Dark Illusion

by Daniels, A. J.

  Toweling off, I still can’t believe I’m in Belize. This vacation has been a dream of mine since I was a kid seeing pictures of Belize on the TV. Caye Caulker was unexpected. I knew I wanted to visit Belize City one day, but when a picture of the small island popped up in an ad while I was browsing the internet, I knew I had to stop just talking about it and make it a reality. It isn’t like I am needed back home with the Famiglia. I’m just Braxton’s consigliere, after all. I’m not his underboss or one of his minions. If he’s conflicted about a decision, he comes to me. I don’t need to be back home in Toronto, that’s what cell phones are for.

  I’m not complaining about my role either. From the time when we were boys and realized the fate we were born into, Braxton knew of my unwillingness to do the things our fathers had done, so by naming me his consigliere, Braxton honored my wish but still appeased our fathers.

  See, my father Lorenzo Moretti was Lukas De Luca’s underboss when Braxton’s father was still the Don. The plan was for Braxton to take over the reins from his father, and me from mine. That was until Braxton’s father died so suddenly from a heart attack. Braxton was forced into his new role earlier than anybody ever thought, and me? I ran.

  I ran far and distracted myself with booze and women. Keeping thoughts of the Famiglia and my future far from my mind. I swallow past the lump in my throat after pulling on a sleeveless workout shirt.

  There is another thing I use as a distraction, the one thing that has worked far better above all else, but it’s also the one thing I can never partake in again. I won’t allow myself to. That was when Alessandro stepped in as Braxton’s second in command, for which I’ll be eternally grateful because nobody would want me as their underboss, not when they find out my secret. Not when they discover who I really am. Guilt coils like a snake in my gut, but I tamp it down. Now is not the time to poke at it.

  In any way, what I am doing here isn’t running. No, I am on the first holiday I’ve had since I was kid on vacation with his parents, and I’m about to take advantage. YOLO, right? Or whatever the fuck millennials are saying nowadays.

  Grabbing my wallet and the key to the Airbnb, I lock up and go in search of what I was told is the best hangout on the island. The Lizard something or other it was called, I think. It is located right at the split.

  The split is literally a split in the large body of water that separates the north and south of Caye Caulker. The Lazy Lizard is everything you would expect in a beach bar and hangout. A little bigger than a shack. Wooden beams hold up the roof. A wooden staircase winds up the side leading to the top floor. The big bar sits in the middle of the main floor, with pub tables and chairs littering the outside. It’s just as colorful as the apartment I’m renting and even I have to admit that you can’t get a better view of the ocean than this. There are a couple of tables and chairs situated on the beach too. In fact, you’d be hard-pressed to find a better location unless it is directly in the water. The Lazy Lizard Bar & Grill sits steps away from the clear water.

  My excitement to go snorkeling and explore all the split has to offer is palpable. If I wasn’t dog ass tired from the long travel time from Canada, I would be out there today, but I made a deal with myself to take it easy the rest of today and start the exploring tomorrow. Snorkeling, kayaking, maybe I could even find a boat to take out for the day, just me and the open ocean. Hell, maybe I’ll even try my hand at fishing since I’m here.

  When the waitress comes by, I order my usual Maker’s Mark and their fish tacos. Once she leaves, I turn my gaze back to the seemingly endless expanse of water. At one point I thought this would be my life. I was drawn to the ocean as a child on one of many family vacations to Mexico and Hawaii. Despite my young age, I would dream of living steps from the beach, opening my own restaurant or whatever and enjoying the sun and relaxed lifestyle every day. As a teenager, that dream only grew but by then, I knew I wanted to open my own bar right on the beach. Just like the one I am currently sitting in. The fact that I was expected to play a big part in the Famiglia didn’t factor in it for me. The day I found out I would have no choice was also the day I ran.

  The only way I was able to return home was to push all thoughts of my dream aside and put the mask back in place, playing the role of dutiful best friend and advisor. The playboy and the flirt of the Famiglia, never being tied down to one person. And for the most part, it really was who I had become. Who I had to become. In order to put the final nail in the coffin that was my dream, I had to also close the door on the man who once had those dreams. It wasn’t who I was anymore, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get him back again. There is a part of me that hopes this trip will help in finding him again, but another equally as big part is hoping that it doesn’t. Right now, I’m not sure which I’m wanting more.

  After paying for my drink and food, I head down the short steps and once my feet hit the sand, I kick off my flip-flops and relish in the feel of the soft grains between my toes. Flip-flops now in hand, I start heading down the beach. My mind already taking notice that it’ll be a great stretch of beach to do my morning runs and isn’t far from my Airbnb at all either.

  My gaze is back on the ocean and the people in kayaks so I’m not paying attention when something solid bumps into me, putting me on my ass and knocking the wind out of me.

  I jump up after a long minute, brushing my hands off my board shorts. I look up, ready to apologize, when my eyes land on a pair of blue eyes impossibly lighter than my own. A square jaw with day-old stubble, wide thick shoulders, and hard abs that taper down to a narrow waist. I swallow down the rapidly growing pool of saliva and stretch out my hand for him to shake.

  “Sorry, man. Didn’t see you there,” I say, trying not to drop my eyes to the metal bars in his nipples.

  Fuuuck.

  He laughs, it’s deep and has a direct line to my dick.

  “No problem. You okay? You took quite the fall,” he grins, his gaze snapping down to my ass and back to my face, lingering a little too long on my lips.

  “Yeah, all good.”

  “Yo! Kai, you coming?” A voice hollers from farther down the beach. My eyes flicker over his shoulder to see a group of three men, all with incredible physiques, standing with hands on their hips waiting for him.

  “You guys go on ahead,” Kai calls back, spinning the football on his finger, but his eyes never leave mine.

  As soon as the words leave his lips, I feel three other sets of eyes on me, assessing me. For what, I have no idea. I’m not the one holding back their fourth player.

  “Sorry again,” I say in apology and try to work my way past him to continue on my exploration down the beach.

  “First time here?” He questions, jogging to catch up with me, the football securely tucked under his arm. I choke down a groan when his arm bulges and flexes with the movement of his hand running through his dark hair.

  What the fuck? I was able to go years with none of these feelings surfacing. Years of faking it, and in less than ten minutes this man has been able to unravel it all. Making me feel things I’ve spent a shit-ton of energy ignoring or tamping it down.

  I’m straight. I’m straight. I’m straight.

  The familiar mantra begins playing on a loop in my head as we continue to walk side by side. The same mantra that was instilled in me at a young age.

  “Um, yeah,” I say clearing my throat, trying desperately to ignore how attractive the guy is.

  We continue walking for some time and while there’s a lull in the conversation, it’s not entirely uncomfortable. This is probably the most relaxed I’ve felt in a really long time. Well, that’s if you discount the growing need to reach out and feel his skin beneath my fingertips. I wonder if his hair is as soft and as silky as it looks, and what color his eyes change to when he’s excited or aroused.

  When we reach the place I’m renting, I slow my stride and come to a stop at the bottom of the stairs, turning to face him. I want to invite him inside. I have this inexplicable ne
ed to get to know him more. This man I just met. I want to know what it is about him that has me so at ease after only knowing him a short amount of time. But I know the right thing to do is to pretend this meeting never happened and go on enjoying my holiday by myself with no possible distractions.

  Thankfully Kai takes the decision out of my hands. “You should come to the bonfire on the beach tonight.” At my hesitation he adds, “If you’re not busy.” When I’m still incapable of forming a reply, a playful grins pulls at the corner of his lip as he begins backing up pointing in the direction we were headed before I stopped. “Follow the stretch of beach, you can’t miss it. When you reach the giant fire in the sand, you’ve found it,” he jokes.

  Despite knowing I shouldn’t entertain him, I can’t help the laugh that escapes. “Thanks. I would’ve missed it.”

  “Hey, no problem. See you later, mystery man.”

  Before I can question him on the nickname, he’s already jogging in the direction of several other houses farther on the beach.

  Kai

  “HEY, MAN! WHAT took you so long?” Sean asks, already dragging a kayak into the water.

  I glance back down the stretch of beach, just making out the rickety stairs that lead up to the front porch of the house mystery guy is staying in. Shit’s sake, I didn’t even get his name. Hope blooms in my chest that I may see him later on at the bonfire we’re having.

  “Nothin’, man,” I say with a shrug, turning back to Sean. “Where are the others?”

  Just as I ask the question, the other two guys come bounding down the stairs of our own vacation rental.

  “Alright, let’s do this.” Dane moves to pull the red kayak farther into the water, while Craig goes for the blue one, which means I’m stuck with the god-awful yellow kayak again.

  Once we’re a good several yards away from the shore we stop paddling and let the waves gently guide us.

  “I’m so ready for tonight.” Craig rests his paddle across his kayak then clasps his hands behind his head, glancing up at the cloudless sky.

  Dane and Sean nod in agreement. We are all looking forward to a chill night by a fire on the beach with a couple of beers. It’s our third night in paradise and instead of spending it like we did the first two at the Lazy Lizard bar we were keeping it low-key. God knows we needed it after putting in countless hours of overtime at work during the last few months.

  Dane is a big-time ad executive back where we are all from. Sean is the most sought-after fitness photographer. Numerous fitness magazines fight for the chance to have his pictures on their covers or inside their pages. Craig is an award-winning chef who just recently opened his own restaurant. And me, I’m the app developer of the group. I like saying I chose the career to spite all the people who claimed I would never make money playing video games all day or from screwing around on my computer. Ha! Look at me now motherfuckers! I own one of the biggest apps in social media today, and once I sell it in a couple of weeks when we get back, I stand to make millions. More than enough to retire early and live comfortably, but I won’t. I honestly think I’d be bored as fuck if I didn’t have something to do during the day. No, my plan is to invest three-quarters of it, then take the remainder and split it, putting half in my bank account, and donating the other half to ocean conservation.

  Needless to say, we are all busy. But this trip is supposed to serve two purposes. Reconnect with each other and restore the friendship we all had in college, and two, take a breather from the constant busyness of work. After all, Caye Caulker’s motto is, “Go slow.” The four of us are ready for a slower pace of life for a couple of weeks.

  “I invited that guy.”

  I keep my eyes on the horizon as three sets of eyes snap my way.

  “What guy?” Craig questions.

  “The one from the beach earlier.”

  “The one you practically tackled?” Dane laughs, and I nod.

  “What’s his deal anyway? Guy seemed really out of his element out here,” Craig says.

  “Give him a break. It’s his first day here and from the looks of it he doesn’t get away very often. Kinda like us.”

  Sean chuckles from my left side, I know that sound. That’s his, ‘Oh, I’m sure that was the only reason’ chuckle. Smug bastard knows me too well.

  These guys know I’m gay. I’ve never tried to hide it or pretend I’m anything I’m not. In fact, after enduring the childhood I had, I made a point of telling them when we all first met and if they had a problem with it, then they could find another teammate. The three of them had already started a summer soccer league and were down one player. I saw the flyer around campus and decided to check it out.

  Playing any kind of sports was my outlet. You name it, I played them all. Soccer, football, rugby, basketball, baseball, and hockey. Hell, I even played cricket at one point. I knew no matter what was happening at home, the physical activity would offer me a reprieve. Plus, it kept my ass out of trouble.

  “Dude, check it out.”

  We all turn as one to see what Dane is pointing to. Out in the distance, a pod of dolphins take turns leaping out of the water. They’re beautiful, the way they glide effortlessly through the water, playing with each other as they go.

  After the pod is gone, the guys and I slowly make our way back to shore. By the time we’re pulling the kayaks back onto the sand, the sun is already starting to set on the horizon. Sean and Dane head off to grab the already chopped wood while Craig announces he’s got the beer. Which leaves me to dig the hole in the sand for the fire.

  ***

  The fire is going, and I’ve just cracked a beer and claimed the folding chair next to Sean when movement to my right catches my eye.

  A dark figure walks up the beach, but I don’t need to see them to know who it is. I only spent five minutes in his company but already my body reacts to his nearness. My palms begin to sweat, my mouth begins to water, and I have to continually swallow to avoid drooling.

  When we met, he was in a pair of dark board shorts and black workout tank, but something tells me it was the first time he hadn’t been in a suit. Maybe it was the air surrounding him, or the way he carried himself that screamed important businessman.

  When he gets closer, I pop up from my seat, pick up a new beer from the cooler beside my chair, and stalk over to him.

  “Was beginning to think you weren’t coming.” I grin, offering him the new beer.

  “Thanks.” He accepts the bottle, twisting the cap and taking a swig before replying. “Wasn’t sure I was going to.”

  Shifting my weight from one foot to the other, I stuff a hand in the front pocket of my shorts and take a drink. “So, what made you?”

  He eyes me for a moment, shivers race up my body following the movement of his gaze up my torso until it connects with mine.

  “Fuck if I know,” he says behind the dark glass of the bottle, then his lips part and I grit back a groan at the sight of his Adam’s apple bobbing with each swallow of beer.

  “C’mon,” I gesture back toward the fire with a tip of my head. “You hungry? We’re just about to fire up the grill.”

  Steel-blue eyes glow in the firelight as they snap down to my mouth, his tongue sliding out to lick along his bottom lip.

  “Starving.”

  Fuck me.

  ***

  Antonio

  So, what made you?

  His question plays on a constant loop in my head as he leads us closer to the firepit and the other guys I noticed when I walked up. I kept asking myself the same damn question while I stepped into the shower, then again as I was getting dressed, and again when I went to grab my keys and walk out the door. I still don’t have an answer. Hell, I should’ve stayed and checked in with Braxton or finally started the book I brought with me, but every time I thought of not coming over and seeing him something inside me told me that wasn’t an option.

  I don’t know what. I don’t know why, but there is something that is drawing me to him. Even I
know how ridiculous that sounds only after knowing the guy for five minutes, but it isn’t something I’m able to ignore, at least not right now. Shit, I’m not even gay.

  Yeah, and the sky’s not blue.

  I don’t even know if Kai is gay. Hell, he could’ve just invited me over as an apology for knocking me on my ass this afternoon. And if that’s the reason for his invitation then I’ll feel like an idiot for allowing myself to get worked up over a non-issue.

  The closer we get the other guys, the more I worry that maybe I really shouldn’t have come out tonight. I’ve spent so much of my life pretending to be something I’m not, and now that there’s a chance someone could see through all of it has my fight or flight instincts kicking in. It doesn’t matter that I’m halfway across the world from where I’ve built my life, and the chance of anyone back home finding out what happens on the island is slim to none, I still can’t take that chance. Gambling with this particular part of my life is not an option. Not now, not ever. Because while Braxton might be my best friend now, once he finds out I’ve been lying to him our whole lives, the lifelong friendship will mean shit and I’ll suddenly find myself on the other side of those guns of his.

  Relax, it’s just beers with a couple of guys.

  When we reach the three men sitting around the firepit built in the sand, Kai begins introductions. The guy on the far side with short, spiky dark hair, and a lip piercing is Craig. To his right is a guy with a baseball cap pulled low on his forehead. He’s hunched forward, elbows resting on his knees as he eyes me up and down, his own beer bottle dangling from his fingers between his legs. Kai says his name is Dane. And last, sitting in the chair next to the one Kai vacated when he saw me approaching, is Sean. From the limited details I can see in the dark, he’s Kai opposite. Blond hair and dark eyes to Kai’s dark hair and blue eyes, but I have the feeling they are the closest out of the group and the vibe he’s giving off is definitely not a friendly one.