Unforgiven (Wanderers #3)

by Jessica Miller

  “But how will I –”

  “You will know,” she smiled. She walked over to the mantel and grabbed the picture from earlier and handed it to me.

  “Oh no, I couldn’t,” I began, but she shoved it at me.

  “Don’t refuse a gift from Nan, trust me,” Tristan thought. I took the picture and nodded a silent thank you. I had no idea why she gave me the picture. She just smiled at me like I knew which made me more confused.

  When we got back to the hotel I was exhausted and ready to call it a night. I was even too tired to pack and thought it be better if I pushed it off until the morning. Tristan asked if I minded if he hung out with Billy for a bit. I told him I didn’t mind. I knew I would be asleep soon anyways. I kissed him goodnight and headed straight for bed, too tired to even change. I closed my eyes and waited for the sandman to take me to la-la land.

  *

  Cameron

  After talking to Roman the other day Cameron knew what she had to do. She didn’t care if Ella hated her. She knew in the end she would thank her, because this was the right thing to do. Roman had called her out of desperation. She could hear it in his voice. He wanted details. He wanted to know what was going on. Cameron didn’t tell him anything he didn’t already know. When he thought he had lost her for good he broke down and started to cry. She never heard Roman cry. He was always the stronger one. The one who pulled her from a disastrous relationship and helped her see she was better than what she let that jackass do to her.

  Cameron felt an aching in her heart at Roman’s pain. He didn’t deserve this. He was a good person. Roman was her friend and he deserved to be happy and if being with Ella made him happy then she would make sure that was possible. No matter what she had to do to make it possible she would do it.

  She stayed in the room while the boys chatted and played poker. Apparently this was something Billy and Tristan used to do on a regular basis and decided to have a go at it before they parted ways. By the sappy looks on their faces she would swear boys are bigger wusses than most girls. The only thing stopping them from having a hugging and crying fest was their male egos and probably because she was in the room and would witness their meltdown. For once she was happy to see their male pride get in the way.

  Cameron flipped through the channels and waited. She knew she would have to get Tristan alone to execute her plan, but how she was going to do that she wasn’t sure yet. Cameron had gone over what she wanted to say a million times and had it down to a T. But the longer she had to wait the more nervous she got.

  Dean grunted and threw his cards on the table proving how much of a sore loser he was. Then he got up and threw a few hundred dollars down. “Whatever, take it,” he said and walked over to the bed falling face down. Billy smiled, shuffling the hundreds and sticking them in his pocket. Dean should have known better. Being a full vamp Billy had the better advantage. His senses let him pick up on the tall tale signs of a bluff. The quickened heart rate, the racing pulse, plus Dean had a habit of scratching his head when he had a good hand. Cameron just rolled her eyes at him.

  Billy got up to go to the bathroom and Cameron knew now was her chance. “Hey Tristan, I was going to head downstairs to the gift shop. I wanted to get something for Ella to help make her feel better about Josie leaving and I was wondering if you could help me out?”

  He looked up at her with a curious look on his face. Something said he wasn’t quite buying her story but decided to go with her anyway. “Billy, I’m going to run down stairs to the gift shop with Cameron. I’ll be right back.” Billy shouted okay and Tristan gestured for Cameron to take the lead. She tried to hide her nerves, but the sweat at the back of her neck was making her hair curl and feel gross. She mentally chastised herself and reminded herself she was doing the right thing. It had to be done.

  Inside the gift shop, Cameron poked around, looking at all the different things. She was trying to buy some time to work up the courage to say what she had to. She walked over to the jewelry counter and tapped her fingers on the glass. “May I suggest earrings or an anklet,” Tristan said, making her flinch slightly. She hadn’t realized he was behind her until she felt his warm breath on her shoulder.

  “What about this one,” she said, pointing to a gold chain that had hearts dangling from it.

  “It’s nice, but Ella doesn’t like gold.” He ran his fingers over the glass searching for something else. “How about this one? Excuse me, Miss? Can we please have a look at this one?” The woman behind the counter smiled brightly at them and opened up the glass, pulling out a platinum anklet with tiny stars dangling from the chain.

  “It’s beautiful,” Cameron said, as she watched the clerk turn it over in her hand. “But I think it’s a little out of my price range.”

  “No worries, this one is on me,” he said, giving the clerk a wink. That small gestured convinced Cameron what she had to do was right.

  “Thanks,” Cameron said.

  “You’re a very lucky lady,” the clerk told Cameron.

  “Oh no, we’re not…it’s for a friend,” she stuttered, trying not to cringe.

  “Could you gift wrap that please?” Tristan asked, making the clerk blush. For some reason Cameron believed he had that effect on most women. While the clerk took off to wrap the gift for Ella, Tristan crept closer to Cameron. “So, you want to tell me the real reason we’re here or you going to dance around some more?”

  Tristan was a lot smarter than Cameron gave him credit for. She let out a breath and just decided to come out with it. “You are right. I asked you to help me because I wanted to talk to you…alone.”

  “You got my attention,” he said, leaning one elbow on the counter.

  “I think you should leave Ella be.” He scrunched his brows not quite sure what she meant. “What I mean is you should break up with Ella. She deserves to be happy.”

  “And you don’t think I make her happy?” he asked, in a casual tone, not at all surprised by Cameron’s request.

  “I have no doubt you do, but I also know so does Roman.”

  “Roman, her boyfriend.”

  “Yes. Her boyfriend. She was happy with him. She loves him and he loves her and if you love Ella like you claim you do you would let her go.”

  “And you think I’m just going to give her up, just like that?”

  “No, I do not. But I know you’re smart and I know you will think about it. And you should because I know deep down somewhere you know it’s the right thing to do. After everything Ella has been through, after all the heartache and loss, Roman was the one person who was there for her. He was the person who brought her back and picked up the pieces of her shattered heart. He and only he again will be the one to pick up the pieces when you break her heart again.”

  “How you so sure I will break her heart?”

  “It’s inevitable. You and I know it will happen. It’s happened before and it will only be a matter of time before it happens again. You can’t change, Tristan. You are who you are, but let’s be honest, you two won’t last. Wouldn’t you rather her be happy with someone who will love her unconditionally and treat her with the respect she deserves?”

  “I do love her,” he growled, angry at her thinking he wasn’t capable of it. “And don’t you think it should be her choice of who she wants to be with?”

  “Yes but she’s confused. Her heart is torn between the both of you and you would be doing her a favor by making the choice for her. You know I’m right. For once in your life do the right thing. Leave now and I promise you Ella will be happy.”

  “If I leave, it will crush her.”

  “At first yes, but eventually all wounds heal. Ella has a new life now with new friends and a new love. A life at a school where you didn’t exist and she was happy.” She paused for a moment to let her words sink in. “I want you to think about that.”

  Tristan eyed Cameron for a moment before the clerk came back with their package. Tristan paid for the order and smiled at the clerk as if not
hing just happened. “Thank you,” he said, giving her his million dollar smile. Then he turned to Cameron and handed her the present. “I’m sure Ella will love this.” There was pain behind his smile, but he pushed through it and without another word he left Cameron in the gift shop.

  *

  Tristan

  Tristan hadn’t realized how deep Cameron’s words cut through him until he returned back to the room. When he saw Ella sound asleep in the bed, she looked so peaceful, so happy. He didn’t believe for a second that anything Cameron said was true. It was like she was talking about a different Ella, one he didn’t know about, but I guess that was the point. There was a new Ella, one that she apparently knew better than he did. He felt the guilt she did, he felt her loss, and the confusion she sometimes tried to hide, but deep down Tristan knew there was someone else. Someone else who had stolen Ella’s heart. Someone else he hoped took care of her the way she deserved.

  His emotions were a mix of confusion. He no longer knew what was right and wrong. He longed for the day when he could see her again and now that he had her, could he let her go?

  Sitting down on the bed next to her, he watched her sleep. She stirred slightly when he brushed a piece of hair out of her face. These thoughts of doubt were suddenly weighing heavily on him. What would happen if he went back to the states with her? Would this other guy try to convince her to come back to him? Would she take him back and leave Tristan high and dry?

  Tristan shook his head. He couldn’t think about that. There was no doubt in his mind that Ella loved him, but he also knew, even without Cameron telling him, she loved another. And just how strong was that love? Could he compete? He pushed the thoughts from his head again and got undressed. Then he climbed into bed with Ella and wrapped his arms around her tight. “Hi,” she whispered.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  “It’s okay.” She ran her hand over his arm. Making it feel like it was on fire. He always longed for her touch. The way it made him feel was unlike anything he could describe. She twined her long fingers through his making his heart skip a beat. She made him feel like the luckiest guy in the world and everyday he didn’t understand how he could deserve someone like her and maybe he didn’t, but right now he was hers and he wouldn’t take that for granted. Something told him he had to make a decision.

  “Ella,” she turned over to look at him. “You know I love you, right?”

  “Of course I do,” she smiled. Oh how he loved that smile. “I love you too.” She kissed him just then. His lips lingered on hers, loving the taste of her.

  “You know no matter what I will always love you.” He knew she could sense something was wrong from the tone of his voice.

  “Tristan, what’s up?”

  “Nothing,” he smiled. He didn’t want to waste one second of their time together. He slid his hand up her night shirt making her giggle. He knew exactly what to do to make her smile. He knew every inch of her body. He knew where to touch her to make her laugh, smile, or even lose her breath. He cupped her beautiful breasts, which were a little bigger than the last time he remembered, but he wasn’t complaining. She let out a breath and grazed his cheek with the back of her hand. She had the softest skin he had ever felt. He closed his eyes never wanting to stop feeling her touch.

  He kissed her then. He kissed her so hard she gasped, but he wouldn’t stop, he couldn’t, and he knew she didn’t want him to. He wanted her and wanted all of her. He wanted to feel her body against his, the warmth of her skin. He wanted to consume her.

  Chapter Thirteen

  *

  Ella

  In the morning when I woke I felt joy, nothing but pure joy. I was in heaven. I found Tristan, I was going to go home and try to talk to my father, and beg – if I had to – to get back into school. Things for once were finally looking up. I rolled over and reached for Tristan, smiling, but the only thing my arm hit was air. I opened my eyes and saw an empty spot next to me. I sat up and looked around the room. I thought maybe he was in the bathroom, but when I heard nothing I begun to be a little concerned.

  I pulled the sheet around my chest tight when I heard the door open. Cameron popped her head in. “Oh good, you’re awake. We were going to head to breakfast before we had to leave. Do I even have to ask if you’re hungry?”

  I laughed. “No.” Cameron smiled and moved to close the door. “Hey Cameron,” she popped her head back in. “Have you seen Tristan?” She shook her head no. “Okay, I’ll see you downstairs in a minute.”

  “Everything okay?” she asked.

  “Fine,” I lied. I got up and got dressed and joined Cameron, Billy, and Dean down in the café. I asked Billy if he had seen Tristan and he said no and that I shouldn’t worry. He probably went to see his grandparents one last time before we left. I figured he was probably right. I sat down in the chair and tried to enjoy my breakfast. When breakfast was over and we got back to the room to collect our things, Tristan was still a no show and I was beginning to get worried. He didn’t have a phone and I didn’t know his grandparent’s number, but I did have Josef’s.

  I pulled out my phone and text Josef asking him if Tristan was there. He text back no and I’m sorry. The ‘I’m sorry’ made my heart twist. I had a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that something wasn’t right. I sat down on the edge of the bed gripping my star necklace. “Hey Ella, you almost packed?” Dean asked, looking at my half packed suitcase. “Ella, seriously? We have like thirty minutes before we have to leave for the airport.”

  “I know, I just don’t know where Tristan is,” I said, biting my lip.

  “I’m sure he’ll be here soon.”

  Something told me otherwise. Cameron walked in and straight for me holding an envelope. She handed the ivory colored paper to me. “This was left at the front desk for you.” I took the envelope with a shaky hand. “Maybe we should give you a minute,” Cameron said, looking at Dean. Dean, clueless as always, stood there, and stared at us. Cameron rolled her eyes, grabbing him by the arm, and dragging him out of the room.

  I sat there, barely breathing, and just held the envelope in my hands. I knew whatever was inside was not going to be good news. I closed my eyes and let out a breath. I opened up the envelope and pulled out the letter inside unfolding the three folds.

  My Dearest Ella,

  By the time you read this, I will already be gone. Don’t look for me. It will just be a waste of your time. I lied to you. I knew you survived that night when you thought I died. I faked my death because it was the only way I knew you could move on. We would never have worked. You were always better off without me. If I have to disappear again to make you understand that then that’s what I have to do. I’m sorry to do this to you, but it’s the only way you can live your life the way that you deserve to. You deserve to be happy. You deserve a happiness that I cannot provide for you the way you desire. I am not the guy you make me out to be. I won’t change. I can’t. It’s not in me to do the right thing. I don’t know how. But I will try by starting with letting you go. For me this is the right thing to do and soon you will see it too. Understand that I never lied when I said I loved you, that much is true, but I can’t give you what you really need. I can’t be that guy you want me to be. I’m sorry Ella, but this is my goodbye to you. I hope you find the true love you deserve.

  Tristan

  I dropped the letter and watch it float to the plush carpeted floor in slow motion. My whole body was numb. I slid off the bed and crashed to the floor, staring at the still paper that just sucked all the air out of my lungs. I felt like that one piece of paper had left paper cuts on my heart causing me to bleed out and suffocate my chest. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even focus on anything in front of me. My tears had come so fast and sharp my vision was blurred. The pain in my chest was so overbearing I wanted to rip at my skin and tear my own heart out. I let out an ear piercing scream and threw my body on the floor and pounded my arms until I hear
d the floor crack beneath me.

  “Ella! Ella!” a familiar voice called. The voice sounded so far off in the distance even though the person was right next to me. “Ella.” I felt tense arms wrap around me and hold me still. “What happened?” I recognized the voice. It was Dean. He was asking me what was going on.

  “He left…he just left,” I blubbered.

  Dean fell back on his heel and pulled me closer to him. “Ella, I’m sorry.” Was all he said while I fell to pieces.

  I didn’t remember getting on the plane nor did I remember much after I read Tristan’s letter. My movements were robotic and forced. I was also pretty sure Dean slipped something in the water he forced me to drink so I would calm down. I didn’t care. I didn’t want to feel. I just wanted to forget everything that happened over the past month. I wanted to forget Tristan and all the time we spent together, because it was nothing but a lie. I wanted to forget Ireland and leave it all behind. My hurt and sadness turned to anger. I was angry at him for being too much of a coward to say goodbye to my face. I was angry at him for telling me he loved me and that he would never hurt me, when that’s exactly what he did. He hurt me. He hurt me to the point that I felt my heart has now turned to black. My anger stirred making me agitated.

  I leaned forward and looked for some more sleeping pills in my bag, but what I found instead was a card. I was afraid to open it until I saw the handwriting. I flipped up the lip of the envelope and pulled out the card inside. On the front cover there was a picture of two little girls eating ice cream while sitting on a bench and two older women doing the same thing and sitting on the other side of the bench. I smiled softly and opened the card. The inside read: