All In

by O'Donahue, Fallon

  “I-, I have to go,” she pulled away, heading toward her purse.

  “No,” he grabbed her wrist, pulling her back into him. “I told you, I would’t let you run away,” he whispered onto her lips before kissing her. Apparently she wasn’t the only one who thought to be minty fresh in the morning. His teeth tugged her lower lip as she felt wetness pool between her legs. Anxiety and desire warred inside her.

  “I’m…not,” she stumbled as he nibbled his way down her neck, his teeth biting hard on her shoulder.

  “Don’t lie to me, Cass. I know you, remember? You always run away. ‘Best one night stand, ever,’ you said,” he stopped kissing her and looked her in the eye. “You’re not my one night stand. Not now. Not ever. You’re mine,” he growled before whipping the t-shirt off over her head and throwing her down on the couch.

  “Mine,” he said, pulling her pants off of her, and thrusting his fingers deep inside her sex. She threw her head back and released a loud moan.

  “Oh, God,” she panted as he mastered her body. She tried to reach down, to take hold of his erection, but he took both her hands in one of his and put them over her head.

  “Mine,” he ordered, raining kisses down her neck, her breast, her stomach. She didn’t know how he found it, but she watched through hooded eyes as he tore the condom wrapper open and rolled it down his length.

  “Do you want me, Cass?” he stopped touching her, and just waited. She stared back.

  “Do you?” he asked again, this time rolling her nipple between his fingers, shocks rocking her core. She moaned and nodded.

  “Oh, no, darling. Tell me, out loud. What do you want?” he demanded, rubbing his length between her slick folds, and stroking once, twice.

  “Oh, God. Maddox, you. I want you,” she screamed, bucking into his hand.

  “Finally,” he sighed, thrusting into her. He pulled out at an agonizingly slow pace and then thrust in hard again—over and over until she was at a tipping point. His hand working the sensitive nub, his mouth playing with hers until they both shattered.

  “Don’t pull away, Cass. Not when I just found you,” he whispered into her hair, holding her close.

  “I’m not,” she lied.

  “You are. You do this every time someone gets close to you. You keep them at arms length. Let me in,” he tightened his grip. “What are you so afraid of?”

  You, she thought. You, breaking my heart in a way that it can’t be repaired. She sunk into his embrace, unable to answer.

  12

  Maddox

  He knew what she was doing. He knew how afraid she was to leave herself vulnerable. She had told him that once, when she thought he wasn’t interested in her. She had confided that she had problems letting people in. Who had damaged her this way? He thought.

  It hadn’t been an easy decision for him, and he hadn’t invited her over to seduce her, either. He loved hanging out with Cass. She was fun and teasing. She wasn’t afraid of him. She listened to his stories. And damn, if he didn’t get a little turned on by her reaction when he touched her. Even back when he didn’t even realize what he wanted, and she tried so hard to hide how it made her feel. Well, you can’t hide goosebumps, soft shudders, and dilated eyes. The body never lies.

  Still, she wasn’t the first woman who found him attractive that he couldn’t be with. And honestly, he didn’t find her all that physically attractive for a long time. He knew it was shallow, but he liked when he had that stunning model on his arm. He enjoyed the way other people, especially other men, looked at him so envious of his new toy.

  But that was it—they were just new toys. There was no connection, no substance. There was nothing that would interest him day after day. Even his long-term relationships were a struggle. He wasn’t kidding when he said he wanted a woman who needed him, but he also meant he wanted a woman who wasn’t needy. Too often the women who needed him latched on for dear life. And if they didn’t need him, they leaned toward being so emotionally distant, they were good for a short fuck and that was about it.

  Cass wasn’t like that. In fact, she tried so hard to not be attracted to him. She let him touch her just enough. She touched him, just enough—and never for as long as he would like.

  No one else did that. Women threw themselves at him, which was why he didn’t have close women friends. Until Cass. She was as close as he’d let someone get since he walked away from his ex-wife, and maybe even she hadn’t gotten under his skin like Cass had.

  He stared at the frightened woman in his arms. The one who was quaking and unsure, and his heart broke. He couldn’t lose her. He realized now how much he thought of her when he was in San Francisco. How often little thoughts of how Cass would’ve handled this, or how she would have laughed at that, entered his mind. How many times he had started to call her or write her an email and then didn’t.

  She was a constant for him, someone he knew would be here every time he came home. Not a fuck buddy, but someone who could ground him when his ego got too damn big up there in the Bay Cities. He could always count on Cass to call him out on his bullshit. Heck, sometimes she did it with a phone call or email even when he hadn’t asked. And she would be there, a silent partner when he was hurting inside and couldn’t admit it. When he was lonely and just needed someone to be close. She let him be silent. She didn’t press. She was just there, a light in his dark, dark mind.

  She wasn’t a stick think model. Most men didn’t really notice her, on that she had been somewhat right. It was easy for her to be invisible. Not quite fat, not quite thin, not quite pretty, not quite ugly. She just fit in that middle ground. What she was wrong about, though, was thinking no man noticed her. Sometimes they just didn’t notice her right away. Sometimes they spent all their time not looking at her.

  That was her gift. Ever so slowly, she crept her way into his psyche. One step at a time she became someone he couldn’t live without. She went from someone he was sad to leave behind to someone he was overjoyed to come back to. And last night?

  He was growing hard again just thinking about last night. The way she tasted. The way she screamed out his name when she came.

  Too many people thought she was frigid. This woman was anything but frigid. She just wasn’t comfortable opening up, but once she did? Holy shit, she was going to be a handful.

  He needed a handful. He didn’t want easy. He’d married easy, and that blew up in his face. He wanted her. He wanted soft, vulnerable Cass. He wanted mercurial Cass. He wanted feisty, obnoxious Cass. He wanted to make her feel safe and free. He longed to see her free. Damn, if last night wasn’t her being totally free, what did that mean?

  He couldn’t wait to find out.

  “What are you so afraid of?” he asked, her eyes turning from his. He stroked her cheek, bringing her gaze back to him. “I’m not walking away from you, Cassidy. You’re mine now, and I’m not letting you go. You can run, but I know where to find you. You can try to hide. I’m here. I’m in. I’m all in, Baby.”

  Tears flowed down her cheeks, and he brushed them away before pulling her close. “I won’t let you leave me, Cass. Not when I just found you. Not now. I need you.”

  What was he saying wrong? Her body racked with a choked sob.

  “Cass, please. Please.” He rocked her back and forth, letting her cry it out. He stroked her hair, rubbed her back, until the sobs subsided and she hiccuped and rubbed her wet eyes.

  She looked back up at him with her splotchy face and red rimmed eyes. “I need you, too,” she whispered before leaning up to kiss him.

  Brave woman. Such a brave woman, his Cass. He knew how hard this was for her. How much she wanted to just run out the door and not have to face the morning after.

  But here she was, kissing him, weaving her fingers into his hair, running her hand down his bare chest, whispering something into his bad ear. She knew it was his bad ear, and curiosity ate away at him, but it was silenced by the ripple of pleasure running through him as she nibbled on the lobe. />
  Oh, damn. He was hard as a rock again, and the rest of the condoms were in the bedroom.

  Fuck.

  “Mad, I need to go,” she pulled away and looked down at his raging hard-on. “I’m sorry. I just-“

  “Promise me,” he whispered, taking her hands. He’d deal with his rogue dick later.

  She looked up at him with wide eyes.

  “Promise me you won’t close yourself off,” he pleaded.

  She looked down at their entwined hands and bit her lip. “I’ll try.”

  “You’ll answer my calls?”

  She looked him in the eye. “Yes.”

  “You’ll let me stop by tonight?”

  She hesitated.

  “Cass?”

  She looked down, but nodded.

  “Okay,” he stood, helping her put back on her clothes.

  She grabbed her bag by the door, but he stopped her. “I’ll see you later,” he smiled, brushing her lips with his. She may be trying to run, but that was her head. The way her body leaned into him, that was her heart. He liked her heart.

  * * *

  He heard the elevator doors shut and turned to face his apartment, remnants of the night’s activities everywhere. Cass may have picked up the wine glasses and brought them to the kitchen, but that’s all they’d done. The wine bottle stood open on the coffee table, couch cushions layered the floor. His clothes were strewn about, creating a path to the bedroom.

  He didn’t care. He walked back to his bed and laid down, inhaling the scent of her left on the pillow. Her perfume and musk still lingered, and his mind drifted back to what was supposed to be a typical movie night. She was just supposed to come over, like she normally did, to watch a movie and drink wine.

  And things had progressed, perfectly normal, even down to the cuddling on the couch. They always snuggled there together. It was that weird connection they’d had since day one when she didn’t know he was Vice-President of the department where she was interviewing. When she just sat in the waiting room and flirted with a stranger. Well, not flirted per se, he’d call it more of a spirited and fun conversation.

  He didn’t know why it was so easy with Cass. She never passed judgment. She did call him out on his bullshit, but never judged him. She was the most honest person he knew, about everything but how she felt about him.

  Not that he was all that honest with her. He hadn’t even realized what it was he’d been feeling until she started talking about what she needed. That’s when he realized he wanted to be that guy, when fire filled his veins at the idea of that guy being someone else. Why had he even offered to fix her up with someone else? He didn’t want another guy to be “it” for her. He wanted “it” to be him.

  It would be him, dammit. How had he not known? How had he been so blind to the path he was on? How could something this powerful be that gradual, that subtle? He rolled over on his back, putting his hands behind his head. He supposed that things between them had gotten more complicated since he returned from San Francisco. While cuddling had never been a problem, he found himself craving her touch. When he watched a movie by himself, he felt empty. When she touched him lately, he heated up. He thought he’d just gone too long without getting laid.

  But last night, he realized that it hadn’t mattered when he’d gotten laid last. It mattered that she was there—that she was the one touching him, laughing with him, snuggling with him on the couch. It mattered that she’d opened herself up to him, and now he was dying to find out what else was hidden in those depths.

  He couldn’t wait to dive in.

  13

  Cass

  Cass made it from the elevator to the car to her house without another tear. The shaking started as she walked up the front steps, and it took her what felt like forever to calm her hands enough to get the key in the lock. Once inside, the sobs returned, and she curled up in a ball on her bed.

  What had she done?

  This was Maddox. He was supposed to be her safe haven. Yes, she’d had a crush on him. She’d fantasized about some man with his face, but this wasn’t supposed to be real. That’s what made it so easy with him. He would always be so far out of her league that she didn’t have to worry. When he touched her, it was as friends. When he sent her flirty texts, it meant nothing. They were just fun and friendly.

  Oh, God. She was ruining everything.

  Not only had they had sex—mind blowing, phenomenal sex that might forever ruin her for another man—but then she’d cried. No man wants a woman to sob hysterically after having sex. She’d done everything wrong, and now she was going to lose him.

  She’d seen how Maddox reacted to needy women. He may have said he wanted a woman who needed him, but it wouldn’t be long before he’d think they were too clingy. Once he turned that corner, it was all over. There were no second chances.

  He was being too kind, letting her off easy. Yes, he’d asked to come over, but it was probably to tell her they couldn’t do this. He cared enough for her so she was sure he wouldn’t be a dick, but there was no way he actually want her. He probably felt so sorry for her that it clouded his decision making. He always did have a stupid need to be her knight in shining armor, so why wouldn’t that translate to taking her to bed when she needed it? Why wouldn’t it translate to him making her feel like sex wasn’t something to be so worried about?

  She couldn’t do this to him. She couldn’t saddle him with this bullshit. She had to end it now. She sat up, sniffling and taking a deep breath. No, she wouldn’t let him feel guilty or feel like he had to be with her now. She’d be strong, for him. She’d let him go, and it would kill her inside, but it was the right thing to do.

  They didn’t belong together. Yes, he’d taken her to places she’d never been sexually. Her past sexual relationships had been fine. Some good even. But never mind blowing. She’d never, even with Blaine, felt so free. With Maddox, she’d moaned, begged for more, and even shouted his name.

  Her face burned.

  She rubbed the heat out of her blush and got up. Every step reminded her of their late night and morning activities. Muscles she didn’t know she had ached. Her lips still burned with his kisses.

  She turned on the shower and washed him off of her. His light cologne clung to her skin. Gone. Cool water over her skin washing away the burn of desire. She brushed him off her teeth.

  She put on a light tee and shorts, turning on the tv as she waited for a cup of coffee to brew. She turned on a home improvement show, trying to distract herself by watching an episode where the designers destroyed the inside of an old 1920s cottage by making it all contemporary and modern inside. Her anger at their inconsideration for historical architecture and design helped ease the anxiety and turmoil regarding the night before.

  Her phone rang mid-rant, and Lo’s name flashed on the caller ID.

  Should she answer?

  “Hey,” Cass did her best to sound nonchalant, though she was sure there was a quake in her voice.

  “Hey? You okay, honey?”

  What? What did Lo know? Oh, hell…she couldn’t tell her.

  “Yeah, yeah,” Cass lied. “You know, stupid designers ruined a 1920s design. You know how I feel about that.”

  Cool as a cucumber. Smooth liar.

  Silence.

  She wouldn’t give in. Cass knew what Lo’s reaction would be, and she wasn’t ready to deal with that on top of everything else. Tears threatened as she thought of her friend’s pursed lips, disappointment, and then worry. She couldn’t admit to her mistake yet. Cass bit her lip and waited.

  “Okay,” Lo relented. Cass released a relieved sigh away from the headset. “How about some shopping? Dan has something fantastic planned next weekend, and I want something that will knock his socks off.”

  “Because being naked hasn’t worked?”

  “Do not insult those skills, darling,” Lo pouted.

  “I’ve seen you naked. Nothing but admiration. If I was a man, I’d be perpetually sockless.” />
  Lo laughed. “You’d better be sockless now just thinking of it, woman!”

  Now it was Cass’ turn to laugh. God, she loved Lo.

  “So, shopping?” Maybe that’s just what she needed to take her mind off of everything—good, old fashioned retail therapy.

  “Pick you up at 2?”

  “Be here with bells on.”

  M: I’ll be over at 3.

  Cass looked down at the buzzing phone. Maddox. Fear gripped her heart. She’d been so distracted by getting ready for Lo to pick her up, she’d actually forgotten her promise to let him come by.

  C: Shopping with Lo at 2.

  Silence. Fuck.

  M: Truth, Cass.

  C: Honest to goodness truth.

  M: Promise.

  Dammit. Of course. Like she’d lie…wait, yes, she would have lied. He knew her too well.

  C: Promise.

  M: Pick up something nice to wear to dinner.

  C: No.

  M: Cass…

  C: Mad…

  M: I want to take you to dinner.

  C: You don’t have to.

  M: I know. I want to.

  He was going to let her down in public, as if she’d make a scene.

  M: I wasn’t kidding earlier. I’m not letting you go. Nice dress.

  Right. As a friend.

  C: I have nice dresses.

  M: I want to see your legs.

  She snapped a picture of her calf to ankle and sent it.

  M: You’re an idiot. Nice dress. Nothing I’ve seen before. Something that shows leg. I’ll pick you up at 8.

  She sighed.

  C: Okay.

  * * *

  “What about this one?” Lo asked, holding out a yellow, one-shoulder number with a slit so indecent it could potentially land her in jail.

  “Too cheerful. You should go with the emerald one.” Cass told her. The canary yellow was gorgeous, but this was an elegant fundraiser for children with terminal illnesses. Not really the place for cheerful sexy.