Following Your Heart

by Jerry S. Eicher

  “You probably won’t for a while, but that’s fine. No one will expect you to have the right pronunciation right away.”

  “So what else will happen on Sunday?” Teresa asked.

  “Well, let’s see. Lots and lots of people will be there, and they will all wonder who you are, so stick close to me or Mamm. Especially after church when we eat together.”

  “Are the services kind of long? What if I have to feed Samuel?” Teresa asked.

  “About three hours. If you have to feed Samuel, what you do is watch where the other mothers go with their babies and follow them. I’d help you out there, but you’ll have to sit with Mamm since you’re a mother. We sit segregated according to gender, marriage status, and age.”

  “What if I can’t get my dress pinned up correctly afterward?” Teresa asked. “I’m not quite used to pins yet.”

  “Maybe you should wear your Englisha dress for a few Sundays. No one will think ill of you.”

  Teresa shook her head. “No, it’s sink or swim,” she declared. “No Englisha dresses.”

  “Then you’d better practice a lot before Sunday, that’s all I can say,” Susan said. “And you can always ask one of the women to help you. They will be glad to give you a hand.”

  A long silence followed. Susan finally looked over at Teresa and saw tears running down her face. “Now, now,” Susan said. “What are the tears for? It won’t be that hard, I’m sure. Our people are very accepting. They’ll like you when they get to know you.”

  “I hope so,” Teresa said as she sniffled. “Your family has been so wonderful. I’m getting to experience all this while Mom is living in that rundown place. I wish she could be here with me.”

  “You poor thing.” Susan wrapped her arm around Teresa’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry your mom isn’t here. I’m sure you miss her.”

  “Maybe more miracles will happen in the future,” Teresa said. “Like Mom coming to join me.”

  “I hope that happens, Teresa,” Susan agreed. “That would be quite wonderful.”

  “I don’t really believe Mom will ever come,” Teresa said. “If she did, she might not be happy here like I am.”

  Susan tightened the reins, slowing Toby down as they approached the small town of Livonia.

  “That’s where we came off the bus,” Teresa said, pointing out the spot.

  “Yah, it is,” Susan confirmed.

  “That will always be holy ground for me,” Teresa said. “It’s where I first set foot in the promised land.”

  CHAPTER THREE

  Carrying bags of groceries, Susan and Teresa came out of the Dutch Barn and made their way to where the buggy was parked.

  “No one’s staring at me,” Teresa noted.

  “The owners are Mennonites,” Susan said. “And you look Amish. Around here seeing the Amish isn’t considered unusual.”

  Teresa laughed. “I really am an Amish woman! I can hardly believe it.”

  “Well, becoming Amish will take more than dressing the part,” Susan said, stacking her bags into the back of the buggy. “But it’s a gut start.”

  Teresa handed her bags to Susan. “Well, I’m thankful for any little sign of progress. Even if it is just wearing the right clothes.”

  “I agree,” Susan said, filling the last space behind the buggy seat. “Do you want to drive Toby on the way home?”

  “Me? Drive the horse?” Teresa gaped. “I’ve never driven a horse in my life!”

  Susan shrugged, a teasing smile on her face. “You have to start sometime. You just hold the lines and pull right or left, depending on where you want to go.”

  “Like it’s that simple,” Teresa said, climbing into the buggy while Susan untied Toby.

  Throwing the tie strap under the front seat, Susan pulled herself into the buggy. She held the lines toward Teresa. “It’s easy,” she said. “I’ll help you.”

  Teresa looked at the buggy lines with big eyes. “You’re really going to make me do this?”

  “Not if you don’t want to, but I learned how to drive a car when I was in Asbury Park.”

  “I remember,” Teresa said, still looking at the leather lines in Susan’s hands.

  “Just don’t tell Mamm or Daett I can drive a car,” Susan reminded. “So how about it? Do you want to drive home?”

  “No,” Teresa said, looking away. “Someday soon, but not now.”

  “Okay.” Susan guided Toby out to the main road and turned toward home.

  Teresa leaned back against the buggy seat as the steady clip-clop of the horse’s hooves on the blacktop filled the air.

  “Little brave me,” she muttered. “I’m so scared of some things—like driving buggies—but the big things I take in stride. What do you think is wrong with me?”

  “There’s nothing wrong with you,” Susan said, abruptly handing the reins to Teresa. “Drive for a little bit on the main road and you’ll feel better.”

  Teresa took a deep breath, sat up straight, and clutched the lines.

  “Just tighten them up a bit,” Susan said, keeping an eye on the road, “so Toby feels like you’re in charge. But don’t pull back too much or he’ll stop.”

  Teresa took in the lines a little.

  “That’s better,” Susan assured her. “Just keep going. Nothing bad will happen.”

  “What if he makes a dash for his freedom?” Teresa asked. “I’ll be known forever as the Englisha woman who wrecked an Amish buggy.”

  Susan chuckled. “Old Toby has never made a dash for anything, let alone freedom. After all these years he thinks he belongs in front of a buggy.”

  “There’s a car coming,” Teresa groaned.

  “Toby won’t mind,” Susan assured her. “Be careful not to jerk the lines.”

  “Oh, God, please,” Teresa prayed aloud, “I don’t want to have a wreck.”

  “Here.” Susan leaned over and placed her hands on top of Teresa’s. “Is that better?”

  “Yes, much better!” Teresa said.

  The car passed them with a whoosh and then the sound faded into the distance. Susan took her hands off the lines and glanced at Teresa’s face.

  “I’m sorry I’m so scared,” Teresa said.

  “Don’t worry about it,” Susan said. “Someday you’ll be driving your very own buggy like a regular Amish woman, and little Samuel will be seated right beside you.”

  “Yes, I think that day will come,” Teresa agreed. “But later. I think this is enough horse driving for one day.”

  Susan took the reins Teresa handed her, pulling back on them as they approached the outskirts of Livonia. “Would you mind if we stopped in to speak with Laura’s sister Bonnie for a few minutes?” Susan asked. “I’d like to thank her for the good recommendation she gave me so I could get a job when I left for Asbury Park. I used to take care of Bonnie’s children. If they’re home I’d love to see them again.”

  “You don’t have to ask me,” Teresa told her. “I’m not driving the buggy.”

  “Okay. We won’t stay long,” Susan promised as she pulled onto a side street. “I’ll tie Toby to a tree so we can both go in. I’m sure Bonnie will enjoy meeting you.”

  “I think I’ll wait out here,” Teresa said. “I’ve had enough excitement for the moment.”

  “If you’re sure,” Susan said, waiting a minute or two. When Teresa nodded, Susan said, “Then I’ll be right back.” She pulled to a stop in front of a nice house. Getting out of the buggy, she took the tie strap from under the front seat and secured Toby to a tree. She went up the front walk and rang the doorbell. After a few moments when no one came to the door, she rang it again. She rang a third time and then heard soft footsteps approaching inside the house. It had been a while since she’d seen Bonnie, so she hoped the woman would be pleased to see her.

  “Good morning!” Susan said when the door opened.

  “Susan!” Bonnie exclaimed, a smile spreading across her face. “Why, do come in!”

  “I can’t stay long,”
Susan said, motioning toward the buggy. “I have a friend along. She came home with me from Asbury Park.”

  “Well, she’s welcome to come in too,” Bonnie said.

  “She’s tired so she said she’d like to wait,” Susan replied. “We’ve been to the store for Mamm, so we really have to get back home soon. I wanted to stop by for a few minutes to say hello.”

  “Well, I’m a bit surprised to see you. I hadn’t heard you were coming back. Laura hasn’t emailed since before Christmas. What brings you back to Indiana?” Bonnie asked. “Didn’t you like New Jersey?”

  “Oh, I loved my time there with Laura and her family,” Susan said. “Your sister went out of her way to make me feel comfortable. I’m sure I did so many things wrong those first few weeks I worked at the bakery. But she was always supportive.”

  “Well, that’s good to hear,” Bonnie said. “Laura’s a good person, and she’s got a good husband. Her son, Robby, is very nice too. How did you get along with him?”

  “Like a brother! We had such great times together. He even taught me how to drive and took me out on the ocean. But I’ve got to get home, so maybe I can come by another time to find out how your family is doing and share more about my time in Asbury Park. I just wanted to stop today to thank you for putting in a good word for me with Laura.”

  “I’d do that anytime for you,” Bonnie said, patting Susan on her arm. “I hope your folks weren’t too upset with me.”

  “Well, I didn’t tell them,” Susan admitted. “They would have understood—I think. Anyway, my leaving was my own doing. I needed to get away for a while.”

  “So now you’re back!” Bonnie beamed. “Are you looking for work again? I’ve not replaced you with anyone else yet, and the house sure could use your cleaning hand. And the children miss you a lot. I’d invite you in to see them, but they aren’t home right now.”

  “That’s so nice of you to offer,” Susan said. “I’d better stay around home for a while at least, what with my being gone and then bringing Teresa and her baby boy back with me. Mamm is pretty excited… and a bit overwhelmed.”

  “Teresa is the girl in the buggy?” Bonnie asked. “Is she from the outside?”

  Susan nodded.

  Bonnie raised her eyebrows. “Isn’t that going to be quite a change for her? What did your ministers say?”

  “Nothing yet. We haven’t been home for a Sunday. Teresa wants to join the community. She says she’s willing to do whatever it takes.”

  “Well, I hope for the best,” Bonnie said. “I’m so glad you stopped. It’s great to see you again. And please come by again.”

  “It’s wunderbar to see you too,” Susan said. “And thanks so much for your recommendation to Laura.”

  “Anytime, dear,” Bonnie said. “You have a good day now. And behave yourself.”

  Susan laughed as she turned and walked down the steps. Untying Toby, she climbed into the buggy and waved again to Bonnie just before turning Toby around.

  Bonnie, still standing in the doorway, returned the wave.

  After stopping at the corner to check traffic, Susan turned Toby onto the main road.

  “She seems like a nice lady,” Teresa commented as they drove out of town.

  “Very nice,” Susan said. “Bonnie is much like Laura.”

  “I sure can’t complain about how Laura helped me out,” Teresa said. “But then I can’t complain about much of anything right now. So many people are helping me out, trying to make life easier for me. Your mom and dad are just jewels. I can never thank you enough, Susan.”

  “You might want to hold on to your thanks. There’s still a hard row ahead to hoe,” Susan warned.

  They rode in companionable silence, listening to the beat of hooves against the pavement. Eventually Susan guided Toby down a gravel road.

  “Even if it is hard, it will be worth it,” Teresa asserted. “Every minute will be worth it. Samuel will grow up in this wonderful place, and someday he will find a beautiful young woman to be his bride.”

  “You do have an imagination!” Susan said.

  “I know.” Teresa sighed. “I even wonder what Samuel’s wife is like now as a little girl. I think I’m going to walk around on Sunday and look at the baby girls and try to imagine which one it will be. She’ll probably be lying on her mother’s lap, a sweet little smile on her face, dreaming thoughts of heaven on earth.”

  Susan laughed again. “Just don’t mention such things to our people. They’re going to be more concerned about whether you will keep the Ordnung than who your son will marry.”

  “I’ll not breathe a word,” Teresa promised, leaning back against the buggy seat, a smile on her face as they moved along at a steady clip.

  Rattling into the driveway at home, Susan pulled to a stop by the back door of the house. She stepped out of the buggy, leaving the lines dangling on the storm front.

  The door whipped open and Mamm greeted them. “So you’re back! How did everything go?”

  “Gut,” Susan answered. “Teresa even held the reins for a while.”

  Mamm laughed at the news and took two sacks into her arms. Teresa picked up what she could carry and followed Susan and her mamm to the house.

  “Deacon Ray stopped in while you were gone,” Mamm said, holding the door open for them.

  “We went by him on the road on our way out,” Susan said, passing through the doorway sideways, her arms full of groceries. “I suppose he was too curious about Teresa to wait until Sunday.”

  “He talked to your daett in the barn,” Mamm said. “I’ve been too busy to go ask what he wanted.”

  “I made sure Teresa was smiling when we passed him,” Susan said. “I sure hope that helped.”

  “Now how was that a proper thing to do?” Mamm asked. “You know we’re supposed to be respectful to our elders. Have the Englisha people spoiled all your gut training?”

  Standing beside them Teresa groaned. “I just knew it was me he was going to ask after,” she said. “Dear God, please let him like me.”

  Anna stared at Teresa.

  Susan noticed and shook her head. “Mamm, it’s just the Englisha way. They kind of talk like they’re praying out loud sometimes.”

  “Oh?” Anna responded, still puzzled at the explanation.

  “What did I do?” Teresa asked on the way back to the buggy.

  “We don’t say such things out loud,” Susan said. “It would be better to wait until you’re in your room before addressing the Almighty. Or speak to Him in your heart only.”

  “But your dad was praying out loud this morning,” Teresa said. “It sounded to me like he was addressing God.”

  “That’s official prayer time, and he’s a man,” Susan said. “Still, even men don’t pray out loud much between prayer times, especially when others are around.”

  “Dear Lord in heaven, there are more rules here than I thought there would be,” Teresa said.

  Susan glanced at Teresa but didn’t say anything.

  “Sorry,” Teresa said, clapping her hands over her mouth. “I’ll try to remember. I promise.”

  “Here comes Daett now, so learn fast,” Susan said. “And smile.”

  “Hi!” Teresa said, trying on her best smile.

  Susan burst out laughing.

  “I’m glad to see my approach so amuses my youngest,” Menno said with a grin. Then his face turned sober. “Did Mamm tell you Deacon Ray stopped in?”

  “Yah,” Susan said.

  “Dear God,” Teresa whispered. She suddenly turned away and clamped her hands over her mouth.

  “What did she just say?” Menno asked.

  “Daett,” Susan said, taking his arm and turning him away from the white-faced Teresa, “I’ve been expecting Deacon Ray to be interested in why I’m back, and we did pass him on the road.” Anticipating her daett’s concern, she continued. “So I’m sure that’s how he knew I’m here. It probably wasn’t because of any talk going around, okay?”

  Menno too
k a deep breath and rubbed his hands together. “That does sound better than what I imagined. I couldn’t figure out how he knew to stop in.”

  “He saw us on the road, and he was curious, that’s all,” Susan said. “I will speak to him whenever he wishes about my time away from home. Perhaps this Saturday evening he will be back for a visit—now that he knows I’m here.”

  “You will not tell him about the Englisha loves you had,” Daett admonished. “He will never let such things go by without discipline.”

  “You forget I’m not a church member, Daett,” Susan said. “And I told you this morning they were just friends.”

  Menno sighed. “Nee, I have not forgotten,” he said. “It is ever before my mind and conscience, Susan. But I’m sure Deacon Ray will find some punishment for you if he hears of time spent with Englisha boys, member or no member. But really, Susan, did your excursion into the world at last free you to join the church? Surely you have seen all there is to see and are ready to settle down. How can you even think of going back out there again?”

  “But, Daett!” Susan protested. “I haven’t said anything about going back.”

  “It’s in your eyes, my dochtah, and in your heart,” Menno told her. “You do not hide such things well from me.”

  “I will always love you and Mamm,” Susan assured him. “You know that. I wouldn’t break your hearts on purpose for anything.”

  A look of joy crossed her daett’s face. “You have decided then? That your stay at home will be a permanent one?”

  “Nee, Daett,” Susan said. “I haven’t decided anything. Please don’t put words in my mouth or think them. I’m home and we’re together again. Is that not enough for now?”

  Menno sighed and nodded in resignation.

  “Thomas will be over soon to speak with you,” he said. “If you could find it in your heart to give him a good word, then this would gladden my heart greatly.”

  “So other buggy wheels have been in the lane since we left?” Susan asked.

  “Nee,” Menno said, turning to go. “But I know Thomas will come soon. He still loves you.”

  Menno walked toward the barn without another word.