by Lara Swann
“That would have been some effort.”
“It’s why I need an army of PAs.”
“Oh, so really - I would’ve got flowers from Meredith?”
“Well…it’s the thought that counts, isn’t it? And the ones you got were from me, so…”
She rolls her eyes at me, but she’s smiling, and I watch her lean back with a sigh, relaxing into the chair.
“God, I haven’t had an evening like this since…” She cuts herself off, looks briefly to me and then away. “Well, for a very long time.”
“We should fix that, you know.” I say, my voice softening. “You deserve evenings like this.”
“Maybe.” She gives me a sigh, taking another sip of her wine and rolling her shoulders, and then after a moment fixes me with a serious look. “This isn’t what I’m expecting, though.”
On instinct, I stand up and move around to behind where she’s sitting. She looks up at me, confused - but before she can say anything my hands are on her shoulders, and I’m kneading the same area she’s been working at the whole evening.
The ‘ooh’ that escapes almost immediately tells me that I’m doing the right thing, and as I rub slowly, I can’t help but admire the way my large hands look against her delicate shoulders. Sometimes I wonder how someone who looks so much slighter - smaller and more fragile - can have so much strength.
How that can create a child - shelter and protect it for nine months - until it’s pushed out into the world and then…then the hard work starts. Raising and protecting a kid, alone and with no support…I can barely believe what a good job she’s done with Maddie, if even half of what I suspect is true.
“You’re so tense.” I murmur.
I can feel the knots and tension in her body, and as my fingers work at them, I get a small jolt of satisfaction from each moan and sigh. And I try very hard not to think about how similar that sounds to other moans I’ve heard from her, before. The way she throws her head back against the sheets. The way my name sounds in that deep, throaty voice when she’s…
Blood shoots straight to my cock, and I shift as I feel myself growing hard, determined to keep my mind away from that. At least for the moment. I just want to give her the chance to relax - to forget about everything, and take some time for herself. She’s had four years of raising my kid, the least I can give her is that.
When she finally starts relaxing in my hands, her eyes half-closing, I remember our conversation.
“What do you expect, Leah?” I ask gently.
Her eyes flick open, before drifting closed again.
“What?”
“You said you didn’t expect evenings like this…with me…so what do you expect from me, Leah?”
She takes a deep breath, and I can feel it rising through her - where I’m standing, I can see her chest expanding, my eyes tracing the outline of the beautiful curves there and my cock starting to throb against my pants.
Suit pants really aren’t made for this. Another reason to invest in some jeans…soon.
“I…I’m hoping you’ll be good for Maddie. That she could finally have a father, too, and we can…we can work out a way to raise her together.” She nods as she finishes it, her eyes fully open now - and I can see the vulnerability there.
I’ve always admired her for being able to open herself like that - to say what she wants, at the risk of hearing that it’s not going to happen.
“Me too.” I say, my voice still soft, but the desire that’s been building all night seeping into it anyway. “Is that…what you want, Leah? All you want?”
She bites her lip, and my hands still on her shoulders as her neck twists around to look at me. My hand moves, cupping her chin and tilting her head towards me - while the other drifts lower, my fingertips gliding under the top of the dress.
“Alistair…” She breathes, her eyes wide and her pulse racing in her throat.
“You don’t…want…anything more, between us?” I ask, my eyes burning into hers as I bend down towards her.
And then my lips meet hers.
Finally.
Her mouth makes a surprised ‘O’, and then she’s pressing right back against me - opening almost instantly as I feel her excited, scared breath. It brushes past my face, before my tongue is pressing against her sweet, soft lips - sparing no time to enjoy them, to tease or play or nibble. No - this is fast, insistent, needy, like I’ve been waiting years for this moment.
Five years, maybe.
I’m as breathless as she is, my hand firming around the back of her head as our tongues tangle together in one desperate embrace. Her lips soft against me as they yield to mine, hard as she kisses me back with the same passion I’ve been trying so hard to control since the moment she walked back into my office. Only now - I’m not controlling it anymore. Neither of us are.
I groan against her, and hear the answering hitch of her breath - the way her breasts rise up so my fingers are almost splayed against them, the heat and energy in our kiss overpowering every other possible sensation and sending pulses of lust through my whole body.
It’s the kind of bliss I’d forgotten even existed. I don’t remember her being so responsive - her heartbeat so wild, or her eyes so full of lust and need. I didn’t remember how soft and warm and totally inviting she is.
I thought I did, but…god.
Then her hand comes up, a staying force on my bicep as she pulls back - her eyes wide with something other than lust.
“Alistair…we can’t.”
It’s a desperate whisper, but it pierces inside me as if it was made of steel.
Endless need washes over me and it takes a good, long moment until I’ve got myself under control again. Or, at least, I’m able to do something other than kiss and touch and take.
“Why not?” It rumbles out of me, my voice deep with lust, even as I know the answer.
The same thing she’s been telling me this whole time.
I can feel it resonate inside me even as she says it.
“Maddie.”
It’s still a whisper, still a desperate plea.
“Leah…I want you both.”
The grip of my hand on her head softens, gentles, until I’m stroking her hair. Looking at the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on - seeing the raw need in her expression, and knowing it’s probably reflected in mine.
She bites her lip, gives a single shake of her head.
“We can’t, Alistair. If it doesn’t work…”
“What if it does?” I ask instead.
I’m done with being told it’s not going to work - and I can see her eyes glittering. The hope there - and the desolation.
“It didn’t before—”
“It’s different now.”
I can see it in her eyes as she watches me - the doubt. The fear. Almost hidden behind the dark lust that still pulses in my veins - but not quite.
And fuck it all to hell, I understand it.
I close my eyes, and with effort, take a step back.
I can still see her against the blackness of my vision - and when I open them again, it’s worse. Everything I’ve wanted for so long…right there in front of me.
I want to take her. I want to throw her against the kitchen island and ravish every part of her - my mouth and hands and body everywhere over her as we writhe together and I make her scream. I want to do all the things I would have done five years ago.
But I don’t.
Not this time.
She’s the mother of my child, and I have too much respect for her - for what she wants, and what she says - to do that. The time we could use desire to overpower our - or hell, let’s be honest, her - good sense…that’s gone. This time, if we’re going to do this - it has to work. I can’t appear in Maddie’s life, only to cause stress and tension between us all.
“Okay.” I finally say. “You’re right.”
I feel her relax almost immediately - even as simultaneous disappointment flashes across her face.
I’m not done, though.
I lean forwards and thread my hand through her hair, brushing it back from her face as I tilt her head up to mine. So close, we could kiss. Her breath draws in, and I feel more than see the flicker of confusion there.
“We won’t dive back into this, Leah.” I promise her. “We won’t risk crashing like we did before.”
I can feel her reaching up towards me, arching at my touch, and I know the desire that courses through me is mirrored in that soft, supple body. It’s all I can do to keep these scant few inches of distance between us. And just that is taking every ounce of self control I have.
“No…” She breathes, and I have no idea whether she’s agreeing with me, or objecting.
It doesn’t matter.
“But things are different now - we’re different. And there’s Maddie too…” I murmur. “Everything has changed, Leah.”
A hint of a frown crosses her face - the beginning of lines across her forehead that I just want to kiss away.
“You don’t know that, I get it.” I say, before she can voice what she’s thinking. “Just let me show you, Leah. Let me show you for as long as you need, until you can feel it the way I do. Until you know - without a doubt - that this will be different.”
I lean forward and kiss her forehead - the lines there straightening under my touch as I’d pictured just a moment ago. And then I withdraw - give her the space I know she needs. There will be a time, later, to give her the closeness I know she needs. I’m counting on it.
When I look back at her, her head is tilted - and even though there’s still that spark of joint desire in her eyes, there’s something else there too. Something far more important, right now. A look of real consideration.
Exactly what I’ve been hoping for this whole time.
She takes a deep breath and another sip of her wine - her gaze not leaving me for a moment.
“Okay.”
It’s spoken softly, that word - that agreement - but I can feel the same steel that underlies all of her decisions there.
I don’t even try to hide the grin that lights up my face - and it’s all I can do not to sweep in, wrap both hands around her head and kiss her like I want to. Kiss her in joy and celebration and hope - and never let go.
I settle for downing my wine, and nodding.
“Okay.” I agree, the smile still playing at my lips.
There will be time for everything else, later.
Chapter Ten
Leah
I wake up slowly, feeling more rested and relaxed than I can remember being.
Enough that it takes me a good few minutes to realize that I’ve woken up naturally for the first time what feels like years - no alarm, no kid intruding—
I sit up with a bolt, glancing over to the bed on the other side of the room. The empty bed.
Where the fuck is—
I’m out of bed before the laughter and noise filtering through the thick door finally registers, my heart still racing in my chest. It takes a long moment for me to remember where I am - where we are -and work out the reason Maddie hasn’t disturbed me this morning. Apparently, there was someone else around to entertain her.
I take a deep breath, and try to calm down from the instant panic, letting my heart rate even out again.
So much for relaxation…
I glance back at the bed that my body was blissfully enjoying only moments before, and sigh. It’s so tempting to crawl back in there and pretend I never woke up at all, until Maddie or Alistair get fed up with each other and decide to disturb me. But that’s not exactly fair - and Maddie is my responsibility.
And his…
I pause at that thought. It’s technically true, but…I’ve raised Maddie for years. I can’t let go of that quite so easily - however much he’s trying to give me the chance to.
Let me show you…
The memory of last night hits me, and then I really do sit down on the bed.
Of course, that wasn’t quite what he was talking about showing me. Or, not that entirely.
God, that kiss…I never wanted it to end. I can still feel my body aching for him, calling out for the kind of satisfaction it hasn’t had in years. I thought I could kiss him forever.
And you’re the one that stopped it.
I sigh, running a hand over my face and shaking my head, wishing I could shake the feeling just as easily. Instead, that memory is enough to bring lust surging back through me.
I glance towards the door, still hearing positive, happy noises from the other side. Without conscious thought, my hand starts sneaking lower, playing at the edge of my panties, as I wonder whether—
I stop myself with a jerk. I can’t remember the last time I’ve done that, either. And there’s no way I can in Alistair’s apartment. His room. With him playing with my little girl just down the hall. It would be so wrong. So bad. And he would know in an instant.
The heat builds between my legs, and I wonder why that only makes the whole thing more attractive.
With effort, I stop myself. I get up again. I consider the fact I didn’t bring a change of clothes, and wonder whether I should shower now, or after I get back to Emma’s with Maddie.
All normal things.
And I don’t think about him. Not like that. Not at all.
We agreed we weren’t going to do that last night. We did the right thing - for Maddie.
And if I remember him telling me how different things are now…promising to show me…if I’m maybe, just a little bit glad that he did - just a tiny bit relieved that it’s a for now decision and not a forever one…well, is that so wrong? After everything I’ve seen with him and Maddie over the last couple of days…it’s almost impossible not to think about the what ifs. The possibilities. The idea of a real family.
Just don’t hope for it, Leah.
I try to convince myself that I’m not. That I’m not building myself up for anything that might end in disappointment - or risking Maddie’s security and stability. But if I’m honest with myself, Alistair is making it really damned hard not to.
Which, I guess, is what he wants. But that doesn’t mean it’s not fucking scary, too.
I sigh, and eventually tug on the clothes I wore yesterday - trying to shake off everything I’m wondering about the future, and enjoy right now.
A good night’s sleep, free childcare, a happy kid…and a pretty damned cool Dad.
Life is good. Better than it has been for a long time. And I’ve learned to appreciate little moments like these.
I glance around the room before I leave, appreciative that Alistair’s decor doesn’t include a mirror so I don’t have to see quite how bad I look - then run my fingers through my hair, accepting the fact I’m going to look a mess whatever I do, and eventually emerge from the bedroom.
I walk down the hall, following the commotion I hear coming from the large, open-plan main room and wonder how desperately Alistair will be wanting a break.
Only to see him on his hands-and-knees, bucking and springing about the place -with Maddie clinging onto his back and giggling, beaming with a grin as wide as any I’ve ever seen. I stop stock still, my hand rising to my mouth as I stare.
Alistair Sinclair. The Alistair Sinclair…
Premier business tycoon in the city. Wearing formal suit pants and a crisp - or a previously crisp - white shirt, crawling around on the floor with my daughter on his back, and making the strangest impression of horse noises I’ve ever heard…
I burst out laughing.
That startles them both, and Alistair looks over at me, a grin on his rugged, handsome face as well.
“I’m a unicorn.” He announces proudly, with absolutely no trace of shame.
That does it.
The laughter becomes uncontrollable. Deep belly laughs. Tears streaming down my face. Clutching my side as I try desperately to catch my breath. The whole thing.
“Hmph.” He turns away in a dismissive gesture, talking to Maddie on
his back as he does. “I don’t know what she’s laughing about. I’m a damn fine unicorn.”
Maddie giggles, then copies his superior attitude almost perfectly.
“Me too.” She says decisively, nodding. “But you’re not a unicorn. You’re a horse.”
He twists around and raises one eyebrow at her. “Unicorns are better than horses.”
“No they’re no—”
“Unicorns can flyyyyy.”
He stands up as he does, catching Maddie’s legs and transitioning her to a piggy-back position as he starts swooping around the apartment, sending her into fresh squeals and giggles.
I’m biting my fist to try and get my breath back now, sucking air in and trying to ease the ache in my stomach as I force myself to stop watching. If I don’t, I might just die right here. I doubt either of them would even notice for a good few hours.
So much for needing a break.
Swooping and running around the apartment apparently requires more space than just crawling, and as Alistair diverts down the corridor to take Maddie on a flying tour of the whole place, I finally get my breath back.
I wait a few minutes until I feel stable enough that I’m not going to collapse to the floor at that flashing mental image, and then I walk over to the kitchen. I’m still wiping my eyes when they come back in, and this time I join in with the two beaming grins, just watching them.
“I’m making coffee.” I call. “Do horses drink coffee?”
Alistair gives a slightly more realistic snort, and looks over at me with that smug superiority I’m used to - this time, however, it’s not the slightest bit concerning. “Horses don’t. But unicorns most definitely do.”
“Can we do some jumps?” Maddie tugs on Alistair’s hair, demanding his attention again.
I doubt anyone else has ever dared do that to him. Not even me - or not like that anyway. Usually the hair-pulling was a slightly different way around…
I cut that thought off, and force myself to set about trying to work the coffee maker. Not too different from five years ago - just an updated model. Of course.
It’s strange being back here. I mean, I was never here before - the place is new, but the theme is pretty much the same…luxury penthouse apartment with an insane view. But it all feels both familiar and foreign. The kind of life I’ve never known - but glimpsed, for such a short time really, a few years ago.