prayer of thanks for the food they were about to receive. “Okay,” Charity said as she picked up a chunk of chicken salad with her fork, “what exactly do you feel we need to talk about?”

  Sapphire concentrated her full attention on Charity’s face as she tried to read her. “I know we had a session last week, but how are you? I mean today, how are you?”

  “I’m doing very well. My life feels normal for a change, and I like it. There haven’t been any blackouts or unaccounted-for time as far as I can tell. It seems there’s only me and my life to deal with these days. That was our goal when we began, right?”

  “The goal was to get your personalities integrated . . . to make you whole again. But also to ensure you stay all right. Listen, Charity, Dr. Holden told me about the notebook. He said he gave it to you today during your session. Have you read it yet?”

  Charity looked down as she began to play with her food. “No.”

  Sapphire used a quiet, nonthreatening voice. “May I ask you why not?”

  Charity looked up at her. Sapphire’s eyes were piercing, but in a good way. She felt like Sapphire honestly cared. “I’m afraid of what it might unleash. Sapphire, I�
�m doing really well now. We thought I needed to face what happened all those years ago in order for me to reach a good place. Well, we can see I’m there already without it. What if the words in that notebook send me back to a divided place again? What if I can’t handle it the way you and Dr. Holden believe I can?”

  “But you need to face it, Charity. That’s how strongholds are brought down.” Sapphire leaned in closer. “Why didn’t you read it while you were in Dr. Holden’s office?”

  “Because then I would have had to read it. He would have sat there waiting for me to do it, saying things to urge me to do it, and I wasn’t ready.” She took a sip of her cola. “I just wasn’t ready. To be honest, I’m not sure when or even if I’ll ever be ready. Maybe it’s best we leave the past in the past. Besides, if Faith wrote it, maybe she was merely setting me up so she could do her worst damage and rid herself of me once and for all.”

  “The Faith personality knows you have support now.” Sapphire sat back. “I think she may have written that because she knew you were stronger, and that she truly wasn’t needed, separately from you, anymore. She wanted to leave you with the truth so you could be whole again. Faith is still inside of you. . . . She’s a part of the real you—the strong part you’ve always possessed.”

  Charity bit down on her bottom lip, then placed her hand over her mouth to keep from crying.

  Sapphire leaned in again and touched the back of Charity’s left hand that now rested on the table. “Charity, what are you thinking right now? What’s getting you so upset? Dr. Holden would never have given you that notebook if he thought it would damage the progress you’ve made. This much I’m certain of. Dr. Holden’s one of the best.”

  “But what if you and Dr. Holden are wrong? What if those words mean something to me that you or he has no way of knowing? Do I really want to take that chance? Do you want to, after all the work and efforts you’ve put into helping me finally get to this great place in my life? You, wrestling with the conflict-of-interest question when it came to Faith being part of me and whether or not you should even treat me?”