Longwalker's Child

by Debra Webb

  Lauren stilled. Was sympathy all there was to it? She had a bad feeling that she was lying to herself. She didn't want to get involved with him on any level. But here she was, determined to help him. And every bit as determined to beat him in the custody battle. The conflicting emotions warred inside her until she felt riddled with confusion.

  Lauren firmed her resolve. She had to have a talk with Gray. If he was going to stay, she needed him to understand the ground rules. No more hot searing looks, no more touching, and definitely no more kissing. She had never behaved like a tramp and she wasn't about to start now. Lauren didn't do casual sex. She and Kevin had agreed to wait until their wedding night. But that night never came. She was no longer interested in a relationship with any man. Not now. Not ever. Going to her grave a virgin wasn't such a bad thing.

  She hadn't been remotely attracted to any man since Kevin's death, until now. She was only twenty-seven. She supposed it had been foolish to rule out the possibility of ever feeling that way again. But she hadn't wanted to. Still didn't want to. Heat stirred inside her, making a liar out of her.

  Lauren had spent her school years concentrating on obtaining the best education possible, and she had gone straight into a high-pressure position after graduating. With no serious dating experience outside her time with Kevin, she felt ill at ease even considering another relationship. The few times she had been out with Buck certainly didn't count. She had never experienced even the slightest pang of desire for him. He was a friend, nothing more.

  Falling in love again was too risky. What would happen if she lost someone else she cared about? And it could happen. Fairness didn't have anything to do with it. Lauren shook her head. She couldn't go down that road again. She had already risked her heart to Sarah, she wouldn't risk it any further.

  Lauren's attention ventured back to the pasture and settled on Gray. She couldn't deny a powerful physical attraction to him, one that by far surpassed even the one she had felt for Kevin. The feelings confused her. She didn't want to care about him like that. If Lauren ever felt compelled to seek out another relationship, it would be with a marriage-minded man, a family oriented man. And only for Sarah's benefit.

  Gray Longwalker fit neither of those categories. Despite the fact that he was the child's father. Like her, fate had dealt him a raw deal. From what she could ascertain, it wasn't his fault that people reacted the way they did to him. It hadn't been in the beginning, anyway. But he had a choice, he could leave it behind or he could drag it around with him. Unfortunately, he chose the latter.

  But didn't she do the same thing? She frowned, considering. Losing Kevin and gaining the headaches had heightened her sense of self-preservation. She had given up her life as she knew it, run away to the middle of nowhere and lived like a hermit. She rarely socialized and refused to enter into a real relationship with a man. Was she any better than Gray?

  As that thought struck, her errant gaze sought him. Lauren's mouth tugged into a smile as she watched Gray sit patiently waiting for Spinner to come nearer. The horse stood less than a dozen feet away from him. During the twenty minutes or so she had been observing, Spinner had edged forward only two halting steps.

  Gray kept a patient vigil. He sat cross-legged in the grass, the breeze shifting long dark strands of hair around his broad shoulders. The sun glinted against the rich highlights in his hair, the result doing strange things to Lauren's insides. She could almost feel the warmth his faded chambray shirt would have absorbed from the sun, heating the skin beneath. The image of what that chest would look like, ridged with hard muscle and covered in smooth bronzed skin, played itself in the private theater of her mind. She had felt the contours and solidness of that chest on more than one occasion.

  Despite the brisk breeze, a sheen of perspiration slickened Lauren's skin. Desire sung through her veins. How could she want to touch him so badly? She barely knew him, and what she did know was far from good. Every instinct warned her to avoid him, but she moved closer with each passing day. Lauren knew perfectly well where the touching and kissing would lead, and she didn't want to go there—did she?

  "No," she muttered fiercely. I don't want that. But it was more than the physical attraction, it was the man himself. No matter what anyone said about him, Lauren knew he was inherently good and kind. No one who loved animals as much as he did could be bad.

  Lauren shivered and pushed the irrational thoughts away. She would not analyze her lapse in judgment any further. She would simply do better from this point on.

  Spinner finally took the last steps that separated him from Gray. Lauren held her breath as the horse cautiously reached down to inspect the man sitting like a statue in his grazing territory. Gray remained motionless. His hands were turned palm up on his knees as if in deep meditation. Spinner hesitantly nuzzled each hand in turn. Gray slid one hand slowly over the horse's long face in a reassuring stroke. Man and horse continued for a time to learn each other. His curiosity satisfied, Spinner returned to grazing a few feet from Gray.

  When Gray stood, Spinner's head shot up but he didn't bolt. Gray spoke to him, then turned and walked away.

  Lauren flattened herself against the wall so Gray wouldn't see her. She watched him walk to the barn and disappear inside. Relieved that she hadn't been caught spying, Lauren hurried back into the house. Over and over she chanted the promise she had made so long ago. She would not get emotionally involved with anyone else. Lauren would not fall victim to Gray Longwalker's alluring charms.

  An hour and a half later Gray was still in the barn. Lauren had finished her revisions and faxed the rest of the drawings to Frank. Still restless, she had turned to baking. Fresh blueberry muffins cooled on the counter. Sarah loved homemade muffins for her after-school snack.

  Lauren drummed her fingers on the counter top as she stretched over the sink to see out the window. What could he be doing in there, she wondered? The barn wasn't that interesting.

  "Well," Lauren huffed. "It's my barn, I can certainly go out and see what he's up to if I want." She glanced at the fresh pot of coffee she had just brewed and then at the blueberry muffins. Maybe she would invite him for a snack. A man was always in a better mood for talking when his stomach was full. And she intended to get her point fully across to him. Today.

  Besides, there wasn't any food in the bunkhouse. Lauren could at least spare a meal or two until Gray had the opportunity to pick up a few groceries. God, she was hopeless. He was a grown man. He could fend for himself.

  Still, Lauren strode out of the house and bounded down the back porch steps. She told herself that she was doing the right thing as she covered the short distance to the barn. She was proving that she could be cooperative. Surely if Gray believed she would allow him to be a part of his daughter's life he would find no reason to take her away. He could still roam around the country and do his job. Sarah would always be here, well taken care of, whenever he wanted to visit.

  I'm doing the right thing, she told herself once more before stepping into the coolness of the barn. She blinked to adjust her eyes to the slightly darker interior after the contrasting brightness of the sun. The sweet scent of hay and horses filled her nostrils. How had she lived all her life and not known the beauty of a country morning or the invigorating smells associated with nature until she moved here?

  All thought processes ceased when she caught sight of Gray rearranging what was left of the stack of hay she'd had delivered last winter. He had stripped off his shirt, and sweat glistened on his strong back. His faded jeans hung low on his narrow hips and a red bandanna was tied around his forehead.

  Muscles bunched and then flexed with his every move. His shoulders looked a mile wide above his lean, naked waist. Her mouth became parched at the thought of running her hand over all that smooth, dark skin.

  Heat surged through her, making her feel flushed and impatient. Her heart pounded traitorously against her sternum. Coffee, Lauren. Just ask him if he'd like coffee and a muffin.

  La
uren opened her mouth to speak but snapped it shut when he turned around. His gaze locked with hers and then slowly traveled over her. She felt suddenly unprepared for his visual inspection in her oversize Cubs T-shirt and black leggings. Why hadn't she put on a bra this morning? She was accustomed to running around any way she pleased. That was one of the perks of having a home office. If the day didn't include any scheduled reasons to leave the house, she made herself comfortable. It hadn't occurred to her that her manner of dress would need to be altered under the current circumstances.

  With tremendous effort she manufactured a smile. She scanned the tidy barn. "Looks as though you've been busy."

  He rubbed one wide hand over his flat stomach and surveyed his work. "It was a little disorganized," he said.

  Lauren nodded, looking around her again. She hadn't really noticed whether the barn was organized or not. It looked like a barn to her.

  "Where's Rosemary?" he asked from right beside her.

  Lauren jerked back a step in surprise, banging hard against the weathered plank siding of the barn's wall. "She…she went to run errands," she stammered, struggling to regain her composure.

  One corner of his full mouth tilted upward in a wry half smile. "Are you always this jumpy?"

  Lauren shook her head. "I'm just not used to having a man around," she added, the words barely crawling out around the lump in her throat.

  "Did you come out here to distract me or did you have something on your mind?" he asked, the huskiness in his voice making her nerve endings feel raw, exposed.

  "Coffee," she blurted. She ran nervous fingers through her hair and then wrapped her arms around her middle. "I made coffee and blueberry muffins. I thought maybe you'd like some since you don't have any supplies in the bunkhouse yet." She swallowed tightly behind the tangle of words.

  He reached for her then, wound his fingers into her hair and let it sift slowly through them. Goose bumps skated across her skin. He watched her intently, those gray depths darkening with desire he made no effort to hide.

  "And even after last night, you're still not afraid of me?" he inquired as the last strands slid between his fingers. "You didn't come out here to ask me to leave?"

  Lauren shook her head again, not quite able to manage speech.

  Gray hummed a note of surprise. "Regular or decaf?"

  Her gaze followed the movement as his hand dropped back to his side. "Umm…decaf," she answered breathlessly, allowing her gaze to once more meet the one that threatened to set her on fire. "And, I wanted to talk to you."

  He edged closer, braced one hand against the wall next to her head and took her hand in the other, squeezing her fingers. "We do need to talk. I think we have a real problem here, Lauren."

  She shivered when he said her name. She wanted to run away but couldn't bring herself to move. "I don't know what you mean." But she did. And he knew it. "I wanted to discuss…"

  He pulled her hand up to his mouth and the rest of her thoughts fled. She gasped when he kissed her palm and then rubbed the spot gently with the pad of his thumb, making her pulse erratic.

  "We both want the same thing—Sarah," he said. Lauren tried to pull her hand away, but he held it firmly. "That makes us enemies. But even then we can't seem to put out this fire between us," he added, his voice raspy and low.

  "There isn't anything between us," Lauren said stiffly.

  Gray pressed the palm he had been stroking flat against his bare chest and watched her eyes go wide. He slid his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. "Are you sure?" His lips brushed her temple when he spoke.

  Lauren held her breath and squeezed her eyes shut against his nearness and the temptation that hit hard on its heels. "Yes," she lied.

  "Then why are you trembling in my arms? Only two things will make a woman tremble like this," Gray said as he teased her ear with his tongue. "Fear or desire. You've already said that you're not afraid of me."

  Lauren swallowed tightly and fought the mounting desire to sway into him. Pull away, she told herself, but her body would not obey the command. Heat shimmered inside her, focusing on a deep inner core. She felt weak and giddy and shivery and hot all at the same time. She wanted him to keep holding her. To keep talking to her in that slow, sensuous voice.

  He planted hot, lingering kisses from her temple to her jaw. He teased her earlobe and then nibbled her neck. Lauren gasped, her free hand going instantly to his chest for support. He cupped her breast gently and then stroked his thumb over her nipple. Her breasts tightened and tingled in reaction. Lauren clutched at him, glorying in the feel of hard muscle beneath her palms.

  Gray tightened his hold on her waist and lowered his mouth to the breast he had been stroking. She gasped again. Long and deep he suckled, drawing the nipple into his mouth through the thin, fabric barrier. Lauren moaned as need shot through her, pooling between her thighs.

  With one hand he hiked up the hem of her T-shirt, with the other he drew her closer. Lauren shuddered with delight when his mouth closed over her naked breast. Her fingers threaded into his hair and pulled him more firmly against her. His hair felt like raw silk between her fingers. His tongue drew daring circles around her nipple, and then his teeth nipped at the hardened peak. Lauren's heart pounded frantically in her chest.

  And then his hand was inside her panties. She tensed. Stop, she told herself, but she couldn't. Sensations exploded inside her, around her. She didn't want him to stop. Lauren had never experienced such need. He could do anything and she wouldn't care, as long as he didn't stop.

  Lauren cried out when he touched her. His middle finger slid back and forth, slowly, delicately along the part of her most secret place. She pressed her back against the wall, afraid to move, afraid to even breathe while he tortured her with his mouth and hands.

  Gray shifted his attention to Lauren's other breast and at the same time cautiously parted her feminine folds. His touch turned more urgent as he massaged that aching part of her until she thought she would die of it.

  Heat and sensation…sensation and heat kept building and building. Light pulsed behind her closed lids. She couldn't breathe. "Gray. Stop, please," she cried. Before she went insane, she didn't add.

  Instantly his hand stilled. His glazed eyes focused on hers. "Stop?" he asked, his own breath ragged.

  A groan of protest rose hard and swift in her throat. A mind-bending ache wrenched through her. Her knees were weak with want. "No," she murmured. "Don't stop."

  "Hold on, baby, you're almost there."

  Harder, faster he stroked her, drawing on the well of desire she hadn't even known existed inside her. Tension built until her inner muscles clenched tight. Lauren cried out and instinctively arched against his hand, seeking, needing relief. Relentlessly he sucked her breasts, one and then the other.

  "Oh, please," she moaned, the words barely audible.

  Gray made a feral sound in his throat as he pushed one finger inside her. Lauren gasped, and everything exploded at once. Her body ached and throbbed, sensations pulsing inward, deeper and deeper. Her feminine muscles clenched hard on a second finger that pushed inside, stretched her and then penetrated slightly deeper. A savage groan tore past Gray's lips against her skin. He snatched his hand from her panties and then rubbed her through the double layers of fabric, bringing the spiraling sensations to completion. Lauren's whole body went tense and then suddenly too liquid to stand.

  Gray settled onto the hard-packed dirt floor and pulled Lauren's weak, trembling body onto his lap. He held her close and stroked her hair. She pushed her arms around his neck and nestled against his solid chest. He smelled so good, like clean male sweat and the remnants of this morning's aftershave. His heart hammered behind the wall of muscle. Lauren could feel the stiff arousal in his jeans pressing against her bottom. Tears welled in her eyes and she fought hard to hold them back, but they fell anyway, slipping down her cheeks and onto his sleek, dark skin.

  Why did he stop? Why didn't he…? Why did she let him do
what he did?

  "I didn't know," he told her in a voice so soft she hardly recognized it as his.

  Her tears turned into sobs and Lauren shook in his arms. She tried hard not to. What had she done? She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to ignore the lingering desire still strumming through her body. How far would she have let him go if he had decided to pleasure himself while she was so caught up in her own world of sensation and pleasure. This wasn't supposed to happen. She wasn't supposed to feel this way about anyone…most especially about him.

  Gray drew back and tilted her chin up to look into her eyes. He swiped the tears from one cheek with the back of his hand. "I should have stopped." Concern creased his brow as his eyes searched her face.

  Lauren shook her head. She kept one hand against his chest for support, to feel the heat that still radiated from his hard body. "I shouldn't have come out here. I only wanted to talk to you and…" She couldn't finish. She couldn't repeat the unbelievable stupidity she had just allowed to happen.

  A long breath slipped past his lips. He opened his mouth to speak, but then hesitated. His eyes were so amazingly beautiful, Lauren realized, momentarily forgetting all else. She shivered at the mesmerizing power there. His arms tightened around her.

  "Why have you never allowed a man to make love to you?"

  Lauren looked into his worried face and wondered how she could be having this conversation with this man. How could she have let Gray Longwalker touch her as no one else had?

  "There hasn't been anyone since—" She didn't want to talk about Kevin or the decision they had made to wait until they were married. Her cheeks heated with shame.