Broken

by Sandy Kline

  I grab the towel, wrap it around me before staggering out of my bathroom fully expecting to feel his hands on my throat. I stumble out and collapse on my bed grabbing my clothes and scanning the room. He’s not here. Now I have to wonder - did I choose that towel? I was kinda out of it this morning given what I thought happened last night. I guess I could have just grabbed that one and draped it over the sink. I have probably done that before but just didn’t notice it. In fact I’m sure I wouldn’t have noticed it this morning if I wasn’t of out of it. Feeling much better I finish drying off and put on my clothes. When Sean suggested I go on a ride with him it was a perfect idea. Anything to spend time with him that doesn’t involve the unveiling of my scars. He’s been incredibly understanding and patient with me and ever since I finally told him about what happened and why I’m so scarred he hasn’t pushed for more intimacy. Maybe he’s gay. Perish the thought.

  When I have finally put myself together for the day I go into the kitchen to see about getting some coffee. I spend the next hour or so puttering around my kitchen and living room drinking coffee and catching up on the news. Local news is full of controversy surrounding the death of the fighter Bone Crusher and the new star Blade who is believed to be a member of the Death Crusaders. Believed? Come on, where has this reporter been all week. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to read the back of Sean’s cut and find out where his allegiances lie. The guy’s a Death Crusader through and through; just open your eyes or ask anyone in town. There’s also a lot of talk about a biker war between the Crusaders, the Advocates, and the Sleazebags. When asked, which club do you hope comes out on top, most people say the Advocates just because of the whole, ‘the devil you do know over the one (Death Crusaders) you don’t know.

  When the news turns to the weather I switch it off and decide to go to Macy’s to find a new bathing suit. Sadly those old fashioned ones that started at your neck and ended just below your knees are still sadly considered old fashioned. I hate the summer because if I don’t show my scars I look like a nun or someone from one of those countries where women cover everything but their eyes. Perhaps I should move there. I fetch my purse, check for my phone and keys then head out. I’m just about to open the front door when I find it’s already been opened for me.

  And just like that all the good feelings go whooshing out of me and I feel like I’ve been kicked in the stomach. Suddenly I can’t breathe, I can’t walk, and I feel like I’m going to pass out. My knees start to buckle and the floor comes rushing up to me way too fast. I put my hands out to break my fall and the world goes black.

  When I finally do wake up my head is pounding and my mind is racing. I’m beginning to not be able to tell reality from…I don’t know what. Am I having hallucinations? That whole thing about the towel and the dream about being raped last night, what part of that is real and what’s not? I look up half thinking that my door will be closed and half hoping it’s still open because if it’s closed now then I know I’m losing my mind. I open my eyes; the door is still open. Now I have to assume that I was raped last night but I’ll never know since I just washed and diddled away all the evidence. Mother always said masturbation would get me into trouble and now I finally see what she means. She’d be proud of me, she would. I have to call Alex. She’d know what to do. I dig my phone out of my purse and press speed dial number one and three rings later I hear her familiar greeting.

  “What’s up si-”

  I don’t even let her finish her usual greeting before jumping all over her.

  “Alex I need you to come over her now! Someone’s been in my house and draped my favorite towel over the sink and I never do that and my front door was open and I passed out and last night I think I was raped. I woke up and someone was on top of me and I couldn’t get a way then I think I passed out or fell asleep, I don’t know. Did I say I think I was sexually assaulted last night but I washed away the evidence in the shower this morning while I wa-”

  “Wait a second Jen…slow down. You’re going a hundred miles an hour and you’re not making a lot of sense. What’s going did you have some kind of hyper-realistic nightmare or something? Cause I’ve had those before. You know, where you can’t tell the dream from reality for a few minutes.”

  “It wasn’t a dream. My door was open. Someone came in last night.”

  “You think it was Mark?”

  “He’s the only one who used to drape my towel over the sink for me when I was in the shower.”

  “You sure you didn’t do that without thinking?”

  “I don’t know, but I wouldn’t have left my front door open all night. I know it was him. I’m sure of it.”

  “Well stay there, I’m coming right over.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  After hanging up the phone I pour another cup of coffee and sit on the couch waiting for Alex. After about a half hour or so I hear her pull up in her car. But when she knocks on the door I break out into a cold sweat and begin shaking. I’m so afraid I don’t even want to come to the door. She knocks again. I sit and sweat. A few minutes later my phone rings; it’s Alex.

  “Is that you at the door?” I ask immediately.

  “Yes of course. Didn’t you look out the peep hole?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “Mark said one time a guy was waiting and soon as the guy looked in the peep hole to see who it was he shot him in the eye right through that tiny little hole.”

  “Okay, you need to let me in. You’re wigging out.”

  “Alright, but stand in front of the hole so I can see.”

  “Serious? Never mind I’m here.”

  Still shaking and sweating I approach the door and look out. Sure enough, it’s her and she’s alone. I open the door, grab her by the arm and literally drag her in before slamming the door behind her and locking it. She takes one look at me and throws her arms around me.

  “I’m so sorry Jen.” She coos in my ear. “No one should ever have to go through what you’ve been through. I can’t believe he’s up to his old tricks. I mean, I can, but it’s just crazy. What do you think you should do?”

  “Buy a gun.”

  “Oh no you don’t. That shit’ll just get you shot. Unless of course someone trains you but still - it’s a bad idea. Why don’t you just use pepper spray? Mailmen use it because it’ll incapacitate even the largest, most aggressive ones.”

  “Okay…maybe I’ll get that then. I don’t know how I’m going to ever feel safe in my own house.”

  “Come stay with me then.” Alex offers.

  I’m tempted, but I don’t want to bring what’s coming after me to her house. And besides, Mark knows where she lives anyway so that won’t stop him.

  “I can’t.” I reply. “I don’t want to involve you any more than I have to. In fact, I shouldn’t have called you today to come over here in case he’s watching. The last thing you need is a crazy cop stalking you too.”

  “Hey, stop that! We’re best friends and this is what best friends do for each other.”

  I smile, grateful to have someone like her in my life. She keeps me grounded. “Fine, I’ll think about it. Actually I will. There’s no way I’m gonna be able to sleep in my house anyway tonight. But for now I’m going on a little bike ride.”

  “I didn’t know you even owned a bicycle.”

  “I don’t. I’m going on a motorcycle ride with Blade.”

  “Really? You’re not getting serious about this guy are you? He’s a killer Jen, a stone cold killer.”

  “Oh come on, just because he accidently killed Bone Crusher doesn’t make him dangerous to me.”

  “Anyone who can fight like that is dangerous. But now we’re getting off the subject. You said Mark raped you last night. You have to go to the hospital and have them do a rape kit on you.”

  “Too late.”

  “What do you mean, too late? There’s no deadline or anything.”

  “Yeah but I kinda got rid of the evid
ence in the shower.”

  “Oh no you didn’t. Jen…”

  “Yeah and I kinda got a little frisky…”

  “Frisky? You diddled yourself? The morning after you’re raped or maybe raped not only do you wash away the evidence you further confuse things by masturbating? Oh my god, what were you even thinking?”

  “Well I wasn’t thinking about getting raped obviously. When I was doing it I had already come to the conclusion I wasn’t and I got to thinking about the ride today and about Sean and it just sorta happened.”

  “Geeze girl, some morning you picked to play with your kitty. Is that like an automatic reaction to the shower or something cause if it is remind me to never step into the shower with you. Although why I would get in the shower with you in the first place escapes me but if I ever ask, just remind me of today.”

  “Yeah I’ll be taking my showers solo at your house, thank you.” I reply.

  “Maybe you didn’t get rid of the evidence.” Alex continues. “Did you wash your panties or change the sheets? There has to be…uh, evidence there right?”

  “Thing is, I checked and there was nothing. I mean if your forced isn’t there usually blood? Or if not blood some sort of fluid even if he used a condom right?”

  “I think so?”

  “There wasn’t any.” I reply. “I checked closely. I’m sure whatever he did it did not include any kind of penetration and he didn’t leave any DNA evidence anywhere either. It would be my word against his and most judges are inclined to believe the cop and not the hysterical ex-girlfriend.”

  “I am so sorry Jen. That guy is a bastard! Hey you know what. You should tell this to Blade. He would know what to do and he’s about the only one who could intimidate Mark. If Mark knows that Blade is helping you maybe he’ll back off.”

  “That’s actually not a bad idea, but you sure you can support me in doing this? He is a cop and you’re going to be one. Isn’t that a conflict of interest?

  “I’m not advocating kill the guy, just put some pressure on him. There are dirty cops in every part of the country and while he may not be a dirty cop he’s not a good one. I support you; bottom line.”

  “Thanks Alex but I think I’ll wait until after the weekend. Blade has another fight on Saturday I think.”

  “You sure he has another fight coming up? As far as I know neither Surge nor Crossfire have any more events until the Summer Kickoff in mid-June.”

  “Yeah I think it’s some underground deal. If you wanna go I’ll tell you as soon as I hear more. I’m sure he’s going to be talking about it after the ride. We’re meeting up with a couple brothers for a steak dinner at the Black Bear Diner.”

  “You sure you feel up to this date or ride or whatever you’re calling it?”

  “What else can I do?”

  “You could at least report that someone gained access to your home but nothing was taken. Then there will be a record of it in case you need it later if Mark causes more problems.”

  “I’ll consider it, but you know what I went through before when I accused him and that time there was evidence a plenty! You know, I haven’t been bothered by the police for several weeks or so and I’d like to keep it that way. I don’t want to remind them I’m still here and pissed off. Hopefully with the impending biker war they’ll be too distracted to even think of me much less cast a glance this way. If enough time passes maybe they’ll decide to just let sleeping dogs lie; so to speak.”

  “You’re far too optimistic.” She replies. “But hopefully you’re right. So you gonna be okay? I kinda need to go now. Just call before you head my way.”

  “I’ll survive. The worst is over. I’ll call you before I come over tonight. After the ride I’ll have Blade come with me to my house to pack a few things. I should be there by eight I think.”

  “That’s cool. The only reason you’ll need to call is just to make sure I’m home. Later I’ll make a copy of my key to give you so you can come and go as you please.”

  “Thank you so much!”

  I give her a huge hug. I don’t know what I’d do without her and I tell her as much.

  “Nonsense.” She replies. “You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.” She gives me a peck on the cheek. “See you tonight girlfriend. Enjoy your date.”

  As soon as Alex is gone gloomy thoughts begin to creep back into me chasing out the good feelings that came whooshing in with Alex’s presence. I grab my things as fast as I can go. I feel like I’m being chased by some physical presence and if I don’t move fast enough it’s going to swallow me up. I charge out my front door and slam it behind me making a bee line for my car. It’s not until I’m inside and backing my car out of the driveway before I see the note lying on the passenger seat. I jam my foot on the brake pedal and stop with a screech, snatching up the note with my free hand. It’s a folded piece of stationary with my name neatly printed on it. With shaking hands I open it up and something falls out in my lap. It’s a lock of hair; my hair! There’s a black ribbon tied around the two inch long bundle of strands of my hair. I don’t know how I know it’s my hair. I just know. This is exactly the kind of thing Mark would do and has done in the past. Suddenly my stomach begins to revolt and I barely open the door and lean out before I start vomiting in my driveway. This is just more proof that he was in my house last night and how very close he was to me that he could have done this. It’s not lost on me that he could have as easily have raped me as cut a lock of my hair. I’m just glad he chose the hair route this time.

  I refold the note and deposit the strands of hair back where it was and put the whole thing in my glove compartment. I’m just about to put the car in gear and back out when I’m seized with a sudden furry. Without thinking I open my glove box, snatch the note and start ripping it into shreds. Thankfully no one was around to see my momentarily loss of sanity. I must have looked crazy flinging around pieces of torn paper and hair while at the same time shrieking at the top of my lungs. I just can’t believe this is starting all over again. I swear to god if I had a gun right now I’d go right up to the police station, demand to see Mark and then just blow his head off. It wouldn’t even matter that I’d be killed too. I just have this visceral need to destroy the source of my torment; Officer Mark Brown. It takes me a good ten minutes to reign myself in and get back to reality.

  Feeling weak but calmer I put my car into gear and back out of the driveway. It’ll take me a half hour or so to get to the compound where I’m meeting Blade to go on the bike ride. Hopefully by then I’ll have calmed down considerably. I really don’t want to get in some big thing on my first ride with him. I really want to just relax and enjoy our time together.

  Just before pulling up to the front gate of their compound I check my face in the vanity mirror again. I look normal for the most part. I doubt he’ll notice anything is off. He’ll be focused on the ride and that’s pretty much it. Up ahead on the left is the Death Crusaders compound. As I pull up and start to make a left turn the gate magically opens up before me. As I pull in I see bikers on either side of me carrying some type of riffle. I’m sure they’re loaded for bear and ready to defend their sanctuary at all costs. I guess this is what a biker war looks like from the outside. One thing I do wonder is how are we going to go for a ride if we in the middle of a war? I guess I’ll soon find out.

  I get through the gate and a biker steps in front of my car and holds up his hand to stop me. When I come to a halt he comes around to the passenger side window and indicates I should unlock the door. Soon as the lock clicks he opens it and slides right in.

  “Hello Ma’am, my name is Skunk and I’m to be one of your escorts today. Blade will meet you out back by the shop. He’s doing some last minute tune ups for the ride today.”

  Skunk directs me past the clubhouse and around the back where there is a motorcycle repair shop. The bay doors are rolled up exposing several large Harley Davidson motorcycles in various states of repair. I can see several bikers working on them
but I don’t see Blade. Skunk shows me where to park and we both get out. He takes me through the shop to the back where the office is. The shades are pulled up and I can see Blade sitting at a desk and talking on a landline. Skunk raps his knuckle on the glass to get Blade’s attention. When he does Blade ends his call and waives us in. Skunk holds the door open then excuses himself as I go in to greet Blade.

  Chapter Seven

  Death Ride

  Blade gets up and gives me a warm hug and a peck on the cheek. It’s times like this when his body is so close to mine that I have a hard time believing this guy is an officer in a ruthless motorcycle gang. He smells different. In this town full of bikers you often get stuck in line behind one and wish you hadn’t. They’re often a stale mixture of leather, grease, sweat, a tinge of sulfur and the coppery scent of old blood. In short, many are hard to stand behind.

  Blade has his own scent that is kind of a mixture of leather, steel, and a musky male scent but it’s not overpowering. I lay my cheek against his chest as his powerful arms continue to surround me protectively. I don’t move. I need this more than I realized. He is content to just hold me like this until he feels me begin to stir. He allows me to step back and looks down at me with a surprisingly tender expression lining his handsome face.

  “Something’s wrong.” He says softly.

  “It’s been a hell of a day.” I reply honestly.

  He guides me over to a well-worn couch and invites me to sit. “Tell me about it.” He says.

  At the moment I’m not sure how eager I am to get into it again and stir up the feelings I’ve had to suppress just to have the courage to walk out my front door. But if I don’t it’s going to spill out all over our time together here and it’s just not going to be very enjoyable. So I look him in the eye and tell him about Officer Mark Brown.