DOUBLE THE TROUBLE

by Maureen Child

  He grabbed her and pulled her tightly to him. “Do you know what you’re saying?”

  Watery winter sunlight spilled down around them. The sea breeze ruffled their hair and sent a chill she hardly felt down Penny’s spine.

  “I do. I want you, Colt. There’s no point in denying it,” she said, laying both hands flat against his chest. She felt the thundering gallop of his heart beneath her palm. “You want me, too. I know you do.”

  He didn’t deny it. How could he? If anything, he held her tighter, closer, and she could feel the proof of his desire pressing into her.

  “Let’s enjoy what we have while we have it,” she said.

  “I can’t stay.” Colt’s eyes searched hers.

  “And I can’t go.” Penny met his gaze. “But we’re both here, now.”

  * * *

  For the last few days, it had taken every ounce of Colt’s self-control to keep from taking Penny back to bed. He wanted her with every breath. His entire body ached with need. He walked around in a constant state of pain and discomfort. But having sex with her again would only magnify the mistake he’d already made.

  Hell, he hadn’t come back into her life to claim her—she deserved a hell of a lot better than him. He couldn’t give her what she wanted. What she needed. Stability. A husband to count on. A happy family living in her dollhouse cottage surrounded by a white picket fence. It wasn’t in him and he knew she’d never be happy with anything less. And why the hell should she have to settle for a sometimes man when she was worth so much more? She needed to find a man who would be beside her. Someone she could depend on.

  Though the thought of another man touching her, claiming her as his own, raising his kids, sent jagged bolts of pure fury through Colt. But he didn’t know what the hell else he could do. If he stayed, he’d fail them. He knew it. Felt it. And that was one risk he was unwilling to take.

  “Colt,” she said, fisting her hands in his T-shirt, tugging at him until he came out of his thoughts to stare into her eyes. “We have now,” she repeated. “Let’s make that enough.”

  He smiled and shook his head. “You’re not an ‘enough’ kind of woman,” he told her. “Penny, you’re the all-or-nothing type.”

  “Maybe I was. But people change,” she insisted.

  “No, they don’t.” He lifted both hands to cup her face, loving the feel of her skin beneath his palms. Wishing things were different. “Situations change and people try to adapt. But at the heart of it, we are who we are. Always.”

  “And who are you?”

  “A bad risk,” he told her, his insides quaking, his voice hard.

  “I’ll take my chances,” she said and went up on her toes to kiss him.

  For a full second, maybe two, Colt didn’t respond. His brain was warning him to step back for her sake if not his own. To do the right thing. To make her see that nothing good could come of this.

  But her mouth was insistent. Her tongue touched his lips and his body took over, shutting his brain down. Conscience took a backseat to need and he growled low in his throat as he returned her kiss, deepening it. His tongue tangled with hers. He tasted her breath, the sweetness of her, and swore when she wrapped her arms around his neck that he felt her soul sliding into his.

  How the hell could he turn down what she suggested? She was willing to risk pain; how could he do any less? He was going to have her. Going to indulge in what she offered and then he would walk away as he knew he should. It was the only way to keep her safe. To keep their children safe.

  She sighed and melted into him, breasts against his chest, mouth hungrily meeting his.

  The sun continued to shine down on them with warmth, not heat, and together they built a fire between them that put that pale winter sun to shame. The sound of the waves crashing into shore hammered into the silence, sounding like a ragged heartbeat. Seagulls screeched, a soft sea breeze blew and as they remained locked together on the terrace, the world slipped past in a haze of passion.

  His hands roamed up and down her body, loving the feel of her curves as he continued to plunder her mouth, taking her breath, her sighs, into himself and holding them there. She moved against him and his erection throbbed painfully against the confines of his jeans. He had to have her. There was no time for niceties. No time for subtle seduction. This was lust, pure and simple and demanding.

  Breaking the kiss, he bent, swept her up into his arms and headed for the house.

  “You can’t carry me,” she complained.

  “Looks like I can,” he said and never broke stride.

  “God, this is romantic.”

  He laughed, glanced into her shining eyes and said, “Glad you think so. I think it’s expedient.”

  “That, too.” She lifted one hand to cup his face, then let it drop so she could slide one hand across his muscular chest.

  Even through the fabric of his T-shirt, Colt felt the heat of her touch right down to his bones. His mind was racing, his body was on hyperdrive and all he could think was bed. Had to get to the closest bed.

  He headed for the master bedroom and didn’t stop until he’d dropped her onto the mattress. Here, the walls were glass, affording a wide, uninterrupted view of the sea. At night, he could lower electric shades that would give him privacy, but here on the bluff, they weren’t really necessary. No one could see into his room unless they were in a helicopter with a pair of binoculars.

  And he was suddenly grateful for that privacy. He didn’t want her in darkness. He wanted her in the sunlight. He wanted to feast on the sight of Penny, to burn her image into his brain so that when he was out of her life completely, he would be able to remember this day. This moment.

  Nine

  She stared up at him and Colt felt as if he could drown in the green of her eyes. Her dark red hair spilled across the white pillowcase and looked like spun silk. When she sat up, he pulled her to him for another hungry kiss. When he broke it, gulping for air like a dying man, he muttered, “Clothes. Off. Now.”

  “Yes.” Quickly, she stripped out of her clothes and lay back across the bed, arms high over her head, back arched as if offering herself to him.

  His mouth went dry. He undressed faster than he ever had before. In seconds, they were tangled together on the cool, crisp sheets. Rolling together across the wide mattress, their legs entwined, flesh met flesh. Hands explored. Mouths fused. Heartbeats hammered in tandem.

  Sunlight flashed in and out from behind thick gray clouds scuttling across the sky. The French doors to the patio stood open and a cool, soft wind blew into the room, caressing heated skin.

  Colt pinned her to the mattress, gave her a slow, seductive smile and dipped his head to take first one, then the other nipple into his mouth. Her scent filled his mind. The soft sighs she made fed the desire licking at his insides and pushed him on, wanting more, needing more. Lips, tongue and teeth teased her, toyed with her until she was writhing beneath him, gasping his name.

  Hunger pitched higher in them both and he swept one hand down the length of her body to dip his fingers into her slick, wet heat. She lifted her hips and rocked into his touch, setting a rhythm that threw Colt’s control down a slippery slope. He wanted. Needed. He felt her desire as his own and let the heat consume them both. He gave himself up to the fire within, jumping eagerly into the flames.

  He looked her over, head to toe, and seared the image onto his brain. Sunlight dancing on pale skin. A few golden freckles lying dark against that paleness and the thatch of dark red hair at the juncture of her thighs. Perfection. She was all. She was everything. His heart stuttered in his chest as new and unexpected realizations rose up in his mind. Deliberately, he shut his brain off, letting his body take over. He didn’t want to think now. Didn’t want to acknowledge anything beyond this moment.

  The only thing that mattered now
was feeding the beast crouched inside both their bodies. He pulled his hand from her heat and she whimpered at the loss.

  “Don’t stop,” she said on a heaving sigh. “Don’t you dare stop.”

  “Not stopping, trust me,” he managed to grind out. He couldn’t have stopped touching her if it had meant his life. The feel of her beneath his hands, the flick of her tongue over her bottom lip and the glazed passion in her eyes all came together to twist him into knots so tight they might never come undone.

  He flipped her over onto her stomach and ran his hands up and down her spine, cupping the curve of her incredible behind. She parted her legs, tossed her hair out of her way to look over her shoulder at him and whispered, “Oh, yes.”

  As if he’d needed any encouragement.

  She licked her lips again as if she knew what that action did to him and enjoyed the power of it. Then she went up on her knees, silently inviting him to take what they both wanted so badly.

  Her behind was full and curvy and he smoothed both hands over her soft flesh, kneading, exploring. He slid one hand down to cup her heat and she groaned, pushing into him, wiggling hips that drove him crazy.

  “Don’t make me wait, Colt. Don’t make us wait. Take me where only you can,” she whispered, desire-filled, forest-green eyes fixed on him.

  “Oh, yeah.” His voice was scratchy, words pushing through the knot lodged in his throat. He knelt behind her, pulled her in close and entered her in one long, smooth stroke.

  She gasped in pleasure and he barely heard the soft sound over his own groan of satisfaction. She was tight and hot and he had to get a grip on the lust nearly choking him or he would explode in an instant.

  Penny moved into him, wriggling those hips again, pushing back against him, taking him deeper, higher, and he felt every one of her movements like a caress. He moved into her, retreating and advancing, following the frantic rhythm set by his own heartbeat. He heard her gasps, her whispered moans. He felt her passion climb with his. He held her hips in a firm grip and set a pace that she hurried to follow.

  Again and again, they climbed together, reaching for the peak that awaited them. And when he felt the first tremor begin inside her, he reached around to where their bodies were joined and thumbed the sensitive spot that held so many fragmented sensations.

  She turned her face into the mattress and cried out, her shriek of pleasure muted but no less rousing. And an instant later, Colt followed her, jumping into the void with her, holding her close as shards of light and shadow erupted all around them.

  * * *

  A few minutes later, with Penny tucked close to his side and sunlight dancing in the room, Colt’s old fears rose up to gnaw on him again.

  He loved her. Loved her as he’d never believed it possible to love.

  He couldn’t tell her. She would expect...what she had every right to expect from a man who loved her. But he couldn’t give her what she wanted. Needed. He couldn’t take that chance.

  Panic reared its ugly head, but he fought it down. His gaze locked on the small scar from the operation she’d so recently had. She was almost healed completely. And when that happened, he would leave her. As he’d known all along that he would.

  Love. He didn’t even want to think the word. It left him vulnerable. Worse, having him love her made Penny vulnerable and that he couldn’t stand. Instead of being the blessing that most people might consider it, Colt knew that love wasn’t for him. That ephemeral feeling only fed the deep-seated guilt and shame that were never far from his thoughts.

  Penny sighed, nestled her head on his chest and draped one long, shapely leg across him. And even as he drew her closer, Colt began to plan his escape.

  * * *

  Over the next several days, Penny and Colt fell into a routine. They tag-teamed the twins and she had to admit, at least to herself, that life with two babies was infinitely easier when you had someone who could share the work and the fun.

  Of course, whenever that thought appeared in her mind, Penny did her best to ignore it. Love filled her, but had nowhere to go. She wanted to trust him, but she knew that Colt wouldn’t stay. He’d made that clear from the beginning. So she locked her love up deep inside her where he couldn’t see it. Where she wouldn’t be reminded of it daily.

  She tried instead to simply enjoy this time with him while she had it. And when he was gone, she’d learn to go on without him. Again.

  They left Colt’s spectacular house on the cliff and moved the twins back home. Penny loved the cottage, always would, but now she saw the limitations of it. Oh, it was filled with good memories and it was perfect for her and the twins—at the moment. One day, she’d have to leave because the house would be too small. It wouldn’t fit her growing family. So the cottage was pretty much like her and Colt. Perfect in the present but no promise of a future.

  Penny thought about Colt’s place and couldn’t help wondering how things might have been. At the cliff house, there had been laughter and passion and so much sky and sea and lawn—open and beautiful. But it wasn’t the house she missed so much as the closeness she and Colt had found there, and she knew it. It didn’t matter that they spent their nights together now, making love and exploring their passions.

  Because every day, she felt him slipping further and further away from her. Soon, even though he might be standing in her tiny kitchen, he would be too far away to touch.

  Knowing that broke her heart, but there was nothing she could do about it.

  When the twins had been fed their lunch and put down for a much-needed afternoon nap, Penny found Colt in the living room, staring down at the small fire he’d lit only an hour before. Flames crackled over wood and sparks shot up the chimney like tiny fireworks.

  Outside, the day was cold and dark, threatening rain that Southern California desperately needed. Inside, despite the fire burning merrily, the cold was creeping in to encircle them both.

  “The twins asleep?” he asked without tearing his gaze from the dancing flames.

  “Yes. When they take a ride in the car they’re always ready to conk out when they get home.” It hadn’t been much of a trip, she thought. Just to the grocery store. But it was good to be getting back into her routine. Good to remind herself that even when Colt was gone, she would still have her life. Her children’s lives. Everything wouldn’t end when he left.

  It would just be...emptier.

  “You should have told me you needed to get groceries,” he said, gaze still locked on the fire.

  “Why would I do that?” she asked. “It was just groceries. I do it all the time.”

  Penny sat down on the worn sofa and stared at him. Even from the back, she could tell that he was upset. Every line of his body radiated tension. Frowning, she asked, “What’s wrong?”

  Finally, he turned his head and speared her with a hard look out of narrowed blue eyes. “What’s wrong? I go to the office for two hours, then get back here just in time to find you carrying heavy grocery bags, not to mention the twins, and you want to know what’s wrong?”

  Confused, she said, “Who do you think does it when you’re not here, Colt? Me. I also do laundry and mow lawns. What’s the big deal?”

  “The big deal is,” he said through gritted teeth, as if he were struggling to hold on to his temper, “you’ve had surgery. You shouldn’t be lifting anything heavy until the doctor gives you the go-ahead.”

  Defending herself and her own choices, she said, “I see him in a few days and by the way, I feel fine. Hardly even sore anymore.”

  “That’s not the point.”

  “Well, what is the point then?”

  He blew out a breath, pushed one hand through his hair and turned to face her. His blue eyes looked hard and remote and something inside Penny tightened. She recognized that look in his eyes. She’d seen it once before. The morn
ing after their marriage when he’d announced that it was over and walked away from her.

  So it had come, she thought sadly. He was leaving again. And she wasn’t ready to lose him. She wouldn’t ever be ready.

  “I don’t like you having to do everything yourself,” Colt was saying. “I’m here now, you know? You could have waited for me to get back.”

  “Waited for you, Colt?” she whispered, her voice nearly lost in the hiss and crackle of the fire. “How long? How long should I wait?”

  “What’re you talking about?” he asked. “You knew I was going into the office to take care of a few things and then I’d be back.”

  Her heart ached and a ball of ice dropped into the pit of her stomach. “I never know if you’re coming back, Colt,” she admitted quietly. “Every time you go out, I wonder if this is the time that you’ll just keep going.”

  “What? Why?”

  She hunched her shoulders and blew out a breath. “Because we both know you’re going to leave. The only thing I don’t know is when.”

  Colt’s lips thinned into a straight, grim line. “This isn’t about me, Penny. It’s about you. You do too much.”

  “How much is too much?” she argued, feeling the need to defend the way she lived her life. “I have two babies to take care of.”

  “Yeah,” he muttered thickly, “I know, but you should have help.”

  She’d had help. From him. Now he was taking that help away and wanted to replace himself with...what? “Help?”

  “I can hire a nanny. Or a housekeeper,” he offered quickly. “Someone to take some of the load off of your shoulders.”

  “You want to hire someone?” Penny sat up straighter and met his gaze. She could see the distance in his blue eyes. She actually felt him putting up a wall between them, shutting her out.

  “Yeah. What’s wrong with that?”

  “Throwing money at a problem isn’t the only answer,” she said.