by Noel Merczel
Nick was very disappointed that there was no real apocalypse. But at least he had a hot new girlfriend. She allowed him take pictures of herself in the yard wearing no panties with her dress pulled way up.
Yes, it was Lisa.
Turns out, Lisa and Nick get along really well. Actually, they can’t keep their hands off each other! Lisa discovered she was right...Nick wasn’t lacking “down there.” To Lisa, Nick was no longer a bald-headed creep, and in Nick’s eyes, Lisa was not the stuck-up bitch he thought she was.
Lisa was still waiting to go on America’s Next Top Model. Meanwhile, she got a new job at J.C.Pennys, which she feels is a step up from Maybelline’s. Except for her bitchy boss; a haggard woman named Lydia who sports a short butch haircut and the saggiest breasts Lisa had ever seen.
Lydia wasn't too fond of Lisa, either. Then again, Lisa never did get along with anyone in authority.
Some things never changed.
Gina's parents were okay, and the whole family decided to take a two week vacation to Universal Studios in Florida to visit The Wizarding World of Harry Potter.
Gina was actually looking forward to the trip, trading in her Pretending to Pick Weeds game out in the yard for a crash course in Harry Potter. She immersed herself in a marathon of all of the movies, one after the other, and then over again; peppering her parents with endless questions.
Because truthfully, there was a lot of stuff in the movies she didn’t understand. Gina wondered how little kids could understand what the heck a horcrux was if she couldn't.
Byron and Lucy were still together, pleasuring each other out on the golf course until the weather turned too cold for golf. Then they pleasured themselves in front of the golf channel on TV.
Tippy and Brooklyn were just fine, although Brookie was a little confused as to where her Mama went. It turns out, Lucy loves both cats and kids. How convenient...
Sandy and Martin never did make it over for that barbeque. Byron didn't care anymore, though. When he wasn't working, playing golf or having sex, he was busy turning his brand new fiance into the classy woman he knew she could be.
Daniella's former husband spent a fortune buying his new leading lady Abercrombie and Fitch and Lacrosse polo shirts that fit her much better than the cheap knock-offs she'd been wearing. Plus, he fixed her buck tooth problem, even tossing in some brand new veneers. She deserved it. The girl was a sex machine. Plus, she worshiped him.
Byron even swept his new lover away to his favorite five star resort in Key West where all three of them; him, Lucy, and Brooklyn, enjoyed one hell of sun-soaked good time.
Lisa gave up hair extensions and was spending more time with her dad. But she refused to watch the show Mountain Men. That’s where she drew the line.
Drew was busy preparing for an upcoming cosplay event. She decided not to dress as Blakely from Dead Heads, though, choosing instead to dress as Poison Ivy from Batman.
Andrea was getting along better with her dad. She watched Bill O'Reilly on Fox news with him sometimes, even though, secretly, she found most of it kind of boring. That was okay, though. She was bonding with her dad and it felt good. She was also learning how much the people on Fox News sure seemed to dislike those Democrats!
Andrea's parents came up with a new name for their E-juice business: Apocalypse Juice! Business was booming. Their best seller? Zombie Blood, of course.
Zombie Blood tasted like dark cherry and mint combined. Andrea's parents also created a brand new flavor of E-juice called Hazmat Suit, which was a combination of banana, cinnamon, and vanilla ice-cream flavors. That was Andrea's idea.
Her parents could finally afford to buy a brand new couch for the basement... without a big gross mysterious stain on it.
Andrea was going to school at NIU while working part time at PetSmart. Drew finally secured a job for her there. Along with her college courses, Andrea was learning a lot about parakeets and gerbils, which were two animals she never knew much about before.
She wasn't allowed to have pets at home, but at least she had a whole bunch of critters at work that were totally crazy about her. Andrea refused to pick up any snakes, although she did like the baby Bearded Dragon lizard named Benny. She thought he was very cute...for a lizard.
Andrea hadn't seen Roger since that night, except on the news a few times right after it happened...back when they were all being interviewed. He never jogged by her house anymore. She was sure he must have changed his route on purpose so he didn't have to run into her and be reminded of it all.
She realized her fantasies about Roger had been incredibly juvenile.
She felt ridiculous about the whole thing; believing that Roger felt all this chemistry for her just because she felt it for him. None of it was based in reality.
Andrea had since labeled her feelings for Roger "just a load of dumb teenage crap."
She would always be grateful to Roger for what he had done, though. That would never change. But her emotions were much more serious and mature now after everything that had happened.
No longer would she harbor such childish (and perverted) sexual fantasies about this amazing man who had saved her life.
CHAPTER THIRTY
It was that time of year, yet again. Andrea was out in her yard trying to arrange a string of Christmas lights on the bushes in front of the house.
The lights, however, were being very stubborn. Andrea's parents were currently at a store in Barrington trying to score a new account, and she wanted to have the lights up and looking perfect by the time they got home.
She just loved the way Christmas lights looked at night when there was snow on the ground.
So wonderfully magical...
It was cold and windy, so Andrea was wearing a black and white checked short wool dress with a lace collar, white tights, and a brand new pair of Kohl’s fur-lined boots. She was also wearing her favorite red pea coat from Maybelline’s, along with a very classy mustard colored infinity scarf.
Andrea didn't like winter clothes as much as summer clothes. However, she had to admit, you could get a bit more creative with the layering in winter than you could in the summer, and that appealed to her artistic sensibilities.
Suddenly, she spotted someone jogging up the street wearing a gray hoodie and blue sweatpants. Andrea froze,tightly clutching the strand of stubborn multi-colored lights in her hands. Then she loosened her grip for fear of breaking the glass.
IT WAS HIM!
The whole scenario was starting to have the feel of an old Mr. Sexy Jogger fantasy. Everything felt so surreal; the dark gray sky, the empty streets...
Andrea blinked hard and shook her head. After "that night" she had been diagnosed with post traumatic stress syndrome, which included spooking easily.....seeing things that weren't really there and being cursed with the most vividly disturbing nightmares...nightmares that always involved her being attacked by a zombie right in her own house, causing Andrea to wake up in a cold sweat screaming her head off.
The nightmares always seemed so real....
But this really was real. This was Roger, jogging by her house just like he used to.....like nothing bad had ever happened.
He slowed down, then stopped right in front of Andrea's yard, a big smile on his face. Andrea waved, just like old times. He waved back.
Play it cool, Andrea...play it cool, she told herself.
But she couldn't play it cool. She was only human, after all.
Andrea dropped the string of lights onto the snow and rushed over to him. She was so happy to see him.
“Roger!” she cried.
“Andrea!” he exclaimed, sounding just as happy to see her as she was to see him.
“I thought you gave up jogging!” she exclaimed, her voice way more animated than it should be.
“Yea, I did for a while,” he admitted. “Then I decided to take it up again so I’d have an excuse to go by your house. What are you doing, decorating the snow?”
An excuse to go by my house? Andrea thought, her excitement building. Did he really just say that?
“Ha-ha. I’m trying to put up some lights so our house can look festive!” she gushed. “So everyone can just forget what happened.”
Immediately, Andrea felt like a jerk. This guy’s wife died. DIED! How were some stupid Christmas decorations supposed to make him forget a little fact like that?
“Sorry,” she mumbled.
“Hey!” Roger said, tipping her chin up with his finger. “You have nothing to be sorry about. And I think your lights look very festive.”
They both laughed at that comment since the string of lights was currently laying in a jumbled lump in the middle of Andrea's yard.
"I think you should keep them just like that!" Roger added, being playful.
"I was considering doing that!" Andrea responded in the same playful tone.
"Yea, everyone puts their lights on bushes," Roger continued. "It's so boring."
Oh God! Andrea thought. He touched my face!
Her chin felt all tingly where his finger had made contact with her skin.
Calm down! she warned herself. You’re going to blow it.
“Seriously, do you want me to help?" he suddenly asked.
“Well...okay!” Andrea responded, the smile never leaving her face. "Sometimes two people can do a job better. Like making a bed..."
Oh God, she was babbling! Why was she bringing up beds?
As they arranged the lights on the bushes, Andrea couldn't get over how good Roger looked. She was so glad she was wearing such a cute outfit right now. Although she worried that her hair might look a little crazy since it was so windy out.
Self consciously, Andrea patted down her thick honey colored tresses.... which in actuality, and much to the consternation of girls who were more follicle challenged such as Lisa, always looked good no matter what.
After Roger and Andrea finished getting the lights just right, Roger plugged the strand in. Then they stood back and admired their handiwork.
"It's so beautiful," Andrea sighed.
"Maybe they do look a little better on bushes, after all," Roger agreed. "I guess that's why everyone puts them there."
“Would you like to come in and have something to drink?” Andrea suddenly asked.
After all, he did help with the lights...not to mention saving her life. So it wasn't such a weird question. It's just that...her parents weren't home, and...
Oh God! Just like in those fantasies! Andrea couldn't help but think.
A giant gust of wind almost knocked her down just then, but she barely felt it.
Roger smiled, a slow sexy smile.
“Sure,” he said, as though he was hoping this whole scenario would unfold. “I thought you’d never ask.”
It is kind of ironic that I happened to be putting up Christmas lights just as he was jogging by, Andrea couldn't help but think. Could this be fate? Or maybe he’s been jogging by my house all along hoping to see me and I just haven’t been outside at the right time?
“Would you like coffee? Or maybe some cocoa?” Andrea asked, sounding hyper. “That’s more Christmasy. I mean – if you celebrate Christmas!”
Oops! Maybe he’s Jewish, or something else, she thought in a panic.
“Whatever you’re having is alright with me,” Roger replied. “And yea...I celebrate Christmas. Stop being so uptight, Andrea.”
Oh God, he said my name! Andrea thought.
She was so happy. There was so much to look forward to!
What would happen inside the house?
Where should she take him?
Down to the basement?
Was that too weird or....suggestive?
Hmmm..
So many possibilities! Just like her life.
She would be an art teacher...and maybe she'd even go to the beach one day...the real beach with the real ocean....just like a mermaid....
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
As Roger followed Andrea to the door, someone was watching them from behind a particularly tall Arborvitae bush. That someone was a short stocky middle-aged woman with saggy breasts showcased in a dirty navy blue T-shirt. The woman was sporting a very unflattering buzz cut.
Her skin had a pinkish hue, dotted with angry red spots and a few exploding pustules. Her eyes were milky white, oozing a few cheesy curds in the corners.
She was drooling. And hungry.
Hungry for flesh.
Her dark dried chapped lips twisted into a macabre smile.
Her name was Lydia. Or at least it used to be.
What Roger and Andrea did not know; in fact what nobody had yet figured out including the CDC, was that the rabies virus had continued to evolve and mutate and spread...
Well, actually the virus could be spread two ways now...by physical contact in the worst possible manner, and by becoming airborne.
The world had been provided with a foreshadowing of the future. The world, however had been hoodwinked by a nasty prank... which regrettably, provided the unfortunate ability to mask the real danger.
“Graaaaa…” the woman moaned, staring feverishly with her white soulless eyes as she anticipated ripping off a delicious bite of raw flesh, dripping with fresh blood.
The woman lived alone, so no one really missed her. Although she had not shown up for work, everyone just assumed she had taken a sick day and not called in.
One of the woman's employees was thrilled by her boss's absence. This particular employee felt that Lydia cramped her style immensely, always asking if she would "please" organize a display or "please" take something into the stock room.
The "please" always sounded super bitchy to this particular employee, whose name was Lisa.
The woman slowly shuffled across Andrea’s yard. When she reached the house, she stopped, suddenly confused.
Where did that delicious flesh go? It was here a minute ago...
Her hunger was unbearable. She marched up to the house like an automaton.
The door, left unlatched, had blown open in the wind....
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Andrea was flushed with anticipation as she led Roger down into the basement.
Would he suddenly grab her... like in her old fantasies?
Or wait...maybe she should she grab him?
She imagined doing just that.
No, not grabbing him there...that would be way too vulgar!
But maybe she could grab him around the middle and just smile up into his face.
Let him know how much she liked him...
Then he'd say, in an affectionate way, "What are you doing, flower girl?"
And she'd say, "Oh....nothing...."
Then she'd squeeze him, just a little...
And he'd say, "That feels nice...."
Then she'd feel his erection and snuggle into him...all very innocent like....
Then he'd say, "Andrea...."
"Andrea!" Roger exclaimed, snapping Andrea out of her silly fantasy. "This is a great basement. I mean, it has potential. You really should finish it the right way. Whoever did this didn't know what he was doing. I mean, if it was your dad, I apologize..."
Roger was pacing around the basement, looking up at the ceiling.
"No, it was this way when we moved here," Andrea told him, dropping her scarf and coat onto the new couch.
"I could do this in a day," Roger was saying. "I mean, finish this whole basement."
"Is that what you do?" Andrea asked, following Roger over to where he was standing.
It was the same exact spot where Patty had been standing when she'd been attacked by Mimi. Andrea shook her head to abolish the horrible memory. She wondered if Roger was mentally doing the same.
The past was over. This was a brand new beginning!
"I do millwork..." he explained.
When Andrea looked a little blank, Roger added, "You know, woodwork
...construction...."
"Oh!" Andrea cried. "Cool! There's probably good money in that!"
"You could say so," Roger said, looking down at Andrea's flushed face.
"Not that money is all I care about!" Andrea quickly added, blushing.