Carter eyed her for a moment, taking in everything she revealed. “Judging by the scene I came across at your office, you two are far from done with each other. In fact, it seems like whatever relationship you had in the past is on its way to being rekindled.” The harshness that had decorated his face before disappeared as he looked upon her with a sense of regret. “I can’t come between that. Tell me…you say that you want to erase your previous history with Dmitri but why was he in your office with flowers? Are you truly being honest with yourself because based on what I saw, nothing was one-sided.”
Sasha was floored by his perceptiveness and knew she couldn’t answer. Because she couldn’t acknowledge the truth and live with herself. “You don’t understand. I would be the biggest fool to fall right back into what we had.”
“Why?” He asked quickly. When she only looked away without responding, he instead inquired, “Who broke up with whom?”
Sasha’s eyes closed, as her mind was flooded with the same memory that had haunted her dreams two years ago. In it, she was always standing in the pristine white hallways of the hospital; everything was a blur except for the intimidating figure of the man she had fallen in love with. Despite their emotional impact, she couldn’t hear his words. All she could focus on was his wrinkled brow and the harsh lines of his mouth as he looked down upon her with a mixture of what seemed to be regret and disgust.
First, there had been an overwhelmingly dark depression that had taken control of her mind and body. There had been a physical weakness that compelled her to stay inside her room and lick her wounds. But then, that same vulnerability had formed an emotional scab she sought to protect with anger at herself and him. Before finally striding into his office, the only way she had found release was through intense physical exercise. As the time had passed, she had compelled herself to return to her former emotional equilibrium by simply forcing herself to forget. But Dmitri’s renewed presence had restored what was lost- the memories and the pain along with it.
She had told herself to ignore what was beginning to fester within the depths of her mind and heart. But as she sat down across from Carter and he asked her simply why she couldn’t fathom being with Dmitri again, despite all the pain and the memories of what had been abandoned, she couldn’t say with enough conviction out loud the truth- that it all came down to fear. Fear of loneliness had made her seek love from her mother, the countless foster families, and finally Dmitri. Voicing it as a reason, admitting to its existence, would feel like a failure. It would mean that even now, she was the same person she had been trying to transform these past few years.
Finally, she replied, “He broke up with me.”
Carter groaned at the news and shook his head. “So, you’re in denial about your feelings out of resentment.”
Her gaze narrowed on him. “No, I don’t resent what happened.”
He laughed. “You see how you didn’t deny you have feelings for him?” He took a sip of the water at his side and scratched at the prickly hair decorating his chin. “Well, whether or not you want to admit the truth, it is clear as day judging by the intense glare he sent my way that he has his eyes set on you. And he doesn’t seem like the type of man who is comfortable with losing.”
“He’s not. But what he isn’t aware of is that I’m not the same woman I used to be. I don’t lose anymore either.”
Carter laughed and winked at her playfully. “Those are some fighting words! I like that.” Just as quickly as the happiness appeared on his face, however, it gradually retreated. “I really like you, Sasha. And I wish your heart wasn’t already occupied, but if it doesn’t work out and you are willing to move on, you should definitely call me.”
“I like you too, Carter…”
“But?”
She wrung her hands in her lap as her gaze drifted from his intense stare. “No buts. I don’t know what is going to happen between Dmitri and me. I would like to say with unwavering conviction that I don’t ever want to be with him again, but I can’t. No matter the circumstances in which we had our falling out, what I felt for him…it was as real as it has ever been for me. I got hurt so badly that even now, I don’t know if it’s even worth trying again.”
“Sasha.” When her gaze finally settled on him once again, he said, “You give the ones you love the most, the power to hurt you more than anyone else in this world. It is thrilling and menacing at the same time. But what makes it worth it is when you finally realize that they love you just as much. You have to trust that the people you love, love you back.”
“Are you speaking from experience?”
A sad smile spread across his handsome features. “Yes, actually I am. But, I got it wrong. However, the possibility of eventually getting it right makes me not regret trying. In the end, it was worth it and having the ability to love someone irrevocably is a gift, not a curse.”
They continued sitting, eating lunch like long-lost friends. Despite their different outlooks, Sasha knew that even at the loss of a potential romantic relationship, she couldn’t allow Carter to simply walk out of her life. Even as a friend, he seemed to just fit.
Dmitri eyed the file in his hands contemplatively. After receiving the call, the information had been faxed over promptly. Though it had taken several weeks to get the correct address and other information, it was finally in his clutches. The only problem was: what should he do with it?
Even as he still lay on the fence, Dmitri stood from his desk and made his way to his office door. Before he could reach the handle, however, a familiar face greeted him. With a mischievous grin, Slade walked into his friend’s large office after giving the shocked Dmitri a quick pat on the back.
“Long time no see, Dmitri.”
Still surprised by his reappearance, it took Dmitri a few moments to gather his voice once more. “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be managing the London branch?”
Slade took a seat on the soft leather couch, his arms laid out in a comfortable stretch across the top of the back. Letting out a long sigh, he stated simply, “I just got back last night.”
“What for? You volunteered for that position if I remember correctly. You couldn’t stop talking about going to Europe. What happened?”
He shrugged, “No particular reason. I decided it was best I return to Boston. Now, I won’t lie- London was great. But I actually missed America.”
Not believing him, Dmitri’s brow furrowed at his friend’s explanation. Admittedly, he had been taken aback by Slade’s willingness a year ago to take on the first international branch, but he had had faith Slade was completely capable of getting it successfully off the ground. Even then, the man’s eagerness to uproot his life had been suspicious and Dmitri had believed it had something to do with his familial problems in Korea. But, to his regret, he had said nothing then.
Dmitri wasn’t going to make the same mistake again. Slade had been there for him through his long-standing battle with Nikolai. The least he could do was return the favor. Setting down the file in his hands with his briefcase, Dmitri returned to his desk, leaning against the corner with his arms crossed in a relaxed stance.
“Cut the shit and tell me the truth, Slade. I know there is more to the story than that.”
Slade returned Dmitri’s unflinching gaze. “Why the sudden interest?”
Dmitri scoffed. “You see, I’m trying this new thing where I show people I actually give a shit.”
His friend only laughed. “Should I even ask what brought about this sudden change?” When Dmitri only glared at him, Slade decided to finally satisfy his curiosity. “After I broke off the arranged marriage, predictably, my family was a bit upset. A union between the two families would have done wonders for our social power in South Korea. Powerful families like mine marry strategically and, being their oldest son, it was my responsibility to close the union. Moving to Europe just gave me a break from all their nagging and passive aggressive antics. I was never even supposed to stay this long in Amer
ica, but I can’t see myself going back any time soon. I came back here because I decided it was time to stop avoiding them. And the calls have already started coming in.”
“Are you going to go back to Korea, then?”
Slade smiled bitterly. “I’ll have to eventually. But before I do, I need to find a way to break it to them that I don’t plan on returning on a permanent basis. I love my family and they have never asked more of me that I wasn’t willing to give before, but marrying that girl, no matter how beautiful she was and how great a partnership between our families would have been, was asking for too much.”
Dmitri tilted his head, deep in thought. “You never complained before about the arranged marriage when I met you. Does this have anything to do with the young woman my brother was seeing?”
To Dmitri’s shock, a blush actually spread across Slade’s cheeks. “How do you know about her?”
“Dominic and I have been in the process of mending ties and, like with you, I’ve been trying to catch up on everything I’ve missed. Though they were only dating for a little while before she moved to Italy, apparently he recognized that there was a bit of a competition between the two of you for her attentions. Did the arranged marriage have anything to do with his eventual victory?”
“I hate to stroke my own ego, but I think it had a lot to do with it. Dina and I had seen each other for a bit before my family really started to hound me about the marriage. When the constant calls and visits intensified, I couldn’t very well continue dating her with a betrothal hanging over my head.”
Dmitri shrugged. “Well, if you are still interested, now that you’ve dealt with your issues in South Korea, there is nothing stopping you from courting her once more.”
“Except an entire ocean.”
“A distance that can easily be traversed with the resources at your disposal.”
Once Slade had left his office with a look of sincere determination decorating his handsome features, Dmitri felt a sense of accomplishment he had never been exposed to before. He didn’t realize just how much Slade’s friendship had meant to him until he was finally the one to give personal advice. It had always been the other way around, but giving back and seeing Slade’s spirits lift at a mere conversation was an accomplishment in the right direction and intensified his drive to do the right thing with the folder that still lay in his possession.
After closing his office and saying a farewell to his executive assistant, in a little over half an hour, he found himself knocking on her door, hoping she wouldn’t slam it in his face. The look of shock that crossed her features at the sight of him was justified and his only response was a soft smile.
“H-how…what the hell are you doing at my apartment?”
So as to ease her suspicions at his sudden presence, he stated calmly, “I haven’t been stalking you if that is what you are wondering. I simply asked Dominic for directions to your apartment.” The blank look on her face, made him experience a nervous tingling in the pit of his stomach. With her, it seemed, he was in a constant state of uncertainty. The man bloated with confidence at his office and in his daily dealings, just seemed to disappear when standing before her. Maybe it was because he had never been so invested in courting a woman. In this, for the first time, Dmitri didn’t hold the power to reject and hurt; he was completely at her will. And it was humbling.
“I would have come to your office but what I wanted to talk to you about was a bit too personal for that environment. I wouldn’t have come uninvited otherwise. And, if you feel uncomfortable with my presence, I will be sure to never come again. But, I need you to hear me out first. Please.”
Sasha continued to eye him suspiciously, even as the door slowly opened to invite him in. He scrutinized her abode appreciatively as he strode in. It was decorated warmly with accented walls and comfortable furniture. It was truly an indicator of how far she had come from the small apartment she had inhabited merely three years before with Teagan.
With a wave of her hand, Sasha invited him to take a seat in her living room, even while she continued to stand at the opposite end of the room. Dmitri said nothing at her noticeable avoidance of his physical presence. Instead, he reached into his briefcase and brought out the worn folder.
“I’m not too proud of the actions that led me to this finding but I don’t regret them.” Her raised brow of confusion prompted him to elaborate. “I hired a personal investigator to find you a few months back.” He paused to sense her mood.
Sasha’s breathing increased as she became overwhelmed by anger. “You did WHAT?”
“I wanted to see you again. Coming across you that night was something I never expected would happen and since we had no ties to each other, the only way for me to find out where you were- if you were even still residing in Boston- was to hire a PI. It was never my intent to violate your privacy. I simply wanted him to find you.
“And he did. Rather easily I might add. But I couldn’t bring myself to approach you. So…” Dmitri found it hard then to continue. He knew by voicing the truth he was risking his chance with her once again. But he had promised himself to turn over a new leaf. He wanted her to choose to be with him of her own free will, not be coerced by his lies and deception.
“I then asked him to find anything…secret.”
Sasha held up her hand for him to stop. “So you did invade my privacy in the end?”
He lowered his gaze with an ashamed nod. “Yes.” Quickly, his eyes met hers in desperation for her understanding. “But not in the way you might think. He simply found evidence that you were looking into your mother.”
She gasped. Having specifically told no one of her efforts at finding her birth mother, Sasha felt truly exposed in that moment. “Get the hell out of my apartment, Dmitri,” she threatened.
He stood up and walked towards her. “Not until I’m finished, Sasha. When the PI told me the roadblocks you were coming across, I told him to change his investigation.” He held out the folder to her. “In here, you will find all the information you have been patiently waiting for. It’s amazing what money and a well-known last name can get you,” he laughed dryly.
Debating whether or not to trust him, Sasha, at first, didn’t take hold of what he was offering. Until finally her curiosity got the best of her. Quickly, she snatched it out of his grasp and opened it up to the first page. A whimper escaped her before she could hold it back. Staring back at her was a picture of her mother with an attached address and full personal background information. Everything she had been searching the past year for was in her hand.
“How long have you had this?” she asked.
“I just received the correct information today. It was going to be my excuse to finally approach you. A part of me wanted to bargain your time for it. But I couldn’t do that.”
She rolled her eyes at his response. “What? Did you suddenly get a conscious?”
He didn’t even flinch at her insult because he knew she was right. “This shouldn’t be about our relationship and it was selfish of me to ever consider doing something like that. I’m not perfect; I’m just desperate for you.” Dmitri stepped closer to the point Sasha had to strain her neck to keep eye contact. But his intent wasn’t to intimidate; he simply couldn’t control the need to be close and feel the warmth of her body emanate towards and encircling his. Gently, he reached out and stroked the smoothness of her right cheek.
“You deserve this closure, Sasha. I want to see you put this behind you. And if meeting your mother once more is the way to do that, I want you to know that I’m with you the entire way, even if you don’t want me.”
“Thank you for not keeping this from me,” she found herself saying, surprised at her sincerity.
Dmitri smiled softly. “I just have one request. Don’t go by yourself. I’m not asking for it to be me, but, trust me, you may need the emotional support. You don’t have to go on this journey by yourself, Sasha. You don’t have to prove to anyone how strong and independent you are. I’
ve had to realize the same thing. And, while it isn’t easy to admit sometimes, it’s okay to need someone else for a change.”
He bent down and in a barely-there caress, brushed his lips from her cheek to the corner of her luscious lips. It took his entire willpower not to passionately kiss her and pull her into his larger form. Sasha by that point had closed her eyes and was waiting in anticipation to finally feel his lips pressed against her own.
All she heard instead was, “Like I need you.”
And as if he had never been there, when she finally got the courage to open her eyes, the apartment was empty and her body was shivering.
Chapter Eight
“I’m guessing by your inability to look away from your cell phone that you haven’t heard from her yet?”
Dmitri’s attention was torn from the bright screen as his brother stalked into his home office with a large grin spread across his features. They had been spending more and more time together to both their surprise, finding that they actually enjoyed each other’s company. While there was no denying their relationship still had bumps in the road as it surely always would, the development they had made over the past few weeks was more progress than they had ever made before.
Dmitri found it rather nice to have Dominic to talk to. Slade had been his only friend for so long, it had been rather lonely with his departure to Europe.
“I never expected her to,” he stated simply. “I’m waiting for a call from my PI.”
Dominic’s smile disappeared at this. “Are you still having her investigated? I’m sorry to tell you this but you are venturing deep into creepy territory now.”
Dmitri shook his head and sighed. “No. I’m just worried about what will happen when she finally meets her mother. It’s a sore spot she has held onto since she was abandoned and I can understand how impactful the meeting will be, both good and bad. I want to be there for her, but I know she wouldn’t allow it.”
Sasha: The Awakening (The Wallflower Series Book 2) Page 8