Our Sins

by Kimberly Blalock

  “Really?”

  “I’m sure it’s the lovely cell carrier messing up. Anyway, I need to see you. I need to hug you and talk. We need to talk.” Her voice is a bit off. It’s been several weeks since we’ve hung out, and I realize I don’t know what’s going on in her life. The possible eating disorder rearing its ugly head enters my mind with a knot forming in the pit of my stomach.

  Guilt.

  “Is something wrong?” My eyes close softly as my pulse picks up speed.

  “Does something have to be wrong for me to want to see my BFF? No. I just want to catch up. You’ve been so busy with sexy pants. I’m feeling neglected and like a third wheel these days.” Oh I did not mean for that to happen. I see that it has. I’ll definitely make this up to her. My eyes drift to Evan. Feeling my stare, he returns the look questioning me with his eyes. I sulk into my seat feeling that guilt again from keeping her so out of the loop lately. She has no idea what’s been happening in my life. We’ve been best friends practically my entire life and now I’m shutting her out because I don’t want to scare her or bring her into a shit storm situation.

  Yes, Nat killed Monica to save us, and to some that’s considered self-defense, but Evan says she could be sent to prison or worse. He won’t tell me the “worse” part, but I’m sure it involves some other deranged method of punishment. I don’t want that for her so I choose to keep my mouth shut.

  “Hello? Earth to Abby?”

  “I’m here. Yes. Let’s plan something this week. Is that okay?”

  “Oh, I miss the days when we could just do something without all of the work and planning. You had to go and get all grown up on me. Kinda pisses me off.” She sulks, but I know she’s just feeling that loss. The loss friends feel when the other has a relationship on the heated streets of love. “Yeah I’m free most of the week. Just call me, text me, or flash the batman signal and I’ll come running.” She laughs. I roll my shoulders in my seat finding a more comfortable position guilt preventing it.

  “Will do.”

  “Okay, doll, I’ll talk to you soon.” She pauses “Hey, take care of that sexy beast that keeps you locked up in his castle all day. Smack that tight ass for me.” I laugh out loud pulling my hand to my mouth and my eyes to Evan.

  “Bye.” I hiss into the phone before ending the call.

  “Can I ask?” Evan asks when I’ve tossed the phone into my bag.

  “Amy. She misses me. Wants to do something soon.” I tangle my fingers together. “I’m missing her too.” I watch as the city disappears behind us.

  “Yeah, that would be good. Get back to the real world and all that,” he says preoccupied, staring into the review mirror. Evan takes a sharp right turn causing my body to shift and cling to the leather seat.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Uh huh.” His façade has become rigid.

  I ignore the sudden mood change. I noticed him doing that a lot over the last few weeks. He doesn’t tells me what’s wrong when I ask so I stopped asking. Instead, I attempt snooping in to figure out what’s going on. That never gets me very far, but I do try. “I do miss her, and I really hate being in that apartment,” I continue. I haven’t told him how bothered I am by that place. I’ve been hiding all of that inside. He has enough crap on his plate. I’m sure as hell not going to add my emotional baggage to his load. I wait for a response seeing his eyes turn to me then back to the road. They meet the mirror once again as the hummer whips another sharp turn.

  “Evan! What the hell?” He never drives like this. His phone rings through the truck speakers. Before he answers it, he turns it to phone mode.

  He doesn’t want me to hear.

  Figures.

  “Yeah… Uh huh.” His eyes meet the mirror again. “Not sure… Do it.” He disconnects the call.

  “What’s going on?” I turn in my seat attempting to see what his eyes have been locked on.

  Quickly taking my hand he halts the movement. “Nothing, angel. I’m just in a hurry to get us to your surprise.” Oh and there’s that surprise. I smile. I am, however, completely aware he’s just changed the subject. So frustrating.

  “Are we almost there?” I ask in an attempt to focus on something positive.

  “About ten more minutes.” He squeezes my hand offering a dimpled smile.

  I know he’s hiding something. I’m usually all over that like white on rice, but today I just want to relax, chill, and be a normal girl. I want to pretend for one day that I haven’t just recently witnessed someone’s head explode all over my body. That I hadn’t felt their life decay in my lap. Monica was crazy. True statement. I’ve considered that if she would’ve had help for her mental problems, she could’ve lived a beautiful life.

  Ten minutes almost to the second pass when we pull into a huge open area. Several houses off to the left and right in construction. But we’re on empty land. Beautiful view of the city, but far enough that we’re not a part of it. Oh, this is amazing. “What is this? Where are we?” He doesn’t speak. Opening his door, he steps out closing it behind him drawing near mine. Opening my door, he reaches for my hands and helps me out of the hummer. He walks backwards gathering my gaze into his beautiful blues not bothering to close my door.

  “What do you think?” His lips curve, sweeping his tongue along the edge, the largest dimple-induced smile I’ve ever seen revealing creases around his eyes. I only see those when he’s so happy he’s struggling to keep his excitement contained.

  “About?” I answer, not really sure what he’s asking.

  “This property? It’s perfect. Right?” I turn in his arms. My back to his front, our hands and arms entangled with each other’s to take in the area. Green covers the ground, old trees lining the property, hills surrounding us. The hill we’re peaked on seems the tallest, giving my eyes the need to look down for their view.

  “Evan?” I’m starting to catch on. No. Definitely not catching on.

  “It’s ours. After you fell asleep last night I pulled out the laptop searching for the perfect place to build you a home. A real home. Where we can raise our children and grow old. I found this and knew right away it was the right place. The right everything.” He rests his chin on top of my head. “Do you love it?”

  “Holy shit.” I gasp as what he’s just said sinks in. “You bought all of this?” Oh my God, it’s got to be at least three acres. He chuckles above me.

  “Yes, we can start building right away. Well, after we retain a contractor and architect. Whatever it is we need to do to build our dream home.”

  I quickly turn facing him. “You seriously just bought this? Just woke up and bought it? How did you get this so quickly? I’m sure it cost a fortune, Evan.” He laughs again. I don’t, though. I know what the property out this way is worth. Sort of. It’s hard to come by, and because it’s so in demand it’s pricy as hell.

  “I never slept. The realtor was your friend Tallin.”

  “Tallin?” That’s kind of crazy because that’s exactly who told me about the market. “It’s a sellers’ market.” She’d said.

  We’d ran into each other at Starbucks a few blocks from the apartment last week. I had to get away from there. I was happy to see her. It’d been a long time. We sat and talked for a few minutes and she told me the horrible story of her break up, and how she wasn’t coping well. I related with her on the coping aspect of things, but, of course, unable to say that. I just offered her an ear and nodded while dinking my coffee. After her phone rang and she was summoned somewhere, we exchanged goodbyes, and I headed back to my own issues.

  “She remembered me I guess. She also said to tell you hi. Anyways I found it and was so pumped up about it I was gone before the sun came up, making calls and procuring it. I figured there were several people looking at it, and since I knew it was what I wanted to give you from the second I saw the pictures, I made sure I was the one walking away with the deed and not some other asshole,” Evan smiles proudly.

  An ugly snot bubble cry
takes over. I’m so happy. He pulls me to his chest as I cry my many happy tears. After I’ve had my moment, we walk around the property dreaming about our children running and playing here, there, everywhere. We pretend we’re sitting in our bedroom, living room. Evan stands in the middle of the field as I watch laughing. He pretends to be cooking dinner in our kitchen. I’m the cook, but what’s life if we don’t pretend every once and again?

  After we’ve played like school children, Evan pulls me down in the grass cuddling me tight to his side as we look over the expansive space. A shuffling in the grass catches my attention, and I look up to see Brent, who’s carrying something. A basket? I squint, trying to make out the object. Yeah, it’s a dark picnic basket.

  “Lunch time,” Evan whispers into my ear. “Our first meal on our property.” He squeezes me hard. Protectively. Brent finally arrives from across the field where we’d left the hummer. I silently wonder why he didn’t just drive through the empty space. Maybe he liked the torture of making me wait

  Within minutes there’s a blanket on the ground and a full lunch feast set up. “Lunch is served,” Brent says with a formal tone before departing once again.

  “When did you set this up?”

  “I can’t go revealing all of my secrets. Can I?” He pops the top of a dark campaign bottle. “Here’s to the most wonderful future we can imagine. Here’s to ten children running amuck all over this place.” I’m really glad I hadn’t taken a drink yet because it would’ve been all over him.

  I raise my glass. “Here’s to getting past the wedding with our sanity.” I laugh, quirky my brow. “And two children.”

  “We’ll see.”

  “Thank you. I’ve never been happier. Your amazing, Evan Young.” The rush of gratitude washes over me.

  “Evan, this may seem like too personal a question, but.” I sip the bubbly liquid in the glass he’d just handed me. His attention solely on me. My face heats with a nervous knot forming in my throat. “How much money did you pay for this property? And a house? How much will that cost?” I’m no fool. My parents taught me about money. Things aren’t free and they damn sure aren’t cheap around here. Since I’ve been living with Evan, I’ve not paid for anything. At all. Not because I haven’t offered, but because he says that’s his job. The assertive Abby hides inside my mind, so I haven’t quite retained enough courage to ask him about finances. We haven’t had a lot of time to really work through those kind of simple issues yet. How could we? Every five minutes there’s some horrible problem that catches us off guard, so we’re just hanging on right now. Trying not to slip from each other again.

  His face is forgiving of the very personal question I just asked. I really don’t feel comfortable having this conversation, but I think it’s time. He leans back on his side pulling me with him.

  “We haven’t really had that talk, have we?”

  “Nope.” I hope we’re talking about the same thing here.

  He’s silent for four breaths then says, “I paid a lot.”

  He pauses for a few more beats, but I want to move the conversation along. “Uh huh.”

  “You’re wanting to know how I can do that. How I can afford to pay that with my job?”

  “Uh huh.”

  His eyes close. “My mom left me a lot of money when she died. Her wealth was pretty hefty. I’ve only touched that money a few times. The apartment and a few other things. Thomas transfers money into an account after I’ve done his dirty work.” His eyes close tight. When they open again searching for mine, he smiles, releasing dread with his breath only revealing that beautiful smile.

  “So there’s a lot of money then? You’re not exceeding your limits?” I don’t want to sound pushy, but I also want him to know that I don’t have to have the world. I’m always going to be happy with anything he offers me. A box on the sidewalk would be okay. Alright, maybe not a box, but you get what I’m saying. As long as he stands next to me the objects of the world don’t matter.

  We eat and drink, holding each other in the middle of the open space that holds our future in its green palm. I sink into Evan’s warm chest dreaming of the possibilities.

  “Abby, let me worry about the money.”

  “Hmm.” So frustrating.

  “We’re not going back to the apartment.”

  “Good, cause I’m not ready yet.” I smile with relief blasting from my cheeks. “I like it here too much.” I do. The peaceful sound of the birds chirping. A slight breeze from the west. I close my eyes to the sound. The smell of nature surrounding my senses. I was in my home. Without an actual house, yes. But this is our home, no doubt about it.

  He chuckles taking in my mindless mind roaming. “No. I’m saying we’re never going back.” I turn facing him, my brows scrunching in question. The carefree sound that’d I’d heard release from his lips disappears with a steadfast posture. Now he’s questioning me. “We’re going to stay in a suite I’ve reserved at a five star hotel. I know it’s been hard for you.” His mouth falls to my shoulder his hand sliding the blouse to the side leaving that much needed room for his lips. “I don’t want to put you through that anymore. I’m sorry that I have.” My body falls into his chest. I’ve never been more relieved in my life. I feel his body release the stress it’d just had. He must’ve been worried I wouldn’t want to go. Of course, I want to go. And never look back.

  “Thank you.” I scrunch my eyes together, the words escaping in a gush of relief. His hand rubs circles on my back. So comforting. I’m safe in his arms. Protected.

  I feel like my life is finally going to be okay. It’s all going to be okay.

  Finally.

  It’s been a while since I’ve gotten to hang out with my best friend. I’ve been so suffocated by everything that’s gone down, and to get one minute to be someone that isn’t in harm’s way every pathetic second of my life is a relief. I tell myself I’m strong. I will myself to be strong. Praying and begging God to make me strong, but deep down inside I know the truth. So this day, if only for a few hours, is so precious because today I’m just a girl hanging out with my friend.

  Evan’s arms collapse around my waist from behind me, his lips meeting my temple. “I know you need your time. But please keep in Brent’s sight the entire time okay? For me? His words leave a wave of uncertainty washing over in a dark cloud. I shiver. I know that cloud usually signals something insane is coming.

  “Of course.” I pull reassurance from my lips snuggling into his warm chest. “Is there something I should know?” My eyes close tight. I’m well aware he wouldn’t tell me if there were, but that doesn’t keep me from asking. But just for today I hope he lies.

  “Just paranoid lately, I guess.” He shrugs into our embrace. I turn into it; my cheek flush with his chest. I offer support. I’m not sure he wants to talk about it, and I’m not gonna to push. I want to, but I won’t. “Any plans?”

  “Honestly¸ I don’t want to do anything real dramatic, just hang out.” Just chill.

  I feel his stare. “You know it’s okay to have a life, Abby. You haven’t done anything for a while. Probably time to have some fun.”

  “I have fun with you all the time.” I blush remembering the entire afternoon we’d spent in bed.

  His teeth flash a smile, his head leaning back releasing a chuckle from his throat.

  “Okay, not that kind of fun. That’s reserved for me,” he growls into my ear. The vibrations of his timbre giving me goosebumps.

  “I’m just not really up to the question and answer session I’ll get from her. Gah. I hate hiding this shit from her. It’s not what friends do. We’ve never kept anything from one another. She knows everything about me. My best friend whom I lie to every chance I get.” Guilt quickly announces itself.

  “Hey, if you need to talk to her. Tell her what you need to tell her… I’m cool with it. And I know Nat would be, too. She trusts you and your judgment.”

  “Tell her? She’d go insane. I’d be sent to another country for su
re.” I take a deep breath.

  “No. She’d understand.”

  I raise my head from the warmth. “Have you met Amy Alexander? She’s a loon.” Understatement.

  His eyes wonder as if in deep thought. “Yeah, definitely a loon.” He snickers. “The best of all loons, though.” His arms leave me raising them in surrender, quickly folding into me again.

  “I’m just going to focus on her. She said she wants to talk. She needs advice. So I’m hoping that’s what it’ll come down too. No drama, just girl talk.” I hope. I’ve barely spoken to her. A year ago we would’ve spoken on the phone at least three times a day. She’d tell me what she was doing in New York. I knew she’d been checking on me. That’s what friends are for. To be there for you when your life is both bad and good. Knowingly bringing her into all that’s happened isn’t good for her, though. Her knowing what’s happened isn’t going to help anyone. None of what has happened will. So I keep it locked up inside, behind a door only I hold the key to. Memories inside that door are wicked. I suck it up, ignoring the flashes in front of me and the what if’s behind me.

  “I’ll have Brent close by. He won’t interfere, but if you need him, he’ll be close enough to know.” I remember something.

  “Evan? Her building’s secure. How will he get around without being kicked out? It’s not like he can just come and go as he pleases.” Amy recently sublet an apartment in an amazing building. She raves about the closet space. I’m certain it’ll be the first stop of the tour.

  A light kiss meets the top of my head. “I’ve got this.” I’m certain he’d already had this planned out, but once again, I’m not on the receiving end of that information.

  “Mhmm.”

  “You worry too much, angel.”

  “Mhmm.”

  Evan’s phone pings, notification of an incoming email. He’s been dealing with a lot lately.

  I sigh.

  We’ve been in the Harper Hotel for four days. Evan had all of our belongings moved here by the time we’d left our new property the other night. We’d stayed until well after the sun went down. It’s so easy for us to be together in silence and we were. We listened as the birds tucked in for the night and the night bugs came alive. The sunset was the first sign that life was getting better, really better. There would be a new start, a new everything.