Tiny Threads (Snapdragon Book 1)

by Jami Denise

  "I don't...” I sputtered. “I don’t baby him.”

  I was on the defensive right away. I didn’t like the way the conversation was going—at all. Not only that, I hated that he was right.

  "You do, Jenna. Listen to your dad. He should know. They're two of a kind." She gave my dad a pointed look, and I watched as his shoulders stiffened.

  He didn’t dare say a peep.

  My head snapped toward my mom and I stared, open-jawed. "No, they're not. Daddy’s never treated you the way Royal treats me. He's just selfish!"

  My mother sat down next to my father, and they shared a look. I squirmed in my chair waiting for what would come out of her mouth. I felt sick.

  "There was a time when things weren't, well, rosy around here either. You wouldn't remember because you were very young, and you were used to Daddy being gone on the road. It was only about six months, but it was the hardest time in our lives, for both of us."

  My whole body shuddered with a cold chill. My heart sputtered, slowed, and then began to beat wildly. "Mom? What are you saying?"

  "I'm telling you that I asked your father for a divorce when you were eight years old. Your Dad was working on a cross-country load, and that was back before cell phones, of course, so we didn't get to talk for days. Sometimes weeks. It was hard on both of us. When he'd get home, he was a real bear. We just weren’t getting along at all. Then, he started taking back-to-back trips, so we never saw each other. I couldn't take it. I asked him to stop, told him we needed him here. Then, I got suspicious and accused him of cheating.”

  I gasped, the intake of air so forced that I had to clutch my throat. "No... Daddy? No... you wouldn't... you never..."

  "You're hearing it wrong, Jenna. I never cheated on your mother. Ever. But, I was being a selfish ass. I had some things going on in my head, but I learned really quick what was important. That’s when I quit driving and started working at the mill full time I was a stupid man, and I made some poor choices, but I never wanted to lose you two."

  "Jesus fucking Christ,” I said sharply. “I'm gonna throw up. I can't breathe."

  I dropped my head between my knees and took several deep breaths. As if my life hadn't been turned on its ass enough, I had to find out that my parents—my perfect loving parents—were flawed. I couldn't stand it.

  "Jenna, you aren't hearing me. I only wanted you to understand that sometimes men are just stupid. Stupid. Your father is one of the dumbest men I've ever known—but I love him, always have. We worked through our problems and we’ve never been happier.”

  I glared at her. "So, I'm supposed to forgive him for cheating on me? Is that what you're saying? What the hell?"

  "Oh God, no!" she shrieked. "If he strayed, that’s different. That’s your choice to forgive him or not. I would never tell you to put up with that. I wouldn’t—and neither should you.”

  "I'm dying. Jesus, I don’t think I can take anything else.”

  After our talk, I went upstairs to rest. My head was a cesspool of madness, and my mom didn’t want me to drive after being up the night before. I needed the nap and welcomed it. I ended up sleeping for several hours. My dad took Benji to play outside to get his mind off things, and for that I was grateful. His little head had to have been as screwed up as mine was.

  I awoke later to yelling and hurried out of bed and ran downstairs.

  The sight of Royal had me clutching at my chest. He looked like shit—worse than I'd ever seen him. He obviously hadn’t been sleeping either. His beard was thick and bushy, and the bags under his eyes could’ve held a small country.

  He looked sick.

  "Royal? What are you doing here?"

  "What am I doing here?” he bellowed. “What the hell are you doing here? I’ve been calling you for fucking hours and I get no answer. Not the house, not your cell, and the kids won't answer me, either. What the hell is going on?"

  He looked like a maniac, eyes bulging out of his head, his chest heaving, and his hands in fists.

  "You need to calm down."

  He took two steps toward me and threw his arms in the air. "You fucking kick me out, you don't call, and then you disappear. I was worried, Jenna! I have no idea what's going on with you!"

  The pity from moments before was long gone, and in its place was anger.

  "I needed my mom, okay? You think this is easy on me? It's not! I didn’t call you because I have no idea what to say to you."

  His face crumbled with grief, and he took another step toward me.

  "Come on, Jenna, please. You're killing me. This isn't fair to any of us."

  His voice cracked, and that broke the last shred of my composure. I couldn't look at him anymore. He still hadn't denied what happened, and he hadn't apologized. In my eyes that was guilt.

  "I'm not ready to talk to you. Give me space, Royal. We need to think about the kids, first. You’re going to scare Benji. You should go before he sees you. You’ll just confuse him.”

  His face twisted in anger. "Now I can't see my kids? I miss him, Jenna!"

  "Of course you can see them—just not like this. You look like a maniac. First, we need to pull our heads out of our asses and be parents. Sleep on it. I’ll be home tomorrow, and you can see Ben and talk to the girls.”

  "No!"

  "Royal, I mean it. Please, not yet."

  "Jenna, let me come home, please. I don't want this, baby, please."

  "Royal," my mother said softly. "Honey, come on. You need to go rest. This isn't good for either of you. You've hurt her, and you need to let her sort it out. Fighting won’t solve anything. Don't do this."

  She squeezed his shoulder, pulling him so he met her gaze. Her eyes were soft and warm, full of compassion and love. She loved him. She didn't want this, either. She was hurting, too.

  His shoulders slumped, and he turned to hug her to his chest. "Make sure they're safe, okay, Maggie? They're all I have. They’re my life."

  She rubbed his back and gave me a sad look over his shoulder.

  "I know, sweetie. Go home, now. Get something in your belly and go to bed. Tomorrow is another day. You need to be strong for them."

  He took one more look at me and let his head fall. "Be careful driving home, cookie. I love you."

  The door closed softly behind him, and I fell apart; tiny shreds of myself speckled the room. I hated what we’d become. It was like nothing I’d ever gone through, and I didn’t know what to do. It was worse than losing Teddy. At least I had him, his arms, and his heart. I wanted to run to him, pull him back to me and never let him go.

  "I can't do this, Mom. I can't. God, this is going to kill me."

  "No it won't, baby. It'll hurt, and it'll be hard, but you can do this. There is no reason why you two can't work this out, but you have to talk to each other—not at each other. For goodness sake, you two are like a time bomb."

  "I miss him," I cried.

  "I know you do, I know. That boy is lost without you, Jenna. This just might be good for him."

  I looked at her like she was crazy. "Did you see him? He looks like he was dragged home by the cat! I can't stand to see him that way. I'm so mad, but God, I can’t see him like that."

  She chuckled softly. "All I mean is that sometimes you have to lose what you treasure the most to really appreciate its worth. It's time he realizes what he's got."

  I hated it, but she was right. I’d already learned my lesson. I would’ve gladly put up with all his bullshit just to have him home again. But, it was more complicated than that. He cheated, and that pain went deep. It was a deception I hadn’t fully processed. I needed an explanation and until I got it, I wasn’t giving in.

  * * *

  The girls were in good spirits when we got home, laughing and smiling and whispering about God only knew what. I was relieved they’d been able to put things out of their minds for a little while and just be kids.

  "Did you girls have a good time?"

  "Yeah, it was good. Austin and his friends were at
the beach yesterday, and Macy talked them into letting us borrow their boards. They didn't believe we could surf." Skylar giggled.

  I smiled. "I bet you showed them. You could’ve brought your boards, you know."

  "We weren't really planning on surfing or anything. I just wanted to chill. They were bugging us though, so we had to show them we knew what we were talking about," Macy said.

  "Well, glad you had fun.”

  "Macy had lots of fun? Huh Skylar," Laney quipped.

  And then they both giggled.

  Macy turned in her seat and glared at her sisters.

  "Haters.”

  I raised my eyebrow. "What kind of fun, Macy?"

  "Oh my God. Nothing, okay? I was kissing Austin, and these idiots followed us and watched like creepy weirdos. It was a kiss that's it."

  I was too bitter to say anything of any value. I wanted to tell her to stay away from boys on the beach, to run in the other direction and protect her heart forever. On the other hand, I wanted to smile and enjoy that my daughter had found first love. I knew how sweet it was.

  "Girls, you shouldn't tease her. That's private."

  "Thanks, Mom. It wasn't a big deal, anyway."

  I nodded. "We'll talk later, okay?"

  She huffed, probably knowing what to expect. I'd given them the talk before, but there was always room to reinforce it. I knew all too well—having been a teenage mother myself. Even though I had no regrets, I didn't want that life for them. I wanted them to have more, see more, and do more. I didn't want them to throw their dreams away. There was plenty of time for families. They had their whole lives.

  Since I couldn't think about anything but food without crying, I suggested grabbing greasy cheeseburgers and fries, and sent the girls out to pick it up. I just wanted to stay home, feed my miserable face, put on a pair of comfy pajamas, and wallow.

  We sat in front of the TV and ate and watched a show the girls were into. Benji was worn out and fell asleep, sprawled out with his head in my lap and his legs thrown over Laney.

  "I'm going to tuck Benji in, and then I'm going to bed. Do you have plans for tomorrow?"

  "I have practice," Macy said, not taking her eyes off the TV. "Then, nothing."

  "What about you two?"

  "I don't have anything to do. I might hang out with Emily for a while."

  I nodded at Skylar. "Laney?"

  "I don't know. Hang out."

  "I thought we might do something tomorrow; maybe we'll go out to dinner and talk. I’ll see if Aunt Tara can take Benji. We need to get some things out and discuss what happened. I know you’re all upset and I want to work through that. Okay?”

  There was no response from any of them, but they’d do it because I asked. I wanted clarity and more information about what they’d seen, how they felt about Royal being gone, and what they needed from me.

  I put Benji to bed and went to my room, switching on the television and lying against the bed sideways. I went through all four hundred channels twice before stopping on a cooking show.

  I’d just dozed off when there was a knock on the door. "Come on in," I said sleepily.

  Macy peeked her head in the door before pushing it open and walking in and closing it behind her. "Can I talk to you for a minute, Mom?"

  I sat up, patting the mattress for her to sit. "Of course you can. Come on."

  She climbed on the bed and curled up with her head in my lap. I ran my fingers through her soft hair and waited for her to start.

  "Why is he so stupid? Why did he have to do this?"

  A lump formed in my throat, choking me as I looked down on her. "I think he made a bad decision, but I don't think Daddy meant to hurt us."

  She looked up at me. "I wanted to hit him, and I want to kill that lady, like, seriously, Mom. I wish she was dead. I knew she wanted Daddy. The way she looked at him at Aunt Tara’s house made me sick."

  I bit the inside of my cheek. Fucking Lana.

  "You shouldn't have had to see that, or deal with any of this. It's not your place, and I am so, so, sorry."

  "I don't think he kissed her back, though, Mom. I mean, I was shocked when she reached up and kissed him, but he didn't move. But, that’s just it! He should’ve socked her or pushed her down!"

  I chuckled at her. "Baby, there's one thing you know about your Daddy, and he would never lay a finger on a woman—no matter how nasty she is. I don’t know what’s going on in his head, but we’ll work very hard to clear it up.

  "Why does he even talk to her? I don't get it."

  "He feels like he has this connection with her because they've known each other a long time. He thinks they're friends. I don't know, Macy. I can’t answer that because I don’t know myself.”

  She was quiet for some time while I played with her hair, the way I’d done when she was a little girl. She’d always had a hard time falling asleep—like her father—and it soothed her.

  "I know you love Daddy, and I'm sorry he's hurting you. You don't deserve it."

  I gave her a sad smile. "Why don't you sleep in here with me tonight? We can watch something until we fall asleep."

  She smiled. "Okay, just no cupcake or baking shows. I hate those," she said, pointing at the television.

  I shrugged. “There’s always Golden Girls," I teased.

  "You know, I secretly love that show. Just don't tell Skylar and Laney," she said. She wiped her nose on her sleeve and then snuggled closer to me.

  I smiled. "I won't, cross my heart and hope to die."

  I slid her off my lap and crawled under the covers, lifting the quilt so she could get in next to me. "I kind of like it being just me and you sometimes," she said, laying her head on my shoulder.

  "I do too. We'll do this more often, okay."

  I clicked around on the remote until I found the show and then laid it on the side table and snuggled next to her. It didn’t take her long to fall asleep, but I was wide awake. I couldn’t get my mind to slow down. My thoughts raced and my heart ached.

  I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and ghosted over Royal's number. As much as I wanted to continue wallowing and avoid things, I knew in good conscience that I couldn't. I had to do something—we had to do something. I had to find out what happened to us, about the night with Lana, and where his head was at that very moment. Once everything was out in the open, we could finally move forward.

  I punched in a quick text, my fingers shaking as I tapped the screen.

  I'm ready to talk. I miss you. Sweet dreams, Love—J

  I waited a few minutes for a reply, and when it didn't come, I put it back on the nightstand and turned off the TV, falling asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.

  Chapter 12

  "Unf," I groaned.

  I twisted, cracking my back, and groaned again. I woke up to a bed full of kids and a big old dog. Sometime during the night, our sleepover had grown.

  I was in serious pain.

  I hobbled to the bathroom, hunched over and aching, and started the shower. It had been one of the longest and most painful weekends of my life, and the emotional toll on my body was fierce. My eyes were swollen and red, my back felt like I'd been bent backwards over a fence, and the rest of my body just felt worn out with exhaustion. I wasn't sure how I would manage being on my feet for six hours at work.

  On top of everything else, I had to deal with Royal when he arrived for breakfast with the kids. It was bound to be awkward.

  My whole life had become this foreign entity—a big, giant, belligerent soap opera I couldn't turn off. It was an infection that had diseased my soul. The urge to empty my stomach was almost constant.

  I wasn't used to the dramatics and turmoil. Chaos, sure, but never complete upheaval.

  The spray of water felt so good, I stood under it and let the spray of hot water melt away the tension for several minutes. Once my joints loosened up, I soaped up, scrubbed, rinsed, and then climbed out and wrapped up in a towel.

  After pulling my hair
into a twist, I dried off and headed straight for the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. There was no way I’d get through the day without it.

  I heard sounds coming from the kitchen when I got to the bottom of the stairs and paused. The distinct sound of the can opener and then the rustling and crinkle of the dog food bag let me know someone was already up feeding Angus.

  "Good morning. Did that dumb ol' dog get you up to feed him?" I asked as I entered the room.

  "I think I woke him up," Royal said from beside me.

  "Ah!" I screamed, clutching at my towel. "You scared the crap out of me. God!"

  He looked down at the floor, took in my toweled body and gave me a perplexed look.

  "I didn't think I'd scare you." He frowned, and I had never seen him look more miserable.

  I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "What are you doing here so early? I didn't even hear you come in."

  He raised his eyebrow. "Am I supposed to knock now?"

  "No, but maybe you should call from now on. Let me know you're on your way so I'm not walking around... you know... naked."

  "Why should it matter?" he bellowed, throwing his hands in the air. "You're my wife, Jenna! It's a fucking towel. You don't feel comfortable around me in a towel?"

  All the wounds that had started healing the night before tore wide open again. "I don't know the rules, okay! I don't know what I'm doing."

  I turned my back on him and pushed my face into my hands. Sobs wracked my body as he came up and wrapped his arms around me. I tried to push him off, but it was in vain. He squeezed harder.

  "Just let me hold you. Please."

  I did; for a moment, I let myself be. My good sense wouldn't allow for much more, so I pried his fingers away from my waist when I felt his erection against my back.

  "I need to get my coffee started," I whispered, pushing away.

  He was quiet behind me as I busied myself with the coffee maker. I felt so stupid—lost in a sea of doubt and uncertainty.

  "Jenna, we don't have to do this.”