Tahn

by L. A. Kelly

  Netta suddenly appeared in the doorway with a smile and in a beautiful dress a friend had brought. She looked so splendid that he turned his eyes away quickly, ashamed to be admiring her.

  “Are you sure you don’t want us to move you to the sanctuary, Mr. Dorn? You might enjoy the service.”

  He sighed. That was an alarming thought, to say the least. How would the crowd react? “No, Lady. Not with so many people. Take the boys, if you’re sure it’s safe. Might be good for them.”

  “I’m sure it’s safe. Even if an enemy came in, we’re surrounded by friends and in God’s house.”

  He was staring out the one window to the west. “We should be leaving soon.”

  “I’m sure the other little ones are fine.”

  “We need to get them,” he insisted. “I need to know for sure.”

  “Tomorrow then. We can go. Vari and I.”

  Tahn looked at her with surprise. “You? And bring them here?”

  “Yes. You’re not strong enough.”

  “With a wagon I can make it,” he determined. “We can get to the cave all right. These are … your people. We shouldn’t be staying.”

  “Don’t make that decision yet. Not until you speak of it again with my father, please.”

  “We can’t hide in this church forever. The cave is sound and harder to find.”

  She smiled. “Perhaps things have changed. I need to join Father before the service begins, but we’ll be in when it’s over. He has something to tell you. I will have one of the boys stay with you in case you need anything.”

  He watched her turn and go out with a swish of her full velvety skirt. Then he took a deep breath and shook his head. Such a woman. God, why have you made her so fine? I need to leave here. No question about it. He looked out the window again and asked the Lord’s help for the coming days. In the sanctuary, music was beginning.

  “Sir?” It was Stuva, shyly standing in the doorway. “May I stay with you?”

  “Come ahead. Sit down.”

  “The lady told me you shouldn’t be alone. I was glad. I don’t like so many people in one room.”

  “I don’t blame you. But I think they’re here to worship. They should be harmless.”

  Stuva sat beside him and started fiddling with the corner of a blanket. “Can I talk?”

  “Indeed. Don’t be afraid of me, all right?”

  The boy smiled. “I’m not. Not like I used to be.”

  Tahn leaned his head back. He couldn’t recall ever seeing Stuva smile before. Things had truly changed.

  “I miss Duncan, sir,” Stuva told him. “And I think they must be awful worried.”

  “I know. We’ll go back soon. Tomorrow.”

  “Can you ride?”

  “I’ll manage.”

  “Will we ever see the lady anymore?”

  “I couldn’t say. Maybe when we know things are safe, you could visit her. She’ll probably miss you.”

  “I like her lessons.”

  Tahn nodded. “She’s a good woman. I thank God she’s got family again.”

  “What did God do to you?” Stuva’s eyes were full of the question, but it seemed to embarrass him and he lowered his head.

  Tahn looked at him for a moment, thinking how to answer. “You mean I seem different?”

  “Yeah. I know you was bad hurt, but there’s more than that. You’re not angry no more.”

  “Stuva, God took away an awful burden. Do you know what that means?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “If I was angry, it was because no matter what I did, there was no way out. I didn’t think God would have me, Stuva, not ever, because of the things I’d done. A life full of blood, then some painful death, and then the fires of hell. That’s all I ever saw.”

  “You’re really for sure he’s real, then? I mean, I try, but I still don’t know sometimes.”

  “I’m sure. You will be too. He’ll show you, like he did me. He loves us. I can’t say why, but he does. He’ll give us better things than we’ve known. I know it, even when I worry. And we’ve got heaven when we die, Stuva, where nothing hurts anymore.”

  “All of us?”

  “I trust it will be so. The lady taught you to pray, didn’t she?”

  “Yes, sir, but it’s hard. I can’t see him. And I’m not sure why he’d want me anyhow.”

  He smiled. “You sound like me. I’m not sure either. But I’m glad he does. Maybe we’re not used to the idea of being cared for. That’ll change for you, though.”

  “Our father didn’t want us.”

  “It was his loss. A man ought to be proud to have you.”

  The boy was looking at him so strangely. “Are you proud of us?”

  “Indeed.”

  “Are you going to stay with us, then, and not just leave us sometime?”

  It was a hard question. He couldn’t imagine leaving them now, but it was still just as unimaginable that they would really want him. “Stuva, you won’t always need me.”

  “Yes, we will! You’ve been good to us.”

  “Not good enough to keep you from fearing me.”

  “It’s different now. None of us are scared of you. Even when things are all safe, we want to stay with you and the lady both.”

  That struck him deep, and it hurt. “You can’t have both, Stuva. Lady Trilett belongs here with her family. We can’t just claim her.”

  “She said she loved us, sir. She can’t just forget us, can she?”

  “She won’t. But that’s not the same as living where you live.”

  “They’re rich, aren’t they?”

  “They were. I expect they will be again, once they don’t need to be hiding.”

  “You’ll miss her, won’t you, sir?”

  He didn’t quite know a safe way to answer that. “We’ll be busy,” he finally said. “Stuva, I need some water.”

  “Yes, sir.” The boy jumped up for the pitcher and cup the priest had left on a table by the door. “You hurt a lot, don’t you?”

  “Not like I was.”

  “I thought we’d lost you, sir.”

  “God gave me my life again. I pray he helps me use it well.”

  Tahn could hear little of the worship service, but he knew it was over when the sounds changed to a low chatter of voices. Father Anolle was the first to come to him. He stood in the doorway for a moment and then stepped forward, extending his hand.

  “Mr. Dorn? Permit me to pray a blessing for you.”

  A blessing? Tahn was not completely sure what the priest meant. “Sir, I—”

  “God knows your heart, son,” Anolle said. “And I believe he would have you know more of him.”

  I don’t understand you, Lord, Tahn was thinking. I don’t understand you at all, but I thank you for your love and your good people.

  Just as the priest was finishing his prayer, Jarel Trilett came in with Vari, Doogan, and Tam.

  “I guess a lot of people love God,” Doogan said. “And a lot of people love you and the lady’s family too.”

  Tahn assumed he was talking to the priest. He watched the elderly man in his long robes straighten himself and turn toward the doorway. How could Anolle possibly accept him the way he did? This holy man could put him at ease more than any of the Triletts, more than anyone in his life ever had, except perhaps Vari, whom he counted his best friend.

  “Benn will be coming soon, Mr. Dorn,” Anolle said. “Jarel, help me bring some of the food. We can eat together what our friends have shared.”

  “Church was strange,” Tam said as soon as the priest was gone.

  “It was okay, though,” Vari added. “I think the lady will be safe here. Those people won’t let anything happen to her.”

  “The Triletts truly have friends,” Tahn told him.

  Benn entered in time to hear it. “We are not the only ones. The people are asking about you.”

  That made Tahn uneasy. He didn’t like their whereabouts being so widely known.

&
nbsp; “Father Anolle told you to trust,” Benn said. “It is sound advice.” He sat down beside Tahn as Netta came in behind him. It was very clear she’d been crying.

  “Come here, little girl,” her father said, and Netta sat on the floor beside him in her fine dress and put her head on his shoulder.

  Tahn leaned forward, gripped by her tears. “What’s wrong?”

  Benn put his arm around his daughter. “She is missing my brother, my sister, the rest of our family,” he said. “Their presence was sorely missed in our gathering this day.”

  Tahn could not help watching her. What must it be like to have had a loving family surrounding you all of your days? And suddenly many, he didn’t know how many, were ripped away. Dear Lady, he thought. It’s a pain I don’t understand.

  “I’m sorry I couldn’t do better for them,” he told her sadly. “Forgive me.”

  She looked up at him and burst into tears again. “You did what you could, Mr. Dorn! It’s not your fault.”

  Benn hugged her, his own eyes brimming with tears. “We shall see them again. We take peace in that.” He kissed Netta’s hair and then looked up at Tahn. “Our friends have brought us news, sir. I should not wait to tell you that Baron Trent is dead. They say he took his own life. Apparently, he did not know how to save face for his deeds, God rest him.”

  Netta’s father had bowed his head, and Tahn was stunned more by him than the baron. “How can you speak so kindly of him? God rest him?”

  “He was not my friend. I have not always felt so kindly. But we do better not to speak our feelings sometimes.”

  “It was him that died? There’s no mistake?”

  “No mistake, Mr. Dorn. I know he doesn’t seem the sort. I wondered myself, but it is true. His son found the body yesterday.”

  “Lionell.”

  “Yes. Do you know them?”

  “The deeds of the father. Not the son.”

  “He is baron now. And perhaps it is a mercy. He cannot share his father’s war on us without it costing him dearly among the other nobles. He is intelligent enough to know that. It will not be easy for him to restore the Trent honor after what has been done. I don’t think he will be willing to risk confrontation.”

  “Then are they safe, Tahn?” Vari asked.

  “The baron may be gone. But there is still Samis.”

  “You said the baron financed him. Perhaps with his source of income gone, he will leave us all alone,” Benn suggested.

  “He may leave you alone,” Tahn told him. “But his quarrel with me is not for money. It would be better for all of you if I were not with you.”

  Netta shook her head. “You can’t go anywhere. Not while you’re weak. Especially not alone.”

  “She’s right,” Benn said. “And we want to help you. From what I understand, it is time you had the support of friends.”

  The words scared him, but he wasn’t sure why. Friends? It didn’t seem wise. The more people really know you, the more chance some of them could get hurt. “Please, sir—”

  Father Anolle and Jarel returned at that moment, arms laden with dishes. Tahn was glad for the interruption.

  “Is anyone hungry?” Jarel asked. “We have a feast here.”

  It did seem a generous supply. Bread and honey, roast beef, plums, and pie.

  Doogan couldn’t keep his fingers away from the honey. “This is a lot of food.”

  The priest smiled. “There’s more we couldn’t carry.”

  “Gifts,” Benn explained. “From our friends today.”

  “You have kind friends.” Tahn saw that Netta was still looking at him, and he lowered his eyes.

  “They wish to be your friends,” her father told him. “Many of these gifts are for you.”

  “For me?” He looked up at him in shock, and his stomach knotted. “Why?”

  “An effort to make amends, I think, toward the man they wronged.”

  Tahn was speechless for a moment. Amends? A strange tension filled him. Despite the pain he was in, he almost wanted to run. He shook his head. “No. They thought I killed you! They didn’t wrong me to be grieving you so.” He could only think of the sea of faces and their angry shouts.

  His hands started shaking. He couldn’t blame the crowd, but he wanted no part of them seeking him out, no matter what their reason.

  Benn leaned forward and took his arm. “We all wronged you, including myself, to judge you without pure evidence.”

  Tahn was still shaking his head. He tried to get up, but the movement hurt so badly. Somehow he had to get out, away from all of this.

  But suddenly Vari was at his side. “Tahn! How long since you had good beef? We might as well eat it, don’t you think?” He put his arm around him, and Tahn breathed a sigh.

  Vari, you always know how to cut through whatever possesses me. God bless you! He looked down at the food. “They just didn’t know. It isn’t right—”

  “They are basically good people, sir,” Benn said. “It would be a blessing to them if you would accept their gifts and their apology.”

  Tahn lowered his head. “Maybe we should eat, then.”

  “There’s always a first in your life, friend,” Vari told him. “Even for apologies. Feels good, doesn’t it? Knowing they’re not waiting with rocks outside?”

  “May it bring healing to you,” Netta said softly.

  Tahn looked at her and knew she wasn’t speaking only of Onath and the physical pain. Somehow she understood Alastair and his fear of crowds, good or bad.

  Father Anolle was watching him. “You will permit me to bless the food?”

  Tahn could only nod.

  When the prayer was finished, the little boys ate hungrily. But Benn first prepared a plate for Tahn. “With an enemy gone and friends around us alert and asking to help, we are far safer. I am hoping with God’s help to make a home for us again soon. We own other property. The springhouse might be suitable, when the time is right.”

  Doogan looked at him in surprise. “You have a house just for spring?”

  “No, child,” Netta explained. “It’s built next to a spring. It was my grandmother’s once. Her place to get away, she called it. But it stands empty now.”

  “I hope your friends will keep their watch for you there,” Tahn told them. “Though I pray it is a new day and you will prosper again.”

  “They will help us when we are ready,” Benn said. “There’s no question of that. But I want you to consider coming with us. And I mean all the children.”

  All four boys looked at him in amazement, but Tahn shook his head. “I won’t consider it. Not if we’re still hunted.”

  Benn’s face seemed to tense, and his eyes were sad and stormy. “Netta told me about the cave and your efforts. Forgive me for saying this, but you’re scarcely more than a youth yourself. You’ve done the best you could, but you can’t continue like that.”

  Tahn steeled himself against persuasion. “Better than death for any of us, or any of you.”

  Father Anolle gave a deep sigh. “It is one man—the root of the threat that remains?”

  Vari nodded. “Samis, sir.”

  “God answers prayer, children. We have already prayed for your safety.”

  Tahn bowed his head. “May the Lord grant me your faith.”

  “It will come in time,” the priest told him. “As you decide for it, again and again.”

  Tahn understood that. And he remembered the confidence he’d had in the face of Samis’s ranting, that no harm would come to the lady or the children. It was true. He could decide to believe it. The God who’d spared him from hanging and from a pot of boiling water could continue to perform such miracles. For the little ones, surely he would.

  “Son,” Anolle continued, “you will need the help of your new friends to care for the children, at least until you are strong. I am confident it is God’s way and that he will protect you.”

  Stuva gazed at Netta in wonderment. “Does that mean after we go get the others we’l
l be coming back to stay with you?”

  She looked at Tahn. “Will you let us bring them to you and care for them?”

  “I can manage the trip.”

  “Not yet, son,” said Anolle. “Not if you would heed what the healer had to say.”

  “Would you rather wait and bring them later?” Benn asked.

  “No. I don’t like not knowing about them.”

  “Then let us go and get them,” Netta said. “Vari and I can do it.”

  Benn looked at her with some concern, and Tahn shook his head. “There is no way I would have you do this. Nothing should take you from your father’s side again.”

  Vari crossed his arms impatiently. “Tahn, it’s no big job. I can handle it without either of you.”

  Tahn pulled himself forward to sit straight. “Not alone. We don’t know where the warriors might be. I’ll come and—”

  “No.” Jarel finally spoke. “I’ll go with him. I can take Tobas and the Clareys. It shouldn’t take long.”

  Benn nodded. “He speaks of capable friends, Mr. Dorn. I think it is a good plan.”

  But it was not an easy thing for Tahn to consider. Should he trust men he barely knew? Could he actually allow the Triletts to do as they proposed? He felt that it had all gotten out of his hands, and he didn’t like it. But something the priest had said stuck with him. God’s way. Trust. “As you say,” he finally answered. “You’ll lead them, Vari.”

  “Can I go?” Stuva asked.

  Tahn considered how Duncan might feel if he didn’t. “Yes. But Doogan, Tam, you stay with me.”

  Father Anolle smiled. “Your lives have forever changed. It is time for the blessings of God to be upon you.”

  The next morning was sunny and warmer than it had been in days. Netta stepped outside, looking for Jarel. He, Vari, and Stuva were ready with the Wittley’s wagon and three strong men. Netta gave her cousin a hug. “Why are you going with them?” she asked him. “Such a venture seems unlike you.”

  He smiled. “They touched you so much. Maybe I’ll learn why.”

  “You will, Jarel. They’ll have your heart.”

  “There’s a Scripture verse about that you would do well to remember.” He looked past her to where Father Anolle and Amos Lowe stood in the church door supporting Tahn between them.