by Debra Webb
"I should have the results of your blood test in a couple of days. If everything is in order, we'll get you started on that new medication pronto. All the experts are singing its praises."
"Good. I could use the relief. The medication I'm taking now just isn't working as well as I'd like," Lauren said tiredly. Maybe if she could sleep she wouldn't be so fatigued all the time.
"Lauren." He took her hand in his. "The biggest problem is all this stress you're under. What with a sudden wedding and that Gray Longwalker business, I'm surprised you haven't had another episode already."
"It'll be over soon. Don expects the preliminary DNA results later today, then we can set the hearing, and it will be finished."
"And the wedding next week, that's all taken care of?"
Lauren nodded, but she didn't meet his eyes. She didn't want him to see the regret she knew would be there.
"I'll be there with bells on," he teased.
Lauren manufactured a weak smile and thanked him as he hurried away to his next patient. Bill was right about one thing, she thought as she exited Thatcher's small medical clinic, her current medication was only delaying the inevitable. Lauren could feel the pain clawing for release. She wouldn't be able to put off an episode much longer.
Sarah would go home with Rosemary after school this afternoon. Rosemary had a birthday party planned for her youngest daughter. Under normal circumstances Lauren would attend herself, but her current situation was far from normal. She was barely holding the headaches at bay, and Don would be delivering the test results. Not that the results would be a surprise, but she wanted to be available in case he had any other news.
Like Gray Longwalker's sudden change of heart.
* * *
GRAY SAT ON THE TOP BAR of the fence and watched the two horses get to know each other. Old Spinner needed company, and Restless had needed a good home. Gray couldn't leave Thatcher knowing Spinner would continue to be lonely. Gray smiled; the sensation felt strange on his lips. He hadn't had a blasted thing to smile about in the past two days. He wouldn't have missed the pleasantness of that particular feeling if Sarah and Lauren hadn't caused him to become familiar with it.
Lauren.
Her betrayal burned in his chest like a brand on his heart. One more scar to add to all the others. How could she marry Buck? She had never given Gray the first indication that Buck's pursuit of her was wanted, much less reciprocated. Each time he saw the two of them together he wanted to kill Buck. The thought of him touching her in any way made Gray's guts twist.
Would she have accepted Buck's proposal if Gray had agreed to share Sarah with her, maybe even take her away with him? Gray gave a small, regretful shake of his head. He just didn't see the connection. What did Buck have to do with any of this? What did Lauren hope to gain by marrying him? Gray had considered the possibilities over and over again and still ended up back at square one. Sure Buck had lots of money and political influence. But the law was the law, and Sarah was Gray's biological child. There was no reasonable explanation for Lauren having turned to Buck. Yet, there had to be one. Lauren was too smart to make a life-altering decision like this without good reason.
But she was desperate, and desperate people took desperate steps. There was always the off chance that Buck had promised to sway the judge's decision. But Gray was ready for that possibility. He would appeal all the way to the Supreme Court if necessary. The Buckmaster influence didn't go that far outside of Texas.
He'd had time to think, and regardless of what Lauren implied, Gray knew she had feelings for him. Her response had been too real, too deep. Every incredible moment of their lovemaking had played itself time and again in his head. His body ached for Lauren. She was his. In the farthest reaches of his soul Gray believed that with complete certainty. But another man would have her. Every instinct told him to fight, not to let her slip away. But how could he?
For years he had fought until he had finally given up and accepted his life for what it was. Gray had found himself an acceptable niche somewhere beyond tolerance, but not quite in the range of happiness. He had spent the past six years of his life turning the other cheek and walking away, until Sarah. When he had learned of his child, nothing on earth could have stopped him from claiming her. And in the process he had grown attached to Lauren.
Gray clenched his jaw hard. How could he stand back and let her marry another man? Was his pride so great that he would cut out his own heart to rid himself of its vulnerability? Pride, bitterness and anger had ruled his life for far too long.
Whatever Buck held over Lauren to sway her decision, Gray felt sure that her desire to stay with Sarah was far greater. If he were to ask her not to marry Buck, would she marry him instead just to be near Sarah? And if she did, would she learn to love him, or grow to resent him for using the child as leverage?
Marriage. The possibility of marrying one day had never even entered his mind. Gray had assumed he would spend the rest of his life alone. But he didn't want that anymore. He wanted Lauren. The admission startled him, but it was true. He had to do something before it was too late.
Gray jumped down from the fence and headed for the water hose near the barn. He was hot, sweaty and dusty. He needed some quick relief, internal as well as external. Somehow he had to cool the rage simmering inside him and think clearly. Gray had to find the right words to say to Lauren to change her mind.
* * *
LAUREN PARKED in her drive and stepped out of the car, her gaze riveted to the pasture Spinner called home. A sleek brown horse grazed on the lush green carpet along with Spinner.
"What the devil?" Lauren muttered. Where had that horse come from? She tossed her purse back on the car seat and slammed the door shut. Lauren crossed the yard with quick, determined strides. Gray had to be at the bottom of this. Aloof and hostile, he had spent the past two days watching her world go to hell in a handbasket. And now this! The man had waltzed back into town two weeks ago and destroyed Lauren's life. She had been at his mercy since. But, by God, this was still her ranch, she mused with unreasonable fury. Gray Longwalker had no right to bring a horse onto her property without asking first. Who did he think he was?
Lauren checked the barn but didn't find him. She started in the direction of the bunkhouse, and something in the edge of her vision captured her attention. She stopped and turned back toward the barn. Gray stood, bare from the waist up, hosing himself off at the spigot on the far side of the barn.
Refusing to allow her body's response to extinguish her anger, Lauren stalked straight up to where he stood. The water obviously obscured the sound of her approach, Gray continued his makeshift shower, unaware that she was there. The water sluiced over his face, past his broad shoulders to dampen his dark hair and faded jeans. He dropped the hose and swiped the water from his face, then bent to turn off the spigot. Lauren cleared her throat, and he jerked up to face her.
"Where did that brown horse come from?" she asked sharply. His taut muscular body screamed for her attention. His wide, bronzed chest beckoned to her on an elemental level that almost took her breath, but Lauren willed the desire to retreat.
"I bought Restless from Mrs. Jennings. I thought Spinner could use some company," he offered flatly, his eyes never leaving hers.
Lauren set her hands on her hips and glared at him. "You had no right to buy another horse for me to have to take care of without asking first."
"I tried, but you were too busy that day to listen. Then I forgot. Don't worry, I've already made arrangements with Tom Burke. I'll be paying him to take care of the horse, it won't cost you anything." He pushed his damp hair back and continued his penetrating stare, devouring her with his intense gaze.
"This is my ranch, and if I had wanted another horse I would have bought one myself," she fumed, refusing to get trapped in his hot, searching stare.
"Lauren." He stepped closer, and she shivered before she could stop herself. "Spinner needed a companion. You have plenty of grazing land, what's t
he big deal? It's not like you'll be living here much longer, anyway," he added bitterly.
"That's not the point," she countered. Her anger blazed hotter at his nonchalance. Lauren took a step closer to him and stabbed her index finger at him accusingly. "You had no right to make that kind of decision."
He swallowed hard, and Lauren found herself suddenly mesmerized by the play of muscles beneath the dark skin of his throat. "I had no right, that's true enough," he admitted, his tone softer now. "If you don't want the horse, I'll find him another home." He let out a heavy breath and stared at the thin strip of ground that stood between them. "But Spinner will be lonesome."
And so would she when Gray left. She would be devastated. Lauren released her own weary sigh. "I don't care if the horse stays, it's the principle of the thing."
He slowly lifted his gaze back to hers; anger glittered there now. "And we both know how principled you are." The words hissed past his clenched teeth.
Lauren flinched at the cutting remark. She opened her mouth to deliver a proper comeback, but conviction deserted her. Instead, she spun around to walk away. She would not do this to herself.
"Lauren." He clasped long fingers around her arm and halted her retreat.
Lauren closed her eyes and held very still. She would not respond to his touch or to the gentle rasp of his voice. Gray moved in close behind her, his body pressed along the length of hers, making her heart thump erratically.
"Do you feel this fire when Buck touches you?" he murmured against her hair.
"Stop," she whispered, though she prayed he would not. Heaven help her, she wanted him to make love to her right now, on the ground, in broad daylight.
"Does he touch you the way I touch you?" He nuzzled her neck, then planted slow, hot kisses there. "Does his touch make you burn for him as you burn for me even now?"
"No." Had the word been a thought or had she spoken? Lauren didn't know, her mind and body were lost to the man holding her in his firm, sensual grip.
"Do you dream of how we made love over and over again the way I do?" His mouth tortured her shoulder, his words tortured her soul.
Lauren twisted to face him. "Stop," she cried, her desperate gaze colliding with his. The water on his damp skin glistened like diamonds in the afternoon sun. Alarm bells sounded in Lauren's brain. Run, she told herself, but her legs would not obey.
"Do you really want me to stop?" He lowered his head and brushed the promise of a kiss across her lips. Lauren shivered, and Gray folded her into his arms, holding her close against his bare chest. His skin felt cool against her flushed cheek. Gently he kissed the top of her head as if she were a child in need of gentleness.
Lauren closed her eyes and allowed herself this one moment of comfort in the arms of the man she truly loved with all her heart. The past two days had, if nothing else, provided proof positive that she was in love with Gray. She could hardly bear Buck's touch, even in the most innocent way. His kiss repulsed her. And Gray had haunted her every waking moment. Even when she slept, dreams of him taunted her.
"Choose me, Lauren."
Lauren drew back to look into his eyes. They were soft with tender emotion. She blinked. "What did you say?" She had to have heard wrong.
"Don't marry Buck. Marry me, Lauren. Marry me."
She searched his eyes, the emotion there confirming his words. Lauren shook her head, the move hardly a move at all. "It's…it's too late," she breathed. Lauren pulled free of his embrace and backed away. "It's too late," she repeated, her words scarcely a whisper. She turned and ran away from the words that once she would have given anything to hear but that had come too late…much too late.
"Lauren, wait," he called after her.
Lauren didn't stop. She kept running until she had reached her car and grabbed for her purse and keys. She had to get inside and lock the door. She had to take her medicine. She had to hide…to think.
The sound of a car pulling up next to hers jerked Lauren's attention in that direction. Buck. Oh, God. She didn't want to see him. She wanted to run away.
"Hey, sugar," he called as he got out of his car.
His expression dimmed when he took a second look at her. Lauren knew she must look rattled. She was rattled. She was crazy. She was a rat caught in her own trap.
"Is something wrong?" He moved to her side just as Gray came around the end of the house still buttoning his shirt. Buck took one look at Gray and immediately sized up the situation. He abandoned his advance toward Lauren and strode in Gray's direction.
"What the blazes did you do to her?" Buck demanded.
Gray fastened the final button on his shirt and leveled a lethal glare on Buck. "What takes place between Lauren and me is none of your business."
"She's going to be my wife, and I'm dang well making it my business!" Buck shouted.
The corners of Gray's mouth hitched up in a mocking smile. "Maybe, maybe not."
"You son of a—" Buck charged at Gray.
Just when Lauren felt sure there would be a fight, Don arrived. The sound of his car braking to a stop halted Buck's advance. Both men focused on Don as he emerged from his vehicle.
Lauren clutched her purse tightly against her middle, her keys in her hand. Don walked toward her, her heart beat wildly as he approached. He had come to make the announcement that Gray would use against her in court. His words would forever change the course of her life, of Sarah's life.
She kept her gaze fixed on Don. She couldn't permit herself to consider Gray's proposal. Choose me. Lauren shook herself in denial. Too late…too late.
With an unexpected grin, Don threw his arms around Lauren and hugged her close, then whispered, "It's over, Lauren. It's all over."
Lauren choked back the sob rising in her throat. Marry me, Lauren, the words echoed. Marry me. Too late. Her fate was sealed.
Don drew back and smiled at Lauren. "Everything's going to be fine now." He gave her shoulders one final squeeze and turned toward the two men now standing within arm's reach.
Lauren glanced from Buck to Gray, then back to Don. What did he mean it's over? How was everything going to be fine? Something was wrong.
"Mr. Longwalker, I'm sure your own attorney will be providing you with a copy of the preliminary results, but I will tell you that it wasn't a match."
Gray only stared at him.
"Sarah is not your child," Don added. "Obviously Miss Johnson had another boyfriend of Native American heritage."
Shock settled over Lauren. How could that be? Sharon had told her. The pictures. Sarah looked exactly like Gray. The eyes, everything. Buckmaster eyes. Ice formed in Lauren's stomach. Buck had something to do with this. She knew it as surely as she knew her own name.
"That can't be," Gray said.
No words Lauren could call to mind adequately described the utter desolation that emanated from Gray. A devastation so stark that Lauren could not bear to look at him. She wanted to assure him there was some mistake. That Buck had somehow arranged this. Another revelation struck her before she could speak. She had done this. A wave of nausea washed over her, making her weak. She needed to sit down. By agreeing to marry Buck she had unleashed his machinations.
"This is wrong," Gray said almost to himself. Rage stole across his features and he turned to Buck. "You did this."
"Face it, Longwalker," Buck said sarcastically, "you lost. Once a loser, always a loser. The kid's better off without you."
"Buck!" Lauren lunged forward at the same time Gray moved toward Buck. She absorbed the impact of Gray's rigid body against hers. "Buck, I'd like you to leave now," she said as calmly as she could, considering she stood directly between the two men.
"I want him out of here," Buck commanded, his face red with his own rage.
"Buck, please," Lauren pleaded. "I'll call you tonight. Just go, please."
Buck backed up one step, and Lauren let go the breath she had been holding. He stabbed a finger at Gray. "It's over. I want you out of my town!"
Lau
ren couldn't see Gray's face, but she felt his body jerk in response though he said nothing. Buck gave Lauren a quick nod before he swaggered off. His car roared to life, and he spun away amid a cloud of dust and spraying gravel.
Spots floated before Lauren's eyes as another bout of weakness claimed her. Her medicine, she had to get to her medicine. She turned around slowly and faced Gray, unable to completely comprehend the emotions on his face.
"I have to go inside now," she managed to say without slurring her words.
"Lauren, perhaps I should stay awhile," Don offered from behind her.
"I'm fine, please, just go," she said without looking back at him. Lauren focused intently on the door as she half stumbled to reach it. Behind her she heard Don's car start up and his slow departure. Lauren paused at the door and summoned her waning will-power. Fight, she ordered herself, don't give in just yet. She reached to unlock the door and dropped the keys. Cautiously she bent down and retrieved them, only to drop them again before she could insert the proper key in the lock.
A dark hand reached out and snatched up the keys before Lauren could react. Gray was at her side, and she hadn't even been aware of him. Lauren closed her eyes against his presence. She heard him unlock the door and push it open. When Lauren would have stepped inside, his words stilled her.
"Tell me how this can be, Lauren."
"I don't know," she murmured without looking at him. "There has to be a mistake. Just please go."
An eternity passed before Lauren heard the heavy thud of his boots across the wood porch. She moved very slowly, very carefully into her house and closed the door behind her. Lauren dropped her purse to the floor and slowly, cautiously made her way to the kitchen. She had left her pills on the counter. Her vision blurred, the beast roared inside her head.
By touch, she located the bottle and twisted the lid with shaky hands. The bottle slipped from her grasp and pills scattered across the counter, the floor. With fierce concentration Lauren managed to capture one between her thumb and forefinger, then popped it into her mouth. She switched on the tap and ducked beneath it for a drink.