Falling for Trouble

by Sarah Title

  “I’m Peter,” she told Joanna when she arrived. “From The Snowy Day.”

  The girl was obsessed.

  And she was bouncing-off-the-walls excited when Kristin showed up with Kale, who was also wearing a red snowsuit.

  Kristin was wearing Lycra, because of course she was. She turned and waved her cat tail at Joanna and Trina. “I’m Josie and the Pussycats!” she said proudly.

  And now she was standing on the makeshift stage, trying not to throw up.

  “You guys ready?” Trina asked, sitting down at her drum set. “You’re not going to run away, are you, Joanna?”

  “Ha ha ha,” she said, hiking up her skirt so she could get to her effects pedals easier.

  “Oh, God, Hal is here! I can’t do this!”

  Joanna squinted out across the yard, and sure enough, there was Hal, standing at the beer cooler talking to Liam. He wasn’t wearing a costume. Or maybe he was. Washed up, entitled loser.

  Hey, maybe she wasn’t totally soft.

  She stepped in front of Kristin, blocking her view of her husband and the rest of the town, who all seemed to be crammed into the Flundermans’ yard. “Look at me,” she commanded.

  Kristin looked at her.

  “You are going to rock, do you hear me?”

  Kristin nodded weakly.

  “You can throw up after.”

  She nodded again.

  “Good. We got this.” Joanna stepped back in front of her amp. Trina pulled down her mic.

  “Ladies and gentlemen,” she shouted. “We! Are! Delicious! Lies!”

  * * *

  “Big, cute costume.”

  Hal slapped Liam on the back, hard. He dislodged some of Liam’s straw.

  Liam clenched his jaw.

  “Mayor, nice to see you,” he lied. “What are you dressed as?”

  “A goddamn adult,” Hal said, taking the beer Rick handed him.

  “You know this is a costume party, right? I could kick you out,” Rick teased.

  “And I could call the cops on this noise violation.”

  Okay then.

  “Just joking, Klomberg, you’re welcome any time.” And with that, Iron Man slunk away.

  Liam looked around for any excuse to be standing anywhere but next to the mayor. But he didn’t want to be rude. He wasn’t sure how Hal would take it out on him.

  “You come to see the band?” Liam asked.

  “Band,” Hal scoffed. “I thought Kristin and Joanna hated each other, and now they’re in a damn band together?”

  “I think they buried the hatchet. For the sake of rock and roll.”

  “I can’t decide which is worse, Kristin bitching about Joanna all the time or her being gone all the time for this stupid band.”

  “I’ve heard they’re pretty good.”

  “Who’d you hear that from, Joanna?”

  “Well, yes.”

  Just then, the band in question started up, loud and fierce. Liam watched Joanna hike up her skirt and bear down on her guitar. He couldn’t help the goofy smile he felt forming on his face.

  She fucking rocked.

  “I always had a thing for her,” Hal said. Liam had forgotten he was still standing at his elbow, sucking all the joy out of the party.

  “She’s like a caged tiger, you know?”

  Liam looked at Hal. It occurred to him that he was not talking about his wife. He was talking about Joanna.

  He clenched his fist. He was not going to engage in this, not with the man who was responsible for signing his budget.

  “I bet she’s great in bed,” Hal said, making vulgar gestures with his hands. “I bet you like that, don’t you, sinking into that—”

  And then Liam’s clenched fist connected with Hal’s jaw.

  As Hal sputtered and flailed, Liam kissed the library’s budget good-bye. But it had been worth it.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “Auntie Jo Jo!” Hazel came running at her full tilt, waving her arms in the air like a red-suited alien. Joanna lifted Rosetta out of the crash zone as Hazel careened into her middle.

  “Oof.”

  “Auntie Jo Jo, you are so good at the guitar!”

  “Thanks, Haze.”

  “Are you going to say more bad words?” The kid looked up at Joanna hopefully.

  “Only if you promise to stop calling me ‘Auntie Jo Jo.’ Where did you get that from?”

  “Daddy said you would like it.” Now the kid looked like she was about to cry.

  “Uh . . .” Dammit, she couldn’t think murderous thoughts about Rick with his daughter’s lip wobbling like that.

  She did not know how to deal with kids.

  “Okay, here’s the deal,” Joanna said, squatting down so she was at Hazel’s level. “You can call me Auntie Jo Jo.” She cringed just saying it. “But only you, got it?”

  “Not Max?”

  Joanna had never had any siblings, but something in her gut told her there was trouble ahead. “Okay, you and Max. Only you and Max, got it?”

  Hazel looked at her very seriously. “Got it.” She spat in her palm and offered it to Joanna.

  “No, that’s okay. I trust you.”

  The lip started to wobble.

  Joanna sighed and rolled her eyes. Kids. She fake-spat in her palm and took Hazel’s hand.

  “You didn’t really spit!”

  “Holy crap, kid, are you kidding me?”

  Hazel’s eyes went wide with delight. “You said a bad word!”

  Fake-spit forgotten, Hazel skipped off. No doubt to tell her brother that Auntie Jo Jo was there to teach them all the bad words.

  “First you corrupt me, now you’re corrupting my children?” Trina reached out a hand to help Joanna up from her Hazel-sized crouch.

  Joanna wiped her hand on her dress first. Because she was a good friend.

  “Who taught her to spit like that?”

  “If I blamed my husband, would you believe me?”

  “I will if you give me that beer.”

  Trina handed her the second bottle of beer she was holding. “Cheers. Excellent reunion.”

  Joanna took a swig. “We weren’t terrible, were we?”

  “Nope. I didn’t think Kristin was gonna make it, but she did okay.”

  “I know!”

  Trina looked at her for a long moment, her gaze strong under that red wig.

  “What?”

  “I’m just waiting for you to tell me that I was right.”

  Joanna shoved her lightly. “You know you were right.”

  “Yes, but I like to hear it.”

  “Oh, Joanna! That was lovely!” Granny was hobbling over to them.

  “Thanks, Gran. I don’t think we were going for ‘lovely,’ though.”

  “Well, I thought it was lovely. I can’t remember the last time I saw you play. You really come alive up there.”

  Joanna fought back a surge of . . . what was it? Panic? Regret? Whatever it was, it was feelings, and she didn’t like it.

  “Where did Kristin go? I want to tell her what a lovely job she did.”

  Joanna was starting to suspect that Granny had gotten into the hooch. Oh, well. It was Halloween. Party time.

  “She went home,” Trina told Granny. “Hal was in some kind of snit.”

  “That sounds about right,” Granny muttered. Yup, she was definitely buzzed. Granny never said bad things about people when she was sober. Not even about Hal.

  “Well, you girls were terrific. But this old lady is tired, so I’m going to have Doris drive me home. Joanna, you’ll get home all right?”

  “Yes, Gran.”

  “Maybe Liam can walk you home.”

  Joanna rolled her eyes. “It’s a little far from here.”

  “Hmm,” Granny said, and she toddled off to find Doris.

  “Is your grandmother drunk?” Trina asked her.

  “I hope so. Otherwise, she’s losing her mind.”

  “So. You and Liam.”

  “Shut u
p.”

  “He’s going to walk you home. It totally sounds like you guys are going steady. Watch out, Joanna, or you’re going to get yourself a regular boyfriend.”

  “Ugh. No.”

  “It’s not so bad.”

  “Regular boyfriends lead to husbands and houses in the suburbs with kids. No offense.”

  “You don’t have to marry him. And medical science has created this amazing thing called birth control? It’s cool. If you remember to take it, you totally won’t have kids.”

  “If you remember.”

  “Just because I was dumb and thought that missing a few pills wouldn’t be the end of the world—which it wasn’t.”

  “You just got pregnant.”

  “Yes. And then I got married! On purpose!”

  “You’re so weird,” said Joanna.

  “Not all of us can rock the lone wolf like you do.”

  “Thank you! Now tell Granny that.”

  “I’m just saying—”

  “I’m not marrying the librarian!”

  Several heads swung in their direction. Fortunately, Liam’s was not one of them. In fact, she hadn’t seen him since the show started.

  “Great, now everybody is going to think I’m trying to marry the librarian.”

  “He’s kind of a hot commodity. You should be flattered.”

  “Flattered that he’s chosen me above all the other boring single people in Halikarnassus?”

  “Shows he has good taste?”

  “Psh. Good taste. And he’s crazy.”

  “Just like you! Your babies will be so cute.”

  Joanna made a sound like Kristin before the show.

  “I’m just teasing you, weirdo,” Trina said, throwing her arm around Joanna.

  “Careful, you’re getting gray hair on your Black Widow outfit.”

  “You don’t have to leave, you know.”

  “I’m not. Doris is taking—”

  “I’m not talking about now. I mean, like, ever.”

  “Trina—”

  “Just don’t use Granny as an excuse not to do something you don’t want to admit you want to do.”

  Joanna narrowed her eyes at Trina. “I liked it better when I lived across the country and I could just hang up on you when you were reading my mind.”

  “Well, I’m glad you’re here so I can see the look on your face when I’m right. Man, I love being right.”

  * * *

  Liam wasn’t so sure that Rick should be trusted with fire. He was having way too much fun building the bonfire in the fire pit. And the way the flames reflected off his plastic Iron Man suit . . . it looked maniacal. It looked dangerous.

  But, hey, Liam wasn’t gonna begrudge the guy a good time. Especially not when Liam owed him about four thousand favors for separating him and Hal before it turned into a full-on fight.

  “How’s the hand?”

  “Good,” he said, though it was a little sore. Hal had a hard head. And Liam probably didn’t know how to throw a punch right. Maybe Iron Man would show him.

  “Damn, man, I didn’t think you had it in you.”

  “To punch the mayor?”

  “No. Well, that, yes, but I mean to defend Joanna’s honor like that.”

  Liam scowled. What kind of guy did Rick think he was?

  “Whoa, slow down, Scarecrow. And step back—your stuffing is a little close to the flames.”

  Liam took a step back. Then he pulled the straw out of his sleeves—it was getting really itchy anyway—and tossed it into the fire.

  “I just mean that I thought you were too PC to go all caveman like that.”

  “You didn’t hear what he said.”

  “Nope. Nobody did, on account of your girlfriend melting our faces.” He held up two fingers like devil horns, the universal sign for rock and roll.

  She’s not my girlfriend, Liam wanted to say, but that wasn’t quite true. They spent almost every night together, they weren’t seeing other people, they had mutual friends and mutual activities outside of the bedroom (although they also had mutual activities inside the bedroom, which maybe accounted for the lack of sleep that made him cranky enough to punch the mayor). In effect, they were boyfriend and girlfriend. He just had a feeling if he brought that up to Joanna, she would bolt.

  He didn’t want to think about the fact that he’d robbed her of the chance to defend her own honor.

  “So, you don’t think she saw?”

  “No, man. Sorry.”

  “No, no, that’s good. Listen, ah, do you think you could keep this little . . . kerfuffle to ourselves?”

  “Kerfuffle? Dude, you clocked Hal, and he came up sputtering like a baby.”

  “I know, but . . . look, it’s complicated.” Because Joanna was complicated.

  Also, he really didn’t need any more attention brought to the fact that if the mayor was sporting a shiner, it was because of the librarian.

  “Seriously,” he beseeched Iron Man.

  Rick held up his hands. “Okay, okay. I won’t tell.”

  “Won’t tell what?” And then Trina was at Rick’s side, putting her arms around his waist. And, conveniently, pulling him back from the fire.

  “How cute we look in our couples costume and how lame Joanna is for leaving Liam out in the cold like that.”

  “Hey! I’m wearing a costume!” And there was Joanna next to him. Liam was tempted to step closer to the fire to get those arms around him. But then he thought he’d better not risk it.

  “Yeah, but not a couples costume.”

  “But I’m dressed as a librarian. Doesn’t that count?”

  Rick waved her lack of enthusiastic costuming off. “Babe,” he said to his wife. “Did I tell you how amazing you guys were?”

  “Yes, but tell me again.”

  “You looked so hot on those drums.” Rick leaned in to whisper more descriptions of Trina’s hotness into her ear. Trina giggled and shoved him away, but he caught her in his Iron Man grip and soon Liam and Joanna were standing side by side at the bonfire, watching their hosts make out.

  Joanna cleared her throat.

  He wanted to take her hand. He really did have a hard time being near her without touching her. But his hand was also pretty sore.

  “Ew, gross!” the Hulk said just as Iron Man dipped Black Widow back for an even more romantic kiss.

  Rick lifted his head. “I thought you guys were in bed.”

  “Grandma Carrington said we could see the fire.”

  “I want to see the fire!” came a voice from across the yard, and a red streak was zooming toward them.

  Joanna caught Hazel before she pitched into the bonfire. “Hey, speedy, watch out.” She picked her up and rested her on her hip.

  “I almost got burnded,” Hazel said.

  “Almost.”

  “Your hair is tickly.”

  “Do you like it?”

  “You’re silly, Auntie Jo Jo.”

  “Auntie Jo Jo, huh?” Trina had disentangled from her amorous husband and was pulling chairs up to the fire pit. Liam put one behind Joanna, then took one for himself.

  “Auntie Jo Jo knows all the bad words,” Hazel informed her mother.

  “I’m sure she does.”

  “If I put you down, are you going to quit running near the fire?”

  “Yes, Auntie Jo Jo.”

  “Honestly, she listens to everybody but me!” Trina complained, but she did it with a smile.

  Joanna sat, and as soon as she did, the wind shifted and smoke went straight into her face. Coughing, she shifted her seat out of the line of fire (ha). She was farther away from Liam, but he could see her across the dancing flames, her black hair badly covered in powder, the neckline of her ugly dress coming unbuttoned. As he watched, Hazel climbed up in her lap, and at first, Joanna looked startled, as if she didn’t know what to do with this little red creature invading her personal space. Then Hazel cuddled in, stuck her thumb in her mouth, and tucked her head against Joanna’s ches
t. Joanna put her arms around the sleepy kid, and he saw her mouthing quiet nonsense words to her as she fell asleep.

  Oh boy, he thought. He was in big trouble.

  “Hey, Liam, come help me in the kitchen,” Trina said, disentangling herself from her husband’s iron grip.

  “Bossy,” Joanna said.

  “You’re busy,” Trina replied, nodding to Hazel, who was now asleep on Joanna’s lap.

  “I can help you,” Rick said.

  “No. Liam, come on.”

  Liam looked over at Joanna, who shrugged. He couldn’t imagine what Trina wanted him, specifically, for in the kitchen—he was not his best in the kitchen—and neither, apparently, could Joanna.

  She didn’t say anything as they walked into the house, but he followed her dutifully.

  “What’s up?” he asked. Maybe he needed her to reach something from a high shelf. Although Rick could have helped her with that.

  “I wanted to talk to you about Joanna.”

  Liam was seized with a sudden panic. “Oh, God, is she breaking up with me?”

  “What? No. Why would I want to talk to you about her breaking up with you?”

  “I don’t know. I actually have no evidence that either you or she would do something like that. Just a knee-jerk reaction, I guess.”

  Trina shook her head. “Trust me, if Joanna is pissed and wants to break up, she’ll tell you.”

  “Okay. I’ve got issues. Clearly.”

  “Well, that’s what I want to talk to you about.”

  “My issues?”

  “No! Jesus, let me talk.”

  Liam mimed zipping his lips closed and throwing away the key.

  “Thank you. It’s about Joanna. Do not interrupt.”

  Liam swallowed whatever he was about to say. To be honest, he wasn’t sure what that was, only that Trina was going to say something about Joanna that he probably wouldn’t like and he really wanted to head her off at the pass. Which would do him no good. He should just shut up and listen.

  “Joanna . . . she’s not used to people being nice.”

  “Ooookay.”

  “She usually dates jerks. Like, honest-to-God assholes. I haven’t met everyone she’s dated, but I’ve met enough to know. Her type is jerk.”