Unforgiven (Wanderers #3)

by Jessica Miller

  She ran her fingers through her hair and when she looked up at me she made a funny face. “Did Mackenzie do that to you?” she asked, pointing to my cheek.

  “Yeah,” I rolled my eyes. “That bitch seriously has to pay. I’m tired of her shit.”

  “Good news is that Sienna and Dixon still followed through with our operation destroy Mackenzie while we were away.”

  “Really?” I perked up.

  “Sienna told me she kept a journal of everything.”

  “Awesome, do you have it?”

  “Yes I do. I can get it and we can go over it after training if you want?”

  “How about after dinner? I can think better on a full stomach.”

  Cameron laughed and agreed. “Perfect, I’ll see you then.”

  “Oh hey Cam, wait. Didn’t you want to talk to me about something?”

  “It’s not important,” she smiled and left. Since she didn’t seem too worried anymore neither was I. I curled up on top of my covers and took a much needed nap.

  At first I thought I was just having a nightmare, but when I felt him, I knew this was his doing. I knew he had pulled me into this dream. “You have a lot of nerve,” I said, not bothering to turn around.

  “I needed to see you,” Tristan said.

  It hurt to even hear his voice. “You want to see me look at a picture,” I said, trying to force myself to wake up.

  “Ella, look at me, please,” he pleaded.

  “No!” I yelled, forcing myself to wake up. I sat up in my bed and looked around the room. I was alone. I covered my face in my hands and cried. I cried myself back to sleep.

  “Tristan please,” I begged when I found myself on a beach in a white sundress.

  “Ella please, look at me.”

  I closed my eyes and turned around. I braced myself for the heartache I would feel when I saw him. My heart dropped to my stomach at the sight of him. He looked amazing. He wore a dark blue shirt that brought out the color of his eyes. “I miss you,” he said.

  I took a step back as if he slapped me. “Don’t.” I turned away from him, refusing to let him see me cry. “You have no right. You left me…again. It was your choice.”

  He grabbed my wrist and tried to make me face him. I ripped my arm from his grasped and spun around giving him my icy stare. “I made a mistake.” He grabbed me so fast I had no time to react. His lips slammed into mine knocking the breath out of me. I tried to pull away but I was weak. The moment his lips hit mine I melted into his embrace. His hand slid down my back and onto my behind. He pulled me into him. Then he lifted my leg and slipped his hand up my dress, tugging at my underwear. His sudden abruptness threw my off. Something wasn’t right. Tristan didn’t like to rush like this. He preferred to take things slow. He said it was so he could enjoy every single moment.

  “I want you Ella. I never wanted you so badly in my life,” he whispered against my lips. His tongue forced it’s way into my mouth and thrashed around wildly. He was being too aggressive. That wasn’t him. I tried to pull away. “Don’t,” he said, holding on tight.

  “Tristan,” I mumbled against his lips. He tore down the strap on my dress and cupped my breast. I got a sickening feeling in my stomach. When we kissed, I didn’t feel like I was kissing Tristan. I felt like I was kissing a stranger.

  Tristan hooked his thumb underneath the side of my underwear, trying to rip them off. This was not Tristan. I put both hands on his chest and shoved. He gripped my shoulders trying to hold on. I kicked my heel into his knee, knocking him to the ground. I jumped back a few feet. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

  He looked up at me and laughed. “If you wanted to play rough all you had to do was ask.”

  I stood up and dusted the sand off of my dress. I glowered at him before I turned around to walk away. I tried to wake myself up, but I couldn’t. “Oh come on Ella. I was just messin’.”

  I spun around so fast I dug a hole in the sand with my foot. “You don’t have that right. I’m with Roman now.”

  “What?” he growled. “You went back to him?”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “You told me to!” I yelled. “You were the one who told me I was better off. So for once I took your advice and I moved on. It’s time you did to, because this,” I pointed between us. “Is long gone and will never, happen again.”

  He threw his head back and laughed. A laugh I never heard before. One that made my skin crawl. He stood up. “Who are you trying to fool? You’re not over me and you never will be.” He took two long strides and he was in front of me. “You and I both know that there will always be that thought in the back of your head. In that tiny little space you will always be thinking about me. No matter how many times you try to get rid of me I will always be there.”

  “Stop it.”

  “Stop what? Stop loving you? I can’t. I wish I could but I can’t!” he spat, getting in my face. He grabbed my shoulders and kissed me again. This time I didn’t kiss him back. I could feel the bile in my stomach rising up my throat. I pushed him back forcefully. He tried to hold on but I knocked his arms away with my elbows.

  “Stop acting like you don’t want me.”

  “I don’t.” I narrowed my eyes at him. I didn’t like this version of Tristan and I had no idea how to get back the real one.

  “How long did it take?”

  “Excuse me?” I looked at him wondering if he had lost his mind. He was so back and forth I never knew in which direction he would take the conversation.

  “How long did it take you to spread your legs for Roman?” I took a step back in shock. “Did you tell him how many times I slipped myself in between your thighs? How easy it was for you to give yourself up to me?” I slapped him hard, across his face. He turned his head back slowly, a sadistic smile on his face.

  “I’m done with this,” I said, turning to walk away.

  “Well I’m not,” he said. I kept walking, picking up my pace as I went. “I’m not done with this!” he shouted. “Ella, get back here!” I risked a look over my shoulder. He started walking toward me. I picked up my pace. When I looked back again he was running. “Ella!” he cried. I took off. I ran hard and I ran fast. The look in his eyes scared me and I no longer wanted to be trapped in this dream. I tried my hardest to wake up, but I couldn’t.

  I looked back to see how close he was. I wasn’t watching where I was going and tripped over a piece of driftwood in the sand. I fell to my hands and knees, but when I looked up, Tristan was gone. He just disappeared and then there was nothing but thin air. Soon the beautiful beach before me started to dissolve and there was nothing but black. I froze, not knowing what to do.

  I felt something slither across my hand and looked down to see a snake. I pulled back my hand and fell backwards onto what was now a pile of snakes hissing and slithering beneath me. The light got brighter and I could see I was in a dank, damp cave surrounded by snakes.

  My heart began to race and I tried to remind myself this was just a dream and I could wake up at any moment, but I couldn’t. I tried and I tried but I couldn’t wake up from this nightmare.

  “Tristan stop!” I screamed. This couldn’t be him. He couldn’t be this cruel. “I’m sorry, please stop this,” I cried.

  It didn’t stop. Soon the snakes were joined by spiders and other creepy crawlers. I screamed at the top of my lungs crying out for help. Panic surged through me. I heard a malicious laugh in the background and shuddered. I screamed again when a spider fell on my shoulder. I jolted awake and sat up in bed gasping for air. There was someone pounding on my door calling my name. I couldn’t make out the voice. Everything was still so hazy and my vision was blurred from the tears that were now streaming down my face.

  I tried to call out to the person, but I had no voice. My screams had left my throat sore and dry. I still felt like they were crawling all over me. I couldn’t shake the dream. I swiped at the invisible spiders and snakes scratching at my arms and trying to claw my way out.

  I
found my voice to scream again.

  The door was busted open and someone rushed to my side. “Ella, Ella.” It was Gabe and he was shaking me.

  “Get’em…get’em off of me,” I called out in terror.

  “Ella, get what?” Gabe asked confused, as he struggled to keep me still.

  “The snakes and the spiders they’re everywhere!” I shouted, clawing at my skin.

  “Ella, you’re dreaming. Wake up! Wake up!” Gabe tried to snap me out of it.

  I couldn’t. Even though I was no longer in the nightmare I couldn’t stop imagining them everywhere. I curled myself up tight into a ball and started to rock back and forth. Gabe swept me up from the bed and out of the room. He carried me out into the bright sun and across the quad. I heard Roman in the distance and then soon he was by my side. “What happened?” he asked Gabe.

  “I don’t know, but I’m taking her to the infirmary,” he said.

  I managed to get a word out. “No,” I said, never wanting to see that place again.

  I felt Gabe stop. “No what, Ella?”

  “No. I don’t…want to go…to the nurse,” I managed to get out through all my sobs.

  “But Ella I insist,” Gabe pleaded.

  “I’m…fine,” I choked out, not sounding convincing. Roman and Gabe exchanged a look, not sure what to do. “Put me…down,” I said, trying to take a breath. Gabe hesitantly put me down.

  “If you insist on not going to the nurse then will you at least let me get Ms. Kraft to look you over?”

  “Yes,” I said. I wouldn’t mind talking to her. Maybe she could help me figure out how to block someone from getting into your dreams.

  “Ella, are you okay?” Roman asked, worry written all over his face.

  I nodded. “I just need to lie down. I want to go back to my room.”

  “Are you sure?” Gabe asked.

  “I’m sure. I’m sorry I scared you, but really. I’m okay now.” I could tell Gabe didn’t totally agree with me but he let me go and told me he would go get Ms. Kraft.

  Roman walked me back to my room. I took his hand and he held me close to him. Once we got there I took a hesitant step inside. Roman glanced at me from the side, concerned. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Yes, I just had a bad dream,” I replied with a whimper.

  “Must have been one hell of a dream,” he said, gently coaxing me into the room. “Hell was the right answer,” I thought.

  When we reached my bed I broke down crying again. “Oh Roman, it was awful,” I yelped throwing my arms around him. “I was trapped in this horrible cave with snakes and spiders everywhere and when I woke up I still thought they were on me.”

  “Shh,” he said, caressing my hair. “You’re okay now and I’m not going to let anything hurt you.”

  “I’m sorry. You must think I’m some big baby.” I pulled away wiping angrily at me tears.

  He reached out and grabbed my hand. “Ella, you are probably one of toughest girls I know. It’s okay to get freaked out. Hell, I’d scream too if I had a dream like that.”

  “No you wouldn’t,” I frowned.

  “Spiders and snakes? Uh yeah, I would, and if you tell anyone that I might have to kill you.”

  I laughed and fell back into his embrace, needing to feel the strength and comfort of his arms around me. “I’m so glad you’re here. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” I meant it to. I cared deeply for Roman, I did, and it pained me that I broke his heart. I guess that was why Tristan broke mine. It was karma coming back to bite me in the ass for what I did to Roman.

  Roman squeezed me tighter before Ms. Kraft came into the room. She looked beside herself. I guess Gabe had described it worse than it was. She came over and sat next to me, wrapping her arms around me. I told her all about the dream as she comforted me. I wanted to tell her more and ask questions but with Gabe and Roman there I couldn’t. It would have to wait.

  After Ms. Kraft told Gabe that I would be fine and that I was just a little shaken up, the two of them left leaving Roman and I alone. “I’m sorry if I scared you,” I told him.

  “It’s okay,” he said, wiping his thumb softly across my cheek. “I’m just glad you’re okay.” He kissed me sweetly. “Tonight we’ll make up for it.”

  “Oh shit!” I smacked my forehead. “I totally forgot and made plans with Cameron. I can call her and cancel.”

  “You don’t have to do that,” he said with disappointment in his voice.

  “No. I made plans with you first and besides I rather spend the time with you,” I smiled sweetly and he gave me one back.

  “I really don’t mind,” he said, even though I could tell he kind of did.

  “I do, and like I said, I rather spend the time with you. Cameron and I can get together another time.”

  Roman sat with me in my room until we had to leave for training. He promised as soon as he was done he would escort me back to my room and then to dinner. I told him that wasn’t necessary, but he insisted, and frankly I didn’t mind. I called Cameron and told her I forgot I had made plans with Roman earlier and would have to reschedule. She said she was fine and we could get together another time.

  Roman had gotten done with his training before I had and watched while I finished. It was intimidating to have him sit there and watch me. Even though we use to train together, having him as a spectator was different. Zane noticed I was no longer focusing as much and instead of yelling at me like Gabe would he told me I could go. I wondered for a moment if Gabe had filled him in on my little outburst earlier and he was trying to give me a break. I didn’t ponder the thought too long and I didn’t ask questions. I just left not wanting to push my luck.

  I noticed Roman was already showered and carrying a backpack. “What’s in the bag?” I asked curious.

  “It’s a surprise,” he said, smiling coyly and taking my hand. I didn’t question him as he led me back to my room. I let him know I had to take a quick shower before dinner and he could wait there until I was done.

  When I stepped out of the bathroom, Roman had the entire room lit up with candles and a table set up for dinner. “What is all this?” I asked.

  “I wanted to do something special for you,” he said.

  “Thank you.” I grinned, taking his hand. “Did you cook?”

  “I ordered out,” he said, revealing a piping hot pizza.

  “Where did you get this?”

  “I called in a favor.” He pulled out the chair for me. “I hope you don’t mind. I’m not much of a cook and I thought this would be safer.”

  “No. It’s perfect.” I dug in grabbing the biggest slice of pizza. I inhaled four slices before I remembered Roman was sitting across from me. “Sorry,” I laughed with a mouthful.

  “I’ve seen you eat before we started dating. I thought you were holding back.”

  “Hey!” I threw a pepperoni at him and he laughed. When we were finished, he surprised me with some movies he downloaded from his laptop. I cuddled up next to him while we watched the movie. As scared as I was to fall asleep, my body couldn’t hold on any longer, and I was out before the credits rolled on the second movie.

  When I woke up, Roman was still lying beside me, watching me sleep. “I’m sorry I fell asleep,” I yawned.

  “After the day you had. It was totally justified.”

  “What time is it?”

  “Just past one,” he said, moving closer to me. I pressed myself up against him, drawing in more of his warmth. I slid my cold hands under his shirt causing him to jump. His breath hitched as I ran my cold hands up his chest. He placed his hands over top mine to warm them. I smiled and leaned in for a kiss. I knew if I wanted to make a move for this to go further I would have to just go for it. I thought if I went slowly, it would give him time to pull away.

  After twenty minutes of breathless kissing, I climbed on top of him, and took off my shirt. I pressed my lips to his before he had a chance to protest. He allowed me to take off his shirt and I kn
ew I was getting somewhere. He rolled over on top of me kissing me intensely.

  When I thought I had him, I started to undo the buttons on his jeans, and that was when he stopped. “Ella,” he gasped, pulling back. “We can’t.”

  “Why not?” I whined. “I know you want to. I can feel it,” I said, dragging my fingertips down his sides. He gripped the sheets trying to control himself. I could feel him quivering beneath my touch.

  He grabbed my wrists to stop me. “I do. Trust me I do. I just don’t think it’s a good idea.” I rolled over on my side not happy where this was going. “Ella, it’s not you.”

  “I’ve heard that before,” I sighed.

  “Ella,” he pulled me back to him. “I just don’t want to disappoint you.”

  “How could you disappoint me?”

  “I was the one who said we should take things slow and I feel if I give in to temptation it might screw things up. I don’t want to go back to the way things were. I like how we are now and I don’t want to mess that up.”

  “Roman,” I placed my hand on his cheek. “Nothing you could do would change the way I feel about you, nothing. “ I pulled his lips to mine and that was enough convincing for the rest of our clothes to come off.

  Any doubt I had about our relationship vanished. When he kissed me, I felt the passion, the need, the want. I felt it all and it was amazing. Roman took his time, exploring every inch of my body with his hands and lips. The touch alone made me want to cry out. I grabbed his face and pulled him back to me needing to feel those magical lips on mine again.

  His hand danced slowly up my thigh, making my insides quake with excitement. He stopped just short of the delicate areas, teasing me. His mouth pressed harder against mine. I parted my lips. He swirled his tongue around the inside of my mouth and then the teasing was gone. I bit his lip and drew blood. “Ow, damn Ella,” he said, pulling back.

  “Oops, sorry,” I giggled. I grabbed the sides of his face and lifted my head. I licked the blood off of his lip. He let out a small gasp as his arms gave way and then he was back on top of me. I ran my hands down his back and to his backside coaxing him to move forward. He went slowly and I thought I was going to explode from the anticipation. I pressed my heels on the bed not able to take any more. Roman let out a moan and I smiled in satisfaction. He tried to move slowly, but I wouldn’t let him. I pulled him tighter to me, swirling my hips against him. He grunted with each thrust and tried his hardest to keep with a slower pace, but when my nails dug into his back, he pushed harder. The sensation I was feeling was hard to contain and I let out several cries with each movement.