Burned

by J. Nichole Parkins

  Disgust? No. Sorrow. Worry. But not a trace of what I feared.

  The pounding as my heart restarted caused spots to dance in my eyes.

  They swung to Spencer.

  He was hunched over, head cradled in his hands.

  I waited. Trembling.

  He rubbed his hands over his closely shorn hair, lifting his eyes to meet mine as he swallowed audibly.

  “I am so sorry,” he said thickly. Tears pooled in his eyes.

  My breath strangled from my lungs, stolen.

  What?

  What was he sorry for?

  Confused, I crouched on the floor as he dropped to his knees, his arms wrapping around me. Silent tears soaking my shoulder. My arms lifted, unable to allow him to suffer alone.

  “But-”

  “I should never have suggested joining the House.” Spencer’s coked voice cut me off. “It was risky, but I didn’t consider more than the case. We didn’t even know if it would do any good. We should have had more reconnaissance. You were right all along. The organization is prejudice. We should have had a vampire on payroll. It’s all my fault. I should have pushed it. I should have-”

  “Stop,” I whispered into his hair, the sort strands tickling my lips. “I knew the risks going in. It’s done.”

  I took a deep breath, meeting Gavin’s eyes.

  “I just have to figure out how to get out alive.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  A loud knock broke the tension.

  Spencer answered what questions he could from my stunned friend, as I stood from the floor, waving them away when they jumped to help.

  “I can get the door.” I rolled my eyes. “I might be upset, but I can handle something that simple.”

  I caught the subtle kick of Spencer’s lips as he attempted to hold back his smile.

  Daniel’s frantic gaze met mine when I swung the door open, irritation coloring my every move.

  “I heard.” He lunged forward, locking his arms around me. Infusing me with his strength. It flowed from him in waves. “Are you okay?” he mumbled in my hair.

  “Sort of. I will be.”

  “She will be once we get her out of there,” Gavin growled.

  Spencer jabbed him in the side.

  “What? It’s your fault she’s there in the first place. Fucking FBI man.”

  My heart seized in my chest.

  Daniel’s eyes widened, awareness darkening their depths. His face blanched.

  Arms fell from my sides, as hurt flashed in his eyes.

  “What is he talking about Kyra?” His voice trembled, eyebrows drawn.

  I opened my mouth to speak, but before more than a croak could escape Daniel wrapped his hand over my mouth.

  “Were we a lie? Just answer me.” Thick with pain his voice was strong, determined. My answer mattered to him. “Were we a fucking lie?” His voice broke.

  I blinked slowly, tears falling.

  My head shook jerkily.

  “No.” I croaked, unable to say another word.

  His eyes bored into mine. Softening as he saw the truth.

  Lips crashed against mine as he embraced me, trembling in relief.

  “I don’t want to know anything else. That’s all I need to know,” he spoke against my lips, breathing the same air. “You mean everything to me.”

  The words stole my breath, but worry ate at my insides.

  I sent everyone home.

  Except Gavin.

  Daniel needed to stay away. The less he knew about the situation the safer he was. A pain shot through my chest at the risk he was taking. The situation we put him in. Guilt weighed heavily on my shoulders.

  Spencer had to report back to Don about the escalating situation. I trusted him to handle it in a way that wouldn’t get me caged. Or killed.

  I fleetingly considered running. My old faithful response.

  Daniel and I both could take off. Hide in the underground someplace on the other side of the country. I hear Cali is nice. The vampires somewhat less mob-like and more relaxed. More like a motley group of criminals. I pictured something like Patrick Swayze and his bank-robbing surfer buddies in Point Break.

  If only.

  But how do you run when the very creature you are trying to escape can feel your every move?

  I was safer with the FBI watching me. Somewhat.

  Gavin though…I saw it in his eyes. The finality.

  The end.

  He was leaving.

  It was the right thing. I’d been pushing him to leave all along. He was finally getting the hint. My world wasn’t safe. And he wasn’t safe in it.

  I swallowed thickly and pulled him into a tight hug, vowing to let him go.

  Again.

  His lips parted.

  I stiffened, waiting to hear the words but dreading them at the same time.

  “One last run?”

  I nodded.

  I inhaled a deep breath. The warm air filled my lungs as I calmed my racing heart, struggling to disarm my temper. The myriad of scents painted pictures of the scene in my mind - a rabbit hiding in the saw palmetto, a squirrel waiting for us to leave in the slash pine above, the bougainvillea in bloom, its pollen floating on the light breeze. I focused on the sounds of the scrub jay in the sand pine singing, its voice carrying for miles.

  My heart rate closer to normal I opened my eyes, meeting Gavin’s. The sharp anger in his had faded, instead his brows furrowed, the concern in his eyes unmistakable.

  “I’m fine,” I clipped. And I was. I was just annoyed, the primary way I felt anytime I was around the cat. He could get on my nerves faster than anyone. It was probably because we had so much history together. Familiarity breeds contempt and all.

  Our final run over I stalked back to my bike, my heavy footsteps and huffs of annoyance sending the wildlife running. Shifting my weight on the bike, I waited for him to climb behind me. The heat from his body enveloped me as his arms circled my waist. I fought to hold on to my irritation, but it was useless. The wind whipped through my hair disheveling the short spikes as we rode back to town, the silence stretching between us.

  He was leaving.

  It was time for him to return to Wyoming and the life I had left behind.

  He had already extended his time twice. Cole and his family had returned weeks ago. Reality was intruding on the makeshift life we had molded since he found me again. Logically I knew it was time - he needed to go back to his safe normal life in Wyoming and settle down with a nice woman. Someone who wouldn’t rip his heart out over and over again. Someone who put him first. Would choose him when faced with a dilemma like ours, not string him along incapable of making a decision.

  He didn’t belong in my world. And I didn’t belong in his.

  If I loved him I’d let him go.

  Anger flared again.

  I wasn’t mad at him. I was mad at the situation. Mad at fate. The fickle bitch had led us to one another only to fuck us over time at time again.

  A fissure worked its way through my heart stealing my breath. The ache was almost unbearable, but I knew it was right. If things had been different - if I’d been different-

  I cut off the thought before it could take root. If onlys wouldn’t do any good, this is who we were. Reality sucked, but it was what we had. I was glad he had found me but if we didn’t fit before, the pieces of our puzzle were even more unsuitable now.

  We arrived back at my loft, my mind still churning. Neither of us spoke as we walked up the six flights, each lost in our own thoughts. My steps were heavier the higher we climbed, as I battled to hold back my tears.

  The door closing behind me was as sharp as a gunshot, thunderous. He wasn’t even gone and my life already felt more hollow.

  “When-” I choked, my voice breaking. Shoulders heaving as I fought to speak through the tears clogging my throat. I couldn’t look at him. I knew I’d lose the fight. I wanted - no needed - to let him go. He had to leave. This time it would be forever.

&
nbsp; His hands reached up to cradle my face. His touch gentle, as if he were holding something precious and fragile. As if I was something to be cherished. My throat constricted, eyes closing tightly. I lost the battle as tears began streaming silently from my eyes. Warm breath feathered across my face as his thumbs brushed the tears away.

  Trembling, my hands fisted into his shirt. I gripped the worn fabric. My actions at odds with my resolve.

  The cracks in my heart expanded as his lips kissed each tear away, the ache stealing my breath. I knew letting him leave was the right thing to do.

  But I wanted to be selfish.

  If I begged him to stay he would. One word and my pain would be over.

  It lingered, heavy on my tongue. I shook with the need to say it. One word would change our fates.

  I opened my mouth, the word about to drip from my lips when his met mine. The salt from my tears buried his taste. Anger bubbled, overwhelming my sorrow. I didn’t want to know the flavor of my despair; I wanted my senses filled with him. I wanted to be overwhelmed with his scent, the feel of his body, his laugh. I wanted to memorize him. To fill myself with him so the hollow places inside wouldn’t be as empty.

  We stumbled up the stairs, clinging to each other. Unwilling to let go for even a moment. We made love slowly, each lingering kiss, each soft touch lasting an eternity. Watching each other, storing each reaction, each expression away.

  Drifting off in a tangle of limbs, the knowledge of the inevitable daybreak was an ache in our hearts.

  Disoriented, the dim light from the bay left the room in a pre-dawn haze. I blinked struggling to understand why I was awake. Gavin sprawled beside me in all his naked glory, basking in his nudeness even in sleep. My lips kicked up, smiling at his sleeping form. Typical shifter.

  His features were softer in sleep, the heaviness that invaded his features absent. He worried too much over me. Today would be hard, but it was necessary. My fingers brushed a silky strand of his hair from his eyes, lingering on his skin. I swallowed the lump in my throat, watching the rise and fall of his chest. Mesmerized by the rhythmic sounds of the air entering and leaving his lungs.

  Drifting off my heavy eyes struggled to stay open, each blink longer than the last.

  The muffled thud of a heavy boot beside the bed had my eyes flying open. I surged up in bed, whipping my eyes towards the sound, widening as they registered the clenched fist hurling at me. The numbing pain that followed wracked my body as I succumbed to unconsciousness.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  The darkness was complete, even with my preternatural sight I couldn’t see anything. Head swimming, I tried to figure out what was going on. There was always a little bit of light coming from my huge wall of windows. The air didn’t feel the same either. It felt stale. Used. The odor of mold was almost overwhelming. I struggled not to gag.

  Where was I?

  Shaking my head to clear the fog that surrounded me, I regretted it immediately as the pounding in my head intensified. Nausea churned my stomach. I took steady breaths to try to hold it back.

  What the fuck?

  A few feet away, someone moaned. The sound echoed and expanded in the darkness. A familiar woodsy scent tinged the air.

  “Gavin?” my voice was barely a whisper. The instinct to stay silent lost to the one that screamed to keep him safe.

  “Kyra? What-”

  I lunged for him, my hand cutting of anything he was going to say. I pushed through the nausea, my grip strong as his muscles tensed ready to fight me.

  “It’s me,” I breathed into his ear.

  Relaxing, he sank against me. Our bodies jostled as he moved his arm, rubbing his head.

  “Are you okay?” We needed to keep talking to a minimum. Who knew what was hidden in the darkness? But I had to know if he was hurt.

  He nodded against my shoulder, catching on to the importance of silence.

  “Wait.” I hoped that was enough to make him understand. I needed to figure out our surroundings, and how to escape. His frustrated sigh echoed loudly in the dark room. I stilled, only inches from him, waiting for any other sounds.

  Silence.

  Feeling around the room, my hand scraped against a wall of hard, cold cement after a couple of feet. My fingers brushed along the grooves. I didn’t want to lose Gavin, but I had to figure out our surroundings. I felt along the hard wall, each step cautious. Careful. I walked until I felt an adjoining wall, and then another. Each wall was featureless. The path unbroken by furniture or windows. Not even a door.

  The forth wall came and went. No door. No windows. We were trapped.

  My breathing escalated. I fought to stay quiet. Fought against myself. My mind tried to convince my body that there was no air. Each breath came faster than the last. I panted, losing control. The energy swirled around me. Found a place in my marrow. Tingles raced along my skin.

  There was nothing here to take the flame.

  Nothing except Gavin.

  I had to rein it in. Still the energy. Calm my breath.

  I licked my dry lips.

  I can do this. I pulled a breath into my lungs, struggling against the need to gasp. There is plenty of air.

  I thought back to how it felt when Spencer grounded me. The ache for him was almost overwhelming. But he wasn’t here.

  I can do this.

  Because I had to. Or Gavin would pay the price.

  Spencer would pull the energy from me. Taking the chaos, the need, the desperation to let it go with him. Then he’d push it into the ground, where it would dissipate safely.

  I can do this.

  Concentrating on each breath as it entered my body, I forced myself to slow. Counting with each breath. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Until I was past the risk of hyperventilating.

  Then I focused like Spencer had instructed. Visualized the energy as a swirling ball of flame at my heart. Pulled the energy from my limbs, one by one, until the ball was the size of a basketball.

  Now for the hard part.

  I pushed the ball down. Down my body. It broke into two smaller balls as it reached my legs. I visualized the energy flowing down each leg. It hesitated at my feet, wanting to seep back into my bones, into the marrow.

  Sweat peppered my forehead as I continued to concentrate. Prodding the spheres of fire I nudged them into the ground. First one, then the other inched their way into the earth. Breaking up on contact. The energy in each ball was released.

  I pulled a shuddering breath into my lungs, elation warring with the worry that hung over me.

  Crisis one averted. Now to find a way out of here.

  Blindly walking across the room, I followed Gavin’s comforting woodsy scent and flung my arms around him. He didn’t hesitate, wrapping his arms around me, he pulled my trembling body close to his.

  “Everything okay?” his warm breath whispered into my ear making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

  Not wanting to admit that I almost killed him, I nodded into his neck. Pulling back a fraction, he kissed the top of my head. The comforting gesture soothing my frayed nerves.

  I can do this.

  Resolve strengthened my stance. I would get us out of here.

  We had to have gotten in here somehow. The room was square, no windows or doors. So that left three options: up, down, or some magical way. While I didn’t know for sure, I had heard that there were some types of fey that could teleport. I couldn’t rule it out. But most likely, despite the fact that we were in Florida where we were only a few feet above sea level, we were in some sort of basement. Up it was.

  In the solid darkness I couldn’t see anything, but I looked up anyway. Hoping to see an outline above us.

  Nothing.

  I couldn’t even tell how high the ceiling was. I had to use my power.

  “Gavin,” I pulled him close again. “We need to see. There are no doors or windows. I think the only way out is up.”

  “I don’t smell anything other than you and the dampness.
It’s probably safe.”

  I released a little energy, only enough to create a flame as big as a lighter would produce. But after the absolute darkness it felt blinding. It made my eyes sting and water with pain.

  The tiny flame was enough to light most of the room. I was right, rough concrete walls and floors. No furniture, decorations, or escape. Until I looked up. A small trapdoor broke the sameness of the concrete ceiling. It looked to be made of concrete as well. My shoulders sank along with my hopes that I could burn the door to freedom.

  But at least there was a door.

  My hand holding the flame began to fatigue, but I didn’t want to return to the heavy darkness. It would seem even worse after having light again.

  I focused my energy, pulling it together into a ball that rested in my cupped hands. The flames held, burning nothing. Swirling against one another, fed on my energy alone it rose. Floating above our heads, it lit the room.

  “Beautiful,” Gavin’s awed whisper echoed in the small room. “I didn’t know you could do that.”

  “Neither did I.” I couldn’t help the grin that formed. I didn’t want to. I had finally done something good with the power I was given. Something beautiful. Maybe it wasn’t a complete curse.

  My heart expanded, filled, as my eyes met his. They were brimming with pride. Pride at something I had accomplished. And love.

  Even though we were trapped, had no idea where we were, and most certainly were about to face something terrible, the knowledge that I loved him - still loved him - crashed into me.

  I would do anything to save him.

  Our lips met, melting together. I clung to him, tears falling down my cheeks. He kissed each tear, and then brought his salty lips back to mine.

  “It’s okay,” he whispered against them. “We’ll figure something out.”

  “It’s not that,” I held back a sob. My chest felt like it was being ripped in two. “I’m just so sorry.”

  His brow wrinkled in confusion.

  “I am so sorry I put you through everything I did. I’m sorry I left you like that. I’m sorry I dragged you into this world. It’s my fault we are here.” He caught the sob that broke through in his mouth, soothing me until I could continue.