Land of My Dreams

by Norma Gail

  Hungry and cold at the end of the day, they stopped for an early dinner at The Rowan Tree, a small restaurant on Bridge Street. Scottish folk tunes played in the background as they ate steaming bowls of hot cream of mushroom soup, thick and full of chunky, delicious mushrooms. They followed it with haggis, a traditional Scottish pudding. Bonny found the mixture of sheep’s pluck—the heart, liver, and lungs, minced and mixed with oatmeal and various spices—to be palatable. Instead of the traditional sheep’s stomach, it came in a plastic baking bag with large, metal staples at the ends. A tiny china thimble of Drambuie, a potent 160-proof Scotch whisky, sat on top.

  With a grimace, she downed the potent liquor. “To new friendships.”

  Driving toward their hotel, they saw Kieran ambling down the street, carrying a duffle bag and bundled in sweats. Janet pulled over. “Co-ghàirdeachas, old friend. You outdid your young competitors again.”

  “Aye, it’s more difficult every year, though.” The hair curling in damp ringlets around his face fit better with the tender side Janet portrayed in telling about his wife and infant son than with the brute strength he exhibited in competition. Bonny wondered how it would feel to run her fingers through those curls. Get ahold of yourself, girl. You don’t even know the man.

  “Do you want a ride to your car?” Janet asked.

  “Thanks, but I’m parked ‘round the corner.” He pointed a short distance ahead. “I’m driving to Beauly to visit my parents.”

  Janet grasped the hand he held out. “Tell them hello. I thought Brennan Grant looked like he might carry on the grand tradition of champions from Fort William. He’s a tough competitor.”

  Kieran shook his head. “Brennan’s a nice lad, but he’ll never replace me as the greatest champion ever to come out of Lochaber.”

  “That seems a bit presumptuous. Janet said it’s only his first year in competition.” Bonny hadn’t intended to say it out loud. His high opinion of himself sounded just like Adam. Did a big ego always have to accompany the good looks and athleticism she found attractive?

  Janet turned and glared at her with narrowed eyes. “I’ve been explaining the games to Bonny all day.”

  “Dr. Bryant.” He bent to peer farther into the car. “I wasn’t aware you were an expert on our Highland Games.”

  “I’m not, but it seems you would be glad to see a young competitor from your part of the country following in your footsteps.” Bonny felt the heat rising to her cheeks.

  “Just because he’ll never best me doesn’t mean I don’t think he’s a decent competitor. I just don’t see the same fire in his belly I had at his age.”

  “You have to admit he did himself proud with the caber today.” Janet spoke up to Bonny’s relief.

  “Aye, he’s passable. He doesn’t have the stomach for hard work, though. He’s been working on the farm part-time. I should know.” Looking right at Bonny, Kieran grinned, apparently enjoying their little tete-à-tete.

  “You seem to have a very high opinion of your own accomplishments, Dr. MacDonell.” Just like Adam. Well, she needn’t waste any more time dwelling on him, no matter how much she was attracted by his physical attributes. Never again would she allow what met the eyes to blind her to the man inside.

  With a loud boom of thunder, the sky opened up again. Kieran smiled, his gaze meeting Bonny’s. “It was nice talking with you, Dr. Bryant, Janet.” He paused, nodding at each one as he spoke. “I’d better head to the car before I’m drookit. Guid eenin.”

  Janet rolled up the window and turned to Bonny before she headed up the street. “What was that about?”

  Bonny shook her head. “He may be your friend and a great competitor, but I prefer a man with a less-exalted opinion of his abilities.”

  “He’s not like that at all, Bonny. He’s sweet and humble, and he’s right.” Janet steered through the crowded street in the direction of their hotel. “Brennan isn’t the competitor Kieran was, but he’s the best Fort William has at the moment.”

  “Have you known Kieran long? You two talk as if you were good friends.”

  “Oh, aye, since we were children. He’s a dear friend. I sometimes think he’ll spend the rest of his life alone. He still grieves and only someone special will succeed in breaching the fortress he’s built. All the women envied what he and Bronwyn had. A love like that is worth waiting for.”

  “I envy people who find their soul mates, as if they’re two halves of the same person. I don’t believe a love like that is out there for me.” Bonny turned her face to the window, trying to control the emotions warring in her mind. Kieran was an attractive man, but she would just as soon not spend time around him after what she just heard.

  “You came down kind of hard on him. I think you two would discover a lot in common if you ever got to know each other.”

  “He reminds me of someone I prefer not to think about anymore. That’s all.”

  Turning into the car park at the Deeside Hotel, Janet said, “I hope you don’t mind sharing a room. There aren’t a lot of hotels in these small towns.”

  “Oh, no problem.” As long as I don’t have to listen to her talk about Kieran all evening. I got that out of my system.

  Janet set her suitcase under the window, turned down the spread, and curled up on the pillows at the head of her bed. She crossed her arms and cocked her head to one side. “You mentioned there had been someone special once. Would I be prying if I asked what happened?”

  Bonny busied herself straightening her suitcase. “In one year, my life changed much more than it did when I moved to Scotland. I can heal and grow stronger here, away from the reminders. Right now, I need some sleep.” She pulled her nightgown over her head. “I’ll tell you about it another time.”

  Climbing into bed, she pulled up the blankets, feigning sleep. Images of the handsome Highlander kept playing in her mind. Until today, she had pictured him as a gentle giant of strong character and commitment, able to love someone other than himself, a man worthy of her respect. It was disappointing to discover he was no different than Adam.

  The next morning, Bonny discovered a missed call on her phone. A cold lump settled in her stomach when she recognized Adam’s number. She deleted the voicemail without listening. He had shown no qualms about destroying her world. It was over.

  The sight of the new American professor seated next to Janet emblazoned itself in Kieran’s mind. He had not experienced such an intense desire to show off his skill and strength to a woman in many years. He wished he could still toss the caber, but at least he’d triumphed in both of his competitions.

  The notion of Bonny watching threatened to make him lose his concentration altogether. Long-forgotten emotions roiled deep inside, his mind filled with her shining russet curls and large emerald eyes as he drove to Beauly. Their brief conversation showed her to be a woman with spirit and fire. He liked that.

  Once at his parents’, he went straight to bed, conjuring up the memory of her smile. For the first time in two years, thoughts of a woman penetrated his long-fettered heart, making his loneliness a prison. She had challenged him, but looking back, he had sounded egotistical. What a fool.

  The next morning, he awakened sore from the competition and tired from a restless night. In his dreams Bonny beckoned him, but in the background, Bronwyn held their son, pleading for his help.

  “Kieran, whatever is the matter?” When he lumbered downstairs, half-asleep, and seated himself at the table for breakfast, Maggie MacDonell laid the back of her hand against his forehead. “You’re all peely-wally. Perhaps it’s time to retire from the games.”

  “Mother, it’s normal to feel wabbit the day after a competition. I had trouble falling back to sleep, and then dreamed of Bronwyn and the baby.” He shrugged, avoiding her eyes by staring at the plate she placed in front of him.

  “It’s been two years, mo mhac.” The worry in his mother’s voice was obvious as she laid her hand on his shoulder.

  “It’s just a dream, Mother. The
y’re not unusual.” He shoveled a spoonful of haggis into his mouth and picked up the morning paper, ending the conversation. He understood her concern. He still feared the debilitating depression he had suffered off and on since Bronwyn’s death. It reared its ugly head now and then, threatening to deprive him of a productive life, even steal it from him altogether. He had never given serious consideration to falling in love again, but that was before he met Bonny Bryant with her feisty attitude and eyes the color of a pasture in springtime.

  Chapter Four: Changes

  In Scotland, a sunny day with a hint of mist in the air was too good to waste. Pulling on her sweats and running shoes, Bonny set off at a brisk pace. She breathed in, savoring the damp morning air on her desert-acclimated skin. She slowed her pace on top of a tree-covered hill with a view of the town below.

  The fluffy white blanket of low clouds over Loch Linnhe slowly dissipated while the blue sky shone bright above it. Toward the southeast stood Ben Nevis, over forty-four hundred feet tall and half-covered in clouds—beautiful Ben Nevis, the Mountain of Heaven. The sight must have overwhelmed the ancient Gael who named it. She needed a friend to explore its slopes with her. What fun she, Kari, Dan, and Adam had on all those hikes up the La Luz Trail at home. Sandia Peak might be taller, but “The Ben” looked quite challenging.

  Returning home, she showered and dressed for lunch and shopping with Janet. Her new friend had proved invaluable when it came to teaching her how to do things the Scottish way. Driving on the wrong side of the road wasn’t the sole difference. The currency, and even grocery shopping, referred to as going “awa’ fir the messages,” were all confusing in their own way.

  “Do Fort William and the college meet your expectations so far?” Janet headed toward the center of town.

  “I love it. Compared to the five hundred thousand people in Albuquerque, less than eleven thousand is small. I live in the mountains, near small towns, but drive into the city to teach. When I first saw Ben Nevis towering over Fort William, it reminded me of home. I enjoy the outdoors. I’m going to love a country where walking is a national pastime. Coming early to get used to things before school began was a wise choice. Two more weeks of play and then down to work.”

  The town did feel home-like. Fort William sat on the shores of Loch Eil and Loch Linnhe, the longest loch in Scotland, connected to the sea by the Firth of Lorne. She was excited to discover some of the last undeveloped beauty in Europe right outside her back door.

  The patio of the Georgian-style No4 Restaurant, in the center of town, was surrounded by a charming garden. It felt old and very European, almost as if she had gone back in time.

  “I told you, I began my career at the University of Edinburgh. When they opened an evangelical Christian college in Fort William, I knew God wanted me here, so I moved home.” Janet’s placid blue eyes conveyed feelings quite the opposite of the dread arising in Bonny’s heart. This wasn’t a topic she wanted to discuss.

  The meat pie filled with chicken and mushrooms didn’t seem as appealing anymore. She steeled herself, searching for the words to make Janet understand. “I’ve struggled with my faith since my parents died. I believe in God and Jesus Christ. I believe He created the world and died for my sins, but I doubt His involvement in my daily life. I won’t tell the students how I struggle. I will be able to teach a biblical worldview because it makes more sense than anything else.” She had to go to church, since it was required of the faculty, but she couldn’t believe as she once had.

  She could sense Janet hesitating. “I can see your hurt runs deep. I’ve experienced loss and betrayal too. When I was sixteen, I came home from school to discover my dad had died from a heart attack at work. I married a captain in the Army when I lived in Edinburgh. Five years later, he had an affair while stationed in Sri Lanka, and we divorced. He married her and still lives there.”

  “I had no idea. Sometimes I forget I’m not the only one.” Bonny reached across the table and laid her hand on Janet’s arm. She had the perfect opportunity to open up about Adam, but the words wouldn’t come.

  Janet continued in a soft and steady tone. “The hurt of betrayal consumed me until I learned to seek my comfort and refuge in God. When you discover there’s no peace without Him, you’ll find God there waiting for you.”

  Bonny remained silent, and Janet continued, “Enough. We’re supposed to be enjoying ourselves. Let’s have some fun.”

  Bonny had a gnawing hunger to put the anger and pain behind her and move on. Someday she would question Janet, but not yet.

  Janet shielded her eyes from the sun when they stepped out of the restaurant after lunch. “It’s too lovely a day to waste feeling down. We need a change of mood. Let’s do some shopping.”

  A backseat full of packages later, they headed home. As Bonny stepped out of the car, Janet said, “Why don’t you come to church with Mum and me on Sunday? It’s small, so it’s easy to meet people.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “Guid, I’ll see you in the morning.” Janet waved as she drove off.

  Bonny stood amidst the flower beds, staring after her. Oh, Adam, even 4600 miles isn’t enough to escape you. I might have an easier time forgiving God for my parents if I still had you.

  When Kieran left his office, he saw Bonny standing behind her car, her foot tapping and shoulders sagging. “Can I help you, Dr. Bryant?”

  She startled, and he realized he had been so intent on watching her that he had failed to give warning of his approach. The eyes that met his sparkled, their brilliance drawing him like a treasure hunter to a prize emerald. She was a lovely woman.

  “Dr. MacDonell, hello. I’ve changed flat tires before, but these lug nuts won’t budge.”

  He checked the urge to brush a smudge of dirt from her cheek. “It’s Kieran, and I’m glad to be of help.” He forced himself to ignore the nervous pounding in his chest and the urge to run. He was alone with the woman who had filled his mind day and night from the moment she had walked into the room.

  “I’m Bonny, and thanks.”

  “I’ll take that spanner off your hands.”

  “Spanner? Oh, you mean the lug wrench, of course.” She held it out to him and smiled.

  He took a deep breath. Her smile reminded him of sun breaking through a Scottish mist. His fingers brushed hers as he took the large spanner, and he realized how small her hands were, like his mother’s finest china. Dainty and delicate.

  Something about the patient way she watched caused his uncertainty to subside. Rescuing a damsel in distress wasn’t a bad way to meet. Tossing the caber was no longer possible, but he knew how to change a tire. She stood near enough for him to smell her perfume—feminine, like a rose garden.

  When he stood up from putting on the spare, he realized how he towered over her. Her head didn’t even reach his shoulder. She seemed, not fragile, but vulnerable. He couldn’t leave her with a flat tire. “Why don’t you follow me to my mechanic? He’ll fix your tire in no time.”

  She reached into a duffle bag in the back of the car and offered him a towel. “Here, for your hands. I’ve missed my hike, but I’d like to thank you with dinner.” When he gave the towel back, she offered her hand in thanks.

  He was surprised at the warm feeling her touch evoked. “You don’t need to repay me. But it will still be light for hours this time of year, and there’s nothing more lovely than roamin’ in the gloamin’. If you want, I can show you a path near your house.”

  He felt like a teenager on his first date, shy and uncertain, but he longed to bring pleasure to those tantalizing green eyes. This was new territory. Eleanor, Janet, and the students he tutored were the only women he’d been alone with in two years.

  “Thank you. I—I put stew in my slow-cooker this morning. It’s nothing fancy, but I guarantee it’s good.” A blush tinged her cheeks an even brighter shade as she continued. “I hope you don’t mind the green chile. I needed a taste of home.”

  “I’ve never ea
ten green chile. How spicy is it?” One glimpse of her smile, and the quivery feeling in his stomach returned. He was as unsure of himself as the first time he asked Bronwyn out. Then, he had known life would never be the same. Was that the case now?

  “You’ll notice the bite, but I make it even hotter at home.” Her grin was mischievous.

  He discovered he was eager to spend time getting to know her. “I would enjoy trying it. Follow me.” He held her car door as she got in.

  After dealing with the tire, they parked the cars at her house. Bonny said, “My hiking boots are just inside the door. Can you walk in those?”

  He looked down at his brown leather riding boots. “I have hiking boots in the back of the Land Rover. Do you need to change?”

  “These jeans are fine, but I’ll grab a sweater. It’s a lot cooler here than at home.”

  When she reappeared, he pointed down the street to where a trail began in a grassy field, and she fell into step beside him. It led down to the shore of Loch Linnhe—easy, winding, and with plenty of room for two.

  An uncertain silence hung between them as they stopped on the shore of the loch, where they stood watching the waves lapping at the sand. The clouds on the horizon turned to brilliant shades of pink and orange under the rays of the sinking sun. The water became a shimmering lake of multicolored jewels.

  “How long have you been teaching?” She startled him by breaking the silence.

  He kept his focus far across the water. It would be easier to speak of Bronwyn if he wasn’t looking at Bonny. “I taught twelve years at the University of Glasgow, then I returned to my family’s sheep farm to help my parents. A few years ago they moved to Beauly. Then my wife died two years ago. I started teaching at FWCC last year to get out and around people a little more.” His voice caught in spite of his attempt to keep it steady.