Burned

by J. Nichole Parkins

  My feet dug into the sand, squishing the wet grains between my toes, cool although the unforgiving sun had beat down all day. There was no feeling on earth quite the same as sand between your toes.

  Gavin’s energy shouted his arrival before I heard his footfalls. He flopped on the sand beside me, just out of reach.

  “Why did you leave? I want all of it this time, no half-assed explanation.” No pleasantries, cutting to the meat of the matter. Not surprising since he’d been waiting to find the answer to that for seven years.

  We were alone on the beach except for a human couple about five hundred yards or so away. They were too engrossed in each other to pay us any attention.

  I struggled to find the words to explain what had happened so that he would truly understand.

  “Gavin, you knew I didn’t exactly have the best life before I came to live with you and your family.”

  “Clearly.” His laugh was bitter, humorless. “You never spoke about it, but I was there for the nightmares, the panic attacks at the slightest hint of anyone touching you. It was a long time before I could even hold your hand.”

  “It’s so hard to explain.”

  “Try.” His eyes narrowed, not allowing me to get away with anything except for the full truth. A truth that was long overdue.

  “Things were fine in the beginning. Your family was so supportive and welcoming. I had never been around people that cared about each other. That cared about me.” I swallowed thickly, getting pulled back in time. Remembering the love, the joy found in those early years.

  “I opened myself up for the first time. Trusted. Loved.” I glanced at him, but quickly skirted back to focus on the rhythmic motion of the waves. Their stability anchoring me.

  “But after you left for school.” I took a deep breath, attempting to organize thoughts I had buried long ago. “I just started falling apart.”

  “But I —” I held my hand up cutting off his interruption.

  “You asked me to explain, now let me get through it,” I bit out. “I was a mess, Gavin. The first year you were gone, I managed to keep it together somewhat. But that last year everything collapsed. I made one horrible decision after another. I hurt you. Hurt your family.” I shook my head, shame at my actions thickening my voice. “I know that Aunt Sue told you what was going on.”

  “Not to mention walking in on you and Travis.”

  “Right.” His bitter words stabbed into my heart. “I tried anything I could think of to cope with the continual turmoil inside of me. Drugs helped a little, but like alcohol the numbness didn’t last long thanks to our stellar metabolism. Sex helped, but it tore me apart to hurt you like that. The guilt was eating me alive, it made everything worse, but I couldn’t see clearly at the time.”

  “I wanted you to give up on me, but no matter what I did you just wouldn’t let me go. And I couldn’t resist you. You were the other part of my soul,” I whispered the last part, the ache at how I hurt him tearing me apart.

  “But why resist at all then? Why put us through all that?” His voice thick with frustration, his fingers dove into his hair musing the wild strands even more.

  “Because I wasn’t good for you, for your family. I was a stain slowly spreading, corrupting everything. If I would have stayed I would have damaged you and your family even more than I already did. And looking back on how my life has been since I left, I’m glad I did it.”

  He flinched like I physically hit him.

  “I’m sorry you wasted your time looking for me. I’m sorry that I hurt you. God am I sorry, but trust me Gavin.” I looked deep into his pain-filled eyes, pleading with him to understand, to get it. “You and your family are better off without me. I am not a good person. You have no idea. The things that I have done-” I choked down a sob. “The things I am capable of are horrific.”

  “I know things were bad before I found you but-”

  “Things just weren’t bad, Gavin!” I yelled, the energy swirling around me as memories I had struggled to lock away forever found their way from their confinement. “I was raped, repeatedly. I was molested by people that were supposed to take care of me.”

  “Oh God, Kyra I’m-” I ignored his interruption, unable to stop once I started. The words poured from me like a dam had broken.

  “For years! Years.” I lost myself in the waves again. Fought to keep control. To separate myself from the memories. My cold voice was devoid of emotion as I continued. “I’d watch them do the same thing to the other girls there. Right in front of me. You don’t just walk away from a life like that with no repercussions.” I was being cruel now, but he needed to know. I should have told him long ago.

  “I was regularly beaten for my smart-mouth. Locked in closets. Tied up. The things-” My voice cracked. Taking several deep breaths I continued, forcing myself to be calm.

  “I killed them, you know.” He nodded remembering that long-ago conversation over cookies in his aunt’s kitchen. I had admitted to as much when I found myself at the Guarani’s ranch. Defeated. Lost.

  “When I ran, hitchhiking all the way from Colorado another man tried to take advantage of me and I killed him too. Remember me telling you about the second one?” He jerked his head again, unable to speak. Tears ran down his face, tears I ignored. I had to if I was going to make him understand.

  “I was very grateful to you and your family for taking me in, showing me what life could be like. Should be like. Making me feel normal for all those years. So, grateful.” I paused taking in a deep breath.

  “But it wouldn’t last forever. I just couldn’t keep it all in anymore. You weren’t there and it wasn’t fair of me to make you stay, make you leave college to keep me sane a few more years. It would have happened anyway you know. I still would have left. Thank goodness I left when I did. What if we would have actually gotten married? Had children? And then I left. Wouldn’t that have been so much worse?”

  “I applied to the University of South Florida on a whim and got accepted. I kept it from everyone and took off the first moment I could. I’m sorry I had to do it the way I did. I’m so sorry I hurt everyone, hurt you. But I’d do it again to keep you all safe.”

  The waves crashed against the shoreline as I let everything sink in. I allowed the memories to flow around me but refused to drown in them. They ebbed and flowed like the tide.

  After a few minutes Gavin broke the silence. Clearing his throat he asked, “What about now? What happened after you got here?”

  “I developed a whole new set of problems,” I scoffed. “Now I can set things on fire with a thought. If I was worried about being dangerous before, I’m even more so now. The FBI found out about my talents. Apparently they’d been watching me for a while. I became a PI after I left college - a rather successful one at that. The feds approached me recently to help with a serial murder case. That’s where Spencer comes in. He’s my partner.” I glanced over to him.

  “They don’t know about the shifter-thing though. If they did it would be too much. They’d put me down for sure. I’d be too dangerous to be free.” My eyes bored into his. I needed him to understand the importance of my secrecy. “You need to keep that to yourself. Okay?”

  A weight was lifted from me as his head nodded jerkily in agreement.

  The silence stretched between us, broken only by the gentle crash of the waves and distant shouts of beach-goers. We stared of into the waves, while I chain smoked, concentrating on the oceanic rhythm to keep me calm and steady.

  Clearing his throat his hoarse voice shook.

  “I don’t know what to say, Kyra.” He gently cradled my hand in his, his hazel eyes shining with tears. “I am so sorry. Sorry for dredging everything up again. Hell, I’m sorry that you went through all that bullshit to begin with.”

  “I know.”

  “I knew it was bad. I remember the panic attacks. The nightmares. How you hated to be touched.” His voice grew thick again and he paused, breathing measured breaths. “I just didn’t reali
ze how bad.”

  “I know. I should have talked to you, to Aunt Sue at least, about this long ago. Maybe things wouldn’t have been quite as difficult. Maybe I could have gone to therapy or something, I don’t know. But it’s too late to do anything about past mistakes.” The salty air swirled around us in the gulf breeze keeping the temperature tolerable. “Spencer suggested I talk to you about everything. He said I wasn’t being fair to you by keeping things hidden.”

  “He did?” His looked skeptical.

  “Really. He’s a good guy, a little over protective sometimes. Kind of like someone else I know.” I nudged him with my knee and snuck a peek at him, scared of what I’d see. His kind eyes met mine and I released the breath I’d been holding. My tense muscles finally started to loosen.

  Things were going to be fine, with Gavin anyway. The jury was still out on me.

  Catching his scent, I didn’t react when Daniel’s arms snaked around my waist from behind. His hot breath tickled my ear.

  “Hey baby. I’ve missed you.” Biting my earlobe, a shiver snaked its way down my spine. My heart raced. His hands moved to my hips, pulling me against him, gyrating to the beat of the music. “Do you have time to play? Cause I’ve been a very bad boy.” Desire shot to my core.

  Aware of what he was doing, his laughter rolled over me, lost in the noise around us. Abruptly he stopped as his eyes landed on Gavin, glaring daggers at him from in front of me. All pretense of dancing gone, his growl imperceptible to only a few close preternaturals. I shifted slightly away from Daniel, putting a few inches between our bodies. Catching on, Daniel backed off a little.

  Gavin stalked off the dance floor, climbing the stairs to our table in the VIP room.

  The moment he was gone Daniel closed the distance between us, grinding with the music. The evidence of his arousal clear. My body heated, desired flowed thickly through me.

  “I need to bury myself inside you.” He almost growled into my ear as his lips brushed against the shell. While I was tempted - so very tempted - I shook myself out of my lust induced haze.

  “Gavin’s here.” I spun around facing him, panting as his hands squeezed my ass. Aligning himself with me, it sent sparks shooting throughout my body.

  “I guess that means I should stop,” I groaned against his lips as they whispered the words against mine. His tongue glided along the seam of my lips.

  “Come on.” I grabbed his hand in mine. The warmth reassuring as I lead him upstairs.

  Thankfully Gavin’s back was to the wall of glass that held the one-sided view of the dance floor, but this also meant he spotted us the moment we walked into the room. His hazel eyes were dark, anger sparking in their depths as they followed our progress across the room.

  I sank onto the cushion next to him, my long legs crossing. Daniel, smart cookie that he was, sat across from us.

  “Daniel, this is Gavin.” Daniel reached out to shake Gavin’s hand, but the shifter glared at him, a disgusted curl to his lip. “Gavin this is my friend Daniel.” I glared back at him, daring him to go back on his word to keep the jealousy to a minimum. Caving, Gavin hesitantly uncrossed his arms and shook his hand. Based on the pained expression Daniel struggled to hide Gavin squeezed his a little harder than necessary. What was he going to do next, piss on me to mark me as his?

  I jabbed him in the ribs with my elbow. Hard.

  He grunted and released his hand, but continued glaring at Daniel.

  “What’ll it be?” Rho’s voice interrupted our angry conversation without words.

  “Hey sweetie.” Daniel rocketed to his feet, kissing the server on both cheeks. “How’s it going tonight?”

  “Not bad. The tips are flowing as fast as the alcohol.” Her eyes lit up replacing the mask of feigned indifference she had been wearing. Spotting Gavin her eyes met mine, eyebrow cocked. “Who’s the country boy?”

  “Is it that obvious?” Gavin’s frown deepened as he looked down at himself. His faded jeans were snug in all the right places and Dustin Lynch concert tee stretched across his broad chest. The warm glow of his tanned skin and rippling muscles the result of hard work in the sun. His chiseled jaw tightened at my slow perusal.

  “It’s the boots,” I blurted. “No one wears cowboy boots to a club in Florida, unless it’s a country dance hall.”

  “It was this or tennis shoes.” His shrug caused ripples of muscles to flex causing my mouth to go dry.

  “Sneakers,” I translated for the Floridians. “Rho, this is Gavin from back home.”

  “Where’s home?” Her eyebrow quirked up as she grinned.

  “Wyoming.”

  “You grew up in the Midwest, Kyra?” Eyes wide with disbelief she threw her head back as she released her bubbling laughter. The uninhibited sound caused several of the patrons to glance over. “I never would have guessed.”

  “If your frown gets any deeper it’s going to stick that way.” I poked Gavin’s arm. Returning my attention to Rho, my smile widened as I remembered the surprise I had waiting for her. “Catch me before you get off shift, Rho. I have something for you.” She nodded taking everyone’s drink order and sashayed to the bar.

  Drinks in hand the conversation nosedived back to awkward-town the moment Rho moved on.

  What do you talk about when you introduce your ex that you’re still having sex with to your current lover? Yikes.

  “I didn’t expect to meet you here tonight.” Daniel’s guileless eyes met Gavin’s as he struggled to find something to talk about. Looking at the two men in my life across from each other it was glaringly obvious that the only thing they had in common was me. Gavin’s traditional mid-American good looks couldn’t be further from Daniel’s emo-punk with his multicolored mohawk, tattoos, and piercings.

  “Likewise.”

  “Look, I know this is weird.” Daniel leaned forward well aware of the presence of other preternaturals as he kept his voice low. “I’d hoped to meet you at some point though.”

  “Why?”

  “You are important to Kyra and she’s important to me.” He shrugged as if it were obvious. My heart melted into a puddle at my feet. I couldn’t keep the goofy grin off my face if I tried. Gavin’s scowl only deepened.

  “Why don’t we meet up for food at my place after we get our dance on. I promised Gavin a peek into my world.”

  “Oh really?” Daniel looked him up and down. Gavin bristled at his perusal. “You think he can handle it?”

  “Sure.” I stood, tugging him to the dance floor. “Join us later?”

  “Alright. I’m going to check in with Alejandro real quick though.”

  My smile faltered. “He’s not here is he?”

  Curious at my sudden stiffness, Gavin watched the exchange quietly.

  “No. He has a meeting with Arabella and the suits for some merger bullshit. I’m swinging by his office.” He hesitated. “Do you need me to tell him something?”

  “No,” I rushed out. “I just didn’t want to run into him here.” My eyes shifted to Gavin hoping he caught on. I was allowing Gavin a peek into my world, but I didn’t want him to get more than I wanted to share. Alejandro and the House were completely off-limits.

  “Alright.” He shifted closer, sliding an arm around my waist. Mindful of Gavin’s testy presence he dropped a peck on my lips. “I’ll see you guys in a while. It was nice running into you.”

  Gavin grunted an unintelligible reply. I whacked him on the arm when Daniel left.

  “You could have been a little nicer.”

  “Nicer? To the guy my girlfriend is sleeping with?” he snorted.

  I bristled the moment the word girlfriend fell from his lips. Hands on my hips, I narrowed my eyes. It was my turn to growl at him. Realizing his mistake, his eyes widened with panic.

  “I’m sorry.” He downed his beer placing the empty bottle on a passing tray. “This is hard.”

  I close the gap between us with a devilish glint in my eyes, my body pressed against his.

  “It�
��s about to get harder.” Unable to resist, his lips kicked up at the corners. “Wait!” I sputtered in mock surprise. “Is that a smile, Gavin? You better stop that or someone might think you’re enjoying yourself.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  “I didn’t get to tell you before.” Gavin grinned at me sheepishly. “I love your place.” He stood staring at the bay below, the moon reflecting off the water giving everything a mystical feel.

  “Thank you. It’s completely different from the ranch though.” Where his home was a classical sprawling ranch on thousands of acres, my small bay front condo was modern and surrounded by bustling activity of the city and marina below.

  “That’s not necessarily a bad thing.”

  Seconds later Daniel knocked at the door, carrying several mouthwatering bags of food that had my stomach growling. He laughed at my response and plopped them down on the bar, unwrapping several juicy burgers.

  “I assumed being a shifter that burgers were a safe bet. I hope I got enough. I know our girl here can scarf them down.”

  A myriad of expressions flashed on Gavin’s face: surprise, annoyance, anger, and finally hunger. I knew his stomach would overrule his jealousy, as he snatched a burger and settled on a stool to eat. Eyes wide as the flavors exploded in his mouth, he couldn’t hold back his appreciative moan. Daniel had picked up dinner at the diner around the corner, hands-down the best burger joint in Tampa.

  “This is great,” he mumbled around a mouthful. “Thanks.”

  Daniel nodded, his own mouth full of burger as he inhaled one. We sat in relative silence, the only sounds the crinkle of wrappers and chewing of food as we devoured one burger after another.

  “What do you do Daniel?” My eyes darted to Daniel, hoping he knew not to disclose too much about his job. My pulse fluttered, as I practically held my breath, waiting on his answer.

  “I am a courier for the local vampire House.”