Barefoot

by Ruth Patterson

  ‘Why doesn’t someone please tell me what’s going on?’ her father asked.

  ‘She wants to sell Buster,’ Toni whispered. She tried with all her will to stop the tears she knew would infuriate Arabella.

  ‘For God’s sake, why?’ he demanded to know.

  ‘She’s outgrown him,’ her mother replied. ‘It’s obvious.’

  ‘But I love him.’ Toni felt the wave of feelings engulf her. ‘Can’t you understand?’

  Arabella sighed and picked up a cloth and began to mop up the custard herself. ‘It’s time to move on, Antonia. Grace is your pony now.’

  ‘But that doesn’t mean Buster has to be sold, surely. After all, you have more than one horse,’ her father pointed out, with more than a hint of irony in his voice. At the last count Arabella had seven in her team.

  ‘And they all earn their keep.’

  ‘Arabella, darling...’ Nola tried to intervene.

  ‘Don’t get involved,’ Arabella warned.

  ‘Bella!’ There was a note in her father’s voice Toni had never heard before. ‘She’s just had a nasty accident. And Buster is her best friend.’

  Her mother shook her head. ‘There’s no room here for a pony not in work.’ She threw the cloth into the sink and dried her hands. ‘And Antonia is not a child anymore,’ she added, with frightening finality.

  At that moment the landline rang. They all listened to it for a few moments before her father stood up again and went to answer it.

  ‘I’m going to check on the horses.’ Arabella picked up a torch and signalled the discussion was well and truly over.

  Gramps stood up also. ‘I’ll accompany you, if you don’t mind.’

  Leaving Nola and Toni alone in the kitchen.

  Her grandmother began to scrub the goose fat from the baking tray.

  ‘Arabella is my daughter and I’ll always support her,’ she said carefully, head down over the Belfast sink and never actually looking at Toni. ‘But in this instance I do think she is wrong.

  ‘Talk to her then,’ Toni pleaded.

  Nola shook her head sadly. ‘I don’t believe it will make any difference.’

  Toni slid down to the floor and sat with her back against the kitchen cupboard, pulling her knees up to her chest. ‘So what? I just give in. Let her sell him?’

  ‘I’ve no idea.’ Her grandmother looked troubled. ‘We really do have to leave tomorrow, you know. Your grandfather can never be away from his own horses for too long. But promise me you’ll stay in touch.’ She hesitated. ‘If things get worse, you’ll let me know?’

  Toni nodded mechanically.

  She’s going to sell Buster. How much worse can things get?

  That night was only the second time she remembered hearing her parents really argue. The first time had been about sending her away to boarding school. It had been part and parcel of growing up in South Africa, and Arabella thought it would toughen Toni up, but her father was dead set against it. Unusually, he won.

  But this time Arabella wouldn’t give an inch. Toni sat on the landing, listening to the raised voices, until she couldn’t bear it anymore. She pulled on her jeans and fleece and crept down the stairs. The living room door was shut but their voices were clearly audible.

  ‘You can’t make her into somebody she’s not!’ her father raged. ‘You said yourself she’s not a child anymore.’

  ‘I know what’s best for her,’ Arabella flung back. ‘What she needs is pushing. Otherwise she’ll never be a winner.’

  ‘And what if she doesn’t want to be?’ Her father dared to ask. ‘What if… shock horror… what if she isn’t like you?’

  There was a resounding silence. Toni couldn’t bear to listen anymore. She padded quickly into the kitchen, her socks skidding on the cold stone floor, pulled on her yard boots and let herself out of the back door.

  There was still a night frost and she had forgotten her gloves. She shoved her good hand into her pocket to warm up, and looked up at the clear night sky.

  Arabella would not give up.

  However hard Toni’s father fought for her, he wouldn’t win. Buster would be sold and that was that. Unless she ran away with him.

  She’d heard of teenagers who ran away, of course. They usually headed in the direction of the city and ended up living on the streets. She needed to be smarter than that.

  Running away was one thing.

  Running away with a pony was a different thing entirely.

  ‘I’ll come up with something,’ she whispered out loud, making a pledge to Buster. ‘I promise you I will.’

  *************

  Toni lay awake for the rest of the night, wrapped up in both her duvet and her misery. In the morning she heard the sounds of the shower below as her grandparents prepared to leave.

  She was tempted to stay in bed and not see them off. But she knew it would be dangerous to give Arabella any more ammunition. She was beginning to see Nola as a potential ally as well, so she dragged herself downstairs to say goodbye. Her father was nowhere to be seen.

  Gramps kissed her on her cheek as usual, but Nola gave her a warm hug instead. ‘Remember. Stay in touch,’ she whispered.

  Toni nodded tightly and headed straight back upstairs. Her phone beeped as she neared the top of the second flight.

  ‘How was dinner last nite?’

  Cal.

  ‘Nightmare.’ She texted back, wishing she could see him face-to-face.

  ‘Tell me all about it?’

  Toni wanted – no, she needed to have him in front of her and see him understand. Suddenly, running into Debs or Matt didn’t seem such a big deal after all, and five miles didn’t seem such a long way. Her wrist was almost healed.

  I could cycle to Poplar Farm.

  Of course! She ran back downstairs and on out to the old shed in the garden which was piled high with discarded crap, and began to fling things out of the way in a frenzy. An old badminton set, a sledge, a garden sprinkler. And there, at the back, was her bike.

  It hadn’t been used for at least a year and, predictably, both tyres were flat. Toni was infuriated by the delay, but even more determined not to be defeated, and set to work pumping them up.

  Twenty minutes later she was on the road and quickly realised two things. It was harder riding with a cast than she had imagined, and in the weeks off riding the muscles in her legs seemed to have disappeared completely. She stayed on the back lanes most of the way and crawled up the hills, panting. The last stretch, she had to cycle along the main road, with lorries and buses passing dangerously close.

  It was with a huge sense of relief she saw the sign for Poplar Farm and turned into the entrance. She dismounted in the car park with her legs shaking, then wheeled the bike past the café and along the gravel pathways, to the farmyard beyond.

  She was overwhelmed with relief when she saw Cal, bent over and filling feed troughs for some calves. She called out his name, but he couldn’t hear her over the cacophony created by the hungry animals. He was wearing a faded green T-shirt and his back was soaked with sweat. He emptied the bag he was holding and straightened up to push the hair out of his eyes, then turned round and saw her, and seemed to stop perfectly still for a moment. Then his whole face lit up with a smile.

  Toni dropped the bike and half-ran across the yard, until only a few feet separated them.

  ‘Hey.’ He was grinning still. ‘This is a surprise.’

  She looked away abruptly.

  What if he doesn’t understand at all?

  He leant across, puzzled by her reaction, and stroked her cheek gently. His arms had weathered to a beautiful brown, reminding her of polished tack, making her skin looked almost white in comparison. ‘I meant a nice surprise,’ he added. ‘What’s up?’

  ‘My mother is putting Buster up for sale.’

  There. She’d said it. She glanced away, not able to bear the look she feared to see on his face.

  Did he think she was just a spoilt rich kid, losing one o
f her toys?

  But when she looked back, she saw nothing but sympathy.

  ‘That sucks.’ He frowned. ‘Can’t you talk her round?’

  Toni shook her head. ‘No one talks Arabella De Carteret round.

  He nodded. Thoughtful. ‘From what I hear she’s used to getting her own way.’

  The noise behind him had reached a crescendo now.

  Toni couldn’t bear their cries. ‘They seem hungry.’

  ‘Dad’s bought them in to fatten up.’

  He turned his attention back to the calves and picked up another bag of feed to finish filling their troughs, occasionally stopping to scratch a favourite between the ears. Toni liked how he was with animals. Always gentle, never rushed.

  ‘Well, if you can’t talk her round, there’s only one thing for it.’ He looked up again when he had finished, his brown eyes sparkling. ‘We’ll just have to kidnap him.’

  Toni laughed in spite of herself. She knew he was trying to cheer her up. ‘Oh, yeah. And take him where exactly?’

  ‘Well…’ He pretended to think about it seriously. ‘There’s the New Forest for starters. He wouldn’t exactly stand out there.’

  It was a crazy fantasy, but she decided to play along. ‘OK. How would we get him there?’

  He nodded to the horse lorry parked on the other side of the arena. ‘In that.’

  When she thought about it later, Toni couldn’t quite decide the exact point it stopped being a fantasy and turned into a plan.

  ‘We’d need to fill it up with fuel,’ Cal said.

  ‘I can go into town on the bus and get out some cash.’

  ‘It’ll take a fair bit of diesel,’ he warned.

  ‘No problem. I’ve got loads in my savings account.’ She could have kicked herself, remembering his family’s financial problems. But he didn’t seem to notice. ‘I’ll need to get my cash card, though. Arabella keeps that one.’

  ‘My dad’s cousin has a campsite down in the New Forest with commoning rights. He grazes several ponies of his own on the forest. He’ll help us, I’m sure.’

  ‘You mean turn Buster out in the forest?’

  ‘Why not?’

  Toni tried to imagine how that would feel.

  ‘Don’t stress about the details now,’ Cal urged. ‘We’ll sort something once we’re there. Which only leaves one question.’ He pushed back his hair again and grinned.

  ‘What’s that?’

  ‘When do we go?’

  ‘The sooner the better.’ Toni couldn’t believe she was actually talking about it seriously. ‘Once Arabella decides something, nothing stops her. I’m terrified I’ll come home from school one day and just find Buster gone.’

  ‘OK. How about Wednesday night?’

  That gave her two days. Time to go into town and get the money.

  ‘Wednesday it is.’ She could see a tractor heading up the field track and guessed Matt would probably be driving it. ‘I better be getting back. I don’t want to get you into more trouble with your parents.’ She still felt exhausted and wasn’t looking forward to the ride home.

  ‘Why don’t I give you a lift? I could fling the bike in the back of the pick-up.’

  ‘That would be great.’ She hoped he couldn’t see how relieved she felt.

  ‘It’s probably best if you drop me round the corner,’ Toni said as they approached the yard. ‘I’m not sure how Arabella will react if she sees me with you.’

  ‘Aren’t I good enough for her daughter then?’

  She couldn’t work out if he was teasing and tried to search his profile for a clue, but his eyes were fixed on the road ahead.

  ‘I just don’t want to make things any worse at the moment. That’s all.’

  Cal pulled onto the grass verge and unloaded the bike from the back. When she reached to take it from him, he didn’t let go. He leant across and kissed her instead, his lips brushing hers with the lightest touch, before he pulled away. It was so unexpected, she didn’t know how to react at all.

  ‘I’m guessing Arabella wouldn’t like that either,’ he smiled, then jumped back into the cab of the pick-up and drove off.

  ************

  The next morning, before school, she waited until her mother was out in the yard before diving into her study. Her heart was pounding and she wondered how to explain herself if she was caught red-handed. Arabella was OCD about the yard and took the same approach to her paperwork. Toni looked round urgently, her eyes scanning the files.

  Yard invoices, tax.

  Her hand hovered over the file of horse passports. She still had Grace’s up in her room, she realised. Technically she ought to have Buster’s in the lorry if she was going to transport him. She quickly flicked through the pile until she found it, then she scanned the shelves again. Nothing she could see suggested bank accounts.

  Think. Where would she keep it?

  She looked at the desk drawers. Her heart was pounding now and she listened for any sign Arabella was back inside. If her mother found her going through her desk – well, it was unthinkable. But so was selling Buster.

  She’s left me no choice.

  Toni opened the top drawer and began to work through them methodically, striking lucky on the third one. Old cheque-books, a calculator, and there they were, bank cards. She grabbed hers and slipped it deep into her pocket then raced down to the end of the long drive and just managed to catch the school bus.

  ‘You so nearly missed it.’ Lauren pulled out one of her headphones, laughing. ‘Did you oversleep?’

  Toni sank into the seat next to her and took a few moments to catch her breath. ‘Something like that.’

  ‘So how did it go with Cal?’

  Toni tried to sound cool. ‘Good.’

  Lauren squealed. ‘He kissed you, didn’t he!’

  Toni blushed. She was hiding so much from her friend already. There was no need to hide that, too. ‘Yes he did.’

  Lauren screamed again, beside herself with excitement.

  ‘I want all the details.’

  Several people looked round to see what was going on.

  ‘Shhh. Later,’ Toni begged. The last thing she wanted was word to get back to her mother and father she was seeing somebody.

  ‘After school then?’

  Toni shook her head. ‘I’ve got stuff to do.’

  ‘What stuff?’

  ‘Just stuff, OK.’

  ‘I get the message. Butt out.’ Lauren withdrew and put her headphones back in, hurt, Toni could tell.

  But she couldn’t risk telling her the plan. Too much was at stake. She would explain everything later, when it was all over. Lauren would understand.

  When school finished, Toni caught the bus down into town and headed straight for the bank. Her fingers shook as she tapped in her PIN number. How much should she get out? Was a hundred and fifty pounds enough? She agonised. It seemed a lot, but she had no idea what she might need.

  A woman waiting behind sighed impatiently. In the end she decided to get two hundred and fifty, the maximum she was allowed. She counted the notes carefully, then put them in a roll at the very bottom of her bag.

  ‘Toni. Darling!’ She spun round in horror to see her aunt bearing down on her, conspicuous in a purple jacket and wearing large sunglasses. ‘I’ve caught you red-handed.’

  Toni was horrified. She improvised quickly. ‘I’m going on a shopping spree.’

  ‘Retail therapy,’ B nodded. ‘I completely understand.’ She took her sunglasses off and reached across and took one of Toni’s hands. ‘Your father called me and told me about Buster going.’

  Toni pulled her hand away. If her aunt was expecting her to spill her guts in the street, it wasn’t about to happen. ‘He’s not gone yet.’

  ‘So there’s still time.’ B put her sunglasses back on decisively. ‘Arabella might change her mind yet. I should try talking to her.’

  Toni shook her head in alarm. ‘Don’t, please. It will only make things worse.’

/>   B sighed. ‘It’s such a shame I have a hairdresser’s appointment. We could have gone to a café together. Had a proper catch-up.’

  Toni was overcome with relief. ‘Next time.’ She waited until her aunt was out of sight, then crossed the road to catch the bus home.

  It was one of the evenings when her father was there. She knew as soon as she opened the front door. The smell of garlic and the sound of jazz wafted down the hall from the kitchen, giving it away.