I can hardly get the pie in my mouth fast enough. It’s the perfect explosion of flavors.
“I don’t even care if I don’t fit into the dress after this,” I say, scratching my neck. “This was such a good idea. Thank you. I’m glad you made me come.” I laugh and he does too, the air between us lighter with our sugar highs.
“So is everything pretty much ready for the wedding?” he asks.
“Yeah, the hard part is done, and the fun starts the day after tomorrow. We’re doing a spa day at the salon, the day after that the rehearsal dinner, and then the wedding!” I rub at my neck and scratch my arm.
His eyes widen when he looks at my neck. “Mira, are you okay? You’re…really…” He grabs my hand and holds my arm out. “What’s going on?”
I have little welts all over my skin. “Is this on my neck too?” I lift my shirt a little and look at my stomach. Hives are covering my skin.
“We should get you to the hospital. Are you allergic to peanut butter? How can that happen?” He sounds panicked and is already standing up and throwing money on the table.
By the time we pull into the hospital parking lot and Jaxson leaves the car with the valet, every part of my body itches. I’m swollen and miserable. My eyes are starting to feel weird and my mouth…
We go to the desk to check in and one of the nurses—Nan—takes me to an exam room right away, with Jaxson on our heels answering all the questions I don’t respond to fast enough. I clutch my chest.
“It feels tight,” I whisper.
Dr. Nigel comes into the room, looks at my chart, and goes on a tangent about a shot. I don’t really register her words. The grief on Jaxson’s face distracts me.
“I’m okay,” I tell him. “Don’t worry.”
He looks so sad I can’t stand it. Nan gives me an epinephrine shot and I can breathe a little easier, but the hives don’t go away. A while later, she gives me another shot and I feel more of an improvement with that one, but she still sets me up with an IV and runs antihistamines through it. Jaxson scoots up to the bed when Nan leaves the room to let Dr. Nigel know about my progress. He holds my hand, careful to only touch my palm and not the top of my hand that still has welts.
“Are you feeling any different?” he asks.
“It’s easing,” I say as Nan walks in. “I’m breathing better. Less itchy. But sleepy.”
“I should let your mum know—she’ll kill me that I haven’t already told her,” he says.
“We’re going to monitor you for a few more hours,” Nan says. “If we don’t see more improvement, we’ll keep you overnight.”
I nod, too sleepy to protest. I don’t have time to be in the hospital goes through my mind right before I fall asleep.
* * *
I wake up a few hours later. Jaxson is still sitting there and my mum is beside him.
“Oh, honey, are you okay?” Mum asks, hovering.
“I feel much better.”
“You look much better,” Jaxson says. “God, you scared me to death.”
“I’m fine. See? Good as new.” I hold up my arm and although there’s still a scattering of hives, there are far less.
He looks at my mother. “She didn’t see herself,” he says. He opens his phone and shows me a picture. My face is unrecognizable.
I gasp. “Do I still look like that?” I clutch my face, looking at my mum. “The wedding!”
“We are not going to worry about the wedding,” Mum says. “The swelling has gone down considerably, but if you don’t feel up to it on Saturday, we’ll push it back. No big deal.”
“Uh, no way. We have worked too hard on this wedding for it to be thwarted by a little allergic reaction.”
“You could’ve died, Bells,” Jaxson says.
“No…” I scoff at him. “It wasn’t that—”
“Yes, you could’ve,” he interrupts. “They gave you another shot while you were sleeping and are waiting for a room upstairs to open up to monitor you throughout the night.”
I groan. “I can’t miss our spa day!” I look tearfully at Mum, whose eyes are full too.
“I’m just so grateful Jaxson got you to the hospital on time,” she says, putting her arm around him and squeezing. “Thank you, love.”
She’s never called me “love” a day in my life, but she bestows it on him like she’s always said it. I restrain the eye roll and look on, smiling…because I’m grateful too that he acted so quickly. If it had been up to me, I’d have gone home and wondered why I couldn’t breathe very well…
“We’ll bring the spa to you if we have to,” she says to me.
* * *
I do stay the night, but I feel a thousand times better the next day. I think it was a waste of time, but I guess I was in worse shape than I realized when I came in. I feel bad for putting a damper on the wedding festivities.
I’m expecting my mother to pick me up and then I’m hoping we’ll go straight to the salon, but Jaxson is the one who walks in while the new nurse on duty is walking me through my release papers. He listens intently to her instructions.
“You’ll have to carry this everywhere.” She holds up an Epipen. “A reaction like yours…you’ll have to stay away from peanuts from now on. If you feel any tingling or get the beginnings of the hives like you had this time, use this and then come into the ER right away. Okay?”
“But I love peanut butter so much,” I lament.
“So many do, but it doesn’t love them back,” she says briskly.
She’s a size nothing, so I have a feeling she’s never loved peanut butter and doesn’t know what she’s missing. It’s a bitter thought, but one that I’m feeling with all my heart…no peanut butter?
“What could happen if she doesn’t have the Epipen or doesn’t do it in time?” he asks.
The nurse shrugs. “She could die,” she says to him. “It’s very imperative that you and everyone in your life take this seriously.” She points to me and starts gathering her things to leave.
Well, thank you for your charming bedside manner. I don’t speak because I’m afraid of what will come out.
Jaxson glares after her and takes me by the hand. “I’ve been researching this all night. We can figure out places to go…I’ve got a list of things you wouldn’t think of that have peanuts…all that. It’s going to be okay.”
His face is flushed as the words rush out of his mouth. God, I love him. Whoa. Hold up. No. Rewind.
“Did you even sleep?” I ask, looking everywhere but directly at him.
“No, but I can sleep when I’m dead, right?”
“I hate that saying.”
“I’m surprised you don’t hate me at this point,” he says quietly.
I turn to him. “What? Why?”
He reaches out and smooths the crease between my brows and swallows hard before answering. “I don’t know, Mira. I think it’s safe to say that I need to put the list to rest once and for all. Maybe you’re right. Maybe we should only be friends. I don’t want to put you at risk for any more disasters…” He attempts a smile, but it’s more of a grimace.
A lump grows in my throat and I nod, attempting a smile myself. It hurts way more than a smile should. “Friends.”
34
Past
Beginning of May 2015
Just when I think I have a few things figured out, everything comes crashing down, Diary.
Is it me? Don’t answer that.
“No, don’t go.” Jaxson’s arms were wrapped around my waist, pulling my back to his chest.
I groaned but had to laugh when he nuzzled into my neck. “Stop! It’s already so hard to leave you.”
“So don’t leave. Don’t you think our parents have guessed by now that we’re sleeping together? Your mum got you on the pill…mine keeps stressing the importance of safety ad nauseam. Let’s have a little talk with them.” He rolled on top of me and I sighed.
I never got tired of this.
He kissed me and we got distracted f
or another twenty minutes before I tried to leave again.
“We are not talking to our parents. Can you imagine how painful that would be?” I put on my clothes and walked over to grab my backpack.
“But I’ll be away at school soon. I don’t want to miss out on any time with you.”
I looked up. “You’re serious?”
He nodded then bit his lip. “I need to talk to you about something else. I got us a hotel for the night of your prom…can you work that out with your mum?” He grinned but looked nervous.
“I’ll figure it out.” I smiled, walking over to sit by him on the bed. Junior Prom was two weeks away and Senior Prom was the upcoming weekend…four days away. I had two gorgeous dresses hanging in my closet.
“About my prom. Uh, Heather reminded me yesterday that I promised her we’d go to that together…”
I waited for him to finish his sentence because he couldn’t possibly be leaving it at that. I was barely okay with them still being friends but hadn’t argued the point. He made me feel secure every time we were together.
When he didn’t say anything, I lifted my hand, motioning for him to finish. “And?”
“And I think maybe I should at least go pick her up, get pictures with her. Uh…her parents still think…I mean, you know…it made her stepdad leave her alone more thinking that I was still in the picture,” he finishes, threading his fingers through mine. “You and I can still be together the rest of the night. I have a hotel booked for us then too…”
My eyes narrowed on him. “Are you serious right now?”
“Derek will be with us most of the time…it’s just a few hours and to make things go easier for her at home.”
I pulled away from him and stood up. “Cancel the hotel for both nights. We won’t be needing that.” I hooked my backpack over my arm and walked to the door.
“Bells, wait. Stop. Let’s talk about this,” he said, getting up. His naked body nearly distracted me into pausing, but I rushed out of the door and down the stairs, not stopping no matter how loud he yelled for me to come back.
I didn’t go home right away, but Mum said he’d left a note for me to call on the door when she got home. I also locked my window and ignored all of his attempts to get my attention. Maybe I was being a hothead, but I knew if I said anything to him at all, it’d be irate and I needed to cool down first. If I ever could.
* * *
The next day at school, Derek was waiting for me at my locker. Jaxson was nowhere in sight.
“I heard you’re not going to prom with Jaxson.”
“You heard right.”
He leaned against my locker and smiled. “Would you go with me? You can keep an eye on your boy and he can be miserable watching us dance together…”
“That sounds like the worst idea you’ve ever had and you’ve had plenty of bad ones.”
“I want to go to my Senior Prom with someone I’m friends with…not these dimwits hanging on me all the time.”
“You sound like Jaxson’s nana.” I smiled despite wanting to kick something.
“Yeah, she’s mentioned the dimwits a dozen times or two when I’m around.” He laughed. “We’ve always gotten along well, right? I like to think so anyway.” He looked sincere when he said that and I softened.
“I suppose I shouldn’t waste my dress,” I said.
He rolled his eyes. “If that’s what it takes to convince you…” He tapped my locker. “Thanks, Mira. It’ll be fun. I promise.”
I didn’t see Jaxson until the end of the day. He was waiting at my car and holding a bouquet of flowers. I moved past him and opened the door.
“I worked it out with Heather. I’m going by there the night before…take a few pictures then and you and I can have our night…I never wanted to be with anyone but you that night anyway.”
I held my hand up. “I’m going with Derek Saturday night.”
His nose crinkled in disbelief. “What? Why? Has Heather been right all along? Do you really have a thing for Derek?”
I wanted to punch him in his cute little crinkled nose. “You’re making me so angry right now. I don’t know what Heather has led you to believe about Derek, but it’s all in her head or something she’s made up to make me look bad with you. He’s my friend. So you and Heather can do your little fake date and keep up the façade. I had no idea you were still pretending to be her boyfriend. What else are you ‘pretending’ to do with her?”
His eyes widened and he set the flowers on the hood of my car, moving closer to me. “Nothing. I swear it, Bells. I have not touched her since before you and I got together.”
“Why should I believe that when you’re doing such a good job lying to her parents?” I tried to step further from him, but he caged me in with his hands against the car.
“Do you remember her parents? It’s not hard. And I’ve been with you every spare minute of every day…when would I have time to be with her?”
“Well, you’ll have time this Saturday night. Let me go, please. I have to go to work.”
“Bells.” He grabbed hold of my face and leaned his head against mine. “Let me in tonight. Please.”
“I’m on my period and I’ll be too tired after work to hang out,” I told him.
“We can just sleep,” he said.
I shook my head and got in the car when I saw an opening. Before I shut the door, I said, “You and I aren’t going to agree on this, so I think it would be best if you do your thing the next few days and I do mine. I don’t want to say anything hateful, and I will if I have to talk to you. You’re only a senior once; you have the right to spend your prom however you want to. I’m disappointed it won’t be with me, but you made your choice.”
“But I did choose you,” he said, tugging on his hair.
I shook my head, closing the door and driving away from him. I didn’t look at him again until right before I turned to leave the parking lot. He was standing in the same spot I’d left him, head bowed, and holding the flowers that must have fallen off of the car when I took off.
* * *
Mum had a million questions about why I was crying, why Derek was taking me to his prom, where was Jaxson…she tried to demand that I talk to her, but when I wouldn’t, she came into my room and shut the door behind her.
Before she could say anything, I held up my hand. “I have to get ready and I really don’t want to cry anymore. I just need to get through this night and then we can talk, okay? Please?”
She reluctantly sat on the edge of my bed and nodded, her lip between her teeth. “All right, honey. I’m just sorry you’re hurting. It’s a helpless feeling not knowing how to make things better.”
I patted her hand and turned back around to my mirror. I had my work cut out for me to get rid of the dark circles under my eyes.
* * *
Derek and I arrived at the venue about twenty minutes after it started. Both of our mothers had been at the house clicking their cameras like we were celebrities. It was strange doing all of this with Derek when it should’ve been Jaxson. The pictures would probably give away how vacant I felt, but I tried to plaster on a smile whenever Derek looked at me.
“You look so good, Mira,” Derek said for the millionth time.
I was glad that had at least worked on my behalf. My dress deserved good hair and makeup, so I’d tried my best. I wore a pale pink, low-cut flowy gown that sparkled in every light. I’d fallen in love with it and had been so excited for Jaxson to see me in it. Now I just wanted the night to be over.
“Thanks,” I told him.
“I’m going to the restroom and then we’ll dance, yeah?” he asked.
“Wash your hands.”
“Hardy-har,” he groaned, but he was smiling as he walked away.
I decided to use the restroom while he was gone and walked down the long hallway. I got a little turned around, so it took longer than I intended. When I came out of the restroom and had turned the corner into another alcove before the hall, Derek
fell into step next to me.
He put his hand on my arm and stopped me. “Mira, can I tell you something before we go back inside?”
I looked up at him and he put his hands on my shoulders.
“It really means a lot that you came with me tonight. I know we’ve had our differences at times, but I’ve always thought you were the most beautiful girl in the school…and decent, you know?”
I smiled and narrowed my eyes at him. “Have you started drinking already? I thought that started later.”
He smirked and shrugged. “Maybe…”
He lowered his head then and his lips were on mine before I could really register what was happening. I was pushing him away when I heard a hiss and looked over to see Heather standing there, looking like she was about to explode.
“It’s not enough that you have Jaxson believing you are Little Miss Perfect, but now you have to have Derek too? What is it about you? I don’t get it!” she yelled. Then she turned to Derek. “And you, all those things you said…” She shook her head and for a second I thought she was about to cry. “I can’t believe I fell for it.”
I looked between the two of them and the way they were staring each other down. I couldn’t believe I’d missed it all this time.
“First of all, I stopped this before it ever fully happened. I don’t know what you were thinking.” I leveled Derek with my rage and he had the decency to look embarrassed. “But the two of you—you’ve never stopped, have you? Unbelievable.” I shook my head, fuming and walked away.
I heard Derek calling me. I ignored him, and Heather nearly knocked me over, sprinting past me. I felt sick to my stomach and went back to the banquet hall to get my things. I needed to figure out a way to get out of there. I walked toward the table that had my wrap and saw Heather talking to Jaxson. The color left his face and he looked around wildly, his shoulders falling when he found me. He stalked toward me, Heather trailing him, and I stood there bracing myself.
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