If Memory Serves

by Vanessa Davis Griggs

  Landris grabbed Rachel by the arm and started pulling her out of the room.

  “Let go of me!” she yelled. “Let go! Have you lost your cotton-picking mind? You can’t be grabbing on folks like that.”

  “Stop this!” Landris said after he pulled her outside the room and closed the door.

  Rachel snatched her arm out of his grip. “Let me go!” She stood against the wall.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to manhandle you. Rachel, look, I know you’re upset. But you can’t do stuff like that in front of Johnnie Mae or your mother.” He shook his head. “You can’t let your frustrations and your hurt spill out and over to affect others the way you just did in there.”

  Rachel started crying. Landris gave her a handkerchief and hugged her. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I know. I’m just so mad right now, I don’t know what to do! Why doesn’t God hear us? Why does He allow things like this to happen to good people? My sister is a good person. My mother is a good person. My daughter is still on drugs, and I’ve prayed . . . Lord knows, I’ve prayed for her. She seems worse off now than before I took the children. I thought at some point she’d hit rock bottom and get some help. I’ve all but lost her. I’m trying to come to terms with that. My mother, who has served the Lord faithfully, faithfully, do you hear me? Now look what’s happened to her. Do you have any idea what it really feels like to have your own mother look at you and ask you who you are or talk to you like you’re some stranger she just met on the street? Saying things like she just said to me in there? Then after you tell her who you are she looks at you like you’re the one who’s lost your mind? Do you have any idea, George? Do you?”

  He stepped back. “I have an idea what it feels like to have the woman you promised to love, honor, and cherish, until death do you part, be lying in a hospital bed with doctors and all their fancy degrees telling you there’s no more hope left while you stand in faith, against all hope. I have an idea what it feels like to have your only son be born prematurely with doctors telling you it’s a good chance he’s not going to make it. And every day, they act like it’s a miracle he’s still here on that day, but they’re not sure he’ll make it to the next. I know what it feels like to have your brother deal with a mental disorder while accusing you of not having enough faith that God will heal him as he takes himself off his mind-regulating medication, and you’re not sure you can get through to him that he can’t start playing around with something like that. I know what it feels like to have your own mother being told she needs triple-bypass heart surgery, but she seems determined to put it off while telling you she plans to stand by your side for as long as you need her as you go through some of the darkest hours of your life. While deep in your mind and heart, you’re concerned about her heart possibly giving out before she’s either healed or had the necessary surgery.” He wiped his face with one hand.

  “I know what it feels like, Rachel, to pray and expect God to move, only to be told things are still the same, if not worse, the following day. But you have to stand in faith and trust God, because honestly, who else do we have to turn to?” Landris said. “I stretch my hands to God daily. I don’t know or have any other help except Him. Sure, any of us can throw a temper tantrum like Job did after our interludes of what seem to be unrelenting troubles. The time when Job told God he regretted ever being born.

  “We can be upset with God the way the prophet Jeremiah was, despite the fact that God had told him in advance what he could expect to happen. We can refuse to go or do what God has instructed us, the way Jonah did. But trust me. God has a way of getting our attention. Even the apostle Paul experienced some of the same feelings we do. And Jesus, the Son of the living God, prayed and asked God to remove this bitter cup from Him, only to concede seconds later, ‘But not my will, but thine be done.’ Jesus was on the cross, and during His darkest hour, when it seemed God had turned away from Him completely, Jesus prayed and asked God why had He forsaken Him.”

  Landris reached out and touched Rachel on her hand. “I know you love your sister. I know you do. I even know that you’re mad at God right now for what feels like Him turning a deaf ear to our prayers for her, mine included. But you have to know that God is still in control. He’s sovereign, which means He reigns. He has not left us. He didn’t leave Jesus, who, by all accounts, appeared defeated when they took Him down from the cross and placed Him in a tomb. It doesn’t get any more over than that, but look what God did. Rachel, I don’t know how God is going to do what He’s going to do. But regardless of what happens, God will still get the glory out of it. I refuse to allow Satan to steal God’s praises due to Him.”

  “What are you going to do if Johnnie Mae dies? And there’s a great possibility that’s about to happen,” Rachel said as she wiped her tears with the handkerchief Landris had given her earlier. “God may decide not to save her. What are you going to do then? Will you still be spouting off all this religious stuff? Or will you question your own faith? Will you believe it was your fault because you really didn’t have enough faith to move God? Or will you conclude that God really didn’t care, and even though He could have raised her up, He chose not to?”

  “I’m going to stand, Rachel. That’s all God told me to do—stand. In spite of what happens in my life, I’m going to stand and trust God, because God is God.”

  “That’s easy to say right now. Johnnie Mae is technically still here with us. I don’t think that’s what you’ll be saying tomorrow or whenever they finally turn that life-giving machine off and her breathing ceases.” Rachel dabbed at her now-closed eyes as she continued with sporadic sniffles.

  “Let me tell you something,” Landris said in voice that emanated peace. “I believe right now, when it matters. Faith is now. And that machine in there is not the life giver—God is. I can believe my wife is healed because when Jesus was being beaten, the stripes He endured were for our healing. The Bible says, by His stripes we were healed. Not that we’re going to be—we were. Johnnie Mae is not the sick trying to get healed; she was healed by Jesus’ stripes over two thousand years ago. It’s already done. Now . . . I’m going back in there and lay hands on her and pray and speak the Word only and believe. I believe my wife will recover, do you hear me? I know it. And how do I know? By faith. My faith is all the evidence I have to show you, but I believe it’s already done. Therefore, I will act like I believe. And if that means putting all the negative people who are hindering God’s Word from going forth in that room out, including you and the doctors if I’m forced to, then I’ll have all of you put out.”

  “What?” Rachel asked, jerking back in disbelief as she placed her hand on her hip.

  “You heard me. I didn’t stutter when I said it. I don’t care if they intend to turn the machines off tomorrow or the next day. Right now is an opportunity for God’s power to be shown in action. We talk a good talk. But God is looking for faith-walkers. When Jesus went in to heal Jairus’s daughter, they laughed Him to scorn. And the Bible says that Jesus put them out. As a follower of Jesus, if I find I have to, I’ll start putting folks out or bar them from going in if I feel they’re a hindrance for God’s healing power to go forth.”

  Rachel started laughing. “You see, now I know you done lost your mind! That’s what happens with you Jesus folks. George, that was Jesus that did that. I know Jesus, and, Pastor Landris, you’re no Jesus. These doctors will get a court order on you if they have to. You know they will. That’s what that doctor told me yesterday. They will get a court order to have the machines turned off if they feel they need to.”

  “Rachel, I’m not trying to argue with you right now. And as for that doctor and getting a court order, the Word of God says that no weapon formed against me shall prosper. The point is, Jesus did great works. He said we would do greater works than He did. I believe that, and I intend to operate in it.”

  “And you’re going to look foolish doing it, too.”

  “Then so be it!” Landris started walking back toward the door. H
e turned around. “From now on, when you come through this door, you should consider this the no-doubter zone. In other words, if you can’t leave your doubts on this side of the door, then don’t bother bringing them in there with you.”

  “You’re really crazy, do you know that?” She stepped closer to him.

  “So I’m crazy, huh? I’ve lost my mind? Okay, so we’ve all but lost Johnnie Mae already, in your eyesight. So tell me, sister-in-law, what do I have to lose if this doesn’t work?”

  Rachel grabbed him by his upper arm. “George, why don’t you go in there and prove everybody wrong! Oh, I pray that you do. I pray that God not only hears you, but that He answers your prayer. For my sister’s sake, for the sake of all those who want to believe that God not only can but will move in a mighty way. Go on, George. Prove to everybody who may have ever doubted God that we were and are wrong!”

  Landris nodded and smiled at her as he placed a hand on her shoulder and patted it. “So . . . are you coming back in?”

  “Sorry, George, I’m going to wait on this side. From what I’ve been told, beyond that door is the no-doubter zone. But if you don’t mind, will you please tell my children and grandchildren to come on out so we can go home, and to bring my mother out with them? And George, when Johnnie Mae awakes, give her a kiss for me, will you?” She nodded, then covered her mouth with her hand as she held in her cry.

  Chapter 50

  And I have put My words in thy mouth, and I have covered thee in the shadow of Mine hand, that I may plant the heavens, and lay the foundations of the earth, and say unto Zion, Thou art My people.

  Isaiah 51:16

  It was seven PM, and Landris was alone with Johnnie Mae. He quietly played some of her favorite old-time gospel and contemporary gospel songs while reading scriptures to her from the books of Proverbs, Psalms, and Isaiah. He played a CD he’d recorded on healing and the power of what Jesus has already done for those who believe. Landris took his wife’s lifeless hand and prayed with her as fervently and passionately as if she’d been awake and was participating in the prayer with him. He was determined he would continue this vigil through the night. An RN came in from time to time to check on Johnnie Mae.

  As the RN was getting ready to leave the room, a little after ten o’clock, she touched Landris on his shoulder. “Pastor Landris, I’ve never been one to go to church much. But if you don’t mind me saying, there’s something special about the way you worship and praise God even in the midst of your trials and tribulations that makes me want to know more about Him. Whatever you have, I sure would like some of it.”

  “God is a person, not an it,” Landris said with kind correction. “And He is truly worthy to be praised,” he said. “When things are going great for us, we should praise Him. When things aren’t going so great, we still should praise Him, with our eyes fixed on what He’s going to do to turn things around. I’m not moved by what I see. For in the natural right now, I’m being told that it looks like there’s little hope. I live by faith—faith in who God is and not merely in what He can do. If God never does another thing for me, if God never answers another prayer request, I will still praise Him just for who He is. God is worthy to be praised. Therefore, I praise Him when I’m up, and I praise Him when I’m down.”

  “You’ve been told by the doctors that your wife is not doing well,” the nurse said, “yet there is such a peace about you. That’s the kind of peace I’d like to have. You possess a joy that seems to exude from you . . . like you’re expecting something good to happen any minute. I want that kind of joy in my life.”

  Landris continued to hold Johnnie Mae’s hand as he stood and faced the nurse. “Serving the true and living God will have that kind of effect on you. He’ll give you a peace that truly does surpass all understanding. I can’t explain to you why I’m able to stand in the midst of the storms of life and be at peace, except to tell you that having Jesus onboard makes all the difference in the world. There’s something about knowing Jesus is onboard that allows you to sleep like a baby even when the ship is being tossed and driven. When God gives you joy, it’s an unspeakable joy, the kind the world can’t give and the world has no power to take away—a joy that becomes strength in weakness.” He smiled briefly. “I have a question for you. Are you saved?”

  She gave him a quick grin. “No, I’m not. I’ve seen too much hypocrisy in so-called Christians. It’s a huge turnoff. I decided a long time ago if that’s how being a Christian is, then I didn’t care to have any part of it.”

  “Listen to me. You can’t allow other folks to keep you from receiving salvation. When you face Judgment Day—and you will someday—you’re going to have to stand for yourself. You’ll be asked why you should be allowed into Heaven. How will you answer that question? Are you going to say you chose not to accept Jesus as your Savior because of how other people, who said they were Christians, acted?” Landris shook his head again. “I’m sorry, but that excuse is not going to fly in Heaven.”

  “Then what do I say? That none of the Christians I knew and met during my lifetime ever bothered to stop and minister to me? That they saw I wasn’t living right but felt it wasn’t their job or place to at least tell me about Jesus and His plan for salvation? Pastor Landris, there are plenty of nurses here who profess to be Christians. They make a huge show, carrying and reading their Bibles. But not one of them has ever taken the time to talk to me about Jesus. They talk about their family, their problems—large and small, as though there is no hope. They talk a lot about other folks. But not one has bothered to ask me if I’m saved or talk to me about becoming saved the way you are doing now. It’s like Jesus is a sort of symbol they use to show how great they are, instead of a testament to how great He is. But the way you’ve been these few times I’ve seen you since your wife was moved to this floor makes me desperately want what you have. So please tell me, Pastor Landris, what must I do to be saved?”

  Landris gently released Johnnie Mae’s hand, careful to place it lovingly next to her side. He glanced quickly at the nurse’s badge to make sure he had her name correctly. “Jackie,” he said, “the Bible says we were all sinners, born into sin because of what the first man, Adam, did. Because of sin, we were separated from God our Father. The Bible declares that the wages of sin is death. But Jesus, God’s only begotten Son, the second man, Adam, voluntarily came down to earth to die on the cross to pay for our sins. Mine, yours, my wife’s, the world’s . . . He died for all our sins. Essentially, Jesus was crucified in our place. Jesus went to hell in our place. And on the third day, God raised Jesus up from the dead. Now, by faith, do you believe this?”

  Jackie was crying now. She nodded as she spoke. “Yes,” she said. “I believe that.”

  Landris took her by both hands. “Then I want you to repeat after me. Lord, I’m a sinner. Please come into my heart.”

  Jackie repeated the words as instructed.

  “I confess with my mouth the Lord Jesus Christ. And I believe in my heart that God has raised Him from the dead.”

  Jackie said those words as she kneeled down on the floor and began to cry even more. She began to thank God for His mercy and His grace as she continued to weep.

  “The Bible tells us that if we confess with our mouth the Lord Jesus Christ and believe in our hearts that God has raised Him from the dead we shall be saved. You’re saved now because you believe in Jesus and what He did to save you from sin. You’re now an heir and a joint-heir with Jesus Christ, my new sister in Christ, and legally part of God’s royal family. Jackie, let me be the first to welcome you to the family of God. God is worthy to be praised.” Landris released her hands and began giving God a wave offering.

  “Thank You, Jesus,” Jackie said, crying as she looked upward with her arms extended high. “Thank You for dying for my sins. Oh Lord, I’ve done so much wrong, but You loved me. Before I ever knew You, You loved me. Thank You for saving me.”

  “Thank You, Lord,” Landris said, praising God along with her. “Oh, we
thank You, Lord. I know You and all the Heavenly hosts are rejoicing right now as one more soul has been added to the church—not a building, but the body of Christ. Lord, we thank You for this sister. Touch her right now, in Jesus’ name. You know what she’s in need of. Pour out a special blessing upon her. Release Your anointing on us. Lord, You’re awesome. In the midst of everything that’s going on, even now, I feel Your presence in this place. I feel You moving right now. Move, Lord! Heal, Lord! Show Yourself strong, Lord! I bind the works of the devil, right now in Jesus’ name. I loose Your angels to perform the Word that You have sent. I speak life! I thank You for healing right now. Thank You, Lord.” Landris paced near the bed. “Thank You, Lord. Yes, we praise You. Yes, Lord. Yes, Lord. My soul says yes!”

  Landris started jumping up and down. He was trying to keep it quiet since he didn’t want to disturb other patients. But it was hard for him to hold his peace. Jackie was jumping up and down, too, praising God. Landris walked over and took Johnnie Mae’s hand as he continued his prayer. “Johnnie Mae is already healed, Lord. My wife . . . my helpmeet, bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh . . . by Your stripes, she’s already healed, in Jesus’ name. In Jesus’ name. Now, let Your Word be true and anything that man has declared that is contrary to Your Word, let it fall right now, Lord.”

  “I feel Your presence,” Jackie said, obviously amazed. “He’s real. God is real,” she said. “I’ve never felt anything like this before in all of my life.” She began waving her hands in the air. “Thank You, Jesus! Thank You for saving me. Little old me! Thank You for loving me so much that You laid Your life down for me! For me. No one has ever loved me like that. I thank You for the work You’re doing in this room right now.”