Dark Illusion

by Daniels, A. J.

  “Turn back around,” I growl, slapping his ass to reward him when he obeys.

  I groan when the head of my cock pushes past the tight ring of muscle in his ass, but I don’t stop until I’m completely buried. Wrapping my fingers around his shoulders, I pull him back against me. My fingers then curl around his throat, forcing him to rest his head against my shoulder as I fuck him. He whimpers, working his fist faster up and down his shaft when I hit his prostate.

  “You gonna come for me?” I ask, licking up his neck.

  Kai curses, streams of cum land on the shower wall. Seeing him come apart in my arms, because of me, is the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. Sinking my teeth into his shoulder, I feel my own release take over and fill the condom.

  ***

  Kai

  “So, this is it.”

  Antonio bows his head, shouldering his bag, as we stand in the airport in Belize City ready to board our respective planes home. The guys are giving us privacy and are already waiting for me at our gate. Our plane is leaving first, since we have a connection in Atlanta, which means I have to say goodbye to Antonio soon if I have any hope of making the first flight, but I just can’t seem to make myself say the words that seem so final. I’m not ashamed to admit that on the way here I prayed that something would ground our flights. Bad weather, equipment failure, I would’ve taken anything if it meant more days spent with Antonio hidden away from the world in his Airbnb.

  “Look, Kai…” he starts but is cut off by my flight number being called for boarding on the overhead speakers.

  “Give me your phone.”

  I’m surprised when he hands the device over with no other prompting or argument. I quickly program my number into it and dial, hanging up when I feel the telltale vibrations in the pocket of my jeans.

  “See you around, Toni,” I say handing back his phone, because I refuse to say goodbye. Picking up my bag, I turn and make my way toward the gate and the flight that will take me away from the man who, in two weeks, has managed to make me feel things I thought were long buried and forgotten.

  ANTONIO

  “UNKIE TONIO,” LILY, Braxton and Klara’s three-year-old, squeals, rushing my legs as soon as I step through the front door of Braxton’s house.

  “Lily Pad.” I scoop her up, peppering her with kisses. Lily giggles, trying to cover her face with her small fists, her white-blonde hair falling in a curtain around her face.

  “Good to have you back, man.” Braxton slaps me on the back while handing me a tumbler of whiskey, which I take after repositioning Lily to my hip. Laying her head on my shoulder, she wraps her arms around my neck.

  “It’s good to be back,” I say, even though I’ve only been gone for two weeks, it feels like a lot longer. I tickle Lily’s side and when she giggles, the crushing weight that’s been pressing on my chest lightens up a bit.

  “Lily,” Klara admonishes walking out of the kitchen. “Leave Uncle Antonio alone.”

  “Aww, that’s okay, Klara. She’s fine. I’ve missed my Lily cuddles.” I ruffle her little blonde hair after setting my drink down.

  “How was Belize?” Klara places a chaste kiss on my cheek all while smoothing a hand down Lily’s mussed hair.

  My chest tightens thinking about Belize and Kai. The one, impossible to think about without the other. I spent the majority of my vacation with him so the two go hand-in-hand in my head… and my heart. After he walked away to catch his flight, I looked down to see he had placed his number in my phone. It took everything I had after that to not text him or call him and leave a voicemail for him for when he landed in Hamilton, and even more to not immediately delete the number.

  I don’t know why he gave it to me in the first place. I had told him nothing could come of our time on Caye Caulker. It can’t. So giving me a way to contact him was pointless. Among all the other lies I’ve told myself since leaving Belize.

  I want to call him. God, do I ever. I even had half a mind to track down his address and everything about him while I was waiting to board my own flight. Only the thought of Braxton finding out stopped me.

  “It was good,” I reply, swallowing hard past the lump in my throat.

  Klara narrows her eyes a smidge, tilting her head to the side, assessing me. I used to laugh and make fun of Braxton and Alessandro for being afraid of this woman, but now with her full attention on me and the way her gaze is raking over me, assessing every single thing while I try not to sweat and to keep from fidgeting, I get why they are. She may be small, but when she’s looking at you like she is now, it’s like she can see down to your very soul. Like she can see everything you refuse to acknowledge about yourself, everything you’re hiding or running from. It’s fucking unnerving.

  So, I do the only thing I can think of to get away from her assessing gaze. “Lily, I heard you got a new playset.”

  “Yeah!” Her head pops up from my shoulders, her tiny hands framing my face. “Wanna see?”

  No sooner have I put her down, does she take my hand and lead me out to their backyard where the new playset sits to the left of the enclosed pool. It’s one of those fancy wooden ones with the house attached to a slide, a climbing wall on one side, and a swing on the other side.

  I chase Lily up and down and around the playset for more than an hour, all the while trying to avoid the swing like the plague. Never more grateful that Lily doesn’t seem all that interested in the swing part either. When Lily goes for the climbing wall again, I take the opportunity to sit in the grass, falling on my back to try and catch my breath. I’m a healthy guy, I work out four to five times a week and eat all the right stuff, but a couple of hours chasing around a three-year-old and I feel like I’m overweight with an asthma problem. I need to up my cardio. Either that or more sex with Kai.

  “Unkie Tonio!” Lily calls. Just the thought of sitting up right now has me groaning. All I can manage is to lift an arm and wave in her general direction. Thirty seconds later, whatever breath was left in my lungs whooshes out when Lily catapults herself onto my stomach.

  “I want ice cream,” she declares, looking up at me with those big blue eyes so much like her mother’s.

  “Have you had dinner?” I ask, acting like I’m not already going to give this girl anything she asks for.

  She nods, a sheepish smile curling her lips and I know she’s lying. Lily’s cuteness skyrockets whenever she’s trying to get her way and right now her cuteness scale is through the roof. Klara argues she’s not sure who Lily has more wrapped around her small finger: her father Braxton, or her uncles. I say it’s Braxton. That’s my answer and I’m sticking with it. Regardless of the fact that Alessandro and I drop anything and everything we’re doing when Lily turns those big blue eyes on us and sticks her bottom lip out in a pout. We’ll do anything to make this girl happy and it kills all three of us when we see tears forming in those big eyes. She’ll probably grow up to be the most spoilt girl on the block, but she’s our girl.

  “Then let’s go get ice cream.”

  She squeals, jumping up and almost elbowing me in the pelvis. Lily giggles when I chase her and scoop her up, throwing her over my shoulder once I’ve caught up to her. I’ll never get tired of hearing her giggle and I pray she never loses this childlike wonder and excitement. Especially being a De Luca.

  Klara intercepts us in the kitchen on the way to get Lily her ice cream. Lily’s on the verge of having a toddler sized temper tantrum for not getting her way, but I manage to squash it by asking her to sit with me at dinner and the promise of a potential swim before bedtime. When Alessandro and Jessika finally arrive, we all sit down at the dinner table – Lily by my side as promised. Having her sit with me serves two purposes. It prevents a meltdown, and it’s helping to field questions about Belize I don’t feel like answering right now. Will I ever be able to answer questions about Belize without thinking of Kai? I don’t know. Is it a shitty thing to use my best friend’s daughter as a buffer? Probably, but right now it’s the better
option than the people I consider family finding out that I spent the two weeks practically wrapped around another man. Never mind that it was probably the best couple of weeks of my life.

  They won’t see it that way. They’ll see it as a betrayal to them, to the Famiglia, and I’ll be lucky to walk away with my life or all limbs intact. I wish to God it wasn’t like this. If this was any other family, it might not be a big deal. They may even accept it. But this is the Famiglia. This is the Italian mafia. Men have gotten killed for less. This has always been and will always be my burden to bear, my secret to carry.

  ***

  “Liliana,” Braxton’s voice booms from the kitchen door. “It’s time for bed.”

  Lily pouts, crosses her arms over her chest, and looks at me. “But I not finished swimming.”

  “Don’t look at me, kiddo,” I laugh when she turns puppy dog eyes on me while I lift her out of the water.

  “Maybe Uncle Antonio will come swim with you tomorrow,” Braxton suggests, wrapping his daughter in a towel. Lily laughs when he covers her head and ruffles her hair, then pretends that she disappeared, and he has no idea where his daughter went.

  “Antonio, have you seen my beautiful daughter?” he teases.

  “I have not,” I laugh.

  “Daddy, I right here.” Lily giggles, shaking off the towel and launching herself into Braxton’s arms.

  It’s odd seeing my best friend, the man who was never without a pressed three-piece suit on – even on weekends – hunched in front of his toddler in jeans and a t-shirt. When he’s at home, gone is the ruthless, suit-wearing man. It gives me a small sliver of hope that maybe he’ll be able to accept me after all. It’s a ridiculous thought. Just because he now favors jeans instead of dress pants at home, doesn’t mean he’ll accept me loving another man. Because that’s exactly what I feel for Kai.

  Love.

  I’ve never been in love with anyone before, but if the anxiety coursing through my veins at the thought of never seeing him again, of being separated from him for this long is anything to go by. If the thought of running into him on the street makes my heart skip a beat. If the thought of him touching… kissing anyone else, of someone else making him laugh has my stomach rolling and my fight response kicking in. Well, then I’m in love.

  When Braxton and Klara go upstairs to put Lily to bed, I head to the kitchen and grab a beer from the fridge. Plopping down on the sofa, I pull my phone from the front pocket of my jeans and scroll through the contacts for the hundredth time since Belize City. I pause on his name, my thumb hovering over the message icon. In a moment of weakness, I bring up a blank conversation thread with him and begin typing out a message.

  I miss you. Delete.

  Care for a visitor? Delete.

  How you doing? Delete.

  When I hear Braxton bounding down the stairs, I click the side button to black out the screen, and stuff the phone back in my pocket.

  “I know you just got back today, but I need you on a job.” Braxton grabs two beers and hands me one before taking a seat next to me.

  “When?” I ask, popping the cap off.

  “Tomorrow. You and Stefan.”

  I take a sip of the new beer, not really wanting to dive straight back into the business after two weeks away but it’ll keep my mind off Kai, so I agree.

  Antonio

  “CAN I HELP you?” A tiny thing of a woman shuffles out from behind a counter at the ding of the bell over the front door.

  “Is Thom here?” I ask, folding my hands in front of me, drawing her dark, brown eyes down to the black gloves and the pistol wrapped in my fingers.

  “I-In the back,” she stutters, pointing over her shoulder.

  Stefan tips his chin. “You might want to get out of here. Things are about to get loud,” he warns, but it’s unwarranted. She’s already got her purse clutched in front of her and is hauling ass out of the door.

  Smart woman.

  I follow as Stefan clears each room until we come to the last closed door at the end of the darkened hallway. This is the part where I should uncage the monster lurking beneath the surface and allow it to sate its bloodthirst. It’s the part where I’m expected to take sick pleasure in torturing answers, alliances, or money out the poor unsuspecting male currently tied to a chair.

  Two, three weeks ago, that’s exactly what I would’ve done, and I wouldn’t have thought any differently about it. It was how we did stuff in the mafia. Every issue was taken care of with blood spilled. It is how things were always done and it’ll be how things will always be done for generations to come.

  But right here, standing in the dank room with the pistol in my hand, ready to carry out my job, it’s the first time in two decades where I’m completely disconnected from it all. I don’t remember slipping the pistol back in the waistband of my pants. I don’t remember gripping the crowbar in my fist or bringing it down over and over again on the man’s face, his knee caps, his shins. I don’t remember his blood splattering on my face or the sound of his cries. It’s all muscle memory. The only thing I remember when reality crashes back is the smell after firing the gun and Stefan calling the cleanup crew while handing me a handkerchief from his pocket.

  I no longer got a sick, perverse joy in my job anymore. The monster had gone quiet long before the hit. There was no more bloodlust to sate, and it was all his fault.

  “What have you done, Toni?” His voice plagues me as Stefan and I exit the business establishment and crowd into the low-riding car.

  Me: It’s done.

  I message Braxton as soon as we see the cleaning crew exit the building.

  ***

  “Jesus, who died in here?” My best friend says, the door of my condo clicking shut behind him.

  “What do you want, Brax?” I don’t bother lifting my head to acknowledge him. I’m lying on my stomach on the couch, one arm hanging off the edge, fingers loosely gripping a glass bottle of amber liquor. Except for bathroom breaks, I’ve barely moved from this position the last couple of weeks. My limbs as heavy as the lead weighing down my heart.

  That doesn’t even fucking make sense. In order to have a heavy heart, one must…well, have a heart, and I’m pretty sure Kai took mine when he left me standing looking like a lost puppy in the airport in Belize.

  I lift the bottle to my lips and take a healthy swig, most of the liquor spilling out the side of my mouth and onto the expensive couch, because I refuse to lift my head for even that.

  “The fuck!”

  Braxton smirks taking a drink from the bottle he swiped from my hand and flopping down in the chair to the right of the couch. Fucker chose that seat on purpose. If I wanted to get the bottle back, I’d have to move and actually get up. I’m not even sure if that’s a possibility at this point. I’m pretty sure there’s a permanent indent of my body lying facedown on the couch. There’s a good chance the couch may not let me go.

  At least something won’t let me go.

  Ugh, I’m fucking pathetic. I’m a grown ass man, acting like a chick because some piece of ass decided I wasn’t worth it.

  “You going to tell me what’s going on with you?”

  “No,” I grunt, dropping my head back down. Fuck it, I don’t need the liquor that bad.

  “You coming back to work anytime soon?”

  “Tomorrow.”

  “That’s what you said yesterday and the day before that.”

  “What’s with the twenty questions?”

  “What happened in Belize?” Braxton counters my question with another. I don’t answer him. I can’t. I fight against it, making a conscious effort to not react. To not fuel the fire. To not give him a reason to add my blood to the stains on the basement floor.

  “Is it Siobhan?”

  “Fuck Siobhan,” I hiss and instantly regret the outburst.

  “Hmm,” he hums. “Seems you haven’t been doing that either. According to her, you haven’t given her the time of day since returning from Belize.”
/>   Pushing up from the couch, I stalk toward my best friend and swipe the bottle of liquor from his fingers.

  “What the fuck do you want, Braxton? Surely it isn’t to check up on who I am or am not fucking.”

  He stands. Mere inches separate us. He grips the back of my neck and pulls me in until our foreheads are almost touching. “I’m worried about you, Toni.”

  I flinch. The nickname sounds wrong coming from another’s lips and I pull back enough to take another swig of the alcohol. “Well, as you can see, dear brother, I’m fine. Nothing to be worried about.”

  Braxton’s dark eyes narrow as he scrutinizes me. His lips curling in disgust when he takes in my dirty, food-stained sweatpants. “Go take a shower and get dressed.” His tone doesn’t broker any argument.

  “I’m not one of your lackeys, Brax. I don’t have to jump whenever you say so.” Taking another swig from the bottle and effectively finishing the whiskey. I head to the kitchen and begin rummaging through the liquor cabinet trying to find another bottle of anything.

  “Maybe not but you will accompany me to this meeting.”

  I breathe a sigh of relief when my fingers wrap around another bottle. Rum. My stomach rolls when I get a glimpse at the label. It’s the same kind Kai and I drank that first night.

  “And why would I do that?”

  “Because your duty to this family far outweighs your sudden need to consume as much alcohol as possible in a twenty-four-hour period.”

  I pause, bottle halfway to my lips, and curse because he’s right. A lifetime of ingrained behavior does not simply get ignored because I had my heart broken.

  “I’ll see you in the car,” Braxton announces, then turns and leaves the penthouse.

  The minute I step into the master bedroom and see the framed picture sitting on the bedside table, I instantly regret not using the shower in the guest bathroom. Kai’s bright blue eyes stare back at me. It was one of the pictures I took with my phone the day we went snorkeling in Caye Caulker. Before he burrowed his way into my heart and set up camp. Before, when I was still blissfully unaware of how it felt to feel something for someone again. I shouldn’t have put that picture up. If anyone were to walk into my bedroom they would undoubtedly see it, but I couldn’t bring myself to erase every memory of those two weeks. And in some twisted way, it helped keep my demons at bay at night, knowing that Kai was with me even if he wasn’t here physically.