Following Your Heart

by Jerry S. Eicher

  “No change between Susan and Thomas?” Ezra asked, leaning against the buggy wheel.

  Menno shook his head. “And even if there was, they wouldn’t get married until the fall.”

  “I’ll ask around,” Ezra said. “You never know.”

  “Good men available to work are hard to find,” Menno said. “Thanks. If nothing else, I can perhaps prime the pump. Get a hired hand while the girl makes up her mind.”

  Ezra stepped back with a wave as Menno pulled out of the driveway. He drove down the road deep in thought, approaching Deacon Ray’s farm ten minutes or so later. Menno pushed his hat back on his forehead, scanning the fields. If Deacon Ray was out working, he could save time by tying up along the fence and walking out to him. No team of horses was in the fields though, so Menno kept going to the driveway. Pulling in, he caught sight of Deacon Ray peering out of the barn window.

  The deacon waved, and Menno turned his horse in that direction, coming to a stop beside the barn. Climbing down, Menno tied up and pushed open the barn door.

  “Gut morning,” Deacon Ray greeted, leaning on his pitchfork. “I’m afraid you’re catching me a little late at my chores. James ran into Salem early this morning to get a part for the disk so I’m still at them without his help.”

  “At least you have your plowing done.” Menno tried to smile, pulling his hat tighter on his head. “I’ve still got mine to finish, so I’ll try not to keep you long.”

  “I’m not surprised you’ve come over,” Deacon Ray said, taking a seat on a hay bale. “Sit down, Menno, as this might take a while, and we’re both old men.”

  “So did James tell you about Sunday night?” Menno asked. “I thought he might.”

  “Yah, your thinking would be correct,” Deacon Ray said. “We had quite a going over on the subject when he arrived home. I don’t think we got to bed until after midnight. I’ve not been up that late since my days of taking Esther home from the hymn singings.”

  “I know what you mean,” Menno said. “I’ve been quite troubled myself. I promised Anna and the girls I’d come over to speak with you.”

  “You won’t be trying to bend my mind, Menno?” Deacon Ray asked, shifting on the straw bale.

  “Not really,” Menno said, “as I know it doesn’t bend easily, but I wanted first of all to make it clear that this was none of Teresa’s doing.”

  “So you’re sticking up for her?” Deacon Ray asked.

  “It’s the way things are,” Menno said. “It’s not just sticking up for a person when it’s the truth.”

  “So you’re that certain of the matter?” Deacon Ray asked.

  “Yah,” Menno said. “What does James say about it?”

  “Pretty much what the girl said, I suppose,” Deacon Ray said. “He had his feelings hurt that she turned him down. I can’t imagine what got into the boy to take such a thing upon himself.”

  “He’s your son; maybe he thought he had special privileges,” Menno said.

  Deacon Ray laughed. “I doubt if Bishop Henry will be taking excommunication up over this matter.”

  Menno smiled. “Not likely, but you know that others will start thinking the same thing soon. It’s bound to happen. What do you think gave James the nerve to challenge you in the first place?”

  “The boy’s got a hard skull,” Deacon Ray said. “And I won’t be changing my mind just because the community starts asking questions. Teresa comes from outside. We can’t change that fact. We’ve been supportive of her more than we probably should already. Right now I’m wishing I’d never listened to Yost’s wild idea that evening.”

  “Is James interested in Teresa?” Menno asked. “Or just feeling sorry for her?”

  Deacon Ray picked a straw out of the bale, chewing long on the stem. “It’s hard to tell with that boy. He’s never been able to settle down with any girl. I don’t know how many girls he’s taken home, and he always has some reason not to ask them home again. Maybe he sees something different in Teresa, something Englisha, something forbidden. You know how that can pull on a man’s heart.”

  Menno studied the straw-strewn barn floor. “So what do you plan to do if he continues giving Teresa attention? What am I supposed to tell her to do?”

  “I am much troubled about the situation,” Deacon Ray admitted. “I am treating James like any other boy, exactly as if he were not my son. But James made some points that’s got me to thinking.”

  “Yah?” Menno inquired, waiting patiently as silence settled between them.

  Deacon Ray cleared his throat. “James asked if I have never done anything that needed forgiveness. He asked if Da Hah now keeps me forever in His debt because of it. He claims the girl is doing all of this to give her son a better life than she had, that she is willing to sacrifice her own happiness by marrying Yost Byler to accomplish this. He said that few of our own people would be willing to submit to such a thing.”

  “And do you believe this to be true?” Menno asked.

  Deacon Ray looked at him. “I should be asking you that question. She lives in your house.”

  “Teresa is a decent girl,” Menno finally said. “And she is learning our ways quickly. From what Susan says, James is speaking the truth.”

  “I wish to know how you feel, Menno. Please answer me carefully,” Deacon Ray said. “You know what will happen if we’re wrong on this. Such a girl could cause much sorrow and unhappiness in the community. How many Englisha girls have ever joined this community, especially ones with a child and no husband?”

  “I see that your mind has gone in much the same directions as mine,” Menno said. “And I am quite thankful I don’t have the leadership of the community to think about.”

  “You can thank Da Hah each day for such a gift, Menno,” Deacon Ray said. “The burden of the church lies heavy on my shoulders. But you have not told me yet what you think about this.”

  Menno leaned back on the hay bale, watching the sunlight dancing on the barn windows. “I agree with James,” he finally said. “And I also agree with him on another point.”

  “Yah, what is that?” Deacon Ray asked. “About her being better than our people by putting aside her own happiness? But how can we judge such a thing, Menno? Our people have their faults, and we are just men after all. But all the years we put into the training and right upbringing of our children cannot be thrown away as nothing. It has to count.”

  “It does,” Menno said. “Though that’s not what I meant to agree with. I don’t wish to interfere with anything between you and James. Nor am I trying to say James is right in his affection for Teresa. That is, if he has any.”

  “Then what are you saying?”

  “It was the part about not being free of past sins ourselves,” Menno said. “You know that neither of us have done as we ought in our younger years.”

  Deacon Ray spat out his straw stem. “I know,” he said. “It’s hard to live right in the big cities. That’s why I thank Da Hah often that our young people no longer have to serve the country in such a manner. We have been blessed that the current government requires no service time at all. Who would have thought that day would ever come? And I dread a time when it might be required of us again. You know how many young men we lost to the world during those years.”

  “The flesh of man is weak,” Menno said. “Mine must have been among the weakest of them all.”

  “There is no sense in pointing fingers now,” Deacon Ray said. “I drove an Englisha automobile a few times. And that without a driver’s license. But both of us came back to the community, and for that we can thank Da Hah’s mercy in preserving us.”

  “I agree,” Menno said. “But it leaves us still guilty.”

  “Yah,” Deacon Ray said, “but it has been forgiven.”

  Menno cleared his throat. “You asked what I think. Truth is, I think we need to allow Teresa’s baptism without requiring her to marry Yost. And since they have started a relationship already, she can continue it if they wish, but on her
own free will and not because we require it.”

  Deacon Ray drew in a deep breath. “So now I see where you’re going, Menno. Is this why you have come over? Are you asking me to change what has already been decided by the ministry?”

  “I’m not trying to do anything, Ray. I’m simply saying what needs to be said. This thing with Teresa is getting out of hand. Would it not be wiser to adjust while we still can?”

  “You’re still thinking of our time in the world, aren’t you?” Deacon Ray asked. “I have made my sins right with the church. No one could ask for more than that.”

  “I’m only asking that you consider in the light of what we’ve been through ourselves, if Teresa should not be allowed to join the church without any requirements that she marry Yost. And look at us. We had the benefit of godly parents, the love of the community, and still the world pulled hard on our hearts. What must it have been like for a young Englisha girl who had none of that?”

  “You know that Bishop Henry will not appreciate this. Even if I would consider it,” Deacon Ray said.

  “But it is the right thing to do,” Menno said, his voice low. “The girl needs to know that she can join the church without being forced into a marriage. It may save much trouble for her and Yost later.”

  Deacon Ray stroked his beard. After a few silent moments, he spoke. “I will speak with Bishop Henry on Sunday. If the girl does not give us any other cause for trouble, I do not see why she cannot be allowed to marry Yost on her own free will.”

  “And if she chooses not to?” Menno asked.

  “Well, it certainly won’t be James who will seek her hand,” Deacon Ray said. “I will see to that. But I do agree that if the girl has proven herself sufficiently, we can accept her into the community without the marriage requirement. That was Yost’s idea anyway. I want you to know that. And James will forget about the matter once the girl is no longer under pressure. Once he sees she’s free from the requirement to marry Yost, that’ll be the end of it for him, I’m sure. As for Yost, he will not give up so easily. He will still hold her to her word to marry him. I heard they’ve already spoken at length at your house.”

  “Yost did come over,” Menno said, getting to his feet. “And perhaps you will be proved right.”

  “So it is decided,” Deacon Ray said, managing a smile. “If Bishop Henry and the other ministers agree, then that is how it will be.”

  “I have plowing to do,” Menno said, opening the barn door. “I had better get back to work.”

  “Here comes James now,” Deacon Ray said. “If all goes well, we’ll have the field ready for planting in a few days.”

  Menno untied Toby and climbed into the buggy. He waved to James, who was riding in on his lathered horse. James looked at him with a curious expression as he waved back. Menno had forgotten to ask Deacon Ray about the hired hand, but that would have to wait. The more important matter had been taken care of. Teresa would be free to make up her own mind about Yost. Deacon Ray might have eventually come to this conclusion on his own, but it hadn’t hurt to help him along. And it did feel better now that he was doing something to help Teresa. Menno slapped the reins as the buggy rattled southward on the dirt road.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Susan left the bread dough on the kitchen table and looked out the living room window. There was no sign of Daett yet, so he must be having a long talk with Deacon Ray. Was that a gut sign? Not likely. James must have told his side of the story, and Deacon Ray no doubt was laying down the law. If things went really badly, Teresa would not be allowed to continue attending instruction classes. That would be a blow she would not easily recover from.

  “Stop pacing back and forth,” Mamm commanded. “Daett will be home when he’s home.”

  “Did he say anything more this morning about Teresa?” Susan asked.

  “He’s troubled like I am,” Mamm said. “But I suppose Deacon Ray is just as troubled with James involved now. So we have to trust Da Hah to work this out for us.”

  “I’m sorry this whole thing has happened,” Susan said.

  Mamm sighed. “It’s not entirely your fault, but perhaps you see now what happens when one goes out gallivanting into the Englisha world.”

  Susan pressed her lips together as she returned to the table and kneaded hard on the bread dough. Telling Mamm what she had been thinking would only make things worse, but if Teresa had to leave she planned to go with her to Asbury Park.

  “I hope you won’t be holding this against the ministers if they decide things differently from what we’d like,” Mamm said, as if she were reading Susan’s thoughts. “Remember, they have the whole weight of the community’s well-being on their shoulders.”

  “I don’t think I’ll ever understand,” Susan said. “But I will try to trust, even when I can’t see my way through.”

  “Listen to me, Susan,” Mamm said, turning to face her. “I know you like Teresa, and so do I. But it’s not easy keeping a holy life in this world of ours. Look at what’s out there. You should know better than many. You’ve been there. And there are our young people to think about. Our ministers can’t ignore that.”

  “There’s got to be some way,” Susan said. “It’s simply not right to make Teresa go back.”

  Mamm sighed again. “I don’t know that she’s going back, Susan. And you don’t either.”

  Susan stepped back from the bread dough, which now lay fully kneaded on the kitchen table. Little pieces of white flour and dough hung from Susan’s hands. She wiped her hands on her apron.

  Mamm looked up from the kitchen sink as buggy wheels crunched into the graveled driveway. Susan made a move toward the washroom door, but Mamm shook her head.

  “Let Daett come in when he wishes and explain things to us,” Mamm said. “Sometimes hard things need to be thought about for a long time before they are spoken.”

  “Please, Mamm! I’ve got to know!” Susan begged.

  The outside washroom door slammed before Mamm could answer, and Susan stepped forward to pull open the door. Teresa came in, meeting Susan’s eyes with her own. She gripped the empty wash hamper in her hand.

  “Whew! Three loads of laundry washed and hung out. I thought I would never get it all done,” Teresa said. “And did you notice that your dad is back?”

  “I know.” Susan turned to her mamm. “Can she come with me, please?”

  “Go, you two! Teresa, go with Susan and hear what Daett has to say,” Mamm said, waving with her hand.

  Susan gripped Teresa’s arm until they reached the barn. Letting go, Susan pulled the door open, stepped inside, and waited until Teresa entered before closing the door. The odor of horses and hay rushed over her. In the dim light, her daett’s figure appeared by the stalls. He was carrying Toby’s bridle in his hand. He threw it over a wooden hook on the wall before approaching the girls.

  “We thought we would come out to see what news you brought,” Susan said.

  “I don’t have much to say right now,” Menno said. “Deacon Ray and I had a gut talk.”

  “Is that all?” Susan asked. “How did he receive your explanation?”

  “Please tell me, Mr. Hostetler,” Teresa said. “I want to know. Even if it is bad news.”

  “It’s not bad news, Teresa,” Menno said, leaning against the planks of the stall. “We had a long talk, and Deacon Ray is as concerned as I am. I’m not sure how everything will turn out, but Deacon Ray is going to speak with Bishop Henry about changing some things.”

  “Like what?” Teresa asked. “You said it wasn’t bad news.”

  Menno smiled. “Nee, Teresa, it’s not bad news. Deacon Ray agrees that you should not be forced to marry anyone you don’t wish to. Of course, you still can marry Yost if you desire to, but we might have jumped to conclusions too quickly by forcing you to marry as soon as you are baptized. I’m sorry about that, but perhaps it’s not too late. The ministry can still change things if they so choose. That is, if you want them to.”

  “I
don’t understand,” Teresa managed. “What is being changed?”

  “You might be able to get baptized without having to marry Yost Byler,” Susan said.

  “Is that what you mean?” Teresa asked Menno.

  “Yah,” Menno said. “If you keep the Ordnung and listen to the instructions like everyone else, I don’t think any of the ministers will object to you joining the church without marrying Yost.”

  “What if I want to marry Yost?” Teresa asked. “We are promised to each other.”

  “Then it can be done after your baptism, like any other couple considering marriage,” Menno said. “And I will give you a place to have the wedding, like I do for my own daughters.”

  “Oh, Mr. Hostetler!” Teresa said, her voice breaking. “You’re so wonderful. But you really don’t have to. I can get married any old place.”

  “Daett!” Susan said, her face the picture of relief. “This is such a turn of events. What brought it about? Deacon Ray rarely changes his mind about anything, and I can’t imagine he would have given in to James.”

  Menno shook his head. “We talked things over, and he didn’t change his mind about James and Teresa. And I didn’t try to change that. I only wanted to make sure Teresa’s name stayed pure and to get this unjust marriage requirement removed. No one should have to marry because they want to join the community. And I believe Deacon Ray now understands that Teresa is really trying to be part of us, and that her heart is in the right place.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” Teresa said, tears streaming down her face. “You really didn’t have to do this for me. I was only concerned about being made to leave. Both Yost and I are fine with the wedding as it is planned.”

  “But you don’t have to marry him now,” Susan said. “Isn’t that right, Daett?”

  “Well, the ministry must meet and decide. But if they decide as I think they will, she won’t have to,” Menno said. “It will be up to her.”

  “But I can if I want to?” Teresa asked again.

  “Yah. And Deacon Ray thought that was what your choice might be,” Menno said.