Tossing It

by Rachel Robinson

  “I would have fucked you on the beach the night I met you if I wanted a one-night stand, Malena. This is just a way to keep things less complicated. You said it yourself, relationships are complicated in a small town. Isn’t simplicity what you want?” Say no. Tell me you want me and only me. The realization that I’m desperately seeking her approval makes my head swim and my stomach flip. I don’t need her approval. I don’t need her. I want her.

  She folds her arms across her chest as a trail of goosebumps wash over her exposed skin. “If you say so, Leif. I never would have fucked you on the beach. Just so we’re clear about that. Go on. What’s the next rule? I’m intrigued.”

  “But you would have taken me home and fucked me here?” I ask, stepping forward to close the distance between our bodies because I can’t stand it. I need to taste her breaths. “Like you asked. Remember?” Reaching out, a tentative move, I let a couple fingers glide down her side ending at those fucking exposed bikini bottom strings. “Right?” My gaze rises from her tight body up to her face. “Malena,” I add. Her eyes look sleepy, and her resolve is faltering.

  “Yes,” she answers.

  “Why?”

  The chemistry between us crackles. There’s a current of desire laced with need exiting my body and entering hers. “There’s something about you,” she says, voice low. “I know it will be…good between us.”

  “Good?” I pick up on her word usage. “It will just be good?” There are a million words I could use to describe what being with Malena would feel like. Good isn’t one of them.

  “You know what I mean,” she says, looking down at my hand, the one stroking her soft skin. My hardon is raging out of control as I let my other hand wander to the other side of her waist. My fingers can almost touch on her back when I hold the smallest part of her stomach.

  Shaking my head. “I don’t know what you mean. Explain,” I order, raising a brow in challenge. Malena looks at me, eyes wide, lips parted, and I know something resembling truth is coming, and I crave it.

  Licking her perfect fucking lips, she says, “There’s something about you that makes me…want you. Do you feel that way about me?” I want her because she’s a walking billboard of everything I’m subconsciously drawn to. I have a type. Most men do, it is almost as if I didn’t know what I was looking for until I saw her. Malena doesn’t fit into my usual hook-up box. Her brown hair and realness isn’t my typical attraction du jour. The bottle blondes from my past don’t hold a candle to Malena’s beauty. The attraction to her was immediate and all-consuming.

  I meet her eyes instead of watching her skin react to my touch. “It’s why I’m here right now,” I reply honestly, a time I should have lied. “There’s something about you that I can’t turn away from. I want you to be mine.” An understatement, I hope she realizes as her own gaze darts down to the front of my shorts and all that she’s creating.

  A flush rises from her chest to spread across her high cheekbones. “Any more rules?” Her voice cracks, her breaths heavier than they were moments before.

  Swallowing hard, I run my hands up her delicate arms. “Just one more rule. The most important one,” I reply. I pause for a beat or two then say, “You can’t fall in love with me, Malena Winterset.”

  She jumps a little when I say the word love, and rears out of my grasp. I’ve shocked her. I meant to, because she needs to know it’s integral to whatever might happen between us. “Okay,” she agrees. “You definitely don’t have to worry about that.” Except the tone of her voice tells me I do have to worry about that. There’s a softness about her demeanor that signals weakness.

  “We’re in agreeance?” I confirm, closing the distance between us once more, leaning my head down. She smells like coconut and clean hair. My mouth waters and my balls ache. “To explain further, I’m not the type of man you fall in love with. I’m the kind of man you use for a bit and then toss.” I shake my head. “I’m sure my life will be short, and I don’t want to leave any threads behind when I go in a blaze of glory. Do you understand?” While my statement makes it seem as if I’m being altruistic, I’m not. Life is easier when you live with your guard up. My career has also taught me that some guards should never be lowered.

  “Yes,” she says, interrupting my thoughts. “We’re in agreeance.” Licking her lips, her brown eyes widen, her frame leaning in closer to my chest.

  “Now that the details are out of the way, I’m going to kiss you.” Her smile is wide and white as she sets her hands on top of mine. “If you’re up for it,” I add.

  “Let’s go to my room,” she replies, tugging one of my hands. My stomach flips as her eyes finish the sentence for me. “If you’re up for it?” Malena uses my words, grabbing the monitor from the table.

  Guiding me to the opposite side of the house, she opens the door to a wing of the house that looks like it was added after the fact. “This is my space,” she says, spinning on her toe to face me as I take in my surroundings. “I had it modified when I realized I’d probably be spending the rest of my life here,” she says, glancing at the device in her right hand. She sets it down on a bookshelf to her right. “When my dad left, I knew it was up to me to take care of things. He left a good amount of money in our checking account. I used some of it to make this section of the house my own and left most of it untouched to pay for Mom’s care. The day and night nurses and stuff. The treatments and medicines are expensive,” she rattles on, her demeanor changing completely. Shaking her head, she whispers, “Shut up, Malena.” Looking at me she grins. “I’m sorry. You don’t want to know that. It’s one of my flaws. I over explain things. Instead of a ‘this is my room,’ I give you my life run down.”

  It’s warmer in here, and I see why she’s wearing her bathing suit. The windows are cracked and the ceiling fan is wobbling out a staccato beat, pushing around the heat. There are books, and antique toys sitting on shelves and tables. “As much as I want to kiss you, learning about you comes in a close second. You can over explain anytime you want. This is really nice,” I exclaim, walking in a few more steps.

  “You’re just saying that,” she says, eyes focused on the light hardwood beneath her bare feet. “I live with my mom. That’s not sexy.”

  I laugh and reach behind my head to shrug out of my T-shirt. It slides off, and I toss it on the giant, pale purple bedspread. “And you have toys in your room. Lucky for you, sex appeal isn’t something you have to worry about, Malena.” Cocking my head to the side, I let my gaze wander over her body very obviously up and down. “I’d want you if you lived in a convent.” Clearing my throat, I walk to the window. “Was this a garage?” One of the walls is exposed red brick. It lends a loft-like feel that isn’t typical for single-family homes.

  “Yeah,” she says, dragging a finger along the rough wall. “I liked the brick and didn’t want to cover it up. Makes it feel a little bit like a city apartment or something,” she explains. “Something of my own.”

  I raise one brow. “You like the city?”

  Clearing her throat, she shakes her head. “I’m indifferent,” she says. The questions are there. Behind her chocolate colored eyes. “Why do you think you aren’t going to live a long life?” Her question is aimed like a dagger.

  “Still thinking about that, huh?” Facing the wide window, I readjust my dick and try to will my libido to slow down. This room smells like her and it’s been a long time since I’ve been in a woman’s bedroom. The only time I’m ever in one, it isn’t to talk. “My career is dangerous. It’s not a foregone conclusion that I will die young, but it’s also more probable given statistics that I’m in more risky situations on a daily basis.”

  She nods, lips pressed into a thin line. Stop thinking, Malena. Stop thinking and kiss me. Give me what I need.

  “When you say you’re the kind of guy you toss? What exactly does that mean?”

  Sighing, I approach her. The buzz of chemistry strengthening the closer I get to her body. “There are keepers and tossers in life. G
ood guys and bad guys. I’ve spent too much time with bad guys, you understand? I’m not in the business of letting people down. I have a one-track mind that doesn’t leave much space for anything other than what I’m focused on in the moment. It’s why relationships in my past have failed. I don’t know how to compartmentalize the different areas of my life. I’m okay with that, you have to understand it, though. We can have fun. Just you and me. For as long as it works out.”

  Her eyes flare. “It’s doomed before it begins. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the type of girl to ask for more, but I haven’t been in anything committed for a while and this isn’t the typical way of things.” She waves a hand between us. Pausing, in thought, she adds, “You know what? Never mind. Never mind. Kiss me,” she orders. “If you still want to.”

  Narrowing my eyes, I wish I could read her mind. “Do I want to?” I grin.

  She smiles back, her cheeks bubbling out on the sides. It’s adorable and hot at the same time. Leaning down, I set my hands on the top of her shoulders and brush my lips against the corner of her mouth. Malena lets out an audible sigh, and I pull her in closer to feel her warm skin against mine. The heat is immediate—the scent of her skin hitting me like a flood. Tilting my head down farther to make up for our height difference, I brush my nose and mouth along the side of her face, grazing her ear. “I want to,” I tell her, growling the words one at a time.

  “That feels so good,” Malena sighs. “Kiss me now.” Her face turns, seeking my lips, the kiss that I so desperately want to give her.

  I hear soft footsteps. “Does Dylan know about this?” Ms. Winterset screeches from the doorway, an accusing finger aimed at me. Malena pushes away, her palms holding me at arm’s length, except her fingers are tangled in my ab muscles and that makes my dick harden even further. The situation looks bad, rather, what Ms. Winterset assumes seems worse than it actually is.

  Dropping her hands, Malena says, “Mom, I told you Dylan and I have been over for years. Remember? This is Leif. He brought over lunch. He wants to take me out on a date?”

  Her mom purses her lips. “Looks like he’s doing far more than taking you out on a date. What did I tell you about giving away free milk? No one is gonna buy the cow that way, sweetie. This is so…confusing. I’m confused.” That makes two of us, wait, no three of us. My dick is pretty damn stumped right now, too.

  So much for taking a nice long nap. Irritation laces through my veins like fire. Using the patience I reserve for my own family, and my annoying sisters, I say, “I was just leaving, Ms. Winterset. I was merely giving her a quick kiss goodbye. Surely you don’t think I’d do anything untoward with your daughter, with the door open.” I make a mental note for next time to shut and lock the motherfucking door. My phone buzzes in my pocket. I put it on vibrate when I got here, and this is the second time I’ve felt it. I take it out just enough to see a text from Eva.

  “I have work to do anyway,” Malena says, convincing her mother of my departure. “Maybe you can help me, Mom? I need to check some availability of the beach pavilions down by Sandy Tides beach,” Malena explains, trying to calm her mother by distraction. That’s a tactic I use with Eva, so I applaud her efforts. “You can help me choose which photos are best to send to the client?”

  Ms. Winterset seems pleased to be asked to help, her posture changing, easing. “Does Dylan know about him?”

  To me, Malena holds up one finger and says, “Wait here, one second, please.”

  I nod, stifling my irritation.

  “Be right back,” she whispers to me. “Come on Mom. I’ll get you on the computer. You can scroll through some pictures. Doesn’t that sound like fun? Maybe you’ll get tired and we can try for a nap again.”

  “I’m not tired, I’m mad! I raised you to be better than this, Malena Louise!”

  Sighing, I sit on the edge of the bed and run a hand through my hair. Reaching behind me, I find my shirt and slide it back on. Their conversation fades off as I check my messages. According to my texts, Eva is at my house right now. The next message is a photo her disgruntled face with the caption. Because you refuse to give me a house key.

  I tap back. I will be home soon. Check on Mr. Olsen or something. HE will love your company.

  She texts back. Where are you at?!

  Malena walks in, eyeing the phone in my hands. “Sorry about that.” She shrugs. “Seems she’s not going to let me live that mistake down today. Probably not tomorrow either.” Her eyes are sad, a touch haunted.

  “It must be hard,” I say, sighing to show my frustrations for her. “To have to relive things you don’t want to. To have to maintain the patience of a saint.” Of a God. Of a Deity. More patience than I’ll ever own throughout the duration of my life.

  “That obvious, huh?” she asks, sitting next to me. “Dylan was around the longest and I guess that’s why she remembers him the most or repeatedly remembers him I should say.” I set a hand on her leg. “You put your shirt back on,” she says, frowning. “I liked it when it was off.”

  Tilting my head back, I laugh. “I liked it off, too. But I have to get going. My sister is waiting for me at home. She’s liable to break a window trying to get into my house. Then she’ll go through everything I own in an effort to discover new things about me that she thinks I’m keeping from her.”

  Malena winces. “Eeek. Sounds like a personal problem to me. Not my circus,” she replies, shaking her head. “Rule number three. Not my monkey, right?”

  “You’ll thank me later for rule number three,” I reply. “They’re a lot to handle. My family.”

  “No complications,” Malena says, setting her hand on top of mine and squeezing. “This has to go down in history as the worst first date known to man. I bet even the cavemen would cringe at this awkward attempt to get to know one another.” She flops back on her bed and stares at the ceiling. “You can call me, you know if you still want to call me after this disaster, and I’ll try to work on a time to meet up with you again. Probably sometime in the next century at the rate in which my schedule fills up with…life.”

  Trying my best to keep my gaze directed above her neck, a hard feat, I keep my voice low. “I have to ask because it seems like a logical solution, and logistical planning is one of my things, have you thought about finding a place that could better care for her? Full time?”

  Her face belies little emotion. I can tell this is a subject that’s been broached and considered many times before. “Care for her better than her own daughter? Is that possible? Even if those places didn’t scare me, I don’t have the money for something like that long term.” Malena sits up. “Spilling too many details again. Sorry. Have you seen what happens to the elderly in those group homes? Horrible, awful things. I wouldn’t be with her. Imagine what could be accomplished to an old woman who doesn’t remember anything! They could neglect her or be cruel to her one day, and she’d forget about it the next.” Malena swallows hard, and her eyes shine with threatening tears. I regret my choice in question.

  “Hey, you’re doing the best you can. I’m sorry for bringing that up.”

  She shrugs, tells me about a facility she’s toured a couple of times. She says she knows eventually her mother will end up there, and she likes to keep track and make sure it’s kept up well when she pops in. The way she talks about it tells a story all of its own. The hesitance wars with what she knows is the right thing. I make a mental note to do research about the facility later. My sister Celia is a nurse and might be able to help me. She’ll have information about Ms. Winterset’s diagnosis at the very least. I’m clueless.

  I follow Malena out and into a den where Ms. Winterset is scrolling through photos on an old desktop computer. After the welfare check is complete, Malena walks me to the front door. After a longing look at the table covered with lunch, she turns her attention back to me. I halt whatever she’s about to say by speaking.

  “I may not be a good man, Malena, but I think I can be good for you. Thank you for letting me
in today.”

  She folds her arms across her chest. “I don’t see how you could possibly mean that, but I hope you do. Today was a bright spot for me.” Malena’s lips are taunting me, but the chance to own her lips is gone. Not today. I can’t kiss her now. Timing is everything, and this would mar anything I’m trying to prove to her. Take the high road, Leif, I remind myself.

  “Thanks for lunch. I’ll probably go eat the rest of the wings right now.”

  “I’ll call you,” I say.

  She leans against the doorframe, a smirk in place. “You’re that crazy, aren’t you? I thought your rules were a little nuts, but you’re actually going to call me after what you’ve seen today.”

  Pressing my lips into a firm line, I keep my face stoic. “Only because I want to see more of you,” I tease, flicking my gaze over her body.

  She nods. “That’s believable,” she deadpans, puffing out her chest a bit. “Until we meet or chat again then.”

  I smile.

  She smiles, then closes the door on my face.

  Chapter Six

  Malena

  “I told them not to worry about Mom’s birthday, that I would plan it all myself,” Leif splutters on the other end of the phone. “It’s not my fault you’re the only person who plans parties in this small ass town.”

  I smile, thinking about the phone call with his sister that turned into an inquisition. The second I called Leif to give him information on beach venues for his mother’s birthday party, I recognized his voice straight away. After chastising him for not telling me it was him the first time he called, and then giving him the information, we ended up talking long into the night. About everything—including my father, what it was like to grow up in a small town, and my hopes for the future. We chatted about almost as much as I talked to Eva about.