Tahn

by L. A. Kelly

  “Don’t do this, sir,” Tahn pleaded.

  “What? Don’t get you angry? Is that what you mean? What would you do?”

  Tahn turned his head away in silence.

  “You might be able to kill me, even at less than full strength, but you’d never explain going back without me, would you? There are no tracks of any horses but ours, no black-garbed warriors dropping from trees to explain it away!”

  Once again, Tahn tried to get up, but Jarel pushed him harder, into the tree. To the young Trilett’s surprise, Tahn let it happen again and sunk meekly to the ground.

  “I don’t want an enemy,” Tahn said. “If you can’t stomach my presence, I will go.”

  “And leave Netta?”

  “Yes, sir.” He turned his face away, afraid of what Jarel might be able to see there.

  “Fair enough. You’ve got a good horse. I’ll give you money right now. Will you ride on out, once you’ve rested?”

  Tahn took a deep breath. “No, sir. I would see you back to your home and not have you ride the distance alone. I have that obligation to your uncle. And I would think it cruel not to tell the children good-bye.”

  Jarel stared at him, not sure how to respond. “You would go, then, once your details are taken care of?”

  For the third time, Tahn pulled himself to his feet. “I think that I am ready now.”

  Jarel didn’t push him down this time, and Tahn took a step toward the horses, knowing that these wouldn’t respond to his whistle.

  “I don’t think I’m finished,” Jarel said, his voice much quieter.

  “It seems that I am.” Tahn took another limping step.

  “Mr. Dorn, do you think my uncle would let me run you off like this?”

  “You’re family. You’ll come to terms.”

  “Sit down.”

  Tahn turned and looked at him. “I will not create a war for myself or anyone else. If my presence does that, I’ll have to leave.” He turned away again quickly.

  But Jarel had seen his eyes. “Do you love her?”

  He couldn’t answer. He took another step, but felt Jarel’s hand suddenly on his shoulder.

  “I asked you a question.”

  But he pulled away and took the horse’s reins.

  “That’s what you’ve wanted all along, isn’t it?” Jarel demanded. “A chance at fair Netta, to do what you will?” He slapped his hand down again hard on Tahn’s shoulder.

  It was a reflex. Before he could think about it, Tahn had whirled around and knocked the young Trilett to the ground. Both horses skittered away from them.

  Jarel looked up and shook his head. “I knew I could get a reaction. Now that I’m down, what do you do?”

  Tahn turned away again. He wanted to leave this difficult soul in the woods and flee, but he knew he couldn’t do things that way. “I’ll not fight you, sir.”

  “That’s not how it appeared just now.”

  “I’m sorry.” He slowly sunk again to the base of a tree. “I’ll wait here until you’re ready to go back. Forgive me.”

  Jarel sat up and looked at him. Was he serious? He had not expected such meekness. But he knew he’d struck a nerve, a deep one. Could he dare probe it further? “Mr. Dorn, do you know what you are to me?”

  “I can only imagine.”

  “A vexation! My uncle respects your opinion in our situation more than mine. And my only surviving cousin would rather have your company, though you entertain men who have slaughtered all my immediate family!”

  “I am sorry. Please believe me. I am sorry.”

  “I wasn’t sure today if you’d kill me or if I’d manage to kill you. But you’re not being very cooperative.”

  “I won’t hurt you, but you shouldn’t put yourself in danger. You’re important to a lot of people, whether you know it or not.”

  Jarel stood. “Karll was my friend, Mr. Dorn. Perhaps the best friend I ever had outside of the family that’s gone now too.”

  He couldn’t answer. Jarel’s pain justified his words, his actions.

  “I’ve wanted to hate you, Mr. Dorn,” Jarel admitted. “But Benn and Netta do not make it easy. Nor do you. Why couldn’t you just be the foul murderer they claimed? We could have let Onath hang you and be done with it. But you aren’t blamed for Karll, because now you’ve saved lives. You aren’t blamed for kidnapping Netta because you helped her. You’ve a collection of orphans to win the heart of the hardest skeptic. What am I to do with you? It’s no wonder Onath is willing to hail you now!”

  “No, sir,” Tahn spoke quietly. “I’m no hero. I don’t want your town’s attention. And if I am not to be blamed, it is because of Christ’s mercy. I’ve got no other claim. I well know the darkness that was in me.”

  Jarel turned toward him. “What kind of darkness? Can you answer me honestly?”

  Tahn sighed. If there were any practical way out of this, he’d have taken it. “I will try,” he said. “But God is my Savior. I’m not what I was.”

  Jarel smiled. “That’s exactly what I’m trying to determine here. But you may have had that figured.”

  A test. Tahn thought of Samis, dagger in hand. “Let me test your mettle, boy!” he’d taunted. Tahn shook the thought from his mind and turned his eyes to Jarel.

  “If you’re a deceiver, you’re the devil at it,” Jarel said.

  “Uncle Benn trusts you with his life, and Netta’s willing to cry tears over your miserable past. I know it’s true to a point, but I need to know how deep it goes, Mr. Dorn. Could we count on you if you had to stand against your mercenary friends? Or if you never had a hope of Netta’s interest? Please answer me.”

  “I’ve already stood against them, and I expected nothing but your cousin’s fear when I kidnapped her.”

  “What about now?”

  “Were she as bold as you, perhaps I would face her hard questions.”

  Jarel laughed again. “What do you think she’d ask you?”

  Tahn swallowed. “If I had it to do again, would I yet spill Karll’s blood?”

  “Would you?”

  “Not as a Christian. But if I was still living under Samis’s power, I don’t know. I had no strength to resist in those days.”

  “So did you like it, the killing?”

  “No. Can we not return now?”

  “You said you’d wait till I was ready. I know you’re uncomfortable. That’s exactly what I wanted.”

  “If you had found the villain you were looking for, sir, you would have put yourself at risk. Don’t take such chances.”

  “Are you telling me not to be alone with you?”

  “A man’s instinct is a good guide,” Tahn told him. “I’m saying that if you don’t trust a man, no matter who he is, don’t be alone with him.”

  “A little late for that now.”

  “But easily remedied.”

  “It’s you not wishing to be alone with me.”

  “I’ll not deny it.”

  Jarel smiled. “You may think me a pig, but Netta is worth that to me.”

  Tahn nodded.

  “You didn’t answer me before,” the young Trilett pressed. “You think you love her, do you?”

  “I would not wish to put her in such a spot.”

  “But what about you? Are you in that spot already? Has she got a fire lit in you like the farmer’s daughter has in Vari?”

  Tahn looked up at him in surprise.

  “Oh, I see a lot. They can’t very well hide it, can they? You, on the other hand, are trying very hard. You can’t move too quickly, of course, without ruffling Benn a bit.”

  “Jarel, sir—” Tahn took a deep breath. “Your uncle was not distressed by my feelings. But I’ll never pursue them. Neither God nor the lady would have it from me. I wouldn’t trouble her for all of this world, but I can’t deny that I care for her. I think you know that already.”

  “How do you expect to live with it and not act on it?” Jarel questioned.

  Tahn sighed. “Elsewher
e, truly.” He lowered his head to his hands. “I’ll go, sir. You are right that I should.”

  Jarel looked down at the figure before him. He’s like a whipped pup, he thought. A wounded child, just like Netta said. What might I have been like in his place?

  “Mr. Dorn,” he said with quiet voice. “Perhaps we’ve been gone long enough. Can I help you up?”

  “I’ll manage, sir.” He stood carefully and turned toward the horses again.

  Jarel put out his hand toward Tahn’s shoulder but drew it back, uncertain. The man’s limp was worse. He seemed to be carrying an extra weight. “Can I help you mount?”

  “No, sir—”

  “You’ll manage.”

  “Yes.”

  “But how will I manage if you leave us now?”

  Tahn stopped. Whatever could he mean by that?

  “Everyone in the house is rather fond of you,” Jarel said. “I don’t need them angry at me. Things are hard enough already.”

  “Maybe you don’t realize how they value you, sir. I can’t imagine any anger there.”

  Jarel met his eyes. “You’ve leveled with us completely, haven’t you?”

  “As best I know how.” He knew Jarel’s stricken look but not the reason for it. “Sir, I’m sorry about Karll. I’m sorry about your family. I can’t change the past, and I can’t excuse what I did. But I hope you’ll forgive me one day.”

  He turned back toward the horses, but Jarel quickly stepped in front of him. “I came out here wanting to condemn you, Dorn. I should ask you to forgive me.”

  He shook his head. “There’s no need. You have a right—”

  “No. Not to throw my hurt onto you. You’ve got plenty of your own. You’ve been beaten enough, haven’t you?”

  Tahn couldn’t meet his eyes this time. Something inside him was shaking.

  “This may be the safest home you’ve ever had.” Jarel sighed. “You shouldn’t leave it on my word.”

  But Tahn only reached for the horse’s bridle and with great effort pulled himself into the saddle.

  28

  Lucas rode through the foothills north of Joram. A farm boy had said he’d seen an old man riding a black stallion not long before. Samis might be close.

  He kept considering what to do when he found him. He remembered the master steadying himself against the wall in his chamber. Something was wrong with him, more than soreness from a fall. How long would he be able to pursue his vengeful ideas? They should shelter somewhere and get a healer before things got worse. But going back to Valhal might not be wise. Burle still claimed more than a dozen of Samis’s men and posed a threat in that area. It was hard to say where Samis would be safest. Any of the men might be pleased to pay him back for the pain he’d caused them. He must find the master before they discovered him alone.

  The scolding call of a bird interrupted his thoughts. He looked around him at the nearly barren trees. It had been autumn like this the first time he’d ever traveled this way—with Tahn when they were twelve and thirteen. By then, many of the men had thought Tahn mad because of his fearsome screams at night and his unpredictable manner.

  But Lucas knew him better than most, and traveling alone with him had been a welcome relief from Samis and his ruffians at Valhal. He’d never felt threatened by Tahn, except when the man was asleep.

  And that was something he still felt guilty about. Because they’d shared a room as young boys, Lucas had been the first to learn about Tahn’s dreadful dreams. It scared him, and he’d gone to the master with it hoping for a remedy.

  But God Almighty! Lucas cried in his heart. Why haven’t I killed Samis by now? The horrible man had only used Tahn’s torment to torture and bind him, piling scars on top of the ones he’d already had. Why haven’t you killed him, Lord God? Lucas questioned. Why would you let a man like Samis steal our lives from us?

  He shook his head in derision at himself. That was a poor excuse for a prayer! He could still remember the grand cathedral at Alastair and the glorious prayers floating from the lips of the priest. He’d been a street urchin then, sneaking into the back pew every chance he got. To think he’d actually dreamed of becoming a priest!

  He sighed. The best he could hope for was to find a back pew again some day, just to take it all in one more time.

  Lucas stopped at a brook to let his horse drink. He was about to cross the water when he looked down and saw the print of a horseshoe in the soft bank. Maybe Samis has been here, he thought. Leviathan was shod, unlike many of their mounts.

  He turned in the direction of the track, following the stream, and eventually found another print in the mud. Oh, let it be him!

  Lucas shook his head. There I go again! Feeble prayers fall from me like an incessant drip. It must be irritating indeed to the Almighty. He couldn’t possibly take me seriously, a lone fool out here hoping to help a merciless killer live a bit longer. I can’t even take myself seriously! God, help me ride off and let him die!

  But suddenly he saw movement in the trees ahead. Leviathan. Unmounted. The big horse ignored him on his way back to the stream for a drink.

  “Master!” Lucas yelled. He hurried to search in the direction that Leviathan had come.

  Samis lay on the ground in the midst of the trees. The dizziness had come over him again, with a crushing headache, but this time he managed to leave the saddle without falling. The pounding in his head was already fading. Soon enough he would get up. But he knew he could not gather men again. Strong men only follow a strong leader. He could not even hunt down his deserters with this curse of heaven striking at him without warning.

  He closed his eyes and cursed the fate that brought him this humiliation. But he would not let it get worse. He no longer thought of how many villagers there might be with Tahn at Onath. It didn’t matter. He would find him. And there would be victory, regardless of the outcome.

  Lucas found Samis beneath a fir tree and dismounted anxiously.

  But the master’s eyes popped open, and he looked up at the young warrior with a frown. “What the devil are you doing here?”

  Lucas sighed. “Are you all right, my lord?”

  “Of course I’m all right! A man’s got to rest, you know! I’ve come quite a ways.” He sat up quickly.

  “Are you sure you’re feeling all right?”

  “What’s the matter with you?” Samis snapped. “Just waiting for me to die, are you? Well, you can just wait! I’m fine, and I have no need of you running after me!”

  “I beg your pardon then, sir. But I … I thought I could be of assistance to you.”

  “Really? What would you do?”

  “Anything you say. I didn’t think you should be alone.”

  “You’re an idiot!” Samis declared. “I’m better off alone than with your help. I can’t expect you to be worth your spit fighting Tahn! You’ve always been too afraid of him for that.”

  “Fear is not my reason, sir.”

  “Yes. You actually liked him, didn’t you? You were always the worst sort of fool. You fancied I’d be your father. You remember that? And that he’d be a brother to you, he and the others. You were the only one soft enough to hold that fantasy for long. You’ve always been soft. You’d be worthless entirely if you didn’t make yourself so handy. Get my horse, will you? I’m ready to go.”

  Lucas stood and stared at him. He remembered very well how he’d wanted a father. But Tahn was a brother. There was no way he would be able to help Samis kill him.

  “Have you eaten?” he asked.

  “Didn’t you hear what I said?”

  “Yes, sir. But there’s no hurry. You might as well eat for strength.”

  “I have plenty of strength!” Samis pulled himself to a stand against the trunk of the nearest tree. “No hurry? You’re the poorest excuse for a soldier I ever trained. Except that idiot Vari. Wouldn’t kill a dog if it bit him.” Samis laughed. “What brothers you’d make! Have you yet got any kills under your belt, Lucas?”

  �
�I don’t know.” He fidgeted uncomfortably. It was true. He’d fought alongside the others, and he’d caused enough injuries. But he’d never been able to stand there and finish it. Instead he always walked away, not knowing whether those people had lived or died.

  Samis was still laughing as Lucas turned away.

  He whistled the three brisk notes Leviathan would recognize, and the horse ambled toward them obediently. “You wanted your mount, sir.”

  “Indeed. I’m ready to see Tahn again. You should watch me face him. Now that’s a fighter! You might learn something before he dies.”

  Lucas watched Samis pull himself into the saddle, and then he sprang to his own horse’s back.

  “You with me, are you, Lucas?”

  “I want to know something, sir.” Lucas swallowed hard and mustered his courage as he moved to Samis’s side. “Why is the Dorn so important to you?”

  “Important? Bah! I’m about to kill him! Unless you wish the chance.”

  “No. But I know he is important to you, sir. You were hard on all of us. But then you let us go to our own style, or lack of it, so long as we obeyed you. You never let up on him, though. You made him be more disciplined. You got excited at his successes. And the one time he failed, you cut him down more than you would have anyone else with as true an effort.”

  “I expect more when I see talent.” Samis kicked Leviathan to a trot.

  Lucas kept up with him, suddenly determined. Most of the men had considered Tahn the handpicked favorite, precisely because of the intense way he was treated. Now Lucas wanted an explanation. When Samis finally slowed, he persisted.

  “You made him be talented. He had to be good to survive you. For me, willing to take the orders and fight was good enough. Why?”

  Samis laughed. “You’re not worth the horse you’re sitting on.”

  “I know that. But why was Tahn worth more?”

  Samis stopped and stared at him, suddenly serious. “Perhaps I’ll tell you sometime.”

  He rode in silence for a while as Lucas stayed close. They went through a beautiful meadow and onto a rocky hill. Finally, when Samis spoke again, his voice sounded far away, and Lucas had never heard him that way before.