All In

by O'Donahue, Fallon

  Everyone was getting under his skin. There were more whiney emails, demands, stupid shit. If it wasn’t for the IM flashing on his screen, he would’ve slammed he laptop closed.

  C: On the plane? You better be on the plane.

  M: I’m on the plane.

  C: In the air?

  M: Of course.

  C: Good.

  M: Movie night?

  There was a long pause. Why was there a long pause?

  C: Tomorrow?

  M: Why? Got a hot date?

  Another long pause. She had a hot date? Damn! Really?

  C: Um, yeah.

  M: Idiot boy?

  C: Toph? Yes.

  God, the guy’s name just burrowed further and further under his skin. Toph was a stupid name. He scowled at his screen. All he wanted was some quiet time with the one person who made crazy days wash away. Was that too much to ask? And now he’d have to wait. Yes, he knew he was being a selfish ass, and he had to hold himself back from being the dickhead who typed But I need you more, because that would make him a terrible friend. He knew how hard it was for Cass to do this, and no matter what he wanted, he had to let her. So instead, he typed a different response.

  M: What’re you doing?

  Yeah, he was a damn good friend.

  C: Just dinner.

  M: Dinner? Or dinner+?

  C: Just dinner. He knows he’s not getting any.

  M: None? You’re a tease.

  C: And good at it.

  He laughed out loud, making his neighbor scowl. He couldn’t even apologize. Fine. She was going out on a damn date. Whatever. He was getting some Cass time this weekend, date or no date.

  M: Saturday, then?

  C: It’s a date.

  M: Well since I won’t be getting any, yeah. Pretty much.

  C: Shut up ass.

  M: Anal? Well, didn’t know that was an option…

  C: What are you, in 8th grade?

  M: Commas are important, you know. Besides, I’m in 7th grade. Got a problem with that?

  C: Well, then that makes your proposal illegal. I don’t look good in orange.

  M: In the movies I’ve seen, you don’t stay in orange that long.

  C: You have to stop watching prison porn.

  M: But it’s the best porn.

  C: Stop watching all porn.

  M: Porn is good.

  C: So is cheesecake, but you don’t see me eating that all the time.

  M: Cheesecake is not the same as porn.

  C: Have you tasted cheesecake?

  M: Of course.

  C: Then you know it’s positively orgasm inducing and addictive.

  M: Food porn.

  C: Exactly.

  9

  Cass

  What the fuck is wrong with me?

  Every time the phone rang, every time the door buzzed, she jumped, and not in a way a girl who just had a good date should. She’d stare at strange numbers on the caller ID, anxiety ripping through her, tearing at her heart. She should be ecstatic to answer, wondering if it was him, but instead she was doing what she always did. She was running…again.

  The first kiss at the dance club had been good. The second kiss after the movie had been great. The third kiss, well, that was the one that should’ve sealed the deal.

  Should’ve.

  If she was normal.

  It had been nice. His lips were soft, his hands firm. He took control like she said she wanted.

  Then why was she shaking every time she thought of him?

  Maybe it was the way he looked at her like a conquest. Sure, it could’ve been hot. It should have been hot, if she trusted him to want more than just to win. As she went over the events of the night before, she couldn’t shake the feeling that the night was more about him proving to himself that he was a good guy, that he could still get a woman to want him, rather than making amends.

  She had to admit, though, it felt a little satisfying to be wanted—even if it was just to stroke his ego. It had been far, far too long since someone had even remotely shown real interest. That thought was probably the only thing not sucking her down her black hole.

  It was just the way he went about everything, and she blushed as she realized she’d let him. It was a pretty big display of PDA for him to kiss her on the way to the bar, and she’d just let him do it. She’d let him kiss her again on the street, and she’d let him press that impressive length against her leg. That’s not what she’d wanted for the evening. She was so hell bent on proving something to Lo, that she’d ended up being the woman she didn’t want to be. She was that slut on the street who didn’t care who saw her in a wonton position. She’d given into him, stroked Toph’s stupid ego, for what? So she could refute Lo’s accusations about how she viewed Maddox?

  Idiot!

  She had her humiliated face in her hands when Lo stalked into her office.

  “You’re avoiding him,” Lo whispered, and Cass peeked up to see her hard look and arms crossed in front of her. She was tapping her orange manicured toes on the carpet.

  “Loooooo,” Cass groaned. She just didn’t want to deal with it.

  “He’s a nice guy,” Lo pulled up a chair.

  “I suppose.”

  “And you enjoyed the kiss.”

  Cass’ face was on fire. She had. Even if it wasn’t all she wanted it to be, and even if she denied his intentions, it had been nice.

  “Then get your head out of your ass!” Lo slapped her hand on the desk, startling Cass.

  “Who’s head is in who’s ass?” Dark eyes laughed at her from the doorway.

  “Who else?” Lo motioned to Cass.

  “Shut up, Lo,” Cass growled, turning back to her computer, her fingers banging a little too hard on her keyboard.

  “Yeah, head up her ass,” Maddox plopped himself down in the other chair. “What’s the story?”

  “Someone had a great date, a good looking guy who wants to go out again. A guy who, and tell me if I’m wrong, gave her a toe curling kiss…in public…where everyone could see.”

  “Shut up, Lo,” she snapped, her jaw clenching.

  “And now she won’t answer his calls. She won’t call him back. She’s doing it again.”

  “Lo!” Cass finally broke, the painful lump in her throat breaking as she couldn’t hold back the tears.

  “Admit it, Cass. Just admit it,” Lo leaned in.

  “Fuck you, Lo. What do you know?” Cass turned away to stare at her blotchy faced reflection in the window.

  “Fuck me? I’m not the one crying every night in my pillow because I don’t have a guy, but not willing to get over myself to get one. I’m not the one unwilling to give myself to a guy-“

  “No, you’re willing to give yourself to every guy,” Cass whipped around and spat, stiffening when the words came out of her mouth, when Lo took a step back as if Cass had punched her in the gut.

  “Lo, I-“ Cass reached out, but Lo pulled away.

  “Get over yourself, Cass. Talk to me when you’ve grown up.” Lo turned and slammed the door behind her.

  Cass began to sob.

  “Baby girl,” the soft baritone startled her.

  “Dammit, Mad,” she sniffled as he pulled her into his arms.

  “It’s okay,” he soothed, smoothing the waves of her hair.

  “No, it’s not. I’m ruining everything,” she hiccuped.

  “She’ll be fine.”

  No, she won’t, Mad. She won’t,” Cass pinched his lapel in her fists.

  “She will. This isn’t your first fight.”

  “It’s the first one where I called her a slut,” she pulled away, and he took her hand.

  “It’s about time you did. I wondered why it took you so long to pull out that card,” he massaged her hand.

  She stared at him, wide-eyed. “She’s not a slut, Mad!”

  “No, she’s not. But compared to you…”

  “Shut up. She’s not. She’s just…”

  “Free. Ca
ss, we know Lo likes to sleep with men. She’s free with that body of hers, and she loves it, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t struggle like the rest of us.”

  “I know,” Cass moaned. “I know. I need to apologize.”

  “Yes, you do. And soon, but I have a question for you,” he pulled up her chin so she looked into his baby blues.

  “Why are you not answering this guys calls?”

  She grabbed his hands and threw them away.

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Yes, it does, Baby Girl. It really does.”

  She sighed. She knew he wouldn’t let this go.

  “He doesn’t want me. Not really,” she explained, leaning away from Maddox.

  He narrowed his eyes. “How do you know that? From what Lo was saying, it certainly seemed like he wanted you just fine.”

  “There is a difference between wanting sex and wanting a person. I’m just a conquest. Something to boost his fragile little ego,” she started, and then it came pouring out, “And I let him. I let him kiss me. I let him touch me, I even let him tempt me. I touched him, and I played the game, and…” she trailed off, taking deep breath and looking at the flecks in the drop ceiling.

  “And?” he asked, leaning forward.

  She looked back at him. “It wasn’t worth it.”

  He laughed. “Toes curled?”

  “Yes, two out of four.”

  “You touched him?”

  “Not like that, but…”

  “What did he do with it?” Mad’s face turned red.

  “Calm down, Big Bro. It’s hard to hide when it’s pressed against your leg.”

  He laughed. “Been there.”

  “And you can’t just use him back?”

  She gaped at him, horrified.

  “Forget I said it.”

  “It’s okay, Mad. If I was a normal woman, I’d do it. If my brain didn’t put up a giant warning sign, if my emotions weren’t always right there under the surface, maybe. But all it would do is fuel more guilt and insecurity, and I deal with enough of that on a regular basis.”

  “You’re running.”

  “Yeah. I tend to do that.”

  He hugged her.

  “I don’t think you’re getting as much out of the praying mantis books as you should.”

  She laughed and pulled out of his embrace. “They’re not textbooks.”

  He pursed his lips, “Maybe they should be.”

  She smacked his chest. “She feels pretty guilty after she kills them, you know.”

  “Ah, but not so guilty that she doesn’t move on.”

  “No, not that guilty,” she looked at her feet.

  “Go apologize to Lo. Take her over to McCallan’s. Take the afternoon,” he stood up.

  “Mad, I can’t. The project-“

  “Is probably weeks ahead of schedule, and Phil will be fine. Just go. Come back tomorrow better.”

  She nodded.

  “And Mad?”

  “Yeah,” he looked back at her.

  “Thanks.”

  He smiled, but his eyes seemed a little sad.

  * * *

  It took begging and pleading and offers of free drinks to get Lo out the door, and it may have only been the idea that they’d been given the gift of hooky that made the devil in her leave the office. Even then, it took until the second round of drinks before either of them spoke.

  “I’m sorry, Lo. I didn’t mean it,” Cass apologized, running her finger along the rim of her glass.

  Lo sighed. “I know.”

  “I hurt you,” Cass whispered.

  “Yes, you did.”

  “Lo-“

  “No, listen to me Cassidy Moore. Just listen. I’m your friend. I worry about you. I don’t expect you to be like me. I like sex. I like men. I love how I feel when I’m wrapped up in all kinds of pleasure. It’s my thing. I like men being attracted to me, and I know I only have that for so much longer. I’m not like you, Cass. I don’t get off on being at home, in sweats, reading and watching tv. And I know that’s what you need.”

  She sipped her pink concoction before continuing, “So, when Dan introduced me to Toph, I thought he was perfect. Quiet, studious, and good looking. He liked some geeky things, and he was so nice. You’ve isolated yourself for so long and here was this guy that could be perfect. A guy who might be able to distract you from things you can never have. But he’s not what you want, is he?”

  She stopped talking and looked at Cass, waiting for an answer.

  “No,” Cass admitted.

  “You can’t have him,” Lo said, and they both knew she wasn’t talking about Toph.

  “Lo, please. Let’s not go there again.”

  “You’re telling me Maddox has nothing to do with your not wanting Toph.”

  Anger flared, but Cass pushed it down. This was about her apologizing, not making it worse, no matter how much Lo wouldn’t stop blaming Maddox.

  “He doesn’t,” Cass told her, but lifted her hand when Lo started to protest. “Look, I love Maddox, and you’re right. He’s my crutch. I get it. I use him, and I’m okay with that. But I don’t use him as an excuse not to get close to other men. That’s where you’re wrong. If anything, I use him as a reason to want someone of my own. Mad treats me well. He looks out for me. His hugs are incredible, and it’s easy when I’m with him. He shows me how important those things are, not just in him, but in anyone I’m planning to spend my life with. Toph was an ass looking to boost his own ego. He comes off nice, and maybe a good portion of him really is, but he never actually wanted me. He wanted me to want him. It was like Blaine all over again.”

  “Oh, honey,” Lo scooted over in the booth and hugged her and both women started to cry. They were a blubbering mess when the waitress came over to ask if they were okay. “Go away!” they shouted in unison.

  “So, not Toph?” Lo asked, and laughed with Cass as she gave a resounding, “No.”

  “Damn,” Lo sighed, wiping the stray mascara from under her eyes. “That’s just depressing.”

  “Why?”

  “Well, things are really progressing with Dan, and I had dreams of double dates and Christmas in the mountains with the four of us.”

  Cass laughed. “Getting a bit ahead of yourself?”

  Lo laughed.

  “You really like him?” Cass softened.

  Lo got serious, biting her lower lip. For all of Lo’s confidence and talk about men, she was different when she mentioned Dan. For the first time in years, she saw Lo’s insecurities on the surface. “Yeah. I really do.”

  Cass grinned. “I’m glad. You deserve this, Lo. You deserve to be happy.”

  “I am, girl. I really, really am.”

  Cass hugged her best friend and laid her head on her shoulder.

  “I want you to be happy, too.”

  “Honey, I will. One day. One day someone will get through all my bullshit, work through the crazy, and just love me for me,” she smiled, but her heart clenched. Would that ever really happen? She may say those types of things out loud, because that’s what you do when someone wishes you the best. You tell them it will be okay, even when you don’t think it will ever really happen.

  10

  Maddox

  “I hate these things,” Maddox grumbled as he and Phil made their way to the reception. He could already hear the party in full swing, the din of music and conversation wafting down the hall.

  “You do not, idiot. You know you love this shit,” Phil rolled his eyes and looked at his watch. “I’m the one who hates this.”

  “I’m not in the mood,” he sighed, and checked his phone—seventeen emails from people at the cocktail reception, all saying the same thing: Where are you?

  “Well, get in the mood, dammit. I need you on tonight.”

  Maddox took a deep breath. “Fine,” he sighed, and smiled as they walked through the doors. The room was buzzing with energy as executives schmoozed and plotted with one another. Maddox and Phil went s
traight to the bar, ordering a scotch apiece.

  Normally he loved these things. They tended to stroke his ego. If the men weren’t posturing to get in his good graces, the women were looking to get in his bed. Overall, these soirees usually turned out pretty well for him. But he was tired. His flight ended up being detoured because of some idiot on board getting too drunk and rowdy, so he had a four hour layover that meant he hadn’t gotten in until 9am, which also meant he’d had little sleep.

  Then his sister called, crying hysterically over some guy breaking up with her. He probably could have been nicer, but it was Miss Drama Queen’s third breakup this year. He didn’t have the energy to coo and make her feel better, but he’d tried. She still ended up calling him an ass before hanging up. He reminded himself to send her cookies in the morning. She loved cookies.

  “Maddox Paul!” Harry Baron shouted as he knocked Maddox on the back, almost causing him to spill his drink. Maddox scowled before looking over at the pudgy man.

  “Harry, great to see you.” He put on his best smile before shaking the man’s hand.

  “We have to talk, my friend,” Harry got serious and peered over the top of his glasses at him.

  “About the internet deal?” Maddox guessed.

  “Yes, about that god-forsaken deal.”

  Maddox laughed. “Set up a time with my assistant. It’s a good deal, Harry.”

  “For you, maybe.”

  “For all of us. Promise.”

  Harry waved him off and moved onto the next person he could complain to. Maddox smirked. Always the same.

  “Fancy meeting you here.” A familiar giggle tickled his ears.

  “Baby Girl, what are you doing here?” he smiled, for the first time genuinely happy to see someone.

  She laughed. “Phil thought it would be good for the managers to schmooze a bit. So I got all gussied up.”

  He looked down. She certainly did. Cass wasn’t exactly tiny, but that didn’t mean she lacked assets—and there they were on full display.

  “Eyes up here, fella,” she grinned.

  “Well, what did you expect when you put those things front and center?”

  She grinned and shimmied, causing her breasts to jiggle just a little bit. Fuck.