Instead of replying, Sasha turned to her food and they sat in tense silence once more. Dmitri continued to gaze at her, wondering how he could ever get beyond her walls. He almost wanted to laugh at the situation; before, it had been him who had kept her at a distance. Now, it seemed he was only getting a taste of his own medicine.
“Enough about the past, I’m curious as to what you have been doing now? Are you still good friends with Teagan?”
She nodded, still in deep thought about his confession. A part of her still wanted to curse him out but she knew the anger only stemmed from her own hurt feelings. No matter her intentions, she was aware of how misguided her actions had been and knew to a certain extent he was right in his anger that day. But what about the times before? Their relationship was more than just that day at the hospital. Could she truly consider being with him again after the many times she felt as if she were fighting for their relationship on her own? Would being with him make her revert back to her former self- the young woman in constant need of acceptance and validation?
Her thoughts turned to Jaelynn and Faye. In the end, Dmitri had done more damage to her psyche than they ever had. As her first love, she knew she would never be able to forget him. But she couldn’t risk being that person again. And Dmitri was too much of a risk.
“Let’s stop pretending, Dmitri.”
He raised a brow at her tone. “Is something wrong, Sasha?”
“Yes, this,” she stated, her hands gesturing to the dinner between them. “Us, pretending to patch things up and become friends or whatever the hell you think we can get back. It’s over. And I’ve moved on. Your inability to do so…is not on me.”
The confusion written across his face almost made her feel a sense of regret at the harshness of her words. Before she could continue her sudden tirade, he released a deep sigh and settled back into his chair. The clang of his utensils against the glass plate resounded between them.
“You say you forgive me…but you are still angry.” As she opened her mouth, he halted her with a raised hand. “No, please. I don’t want this dinner to end in conflict. I thought that by you accepting the dinner, you were ready to start over. I don’t fault you for still being angry; you have every right. But, when I tell you I am serious about starting over with you, I mean it. And if the only way to make you see that is to back off, then I will.
“So, I’m going to ask you something and I want you to be completely honest with me. And I want you to really think about it and not react simply out of anger.” He paused and Sasha looked on in shock as he visibly shook. He was obviously unsure of himself as he swallowed with difficulty and nervously wiped at his brow. “Do you still love me- even a little?”
Panic coursed through her. It wasn’t merely shock at his question, but disappointment in herself. She was unable to tell him with utter certainty that she didn’t love him anymore. She had told herself to simply not think about him; she had never considered that even with his absence from her mind, he still had reigns upon her heart.
Dmitri continued to watch her, waiting patiently for a response even as he slightly dreaded hearing the answer. But when she hesitated, he had a sense of hope. She was obviously unsure, and uncertainty gave him room to steer her back in the direction he wanted. But his satisfaction was fleeting once the fear leapt into her eyes, and he realized he had inadvertently cornered her.
Sasha knew her silence spoke volumes. She wanted to scream at herself for showing vulnerability to him. Feeling that there was no way of rectifying the situation, she came to her feet. Her voice slightly shaking, she managed to find her voice again.
“You have no right to ask me that. You never indicated once in our relationship that you…”her voice broke at the words, unable to relive the fact that Dmitri never returned her feelings of love. She felt exposed and could only find words to fight back the wave of humiliation those memories brought to her again. “You haven’t changed. Even now, all you’re doing is hurting and humiliating me.” Sasha’s face reddened and she took in heavy breaths. “I hate you.”
As tears began to form in her eyes, she blinked them away and turned from him. Before she could reach the door exiting the restaurant, she felt his strong grasp upon her forearm. Sasha tried to twist out of his grip but he merely pulled her to his chest, arms encircling her waist.
“No, Sasha.” He took hold of her chin in his palm and made her look at him. “I’ll never hurt you again. That wasn’t my intent. I-I just need to know if you even want me to fight for you-for us.” He wiped at the wetness beneath her eyes with his thumb. Leaning down, he rested his brow against hers and breathed in her familiar scent. “I keep fucking up with you even as I try to make things right.”
Their gazes connected and Sasha felt her lips quiver at his nearness. She could just as well sense his reaction to her body as she did the heat coursing through her veins. To her dismay, she leaned in closer and lifted slightly onto her toes to reach him. However, at the sign of her invitation, Dmitri couldn’t allow himself to kiss her even though he also yearned for it.
“I can’t,” he whispered instead.
It was as if cold water had been splashed over her. Sasha started to take a step back but his hand tightened on her waist, preventing her escape.
“No, just listen. I want you- so bad. But I can’t allow you to think that all I am after is your body. I know you may just want a physical relationship so that feelings don’t get hurt. But I want you to trust that I won’t hurt you; there will be no hurt feelings this time. So, even though you may not be able to admit to loving or caring for me, by the end of this, you will have no doubt that your feelings are returned.”
At the sight of her annoyed confusion, he broke into a smile. “If I were to just say the words today, you wouldn’t believe me. You may think that is all you want to hear, but you deserve much more than that. So…” he took her cheeks between both of his large palms and caressed the smoothness of her skin adoringly, “first I am going to show you how much I feel for you, and then, when you are no longer in doubt or afraid of your feelings for me, I’m going to tell you. Now, please keep in mind, this is new for me. So, I’m going to try my hardest not to fuck up again like I just did. But I know that before I expect anything from you, I need to prove to you I am worth the risk.”
“And how exactly are you going to do that?” she couldn’t help but ask.
He merely smiled and before she could force an answer from him, the door behind them opened and Dominic stepped into the restaurant. Dmitri looked over her head and nodded in his brother’s direction.
“Dom is going to take you home.” Quickly, he gave her a peck on the cheek at the corner of her lips. Savoring the feel of her for one last moment. Then, he finally released Sasha from his grasp by taking a step back. She felt almost dizzy at the loss of his nearness but hid her reaction behind what had become a familiar mask.
As she turned to Dominic, she heard him whisper behind her, “I’m sorry. I don’t want to ever make you cry again.”
The next day, Sasha walked into work still in a daze from the night before. She had almost stayed up the entire night trying to understand her own warring emotions. On top of all that, the nagging disappointment that she had never gotten over him was still weighing heavily on her shoulders. How could she still be so weak? How could she have even tried to kiss him after he exposed her with that question? How dare he ask her if she still loved him?
Needless to say, Dominic had certainly gotten an earful on the way back to her apartment. While shock may have distracted her before, there had been nothing holding her back from voicing her ire at his deception. But, as was his apparent custom, Dominic hadn’t let any of her insults compel him to return them in kind. Instead, he had simply listened to her complaints in understanding before dropping her off at her apartment with a gentle kiss on the cheek.
The Vikhrov brothers were truly beginning to piss her off.
“Sasha!”
Justin’s y
ell for her attention tore her from her thoughts just as she was reaching her office. She turned to him with a forced smile, not wanting to hear any questions on her current mood. “What is it, Justin?” she asked in a disgustingly sweet tone. It was too much, and gave Justin pause as he looked at her from his executive assistant’s desk. But instead of prying into her unusual tone, he merely stated,
“You have a visitor.”
“What? My calendar didn’t indicate any appointments this morning.”
“A drop-in,” he stated simply. Whispering, he leaned over with one hand cupping his mouth, “He seemed to be a pretty important person. Came walking in with the CEO as if they were old buds and said that he was going to wait until you arrived.” Justin pulled out a sticky note and read his messy handwriting with pause. “A mister…Vi-Vaycrov?”
Sasha rolled her eyes with a deep sigh. “Where is he waiting?”
“In your office,” he stated before returning to his work.
She walked into the room to find Dmitri standing with his hands behind his back and a warm smile. Instead of returning his amiable greeting, she crossed her arms in an intimidating stance with a raised brow.
“What are you doing at my place of work?”
Dmitri deemed it best not to respond to her line of questioning just yet and instead held out his gift to her. “I’m hoping that this one won’t get thrown away.”
Sasha stared at the bouquet of red roses in wonder. “H-how did you know?”
He chuckled slightly. “I didn’t. But judging by the way you’ve reacted to me every time we’ve come across each other, I guessed that maybe they wouldn’t be well received. I’m hoping after last night, these will at least last an hour.”
Taking the flowers from him, “Don’t kid yourself.”
To her surprise, instead of being insulted, Dmitri merely laughed harder. And her heart responded in kind. She had missed his laughter. It was a rarity, even while they dated. Anytime she had been able to get it out of him, she had felt like the most special woman in the world. It was a gift she was grateful to receive. Sasha took the opportunity of placing the roses on her desk, with her back turned to him, to compose herself. It was becoming harder each time they met to pretend he had no effect on her. Would the time come when she would be completely vulnerable to him again? What would she do then?
“I came to ask you out for lunch.”
“No ploy to get me there? I’m shocked.”
Once again, he didn’t respond to her sarcasm. She was starting to find it hard to look at him, however. Despite her curt responses, he continued to look at her warmly. And, dare she believe, his eyes seemed to glow with something stronger than mere affection as they rested upon her person.
Before she knew it, he was standing directly in front of her. His long fingers traced the softness of her forearm before becoming entangled within her own palm. It was the simplest expression of affection and it had her yearning again for what they had. They stood there for a short time that seemed much longer as they got lost within each other. Their surroundings disappeared as Sasha found herself studying his handsome features.
She remembered lying with him and exploring the planes of his face with the soft pads of her fingers. Her eyes would always wind up entranced by the curvature of his lips and the bleak darkness in his eyes. They had always been hauntingly beautiful. And, now with the soft creases at the corners and the more refined lines, she found him even more breathtaking.
“It’s your choice. And I’m not going to take that away from you,” he finally replied gently. The air became tense again as they battled their need for each other.
As a saving grace, they were torn from their small bubble at the soft knock at the door. Standing in the doorway with a confused expression was Carter.
Chapter Seven
There was an awkward silence in her office as Sasha tried to search for words at Carter’s appearance. From the intimacy between her and Dmitri, she was certain he would have questions. And, as if an echo of her thoughts, Carter stated hesitantly,
“Um…I’m sorry for interrupting. Your assistant wasn’t at his desk so…” Carter’s eyes continued to travel between the two of them before they settled squarely on Dmitri, who had made no effort to step away from Sasha.
Dmitri eyed the intruder, upset at the interruption and remembering Carter’s apparent date with Sasha the night they were reunited. Not bothering to hide his hostility, he dared to shield Sasha from her guest. Carter read his behavior and knew without a doubt the scene he had just interrupted. The two men’s eyes met across the room in challenge while Sasha looked on in horror at the circumstances.
Trying to reign in the potent tension, she stepped away from Dmitri to approach Carter with a smile. “No, you weren’t interrupting anything. What can I do for you, Carter?”
Carter crossed his arms against his chest and continued to meet Dmitri’s glare. Finally, with a short sigh, his attention returned to her and he asked, “I came to ask if you would like to have an early lunch? It’s a bit short-notice and I apologize for that, but we hardly spoke after that night and I was worried.”
Sasha wanted to hide under the plush rug decorating her office in that moment. She felt slightly disappointed at his invitation. And it was then she realized just how much she wanted to accept Dmitri’s. With that realization, she eagerly sought to distance herself.
“Of course, I would love to,” she smiled. At his return smile, she turned slowly and watched Dmitri approach with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Her breath held, waiting for his response. Could she admit to herself how much she liked him fighting for her? Sasha met his stare head on with a smirk.
“Well, since you seem to have plans, I won’t intrude. However, before I go, I just want to remind you to put these in water. I know how much you love them.” With emphasis on the word ‘love’, Dmitri handed her the bouquet of roses in full view of Carter. It was clear to all of them the romantic interest the roses represented between Dmitri and Sasha. And with that reveal, Dmitri nodded his head to Carter and strolled from Sasha’s office.
Sasha watched his departure in shock at his audacity. She continued to hold the roses loosely in her hands, her fingers playing with the silk ribbon wrapped around the vines. It was hard to admit but she did find them to be beautiful. Distracting herself from the direction of her thoughts, she looked back at Carter.
“Where would you like to go for lunch?”
Pretending as if the awkward and tense incident only moments before had never occurred, after she locked her office, Sasha and Carter made their way out of the building. It wasn’t until they were seated at a cozy café only a few blocks from her place of work that she noticed the tension Carter still exuded. He waited until they had received their orders before finally asking.
“So, it may not be my place but…what was Dmitri Vihkrov doing in your office? Didn’t you two just meet?”
Knowing he was referring to the networking event, Sasha opened her mouth to lie to him but quickly closed it once more. In truth, she held no romantic interest in Carter no matter how much of a great man he seemed to be. He was perfect for her on paper, but there didn’t seem to be the same spark she felt merely standing in Dmitri’s presence. There was an actual fire that warmed her entire body when she saw him. In the moment before Carter’s intrusion, she had faced once again her inability to move on from him. If she couldn’t mature emotionally, she would only end up hurting Carter. And she couldn’t do that. She had the experience of a broken heart; she could never forgive herself if she became a perpetrator of it.
Reaching across the table, she grabbed his hands between the two of hers and gave him a friendly smile. “You have every right to ask. And, this time…I want to tell you the truth.”
At that, his features became suspicious. Leaning back slightly, he removed himself from her grasp and folded his arms across his chest. “Go on.”
She noted the stiffness in his tone and dreaded the words;
even while knowing they needed to be said. “That wasn’t the first time Dmitri and I had met.” At his questioning look, she continued, “We dated a few years ago and hadn’t seen each other for some time.”
“Why not just tell me that? What was the point of hiding your relationship?” His face darkened at the realization. “Wait! Please don’t tell me you two are still seeing each other?”
She frantically shook her head. Fear that the conversation was going downhill began to stir within her.
“Do you still have feelings for each other then?”
At that question, she paused. And at her hesitation, Carter had his answer. He snorted in disgust at the turn of events. Shaking his head in disbelief, he began to stand up but was stopped by Sasha’s hand landing on his forearm.
“Stop! Just let me explain. It is way more complicated than it sounds. And…there is a reason we hid our relationship from you.”
“Really? Because it sounds like you were getting your jollies off at making me look like a fool!”
Sasha could understand his anger, but she wasn’t going to allow it to prevent her from explaining herself fully. “Please, just sit back down.”
He seemed to be debating whether he wanted to find out the full truth or not. After a few moments, he finally returned to his seat and leaned over across the surface of the table. “Tell me the truth, Sasha. I really don’t appreciate being lied to.”
She released a deep sigh and built up the courage. “I met Dmitri three years ago. We only dated for a few months before breaking up and I haven’t seen him since then. I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t a normal falling out. It wasn’t amicable in the least and so, coming across one another the other night was neither planned or a welcome surprise. I didn’t want to bring up baggage like that because I honestly expected to move on with my life and never see him again. To me, our relationship was a mistake that I wanted erased from my past.”
Sasha: The Awakening (The Wallflower Series Book 2) Page 7