Chaos

by Timberlyn Scott

  “Sebastian was four,” Payton told my father. “While Aaliyah was being born, your four-year-old son was growing up without a father. While Lauren was living off your money, blowing it on clothes and bullshit, Rachelle was working two jobs to take care of Sebastian. Two.”

  I squeezed Payton’s hand. Her voice was growing louder as she spoke, her anger reflected in the clipped words.

  “I know that,” Conrad bit back. “If you think I’m proud of what I did, you’re wrong. I loved that woman. I wanted more than anything to be with her, to swoop in and try to be the knight in shining armor that she deserved, but it wasn’t possible. Lauren would’ve decimated both of us.”

  Payton leaned forward, one hand still in mine, the other flat on the table, the tips of her fingers white as she pressed them against the wood. “She did that anyway,” Payton snapped. “Your wife… Your wife killed Sebastian’s mother.”

  Conrad’s head snapped back as though she’d slapped him. His mouth was open, but no words came out. I watched him stare at Payton, confusion causing the skin on his face to draw taut. When he looked at me, I fought the urge to punch him in the face as the reality of what had happened really hit me.

  My father might not have killed my mother, but his actions, his selfish fucking actions, had ultimately resulted in her death.

  And if he hadn’t realized it before, I think he certainly did now.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Payton

  I was so angry I wasn’t sure how I had managed to remain in my seat for this conversation. While this should’ve been Sebastian’s fight, I couldn’t sit back and listen while Conrad told us his sob story.

  After the events of the morning, I was strung tight. Having been assaulted by Trevor, I was hanging on to my sanity by the skin of my teeth. I wanted to scream and yell, but I managed to keep my voice relatively low. For the last few minutes, my anger had seeped into my words, and I couldn’t hold it back.

  I honestly didn’t think Conrad realized that every single thing he’d done, every lie he had told, had ultimately led to Rachelle’s untimely death. He was the reason Sebastian had lost his mother, although he might not have been the one to kill her.

  He was still responsible.

  And I hated him for that.

  “Did my mother contact you about child support?” Sebastian asked, his voice low. I think I’d taken him by surprise with my fury, and I was proud of him for keeping it together. It seemed as though the tables had turned, and I was the one fighting the chaos while Sebastian’s eerie calm kept us both in line.

  “She … uh…” Conrad looked back and forth between us briefly. I think I’d stunned him stupid with my statement earlier, but it hadn’t been a lie. Lauren was responsible. And Trevor, per his own admission, was the one who had done the dirty work. “Rachelle contacted me once. She actually left me a voice message, but she didn’t tell me what she needed, just that she wanted me to call her. I had saved it, intending to call her back. I was willing to give her anything she needed if I could’ve just heard her voice. I waited a couple of days, and when I went to get the phone number, I found that my call log and the voice mails were gone. All of them. So, no, Rachelle never actually talked to me about child support. However, she did try to contact me.”

  “Did you not think it was a bit of a coincidence that his mother died after she contacted you?” I asked, which prompted Sebastian to start talking.

  Conrad looked at his son, and I listened with half an ear while Sebastian went into the same story I’d heard more than once. About the accident, how his mother had been run off the road by a hit-and-run driver only to die from her injuries. He continued laying out the cold, hard facts while Conrad sat there, completely pale, his face a hard mask of confusion as he listened intently.

  Unable to take any more, I grabbed the file folder that I’d retrieved from my father’s office — I had stashed it on the chair beside me earlier — and then got to my feet. “I need some air,” I told Sebastian, pulling my hand from his. “I’ll be back.” Looking at Conrad, I dropped the folder in front of him and said, “You should look at this.”

  Grabbing my jacket, I went out the back door and walked the enormous patio for a few minutes before lowering myself to the steps that led down to the outdoor pool — the one that Sebastian hadn’t used yet — below. I sat there, letting the chilly December wind swirl around me. I was too numb to feel, and it wasn’t due to the temperature. I needed to pull myself together, because Sebastian needed me to be strong for him. Although we’d solved the mystery, this was only the beginning.

  Lauren was going to pay for this. She was going to go to jail for whatever charges she could be brought up on. At least I hoped that was the case. We would have to deal with that, and with Aaliyah. I didn’t know if Aaliyah actually understood the magnitude of what Lauren was capable of. Or maybe she did. After all, in order to buy his silence, Lauren had practically handed her daughter over to a disgusting man who had attempted to violate her in the most horrific way possible.

  Hell, I felt violated after what Trevor had done to me, and I thanked God every single second that Leif and Conrad had arrived when they had. They had offered a distraction, and though Trevor had seemed intent on doing me harm, he hadn’t been focused enough. I had managed to get away from him once before Sebastian kicked in the door, but then he’d ripped my shirt, groping my breasts, squeezing them until they hurt. But then Sebastian had been there.

  The relief I had felt was overwhelming, and the only thing that had probably saved my life was the fact that Trevor hadn’t had a weapon. But Conrad had. I’d seen the hatred in Conrad’s eyes when he’d pointed the gun at me and Trevor. It was then that I’d realized Conrad did know what had happened to Aaliyah, and it all made even more sense, as fucked up as it was. Conrad might not have known that Lauren had plotted Rachelle’s death, but he knew what she was capable of. If I had to guess, she’d been holding even more things over his head for all these years.

  I don’t know how much time passed while I sat shivering on the stairs, staring out at the vast amount of land that Sebastian owned. The land he would eventually turn into something good and solid, something he could be proud of. It wasn’t until Sebastian’s warm arm came around my shoulder that I realized he had joined me.

  “Where’s Conrad?” I asked, leaning my head against his neck, burying my face into his skin.

  “Derrick and Leif are here. Derrick’s talking to him.”

  I would’ve lifted my head to look at him, but Sebastian cradled the back of my head, holding me in place. Instead, I allowed the safety and security of his arms to envelop me. He made me whole again just with his simple touch. It was as though all the bad things just disappeared when he was with me.

  Chaos. That’s what I’d heard Sebastian refer to the noise in his head as. It wasn’t until today that I understood just what that felt like. To have all of that noise inside, unable to get it to ease up. I’d been overwhelmed with it just now until I was in Sebastian’s arms.

  “I love you,” I whispered to him, sliding my arms around his waist and holding him.

  “I love you too, Angel,” he whispered back. “So damn much.”

  A few minutes passed, and I finally did lift my head to look at him. “What do we do now?”

  “We move forward, Payton. That’s all we can do. We put one foot in front of the other.”

  I understood what he was saying. It made me think of the angel wings on his back and how he said his mother was always there, pushing him forward, guiding him to the right path when he veered off course.

  Linking my fingers with Sebastian’s, I smiled at him. “I’m ready to move forward.”

  “Me, too, Angel. Me, too.”

  Sebastian pressed his lips to mine, gently at first. His mouth was firm yet soft against mine. When he slipped his tongue between my lips, I opened for him, allowing him inside. Our tongues melded together as did our bodies. I held him close, he held me closer, and
my world righted itself again.

  The sound of someone clearing their throat had me pulling back from Sebastian to look up. I smiled when I saw Chloe and Aaron standing there, watching us. The worried looks on their faces seemed to dissipate slowly, probably as they realized that I was okay.

  And I was okay. More so than I thought I would be.

  By the time the house was empty again, I wasn’t sure how I had managed to remain upright. I was exhausted, both mentally and physically. I had rehashed what had happened with Trevor to my best friends, assuring them both that I was fine until they finally believed me. Toby and Leif went out and got food, while the rest of us sat around and talked. Derrick had left, telling Conrad that he would be in touch, and Conrad had spent at least an hour ignoring his phone, which continued to ring. It was Lauren, he’d told us. Since Derrick had informed him that the police were on their way to pick her up to take her in for questioning in regard to Rachelle’s death, Conrad hadn’t wanted to talk to her.

  We’d been informed that they wouldn’t be able to charge Lauren with anything at this point; however, they could bring her in. If they were lucky, she’d break as quickly as Trevor had. If not, then Conrad would have a long road ahead of him. There was nothing to guarantee that Lauren was going to jail for what she’d done, no matter how much I wished it so.

  Before Sebastian’s father left, the two of them went into Sebastian’s office alone to talk. There wasn’t any shouting, which I took as a good sign. Conrad was far from innocent, but it was a relief to know that he wasn’t directly responsible for Sebastian’s mother’s death. And it seemed that the turn of events had possibly brought Sebastian and Conrad closer.

  As for me and Conrad, I wasn’t quite sure where we stood. Before he left, he took me aside and apologized again for what had happened. I told him that it wasn’t his fault and I didn’t hold him responsible for it. We agreed that we would see how things went after the holidays when the office reopened. As of now, I would be returning to work, but I didn’t know exactly how long that would last.

  But I had asked Conrad one last thing before he left. I’d asked him to join us for Christmas dinner, informing him that it was a surprise for Sebastian so he had to keep quiet. I had choked up when tears had formed in his eyes. He’d accepted the invitation and offered to bring something. Since it was last-minute, I’d told him that wasn’t necessary, but knowing Conrad, he wouldn’t show up empty-handed. So I would just have to wait to see what he brought with him.

  “You ready for bed?” Sebastian asked when he joined me in his bedroom. I had escaped to brush my teeth and change into one of his T-shirts.

  “More than ready,” I told him, crawling beneath the covers and watching him as he stood there, staring back at me.

  I noticed he was hesitant as he shed his clothes and crawled into bed, still wearing his boxers.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, situating myself as I always did so that my head was resting on his chest.

  “Yeah, I’m just…”

  I lifted my head to look into his eyes. “You’re what?”

  “Are you sure you’re okay for me to be here?”

  “What are you talking about?” I was confused, and I knew he heard it in my voice.

  “After what happened with Trevor…”

  Ahh. So Sebastian was worried about the psychological damage that had been done. “As long as you’re here with me,” I told him, “I’m perfect.”

  “I’m going to have nightmares about what happened, Payton,” he told me, his face stony.

  “I’ve got something that might stop that from happening,” I told him, pressing my lips to his softly.

  “What’s that?” he asked, his body hardening beneath mine.

  My eyes raked over his face. I knew he was worried, and maybe he had every right to be. But the events of that morning seemed so long ago. There wasn’t a chance in hell I could ever be in the same room with Trevor again, but as far as being traumatized by the event, I wasn’t.

  “Remember a while back when you promised me that you wouldn’t let anyone hurt me?” I asked him, pressing my fingers against his cheek.

  He leaned into my hand, his eyes closing. “I remember. And I failed.”

  Turning his face, I waited for his eyes to open. “You didn’t fail, Sebastian. You protected me. You saved me.”

  “Trevor got to you, Payton.”

  “But you were there. That’s all that matters. You followed your instincts, and you made sure that nothing happened.”

  He didn’t seem convinced by my words, so I kissed him again, this time more insistently than before. I coaxed his mouth open with mine, and when he gave in, I pulled him until I was on my back and he was hovering above me.

  “I love you,” I whispered. “More now than ever before.” I pressed my lips to his quickly and then pulled back. “And I didn’t even think that was possible.”

  Realizing I was going to have to take the reins, I slid my hands over his shoulders, then down his back, caressing his skin as I went. I slipped my fingers beneath the waistband of his boxers and lowered them down his hips. He got with the program, forcing them down his legs and off before ridding me of my T-shirt.

  And when we were naked, Sebastian slid into my body, all the while keeping his eyes locked with mine. Words weren’t necessary right then because everything he felt was reflected in his brilliant gold gaze. Love, fear, worry… The emotions swirled together, and I felt them in his kiss, in the beautiful way he buried himself inside me.

  I held on to him, holding him as close as I could, feeling him to the depths of my soul.

  And while he continued to send me higher until I knew I didn’t stand a chance of holding back any longer, I realized there was one emotion that was missing.

  The chaos. It was completely gone.

  Our eyes met moments before my orgasm exploded through me, and I saw, just as I felt, Sebastian’s body tighten, his release taking hold, the moment he realized that, too.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Sebastian

  Thursday (three days later)

  Christmas Day

  The gray sky and freezing drizzle that tapped against the bedroom window suited my mood for the moment. I’d woken up that morning with Payton in my bed, and I’d been happier than I ever remembered being on Christmas. At least since my mother had passed away.

  While I lay there, not wanting to move and possibly disturb Payton while she slept, I thought back to the last Christmas I’d had with my mother. My heart hurt when I realized that the memory was fuzzy.

  It was true, time moved on. Those of us who were left behind did keep moving forward, even when it hurt so much that I thought it wasn’t possible. Somehow, I’d made it through one day. Then another. And another until I found myself lying in bed with the woman of my dreams next to me and a whole new future set out in front of me.

  That was where I had found myself when I’d tried to conjure up the image of my mother on that cold Christmas morning when I’d woken up to find the leather jacket I had been wanting beneath the ratty little Christmas tree that we’d been using for as long as I could remember.

  “Open it.”

  “What is it?” I teased my mother, who was sitting on the edge of our dilapidated sofa, watching me with bright eyes.

  “Open it, silly. I’m not gonna tell you.”

  “Fine,” I said, pretending to be upset that she wouldn’t just tell me what it was.

  Grabbing the box wrapped in a thin paper dotted with Christmas trees and reindeer, I dropped to the couch beside my mother.

  “You’re the slowest gift opener I know,” my mother told me, laughing.

  What she didn’t realize was that I was enjoying her excitement as much as I was looking forward to opening the gift. If it meant she would keep that smile on her face all day, I’d go even slower.

  It took me a few minutes because I made sure I didn’t tear the paper, being methodical in how I peeled back the tape before
unfolding the paper from around the brown cardboard box. Whatever was inside was heavier than I’d expected it would be. But based on the square shape, I had no idea what it could possibly be.

  My mother must’ve gotten tired of the anticipation, because she grabbed a butter knife that was sitting on the table and quickly sliced the tape that kept the cardboard closed. Her laughter was infectious, and I found myself chuckling as I pulled open the box and peered inside.

  “Holy shit,” I muttered.

  “Do you like it?” my mother asked, completely ignoring the fact that I’d cursed. She usually got on me for my language, but not today.

  “It’s…” I looked at my mother as I pulled the black leather jacket out of the box and laid it across my lap. “Mom, this is too much.”

  “Oh, hush. It is not.”

  The jacket was the only thing I had wanted for Christmas, but I’d never told my mother that. I knew we couldn’t afford it, and I had given up on the idea of even saving enough of my own money to get it. Yet somehow she’d known.

  I hadn’t realized that I was crying until a sob wracked my chest and Payton looked up at me, her sleepy gaze finding mine in the soft light peeking through the blinds.

  “Are you okay?” she asked softly, her hand planted firmly over my heart.

  “Sorry,” I said, my throat tight. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  “What were you thinking about?”

  “My mother,” I told her, pulling her closer to me and pressing my lips to the top of her head. She pulled the blankets up over us both and curled up against my side.

  “Can you tell me?” she asked.

  I told her about the memory of that morning, and by the time I was finished, a tear had escaped her eye, landing on my chest. She didn’t say anything for a few minutes, and I thought she had possibly gone back to sleep, but then she spoke. “Do you think we could go visit her this morning?”

  “My mother?” I asked stupidly.