Submit (Out of the Octagon, #1)

by Lexy Timms

  “I really need to get to the gym, Rosa. Frank’s going to kill me.” He gently pried her hands away from his chest, sliding out from beneath her leg. She grabbed at him as he climbed out of bed but he pulled away from her hands.

  A pillow flew after him, hitting him in the legs.

  “Come back...” She was sprawled as he’d left her, so very tempting. He shook his head.

  “I’m going to take a quick shower. And no, you can’t join me.” He ducked into the bathroom, laughing, as the second pillow thumped against the wall.

  “Fine. I’ll raid your refrigerator instead.”

  “Good luck,” Aedan called back to her, meaning it. There was definitely nothing worth raiding in his fridge. He heard noises from the other side of the door before stepping beneath the hot water, letting it run over his head and shoulders.

  He was rinsing the soap from his body when he heard the bathroom door open.

  “I said no showers together. I’m late.” He pulled the curtain aside, expecting to see Rosa standing naked on the other side. But she was wrapped in the sheet, a strange expression on her face.

  “There was a phone call...the machine picked up. I didn’t want to listen, but it was Frank. I couldn’t help it. He said the match is set, you’re—I think he said, on the bill?”

  She wasn’t smiling, but he was. He shut off the water, wrapping a towel around his waist. “That’s good news, Rosa. You know, this is what I want.” He touched her cheek. She looked down, not meeting his eyes.

  She nodded. “I know.” Her voice was low, unsteady.

  Aedan pulled her against his chest. He could feel her body trembling. “It’s going to be okay, Rosa. Really. It’ll be fine. This is the start of something... good. Really good.”

  “You’re all wet.” She sniffled against his chest, her fingers tracing the line of his scar.

  “Yeah...I know. Come on.” He led her back to the bedroom, sitting down on the edge of the bed, pulling her onto his lap. “You’ll be there, right? You’ll come to the fight?”

  She shook her head. “I’m not sure. I know this is what you want...and if I’m going to love you, I need to get used to this. But I don’t know if I can watch.” She looked up at him, biting her lip. “I’d be too scared you’d be hurt.”

  Aedan felt his heart drop. “But... I want you there. It’s...”

  “It’s important to you. I know. But I can’t promise that now, okay? I need to think about this.” Rosa stood, walking across the bedroom, picking up her clothes from the floor. “I think I’ll go home for a bit, but I’ll call you later.”

  He watched as she disappeared into the bathroom, trailing the sheet behind her.

  While she was shut up in the bathroom, Aedan dressed, his mind whirling in confusion. He was happy, deliriously happy the match was set. But Rosa’s reaction tore at him, made his stomach twist with anxiety. He wanted her to be happy for him. But obviously that wasn’t what she was feeling.

  After she was dressed, Aedan walked her downstairs where the Lincoln was waiting for her.

  She turned to him. “Don’t look so worried. I’m not leaving you. I... I just need a little time to digest all this.” She wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest. “Nothing’s changed between us, Aedan. I love you.” When she looked up at him, he thought he saw tears in her eyes. “I’ll call you. I just want to go home now.”

  She tilted her face to him and he kissed her hard, not wanting to let go of her. But she gently pulled away from his arms and he opened the car door for her. She slid across the backseat, not looking back at him, and he closed the door. The car pulled into traffic and was gone.

  Chapter 14

  Aedan threw himself into training for the rest of the day, pushing himself and pummeling any sparring partner Frank put into the ring with him.

  “You have to slow down, Aedan. Save something for the match.” Frank was leaning against the ropes, watching Aedan’s current partner struggling to his feet, shaking his head. Aedan was breathing hard, blood from a cut on his forehead mixing with sweat, running into his eyes.

  “Something’s got into you, boy. Not sure what it is.” Frank stared at him, studying him closely. “You need to keep that fire going, but don’t burn out. Go home for today. You’re done.”

  “No. I don’t want to. I’m good.” Aedan rasped, forcing the words out. He was breathing hard, the blood and sweat dripped from his face and marked the canvas at his feet. “Give me something else to do. Anything.”

  “No means no, Aedan,” Frank said, scowling. “Go home. Get some rest. Go find that girl of yours and make up for all the sex you missed with that job.”

  It was Aedan’s turn to scowl. “Not funny.” He climbed between the ropes, dropping down to land lightly on the floor next to Frank.

  “Trouble in paradise?” Frank tried for a jovial tone, but Aedan heard the concern underlying the flippant question.

  “She’s not happy I got the match.” Aedan said, shrugging. He began unwinding the wrappings from his hands, the wet tape spiraling down to the floor. He watched it fall, looking anywhere that avoided meeting Frank’s penetrating gaze. Why the hell am I telling him this?

  “So it’s her you’ve been punishing today, not yourself.”

  Aedan’s gaze jerked upward. “What do you mean?” The words came out far more sharply than he’d intended.

  “I mean, you’re upset with whatever she said—or didn’t say—and you’re taking out your anger on your opponents and yourself. That’s what I mean.”

  Aedan’s scowl deepened. “Fine. I’m punishing her.” He tugged at the tape on his hand, shaking his head. “You practicing pop psychology now? Anything else you want to explain to me about myself?”

  The words were barely spoken when Frank took him by the arm, and Aedan found himself suddenly being dragged toward one of the corners of the gym. He tried to pull away, but it got him nowhere; the older man was impossible to shake off.

  Frank rounded on him as soon as they reached the relative privacy. “You listen to me. Whatever she’s done, or not done—it stays outside of the gym. You don’t bring it in here with you. You know that. That world, out there?” Frank let go of Aedan’s arm to stab a finger at the grimy window that looked out onto the sidewalk “It stays out there. If you don’t leave it at the door? If you let it get into your head?” Frank tapped Aedan on the forehead “Then you’re finished.

  “I did great today, though,” Aedan protested, but even as he heard himself speak he knew he sounded petulant and sullen. He took a breath to try again, but Frank beat him to it, cutting in to speak in the pause.

  “You thought you were doing great. But you weren’t. You were running on pure anger. Your timing was shit. You weren’t thinking ahead. You weren’t planning your moves. You got those punches in more through luck than judgement; you were all over the place.” Frank took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “You’re not fooling me, kid,” Frank said gently. “And if you were thinking right you wouldn’t be trying to fool yourself either. So get it straight with her, or get rid of her. Whatever it takes. But get your head back in the ring. You want this fight. Whatever. It. Takes.” He paused a second. “Now go home.”

  Aedan knew better than to argue a second time. He nodded, grabbed his stuff and headed out.

  On the subway and then on the long walk down Longwood from the subway, he thought about what Frank said. Was he mad at Rosa? I’m annoyed she’s pissed I want to fight. Why can’t she get it? This is who I am. She can’t accept that? I’m her little screw up she wants to fix? Hell yeah, he was pissed. Did he want to punish her? He shook his head. Thinking about her twisted his thoughts, left him uncertain and scared. When they were together, nothing else mattered. But apart? That was a whole different kind of problem.

  He loved her. That much he was absolutely sure of. He’d finally admitted it. To her, and to himself. But it opened so much inside him that left him confused. It left him feeling raw and vu
lnerable. And afraid.

  He hated being afraid! Hated that he was scared of their relationship. Of her. And, most of the time, of himself. No wonder I’m confused. Anyone would be confused feeling this way.

  He was turning the corner onto Beck Street, just a few blocks from his apartment, when his cell phone saved him from drowning in his own misery. He glanced down as he swiped to answered it.

  It was Rosa, and his heart leaped inside him as he lifted it to his ear.

  “Hey.” Her voice was soft, low and vaguely sad. He felt a tinge of something he didn’t know, an emotion he really couldn’t place, thought that maybe he had never felt before, but it flickered through him like a strange echo of the excitement he’d felt only a moment before as he’d answered the phone.

  “You okay, Aedan?” she asked him. “We okay?”

  “I’m good. Yeah, we’re good.” He thought they were. Hoped they were. He took a deep breath. “Listen, can we talk? Please?” He winced at the pleading quality in his voice. She’s reduced me to begging now. The thought wasn’t entirely serious, but it did have a wry edge. This woman did things to him that no one else had ever managed.

  “Yes,” Rosa agreed. “We should talk. Do you want to meet? Go somewhere for drinks?”

  “No.” Aedan thought for a moment. “Could you come over to my place instead? I’m almost home and I’m exhausted. I can pick up a bottle of something to drink on the way. It’ll be quieter to talk there too.”

  “Sounds good.” There was the slightest smile in Rosa’s voice. “I’ll be there soon.”

  He slipped his phone back in his pocket and stopped to grab something to drink. He jogged the rest of the way back and stripped down immediately. He showered, cleaned the cut on his forehead that had been bleeding at the gym, changed his clothes, and was toweling his hair dry when Rosa knocked on the apartment door. He hurried down the hallway to let her in, running his eyes over her as he pulled the door open. And caught himself smiling.

  She was gorgeous, and, frustrated with her or not, he didn’t think he’d ever get used to seeing her at his door. Couldn’t imagine not being pleased to find her there.

  “Hello, gorgeous!” He moved over to give her room to come inside. “Come on in.” He still had the towel around his neck, and his hair, still damp, had formed tiny spikes. He felt, as much as saw, her eyes move over him, and his shoulders rose and fell in a shrug, his smile turned a little self-deprecatory. “I’m nearly done,” he said, but when her eyes settled he realized that his hair wasn’t their focus; they had gone to the cut he’d cleaned.

  Rosa’s mouth, which, just a moment before had been returning his smile, tightened and set.

  He raised a hand to check that it wasn’t bleeding. It wasn’t. His fingers came away damp from his hair, but not stained red. “You should see the other guy,” he teased, but she didn’t smile at that either. Sighing inwardly, Aedan changed the subject. “Do you want something to drink?” He gestured toward his battered couch in an attempt to move away from the from the front door. “I got a bottle of wine. It’s cheap, but it’s not bad, and—” He tried for another smile, “I may be poor, but it’s definitely wine.”

  Rosa nodded. She didn’t smile back, but she finally moved in the direction he’d suggested and, as he made short work of opening the bottle for her, she took a seat at the end of the couch with her legs tucked beneath her. He poured the first glass and passed both it and the bottle to her.

  “Thanks.” Her voice sounded as subdued as it had on the phone.

  He got himself a beer, twisted the cap off, and took a mouthful straight from the bottle. “You okay?” he asked outright, moving to the couch and sitting down at the opposite end. “You’re acting like you have bad news for me.” He wasn’t comfortable asking; he could feel his heart thumping erratically in his chest, but he’d never really liked skirting around the edges of things. Confronting it head on was better.

  Rosa was staring down at the untouched wine in her glass. “No,” she said. “I mean, I’m fine. But I’ve been thinking.” She glanced up at him and then down again. “About the fight...” her voice trailed off.

  “About us?” Aedan took a swallow of beer, suddenly not liking where this was going.

  “In a sense,” she said slowly, picking her words. “I’m scared—petrified something’s going to happen to you. I guess I want to ask if this is what you really want to do.”

  Aedan didn’t pause to think about his answer. “Yes, this is what I want. Always have. Since the first time Frank taught me how to hit the heavy bag. How to throw a punch. From the first time I got knocked on my ass, got up, and then got knocked down again.” He stood up and walked over to the window. On the other side of the alley, the lights of the apartments were coming on as families came home, as people sat down to their dinners. He looked at them without really seeing them. They were background, like the rest of the neighborhood he thought of as his. “I don’t know how to explain how much this means to me, other than how I already have.” He turned away from the window and looked back into the room, back to where Rosa sat. “Unless you have something of your own you’ve been passionate about, been willing to fight for, then you’re not going to understand.”

  Rosa stood. She set her wine on the coffee table before moving to stand next to Aedan. “Actually,” she said softly, her voice gentle, “you’re the first thing I’ve been passionate enough to fight for. Or about.” Her smile matched her voice, soft and affectionate. “Or with.”

  He put his arm around her waist, pulling her close. He didn’t know it, but his own expression wasn’t so far from hers. “So now you know,” he answered. “Sometimes the thing you fight for, fights back.”

  “Yes,” Rosa agreed. “It does. And now that you’ve said that, Aedan, remember it. Remember that I’ll fight for you, With you. But it won’t change how I feel.” She turned her face up to his. “I love you,” she whispered. “Remember that too.”

  He answered by pulling her close to him, kissing her in the soft light of the New York dusk. “I love you, Rosa,” he said when they broke apart, and the words felt as right on his lips as her kisses did. He didn’t understand why she felt the need to tell that. Maybe she’d been thinking about it all day and wanted him to know she had his back. That even though she didn’t like it, she’d support him. He lost the thought about the whys and the worries as she kissed him again and again.

  Later in bed he held her just as closely, one of her breasts resting warm and heavy against his arm. They lay basking in the quiet comfort of being twined together, and it was a long time before Aedan broke the silence.

  “Frank got mad at me today. Said I was punishing you by taking my anger out on everyone else around me. I didn’t understand what he meant, but I think I get it now. I’m not as brave as you, Rosa. I can’t argue with you like you do with me. It scares me. I don’t know how to be angry with someone and not shut down.”

  Rosa placed her hand over his heart. “It’s trust,” she said. “Trust that if I’m honest with what I do and say, you’ll listen to me, even if you don’t like what I’m saying. If you can believe that I will too, it isn’t a thing to be afraid of. Anger doesn’t mean the end of love. It’s not like I want to fight with you all the time. I want to be on your side. We have enough things pulling at us as it is. But we both have strong feelings, too. And they need to be expressed, and talked about. And sometimes that involves raised voices.”

  “I don’t know how good I am at trust, or feelings,” he admitted, running his fingers lightly over her side, feeling the warm softness of her skin beneath them. “But I’ll try.” He said it with the solemn gravity of a promise, and Rosa smiled.

  “I trust you,” she murmured. Her eyelashes fluttered slightly as her eyes slid closed. “Trust you completely, love.”

  She was still smiling when she fell asleep, wrapped around Aedan, safe in his arms. He thought he might watch her as sleep pulled her more deeply into its embrace, but he too was driftin
g. Just moments later sleep claimed him, and he went willingly.

  Chapter 15

  They fell into a routine; both rising early, Aedan going to the gym and coming home late, worn out from training. Rosa would be waiting for him. She’d managed to get the temperamental stove to work and learned to make a few simple meals, which he devoured. They’d go to bed almost immediately, Aedan finding release in her arms.

  There were nights, after she’d fallen asleep, where he’d lay awake, exhausted but unable to sleep, amazed at how his life had changed in such a short time. For the first time in his life, he had someone who loved him, someone he loved. His career seemed headed in the right direction.

  It seemed unreal.

  Deep down there was still a part of him that believed this would all disappear, Rosa would leave and the rest of his life would just fall apart.

  She told him every day she loved him, supported and believed in him. But she had yet to tell him that she would come to see the match. It was the only subject he began avoiding. Anytime he brought it up, she grew quiet and changed the subject. Which only brought thoughts of her leaving to his mind after she’d fall asleep in his arms.

  He tried pushing those thought aside, and for the most part, succeeded. But late at night, they’d surface, tugging him back from sleep. He’d pull her to him, wrap his fingers through hers and clutch her hand until he finally fell asleep.

  AEDAN HAD TRIED TO explain the complexities of amateur and professional events, most of which went right over her head. But he was patient. Rosa thought maybe he believed her questions meant she was accepting the whole idea, rather than trying desperately to just understand. She didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth.

  They’d been lying in his bed one night, Aedan restless with that strange combination of pent-up energy and bone-weary exhaustion after a long day training. He was lying next to her, nuzzling her neck. She’d been peppering him with questions and he’d finally raised his head, his hands on her breasts, fingers tracing patterns over her skin.