Brickhouse

by Rita Ewing

  “Mom, I think you’re ignoring me.”

  “What would make you think that, sweetie?”

  “Because you haven’t said anything about the premiere.”

  Nona twisted the water knob and turned around. The setting sun filtered through the window and shined atop Kelly’s head. It seemed to form a halo, and Nona smiled–her daughter, the angel.

  “Mom …” Kelly whined. She shifted in her chair, making her crown of light disappear.

  “What do you want me to say? You saw the invitation. I’m sure it’s going to be nice.”

  “Nice?” Kelly exclaimed as if her mother didn’t have a clue. “It’s going to be much better than that. Mom, can I please go with you?”

  “You’re kidding, right?” Nona asked, wiping her hands on the dish towel.

  “I’m not. Mom, I would love to go to a Toni Lee premiere.” Kelly fondled the invitation as if it were a five-hundred-dollar gift certificate to Saks. “Do you know what the kids at school would say?”

  “Give me one good reason why I should take you to a Toni Lee movie. Just the title Love’s Desires should let you know how I feel about that.”

  “But, Mom. I’m eleven and three-quarters. I’m practically grown. I’ve been to R-rated movies before. Plus I know Toni.”

  Nona raised her eyebrows, and Kelly giggled, holding her hands in front of her face.

  Kelly said, “Okay, so maybe I don’t know her. But I met her at Brickhouse. Remember you introduced us. She’s really cool.” She paused. “And remember what you said when you wanted to meet my friends?”

  Nona shook her head.

  “You said that any friend of mine was a friend of yours. So shouldn’t it work the other way too?” Kelly laughed.

  Nona pulled a salad bowl from the cabinet and began breaking apart the lettuce. “That’s true, Ms. Smarty Pants. But there is no way I’m going to let my child go to a movie with the title Love’s Desires.”

  “Why not?” Kelly straightened up in her chair as if that would add sophistication to her words. “I’m mature enough to separate fantasy from reality. I know that a movie is just a product of creative minds.”

  Nona raised her eyebrows higher.

  Kelly continued, “That’s what you told me when we watched The Exorcist. It’s true about all movies.”

  Nona had to force herself not to smile at the smirk on Kelly’s face. “First of all, Kelly …” Nona paused. This was one of those moments when she sounded just like her own mother. And she didn’t mind at all. “Toni is an adult, so she is Ms. Lee to you.”

  Kelly lowered her eyes.

  “Second, you and I both know that Ms. Lee’s movies can be sexually explicit, which is something that at your tender, precious age, I must be mindful of.”

  Kelly sighed.

  “And last, Li’l Miss Thang, you and I watching The Exorcist one night when it just happened to be on television is different than you traipsing into a theater with a whole bunch of grown-up, overheated bodies to see Love’s Desires.”

  “Mom, all movies are the same. Whether it’s sex, horror, science fiction, fantasy, it doesn’t matter,” Kelly said, continuing her argument as if she were a lawyer. Clearly, she was her father’s child. She continued, “I could understand your concern if we were discussing a documentary, but a movie is just a movie. Even I’m smart enough to know the difference.”

  Nona smiled, first at the thought of her sexy friend Toni Lee in a documentary. Like that would ever happen. But she smiled wider at her daughter. It was obvious that she wasn’t wasting the eighteen grand a year she paid South Chester Prep.

  It had been a struggle to get Kelly into the school last year. Not only was there a seven-hundred-name waiting list for the fifth grade, but the waiting children had parents who filled the pages of Who’s Who in New York Society. It was the school’s reputation that made Nona ignore the odds and find a way to move Kelly’s name to the top. Though her method was not at the top of her ethics list, the two years of free personal training sessions that she’d given the headmaster and his wife was a very small price to pay to make sure her daughter had the best education.

  “All right, Kelly,” Nona finally said. “I’ll think about it. Let me talk to Toni and find out more about the story line …”

  “Mom, you know what the movie’s about.” Kelly sighed. “The TV trailers have been running for three weeks.” She paused. “But I know what you really want to know. You’re going to ask Miss Lee how much haggity-ga-ga there’s going to be, right?”

  Nona laughed. She hadn’t heard Kelly use that term in a long time–the one she’d invented when Kelly was just a toddler to refer to sex.

  Even though Nona was laughing, Kelly didn’t end her assault. “Plus, Mommy, this is something we can do together. You and me, me and you, right? You said we were going to spend more time together.”

  Nona’s chuckles disappeared, and she turned so that Kelly wouldn’t see the way her words pricked Nona’s heart.

  Something we can do together.

  Kelly’s words played over in her mind, and the guilt filled her once again. Yes, she was home tonight, but when was the last time she’d left work on a weekday before eight or nine o’clock? Usually she barely made it home withenough time to check Kelly’s homework before she went to bed.

  Her life pulled her heart apart. She was exhilarated by all that she’d accomplished, and she wrapped herself in a cloak of euphoria, basking in the knowledge that she could give Kelly anything that she wanted. But the cost was that she couldn’t seem to give Kelly what she needed.

  It had been so different in the beginning. When she held the tiny six-pound, ninety-second-old infant in her arms, she had made promises.

  “I’ll always be here for you,” she had whispered in her baby’s ear. “I will be a good mother.”

  For the first two years of Kelly’s life, Nona had fulfilled that promise. But as the years passed, she began to ask herself what being a good mother meant. Didn’t it mean fulfilling your dreams and desires so that you could pass that happiness on to your child?

  Nona couldn’t pinpoint the exact time when her nine-to-five days had been traded for twelve-to-fourteen-hour ones, and her five-day work weeks for seven-day ones, with prayers that somehow God would give her an extra twenty-four hours.

  At that time, her mother had been concerned.

  “You can’t leave this child alone so much,” Jacqueline, her mother, had commented after Brickhouse had been open for a year.

  “Mama, she’s not alone. That’s why I hired Odessa.”

  Jacqueline shook her head. “That’s not what I’m talking about. Kelly needs to be with kin. She needs to be with you.”

  “I’ll only be working like this for a little while longer, Mama. As soon as Brickhouse is off the ground and running …”

  “Let her move in with me until then.”

  Nona had been shocked by her mother’s words. “Absolutely not, Mama. Kelly’s my child, and I can take care of her.”

  “Well, you’re not doing a good job, are you?”

  Her mother’s words had stunned her. She wouldn’t do anything to hurt her child–after all, she was working as hard for Kelly as she was for herself. But her mother’s verbal assault opened her eyes to what others were seeing. She was an absentee mother, raising her child in a single-parent household.

  That was when she had her first dose of guilt."Mom,” Kelly brought her back to their conversation. “We could do this together, right?”

  Nona turned on the water full blast. “I said I’ll think about it, sweetie, okay?” She blinked back tears. “Enough’s enough, and it’s way past your bedtime anyway.”

  Kelly frowned. “Mom, it’s only seven o’clock and we haven’t eaten yet.” She stood and walked over to the sink. “Is something wrong?”

  Nona shook her head and faced Kelly. “No, sweetie.” She forced herself to smile. “I’m just tired. Can you set the table for me, please?”

&
nbsp; Kelly nodded, and pulled the place mats from the drawer. But she kept her eyes on Nona as she pulled the salmon steaks from the range-top grill and mixed tomatoes, celery, and mushrooms into the salad.

  Kelly placed the plates on the table. “Don’t worry, Mommy. Allen’s not going to let anyone destroy Brickhouse,” she said softly. “He’s got it under control.”

  Nona looked up and stared into the serious green eyes of her daughter, and she saw nothing but love. In that moment, she wanted to pull Kelly into her arms and kill Allenat the same time. Why had he said anything? How could he put this burden on her child?

  “Mom, I know he wasn’t supposed to tell me,” Kelly said as if reading Nona’s mind. “But I’m not a baby. I could tell that something was bothering you ever since you came back from your trip. So when Allen took me to the movies on Saturday, I asked him what was going on. It’s no big deal, though. I can handle it.” She smiled. “I want to be here for you, Mommy, and I can pray.”

  Nona ran her hand over her daughter’s hair. “Thank you, sweetheart, but I don’t want you to handle anything except for school and your friends and all your activities. Leave Brickhouse to me, okay?”

  Kelly nodded and wrapped her arms around Nona’s neck. They held each other for a long moment.

  “Enough of this mushy stuff,” Nona said, reluctantly letting Kelly from her arms. “Let’s eat.”

  “Can I say grace tonight?”

  Nona nodded, and after Kelly blessed their dinner, she began chatting about the play that she’d be performing with the Harlem Cultural Arts Center.

  “I love playing Lady Macbeth,” Kelly said as she stuffed salad into her mouth. “But I don’t like Robert. He’s Macbeth, and never in a million years would I marry a man like him.”

  Nona sighed inside. A child’s wisdom. Too bad she hadn’t been as wise in her twenties. With a little judgment, maybe she wouldn’t have fallen for the first jive-talking, slick-walking man who came her way.

  Ronald Simms had been the first person she met at New York University’s Graduate School of Business. She was sitting in the student lounge when a deep voice addressed her.

  “Is this seat taken?”

  Her head rose, her eyes settling on the eyes of the six-foot-three supreme being. It was the first time she understood how one’s breath could be taken away. She stared.

  The green-eyed Adonis repeated his question, but he was already sitting in the seat across from her. With a smile, he revealed teeth that had obviously been cared for by an orthodontist.

  He extended his hand. “My name is Ronald Simms.”

  Nona slowly lifted her hand. “No.”

  He frowned. “No?”

  Damn, she thought. Her mouth was just catching up with her brain. “I mean, no, that seat isn’t taken.”

  He smiled and stared at her, aware of his effect. “It is now.”

  That first meeting had lasted almost two hours as he asked her questions about herself. In between, he told her why he was getting a JD/MBA.

  “I want to be an entertainment attorney. I tried my hand at acting, but was smart enough to heed my high school guidance counselor’s advice and find another career.”

  He laughed at his words, and she savored the sweet sound in her ears.

  “So now I know what I want to be when I grow up,” he continued.

  She had taken a sip of her tea. “Would you have to move to Los Angeles to do that?”

  “No, New York is fine. In fact, I’m interning this summer at one of the largest firms in the country right here in the city.”

  She had sighed, relieved although she didn’t know why. Three hours ago, she didn’t even know this man. Yet now she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. Right there, she said a silent prayer that somehow their paths would cross again–even if it was just a sighting on campus.

  That night Ronald had called the two-bedroom apartment in Lenox Terrace that she shared with three other girls.

  “How did you get my number?” she asked, surprised, but pleased.

  “I’m going to be an attorney. I have my ways when I want to spend time with a beautiful woman.”

  They had talked well past midnight, until she struggled to keep her eyes open and her lips moving. That call led to their meeting the next night at a Mexican restaurant on West Fourth Street. That date led to a year’s worth of togetherness.

  Nona had been fascinated by Ronald’s drive. He’d study in the library for hours, focused on his goal of graduating at the top of his class. But during their summer break, his attention shifted. After work, he concentrated on having a good time.

  “I want you to show me New York,” the native Virginian told Nona. “I want to see this city through you.”

  Nona had taken him to all the standard sites, and many only New Yorkers knew. They strolled through the summer street fairs and went to off-off-Broadway plays. And then there were the days when she took him to the part of New York she loved the most–Harlem.

  But Ronald didn’t share her love for uptown.

  “You like hanging out there, don’t you?” he asked one night after she told him she had tickets to a play at the Harlem Cultural Arts Center.

  “It’s my home. I love it.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know why. You’re getting your MBA. You can rise above Harlem now.”

  She had turned away from him, tears stinging her eyesand an ache filling her heart. But she excused his words, attributing them to his ignorance. After all, she’d heard much dumber statements from others.

  It’s probably all the negative things he’s heard about Harlem, she thought as she pushed the hurt from his words aside.

  That should have been her first sign.

  Months later at graduation, Ronald had met her and with his cap and gown still in place, in front of friends and family, he proposed to her on bended knee.

  Their first year of marriage had been beyond bliss. Ronald put in long hours at the William Morris Agency, where he had worked as an intern. Nona began her career as a marketing assistant with the New York Fitness Club.

  Only her beloved Harlem was missing from her life. When they married, Ronald had insisted on moving into a downtown apartment. For the seventeen-hundred-dollars-a-month rent they were paying, Nona knew they could have much more than the cramped one-bedroom. But she didn’t push it. One day she’d convince Ronald, and they’d move back to Harlem.

  On their first anniversary, Ronald took Nona to Tavern on the Green. When she announced that she was pregnant, tears filled his eyes.

  “You’re going to have my baby?” his voice trembled. “I can’t believe this.” He kissed her, and Nona knew their happiness would last forever.

  But “forever” came to an end the next week when she received a letter in the mail fashioned from cut-out magazine letters.

  Your husband is the best lay I’ve ever had.

  If someone had kicked her in the stomach, it wouldn’t have matched the pain she felt as she read those words. Shehad met Ronald at the front door when he’d come home that night–just after midnight.

  “Hey, honey. What are you doing up?”

  Nona wiped her tear-streaked face. “What is this?”

  He frowned and took the paper from her. He scanned the letter, looked at her, and shook his head. Without a word, he walked into the living room and dropped his briefcase.

  “Well?” she said, following him.

  “Nona, I don’t know what this is.”

  “Who sent it?”

  “Baby, I don’t know.”

  “It has to be someone who knows us, Ronald. How else would they have our address?”

  He chuckled. “Sweetheart, sometimes you are so naïve. This person could have gotten our address any number of ways. It’s not like we’re unlisted. And everyone who works with us knows where we live.” He had taken her hand and pulled her into his arms. “Honey, it’s just someone who is jealous. They don’t want to see us happy. And we’re happy, ri
ght?”

  He kissed her nose, and Nona melted in his arms. In her head, she believed his words. In her heart, she knew the truth.

  For the next few months, she ignored the nagging doubts that throbbed inside her. It was easy as she focused on preparations for their baby. And Ronald was finding his way home much earlier each night than he had in their entire year of marriage.

  But after Kelly was born, it was hard for Nona not to accept that her marriage was in trouble. It was more than just the late hours and lack of attentiveness toward her. It wasn’t even the constant telephone hang-ups or the letters that she still received, but hid from Ronald. It was his lackof interest in their baby. Ronald lived as if she and Kelly didn’t exist–attending late dinners, red carpet parties, and movie premieres without her.

  “It’s all for business,” he told her when she complained.

  Soon her complaints stopped, and she accepted the inevitable.

  Before Kelly was even two, Nona and Ronald divorced, and in a surprise move, Ronald relocated to Los Angeles. Ever since, he played father once a year–for fourteen days and not an hour longer.

  “Asshole” was the best way to describe him, although she had to admit that she was luckier than most women–he was a paying asshole. His child support checks came on time, showing that he was much more committed to their divorce than he ever was to their marriage.

  But Nona did a good job of keeping her descriptive adjectives about the green-eyed bandit to herself. Kelly loved her father and lived for the annual two weeks that he gave her. And despite what Nona thought of Ronald Simms, he had given her the precious gift of Kelly.

  “So what do you think, Mom?”

  Nona shook her head slightly, trying to focus on what Kelly was saying. She stared at her daughter, and in Kelly’s green eyes, she saw Ronald. Why doesn’t Kelly look more like my side of the family? Nona thought as she often did when she looked at her child.

  “I’m sorry, sweetie, what did you say?”

  “I was asking if I could go to the movies with Allen again on Saturday. He said he would take me if it was all right with you.”

  Nona nodded, and inside thanked God that Allen was in Kelly’s life. “It’s fine with me. What are you guys planning on seeing?”