Touchdown Tony Crowne and the Mystery of the Missing Cheerleader

by Peter Guy George

  Chapter 3- The Fight

  The bell for the end of the last period of school rang promptly at 3:55 pm and Tony was looking forward to going to football practice. He liked football, loved it actually, even though as the back-up quarterback for the Dersee Bobcats, the only time he would get into any games on offense would be for mop-up duty or when the starter would get injured. Tony did start as an outside linebacker and was known for being a sure tackler.

  Nick Miller, the starting quarterback, was everything a coach desired in a key player: a great attitude, a strong arm for a ten year old, running the ball he was lightning-quick and could change his direction instantly. Not only that, but as the safety on the defense, he was the team’s leading tackler. Tony had an average arm, was an average runner and was second in total tackles. Where Tony did excel was in his football intelligence.

  While his other teammates struggled with Coach Tiny’s expansive and intricate playbook, Tony had it memorized in a few days and was tutoring Nick Miller on the finer points of the trick plays. He even found a few mistakes that Coach Tiny sheepishly had to correct.

  Coach Paul “Tiny” Meyer was anything but tiny, he stood 6 feet 6 inches, weighed close to 320 pounds and had gigantic forearms with huge tree-like legs. He had been an all-pro offensive left tackle for six years, but played for an overall miserable team that never came close to making the playoffs. He asked, pleaded, begged and demanded a trade to a contending team, but the team owner always refused his requests and, becoming disenchanted with the business of pro football, he retired at the relatively young age of 28.

  Coach Tiny saved and invested his earnings from pro football well, owning several businesses in Dersee such as his downtown restaurant, “Tiny’s” which serves as the popular hangout for most of the people in town, the largest boat marina on Lake Haerr—appropriately named “Meyer’s Marina”— and he just closed a deal to purchase lake-front property in which he planned to build and develop affordable homes for, as he likes to say, “the common folk, you know, like me.”

  But, Coach Tiny’s first love was, and is, football. He also knew that when he was 10 years old and in pee wee football, not in high school, not in college, not in the pros, but pee wee football was the absolute best time he ever had playing the game, just playing football for the pure enjoyment of the game itself.

  Which is why when he retired from professional football and returned to live in Dersee year round, he was stunned to learn that the Dersee Bobcats team was on the verge of being disbanded because the team could not find a volunteer coach for that season and the pee wee league’s rules stated very clearly, “...each team must have a permanent head coach before the start of league play or said team will not be allowed to compete...” In a storybook fashion, Coach Tiny volunteered minutes before the first game, the Bobcats had a perfect regular season, captured the league championship and Coach Tiny became more of a living legend than he already was in Dersee. Now, years later, he was still the head coach, still winning most of his games and crowing to everyone who would listen that he was the Dersee Bobcats’, “Coach for life, baby, coach for life!”

  Heading towards his locker, walking with his head down and shifting his backpack full of books to the opposite shoulder, Tony rounded the corner of the school hallway pondering when it might be safe to go back home and face his mother—

  BAM!

  At the intersection of the main hallway and the student locker hallway, Tony Crowne’s head met Judd Judson’s iron chest with a direct hit. Judd hadn’t been looking either as he swung around his corner, but Tony was much the worse for it, realizing what the phrase “seeing stars” actually meant. For a split-second, Tony did black out as he windmilled his arms and backpedaled furiously to keep his balance, his backpack flying off and bouncing on the floor behind him. Tony almost kept his balance, but his right foot stepped awkwardly on his backpack which was enough to throw him for another loop, land on his back and do a mini-slide down the hallway.

  Judd peered downward, rubbed his chest a few times, scrunched his face, recognized who he ran into and said, “Hey! That kinda hurt! Why don’t you watch where you’re goin’ little feller, I coulda squished you like an ant! Get it? An ant! Haw-har-haw-har!”

  As Tony laid on the floor and regained his senses, a crowd began to gather around them, first a couple of boys, then a trio of girls, more boys and more girls sidled up to the scene, until it seemed like the whole school was surrounding Judd and Tony, waiting to see what would happen between the new kid and “Ant.”

  Tony shook the cobwebs out of his head in time to hear Judd’s remark about squishin’ him like an ant. Hearing Judd laughing at him also made his blood boil. Tony, without thinking, rolled over, wiped the shank of curly black hair out from his eyes, rose to one knee and catapulted himself in a classic tackling mode toward Judd’s towering figure. Judd, grinning from ear to ear, deftly sidestepped Tony’s attempt to tackle him, with Tony grabbing nothing but air and he went sailing past Judd and into the locker behind him. Tony cushioned himself for the impact with his outstretched arms, but the force of his body hitting the locker knocked him down to one knee.

  “Hey, little buddy you better be more careful, you might hurt yourself,” a still smiling Judd said. “Here, lemme help you up,” Judd said as he leaned toward Tony and stuck his meaty hand out to him.

  A collection of “O-o-o-h’s!” and “Ah-h-h’s” emanated from the crowd along with a few “Fight!, Fight!” yells after Tony banged into the steel locker door and a big “WHAM!” echoed throughout the hallway. Tony, now more embarrassed than angry, began to use his mind to size up the situation between him and Judd.

  As Judd’s right hand floated before his eyes, Tony recalled a wrestling move that his Dad had taught him. He remembered his Dad specifically telling him that no matter what size the person is, if you get them off balance, then half the war is won. Okay Dad, he thought, here goes nothing.

  With a feigned look of resignation, Tony looked down at the floor and said, “Aw, okay, I’m finished.” Then he grabbed Judd’s hand to help himself up.

  As soon as Tony stood up, he swung his left hand around, latched onto Judd’s wrist and with both hands jerked down as hard as he could. Judd couldn’t help but take a baby step towards Tony and that was all the opening that Tony needed. In a move his Father would be proud of, Tony lunged forward and grabbed Judd’s right leg with both arms, brought Judd’s leg up into his chest, bumped Judd again and stood straight up. Now, Tony was in command. He had his left arm tightly wound around Judd’s left leg with his foot securely stuck in his armpit and had him hopping around on his right leg like he was on a pogo stick.

  Judd wasn’t smiling anymore. He was completely surprised and in between his short hops, uttered a quick and high-pitched, “Hey, what’re ya doin’, Ant?” Tony, seeing how successful he had been so far, decided it was time to finish off his Dad’s wrestling move, before Judd could do anything about it.

  Tony, tightly pinching Judd’s heel with his elbow so he can’t turn away from him, straightens up as high as he can, swings his right arm down into Judd’s inner thigh and with a slight slapping noise, is able to pull and twist Judd’s knee towards him. Since Judd is so off balance, Tony easily spins Judd’s entire body around and plants him into the hallway floor with a resounding “THWACK!” Judd lands on his hands and one knee, while Tony still has control over him by keeping his left leg up in the air.

  Once again, more “O-o-o-h’s” and “A-a-a-h’s” from the crowd rained down upon Tony’s ears, yet this time, he was glad to hear them and raised the corners of his mouth in a slight smile as he looked around at the faces of the boys and girls like the winning gladiator in the Roman coliseum.

  At this point, Tony’s father would have driven his shoulder into his opponent’s backside and flattened him on the wrestling mat, but Tony wasn’t about to do that. Oh no, he thought, that would be too good for this guy. He’s given me nothing but misery since I met him. I th
ink I’m gonna make fun of him like he did to me—

  “Ow! Ow, ow! Ow,ow,ow,ow, ow!” Tony yelled rapidly as he felt intense pain grip his right ear and he dropped Judd’s leg with a thud onto the hallway floor.

  “What is the meaning of all this?” Doris Dingledine, all four foot eleven inches of her, intoned in her deep and slightly operatic voice as she had Tony’s ear firmly in her grip. All the other students scattered like buckshot when she arrived on the scene because her reputation as a no-nonsense, hands-on enforcer had been passed along to each student from the preceding class. There was even the rumor that she once worked in an army tank factory tightening nuts with a wrench for eight hours a day and that’s how she got such force out of her relatively tiny arms and hands. There’s also the rumor that that’s how she got her big, booming voice. She had to be heard over the racket of the assembly line.

  Miss Dingledine, nobody called her Doris — even her boss Principal Walter Richmond never dared to call her Doris, was officially the Dersee Elementary school secretary. Unofficially, she was also the school disciplinarian, a role that Principal Richmond gladly let her assume because he didn’t like conflict, he wanted everything to move smoothly and when everything moved smoothly, Principal Richmond was pleased.

  “Well-l-l? I asked both of you boys a question and I expect an answer!” Miss Dingledine bellowed, as she stooped down, grasped Judd’s left ear and firmly lifted him onto his feet as if he weighed next to nothing.

  Judd, like Tony, also snapped off a series of protests, although he went for the more formal, “Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!”

  Miss Dingledine, oblivious to the fact that neither one could answer her question even if they wanted to, made a harrumphing sound, turned with each boy in tow like a giant windmill and marched them down to the school office area, her high heels clickety-clacking in between their ows and ouches.

  Chapter 4- The Counselor

  Tisha Brady looked up from her desk and peered over her glasses as Miss Dingledine stuck her head around Tisha’s office door and asked whether she would have time to talk to two boys whom she had just caught fighting in the hallway.

  Tisha frowned, stroked her long brown hair out of her eyes and said, “Fighting? A fistfight?”

  “No, no, nothing like that, my dear. Let’s just say they were aggressively roughhousing until I stepped in and put an end to their tomfoolery. I’ve already leveled their punishment as you will notice by their reddened ears. But, I do think you should counsel them and discover what is at the root of their disagreement.”

  Tisha nodded a tentative okay and smiled nervously as Miss Dingledine smartly turned on her heels and went to get the boys, clickety-clacking down the hall. Tisha quickly glanced at her wristwatch and mentally calculated how much time she would have to counsel them before having to leave for the pee wee football cheerleader tryouts. Tisha Brady was also the head cheerleading coach and tonight would determine the final makeup of her squad. She sighed and muttered to herself, “Oh, I just can’t be late, not tonight, it’s too important!”

  Miss Dingledine herded the boys to Tisha’s office, rapped on the door twice, entered and introduced them to Tisha, “Miss Brady, this is Master Judd Judson and Master Tony Crowne the third,” enunciating with clarity and precision each syllable of her sentence as if she were an old-time stage actress rehearsing for a Shakespeare play. “They are all-l-l yours.” Miss Dingledine made a slight bow of her head, pivoted and clickety-clacked back to her desk in front of Principal Richmond’s office and promptly began shuffling papers.

  Tisha looked back and forth at the boys sitting across from her in the two visitor chairs, sizing each one up physically before starting the counseling. Writing quick notes about their appearance would help her gain an insight to other parts of their personality, plus it would also give her the look of an authority figure and she would need that considering she was all of twenty-two years old.

  She looked at Judd first, noting how big he was for being in the fifth grade, but almost on the verge of tears as he cradled his blond, crew cut head in his hands and rocked back and forth in his chair. “Hmm,” said Tisha aloud and wrote a few more lines in her file folder. She finished Judd’s physical profile by noting his apparent nervousness and how ill at ease he was behaving.

  Looking at Tony, she saw the complete opposite of Judd. Tony was sitting upright, his hands folded in his lap, his dark eyes were alertly scanning Tisha’s office and he didn’t seem to be the least bit tense, he seemed, she thought, confident and intelligent. Tony was several inches shorter than Judd, she noted and his black, curly hair was a bit unruly, probably due to the fight. Both boys looked in good health, wore presentable clothes and appeared to be well-mannered. Well, Tisha thought, it’s getting late, best get this over with as quickly as possible.

  “Judd, I—”

  At the sound of his name, Judd screamed, shot out of his chair like a human cannonball and flew out of Tisha’s office in a dead run, arms and legs pumping for maximum speed. Tony glanced at Miss Brady, who still had her mouth open— pronouncing the last d in Judd, then he looked out the office door at the manic figure of Judd dashing through the school office area.

  Tony’s eyes widened, he pursed his lips, let out a low whistle of amazement and said, “Wow! That had to be the best open-field tackle I’ve ever seen!”

  “What? Tackle? Who? Where? What are you talking about—”

  Just then, Miss Dingledine appeared in the doorway with an out-of-breath Judd, escorted him to the chair and plopped him down like a twenty-year veteran cop would plop his perp into a seat.

  “Miss Dingledine, how did you… you know… how did you—” Tisha stammered.

  “I grew up with five brothers. The first sibling to the dinner table received the largest portion. I was always the smallest; therefore I had to be the toughest. Oh, and I always ate the largest portion.” Miss Dingledine’s eyes sparkled at her last sentence, she then straightened her floral-print dress that was slightly askew, re-arranged her hairdo and marched out of the office, not clickety-clacking, but more of a clickety-thud, clickety-thud, because she lost one shoe in tackling Judd.

  Tisha cleared her throat and said, “Okay, well, that was exciting, I guess. Um, Judd, why did you run away?”

  Judd, considerably calmer than he was 5 minutes ago, drew a deep breath, looked down at his shoes and said, “Well, bein’ a new kid at school and all, I got kinda scairt and everythin’ and the only thing I could think of doin’ was runnin’. So I ran.”

  “I see. So, do you feel better now? You’re not going to run away again, are you?”

  “No, ma’am. That lady tackled me hard! I’m gonna sit right here!”

  Tony threw a hand up to his mouth, muffled a laugh that tried to escape and looked in every direction but Judd’s.

  “Okay, let’s get back to why you two are sitting in my office. Who wants to start? Tony?”

  Tony, thinking swiftly, feigned a coughing spell and made a pointing motion toward Judd. He couldn’t talk if he wanted to, he was still laughing on the inside from Judd’s last remark.

  “I’ll get back to you in a second, then. Judd? What about you? Why were you and Tony fighting?”

  “Fightin’?” Judd asked innocently, his pale-blue eyes watering slightly at Miss Brady's accusation. “Why, we weren’t fightin’. We just accidentally ran into each other in the hallway. Ant, that’s Tony’s nickname, fell down, then he got up and ran towards me so I had to get out of his way. He must’ve slipped or somethin’ ‘cause he ran into the lockers and fell down again. I tried to help him up and then we got all tangled up with my leg in his arms and me hoppin’ around. And then…and then I lost my balance and fell down myself. The next thing I know that lady’s got my ear in a death grip and I didn’t do nuthin’! I was just tryin’ to be friendly and all to Ant. Like I said I’m new here and I want to make friends!” Judd started to breathe hard and was rocking in his chair again.

  “Okay, okay,
take it easy Judd. Take some deep breaths and calm down. Deep breaths. Nice and slow.” Tisha’s soothing voice worked wonders on Judd’s frame of mind and he soon returned to normal.

  Wow, Tony thought, Judd really thinks we weren’t fighting? Could it be I’ve misunderstood him all this time?

  “Well Tony, or do you prefer Ant—”

  Tony cut off Miss Brady in mid-sentence with a forceful, but tactful, “No, I prefer to be called Tony. I was called Ant when I was little, but now since I’m grown up I don’t want to be called by that name anymore.”

  Judd wheeled his head around toward Tony and uttered a loud, “Huh? I thought you liked bein’ called Ant? That’s what all the other kids told me, ‘Call him Ant,’ they said, ‘That’s his nickname.’ So that’s what I did. I called ya Ant. Boy, am I dumb!” Judd covered his face with his hands and rubbed it in an up and down motion while letting out a big sigh.

  Tony, now feeling sorry for Judd, tried his best to cheer him up. “Aw, you’re not dumb. Those other kids know I don’t like that name anymore. Since you’re new around here, they were trying to play a trick on both of us. Just call me Tony from now on and we’ll be friends!”

  Judd’s face lit up as if someone told him that all the presents under the Christmas tree were his, “Really? Really? All right! You’re my first friend in Dersee! We’ll do everything together! Haw-har, haw-har, haw-har!” Judd shot out of his chair again, yet this time he grabbed Tony, gave him a bear hug and pranced around with him in Tisha’s office as if he was celebrating a touchdown.

  Judd was squeezing Tony so hard in his joyful dance that Tony’s eyes were rolling into the back of his head and his body was going limp.

  Tisha, noticing Tony’s predicament, cupped her hands in front of her mouth and in her best calming voice said, “Judd, oh Judd! Put Tony down now. I’ve got a few more questions and then you may leave.”